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Hamerotz Lamillion 2: The Recaps

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Jai Ho:
I know I'm so super behind, but school idiocy is eating my time. Enjoy the rest of Episode 7 and I will start Episode 8 recap tonight, then watch Episode 9 (!) and do that. Thankfully, I have no real Thanksgiving plans, so I'll be in my apartment playing recap catch up. Here we go:

Basketball. Tom scores from the shopping cart and he and Adele are off in 5th. They note being passed by several teams. Tom blames it all, of course, on Adele. Tom asks a passerby for advice, and when he does not know, freaks out at Adele in the backseat, who tells the passerby to go because she is tired of this.

Cake. Brothers arrive with lots of “my friend my friend.” Facebook and Anakiva are still eating, with Akiva looking like a cake bomb went off on his face. The brothers end up at a table outside and enjoy the task, particularly Alon, who jokes he has a Cremeschnitte beard, and he does. They make quick work of the cake and are almost done when Facebook finish and get the next clue, which is for one member to climb a wall while the other collects enough local currency to pay the “toll” for entry. Both male teams hobble off full of cake to said task.

Road to Dubrovnik (still?) Firashira see Bar/Inna in their rearview mirror, and Shira comments that the girls had a half hour lead on them and now they’re behind them. The girls notice Shira’s face as well. Shira comments that it was the end of the world, and suddenly, it’s not anymore.

Wall. Pundak will climb and Moti will beg. He calls some local girls misers, but it’s in Hebrew, so it doesn’t matter. He insists to some others he’s not crazy, which is not true. Brothers arrive and Alon, predictably will beg for money. Moti acts like an idiot but gets the money from some girls. Pundak struggles on the ascender more than I’d think he would. Alon of course makes a spectacle, as he is wont to do, raving like an even bigger loony than Moti, but I think the people are paying him to go away. Oren and Pundak climb. Oren comments he’s old and full of cake. Both men are close to the top. Pundak doesn’t seem to mind Moti’s yelling, but Oren wastes time telling Alon to shut up. Facebook makes it first and gets the clue, to find a statue of Lady Pee-Pee, drink the water spilling out of her vadge (which is magical), and then run to Minceta Tower to the pit stop. The yield is there for the brothers, so I think we know who’s not going to win this leg. Oren/Alon get all their money, get to the top, celebrate, and leave. They also find out, in their clue, that they are the ones yielded. Huh, that’s a new one. Commercial.

Back with Yemenites at the Basketball roadblock. Osnat discovers the ladder is perfect for tickling the players’ armpits, and scores, beaning her partner in the process. They each score a few baskets and leave before anyone else arrives, still in sixth.

Cake. Hen/Alon arrive and Hen comments how lovely it is to have coffee and cake in the Old City of Dubrovnik. Let’s see how much she likes it, one kilo later. Anakiva are still struggling as Hen/Alon bib up and immediately joke around, with Hen planting a custardy kiss on her husband’s bald little head. This starts a cute little kissing/licking war. Hen is loving the task, and inside, Anael is about to pass out.
Somewhere in Dubrovnik, Tom/Adele STILL HAVEN’T MOVED AN INCH. Come on people. They’re arguing again, this time about Tom’s behavior. More apologies, and I go bleep-bloop.

Cake. Hen/Alon jump up and down. Tom/Adele arrive and chow down next to Hen/Alon. Anakiva look like they’ve just had a food orgasm.

Streets. Team Facebook gets directions up some stairs, and the brothers are lost, with a funny little moment of Alon looking like a six-year-old, asking some restauranteur, “there is a toilet here…peepee?” Eventually the brothers also find the stairs. Team Facebook comments on the high stairs. Pundak asks if it’s Peepee or Fifi, and Moti responds with, “no, Fifi went home.” Heh. They run up to the pit stop, mugging the whole way, and congrats, it’s your first first, Moti and Pundak. The greeter is Giovanni Russo, some Croatian-Israeli athlete who speaks Hebrew as well as Croatian, so they’re some pit stop banter, but I fast forward to the brothers arriving at the statue to find themselves yielded, worried…and commercial time.

Road to Dubrovnik, and the trailing two teams arrive at the detour. It’s a little dark to be doing either of those activities safely, don’t you think. Dorky music plays as Bar/Inna always drive away, and drive around in pointless circles, allowing Firashira to catch up. Shira and Bar each score from the ladder, and the blondes actually seem like they know how to play. It also helps that the guys think the girls are cute, and they’re certainly less aggressive than the guys who are boxing out Firass ferociously. The girls finish and Bar wants to exchange jerseys with one of her opponents and Bar comments that she doesn’t want to see the guy without his shirt, he’s just as cute clothed. Whatever, if a guy wants to take off his shirt for you…just, whatever, girl. The girls gossip about the cute guys on their way to the cake, as if it gave them a second wind. Firashira leave as well.

Cake. Anakiva toss their cookies almost in unison, and the two teams on the ground hear them vomiting and feel horrible themselves, particularly both girls, who break out in tears. Back to Anakiva, they talk about supporting each other, and they finish, with Anael offering a painfully weak, “nice to meet you” to the waitress. She comments she feels sick, and that’s when I realize that they totally are a Jewish Josh and Anna Duggar. Why did I not make the connection before? They finish and stumble out. Downstairs, Hen and Alon are worrying about the calories, with Hen worrying about working as a model with all that cake inside her. Hen says that this proves that models do eat, and Alon assures the viewing audience that Hen does not live on grass alone. Tom wishes it were chocolate.
Wall, Anael begs for money, and one kind guy gives her all the money. Of course, it’s a miracle, and Akiva climbs as the gospel choir sings. They set off for Lady Pipi. Commercial.

Back, and with the brothers at the yield. Anakiva climbs to Lady Pipi and Anael starts to feel the cake. It’s to no avail, as we see the brothers checking in in second. They talk about their relationship. Anael is grossed out by the statue, but they drink, and climb the tower. Congrats, you’re third. They have no clue who the greeter is.

Cake. Osnat/Carmit arrive, and once again, Carmit struggles. Osnat shakes it for the crowd, and a passerby actually STICKS HIS FINGER IN HER CAKE AS SHE’S EATING IT. Major gross. The ladies just laugh though. The blondes also arrive, and see their chance to pass up the older ladies. The Yemenites are amazes that the girls can pack so much away so quickly. Shira and Firass arrive at the cake and also make an anorexic blond joke. And the race is on!

Wall. Hen and Adele are begging for money, and Adele passes up Hen. When Hen comes back, Alon asks her if she flashed the crowd for money. Heh. Of course, Tom blows the lead by letting Alon pass him, but they’re off and neither will probably be eliminated, so back to cake.

Cake. Osnat is done and Carmit? Not so much. However, both teams pick up the pace and leave Firashira in the dust. Alon and Hen find Lady Pipi and are pleased to have escaped this penalty, at last. They toast, rush to the finish, and get fourth. Adele leads Tom to Lady Pipi, and they comment on it being delicious pee. I really hope they don’t make a habit of drinking pee. At the finish mat, Adele freaks out with happiness at seeing the greeter. Fifth place, and they’re not too happy. Commercial.

Back, and this episode is almost over, thank God. Osnat is climbing for her team, of course, and Carmit is begging for money for her “girlfriend.” Bar appears with her team’s money, and Inna starts the climb. Carmit is still begging, and Osnat is worried. Inna does pretty well on the climb and they leave. Osnat wonders if Carmit went back to Kiryat Ekron (their hometown) to get the money. Heh.

Cake. Firass and Shira act as if they’ve already been eliminated, and look pretty pathetic. Shira feels weak and cold. Firass has snot coming out of his nose.

Wall. Carmit is back and Osnat’s all, where the hell were you, the girls passed us. They do the task, but Bar and Inna already found Lady Pipi. However, they don’t see the flag pointing to the pit stop, and run away from it. The ladies struggle up the stairs. Inna and Bar are so confused and wandering around. They finally arrive at Lady Pipi and lo and behold, the girls are still there! Carmit hopes they won’t see her and Osnat, and yeah, hiding your face behind the clue will conceal your presence, lady. Bar/Inna read the clue again and still can’t figure out what it means by “climb the stairs.” They run off in the wrong direction, and the Yemenites run up the proper staircase. Bar/Inna realize their mistake. Stair battle! Inna leads a good fight up the stairs, and they pass Osnat/Carmit to arrive in sixth. Right behind them, Osnat and Carmit go “surprise!” and there they are, in seventh, and safe.

Cake. Firashira finish, Firass climbs, and they know they’re in last. They stroll to Lady Pipi and mope up the stairs. There’s Ron, and boom, they’re eliminated. They will be staying together. Fortunately for me, they’ll be together elsewhere. Shira cries, Firass comforts, he’s proud of her for sucking and being a big puss, and they get their consolation shekels. Won’t miss you that much, I must say. No preview.
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Comments?

ZBC Company:
love this leg i need figure out what was pit stop for polland

retard boi:

--- Quote from: ZBC Company on November 23, 2011, 08:21:53 PM ---love this leg i need figure out what was pit stop for polland

--- End quote ---

The pit stop in polland was the house that the greeter grew up in. The greeter for that leg is a ~90 years old holocaust survivor who lost most of her family in the Nazi concentration camps during the second world war and came to Israel after the war ended. It was actually a pretty emotional pit stop.

Jai Ho:
OK OK OK I know I'm like a week and a half behind but it was Thanksgiving, I made my first jachnun (in honor of Osnat/Carmit  :hoot: then had to proctor an exam  (:;) then stapled through my finger  :iok but here's Episode 8. Warning: It's a LONG one.

It's already midnight here, and I'm going to do as much episode 9 as I can before I start getting woozy, and post that tonight. Promise.

Enjoy Episode Late (I mean 8):
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Tonight: Poland, and lots of arguing.

Sunrise in Croatia, and the first four teams (Facebook, Bros, Anakiva, and Hen/Alon) get (or are given, most likely) the first flight to Krakow. Taxis, lots of passing and clapping. I still have no clue where they’re going in Krakow. Moti/Pundak interview about how strong they are as a team. Some more pretty standard cab interviewing. Anael tries out some Polish, and she reveals that she goes to Poland every year on a “march of the living” – for those uninformed, it’s a pilgrimage to the concentration camps to memorialize the Holocaust. Anael is proud of being Israeli, and we find out we’re going to Krakow Square as Moti/Pundak arrive to the task first. The task is to recruit locals to carry a car with them to a line without touching the ground, and then pack into the car with all the people who helped them. A Polish tradition! (I have no clue what this task means. Sorry, Poles).

Team Facebook immediately sets out to gather six strong local guys among the onlookers. They move their blue car a little, but need one more guy. The brothers and Anakiva arrive at the square and follow suit. Alon and Oren struggle with the car, because it’s a heavy car. Anael isn’t even carrying for some reason, isn’t that against the rules? They knock over one of their carriers. Alon/Oren’s diplomacy skills seem to be failing them, as a couple of their guys get pissed off and walk away, and they’re back to square one. Team Facebook, however, is having trouble getting themselves and all their guys in the little car. They finally get everyone in…but Moti. After some imitated anal sex between Moti in the car, they have no choice but to put him in with his legs hangin’ out the window, which won’t do. Can they stuff him in the trunk? Commercial.

Back, and flight two (Tom/Adele, Bar/Inna, and Yemenites) lands in Krakow. Tom hopes to start the day off on the right foot. Osnat tries to convince Carmit to try out some Yiddish, and tells us that her family is from here, but they fell in a pool of chocolate. Heh.
Krakow Square. Hen/Alon arrive and start begging. Lots of carrying, and Hen/Alon, despite seeming to have just arrived, get the all-clear to start piling in their car. The guys get a kick out of Hen, and once they’re all trapped, the ten-second countdown starts and now the kickboxer and wife are in first. They get the next clue. But first – voting time! Hen/Alon choose the brothers for their strength (?). Brothers are now attempting to get in the car. Their timer starts, and they compare it to being in a cattle car. Over at the Anakiva car, Anael is literally squeezed against the dashboard as their timer starts. The brothers’ timer ends, and they pose for pictures. Anael gets pulled out of her car by her wrists. Over at the U-Turn board, the brothers U-Turn Tom and Adele in hopes they’ll self-destruct, and Anakiva, still bitter about the bridge incident from a million zillion years ago, choose the brothers. Akiva comments that CEO Alon thinks he’s the CEO of the race. Hen/Alon get in a taxi, Anakiva head out on foot, and the brothers get a little electric golf cart to drive them as ice-cream man music plays. They pootle along, noting everything that’s passing them. Commercial.

We see signs in Yiddish, and Hen/Alon are at the Jewish quarter with their clue, which is a video of three ladies. We find out that these three ladies are Israeli comediennes Tzipi Shavit, Irit Anavi, and Chani Nachmias. I will not be remembering these names, so they’re going to be Redhead, Curly, and LeAnn (because upon second viewing, she’s a dead ringer for LeAnn Rimes). The task is to make the ladies laugh with five Polish jokes. This is horribly inappropriate, but the show’s also had old ladies wrestling in chocolate and several uncensored curse words, so I’ll try to translate any jokes that may transcend, humor-wise. Hen/Alon don’t know any jokes, so they Google. The brothers get out a notepad and do the same. Anakiva get the clue, and Anael can’t keep a straight face for a second and her partner knows.

Cars. Tom/Adele and the blondes arrive. The blondes get to work quickly. Yemenites soon arrive, and recruit young guys to help the “old ladies.” Carmit starts rolling the car. Facebook? Still packing their clowns in the car. All three of the trailing teams start packing their people in, and a local enjoys watching Adele’s skirt go up over her rear as she climbs in as someone else cops a feel. Bar and Inna seem to have some breathing room in their car and the guys are only too willing to get in with them. Over at the Yemenite car, Osnat almost gets stuck and Carmit’s head ends up in her partner’s crotch. Their timer starts, and even though they can’t breathe, they can still sing. Adele and Tom are now, as are Bar/Inna. The ladies have little trouble getting out of their car. Tom/Adele, now in fourth, vote for Bar/Inna because they’re behind them, and Bar/Inna, now in fifth, return the favor so as to take advantage of Tom/Adele’s poor relationship. Commercial.

We’re back, and the Yemenites are now finished the car task, and…Moti/Pundak are last? Indeed they are. The ladies vote for Tom/Adele, and the deal is sealed. Team Facebook needs to redo the task. Osnat/Carmit giggle about the scenery as they catch a cab to the Jewish Quarter.

Jewish Quarter. Alon/Hen are ready to tell jokes and they call the comediennes. This whole task has a lot of choppy shots so it’s hard to determine who’s saying what, to whom, and when, but I’ll try my best. Hen/Alon tell a joke about a Polish girl going to her doctor asking why she’s losing calcium. The doctor says, I understand it. A smiley face appears in the corner of the screen, letting us know that they made the ladies laugh. The next one is: what’s the difference between a Pole and a worm? A worm eats you only after you die. Lol? Alon/Oren have a Polish mother, and Redhead warns the brothers to be nice. The brothers try a joke: Woman asks her Polish friend why she’s so tan, and friend says do you know how many funerals I’ve been to this month? A smiley for them. Akiva tells a joke about sandwiches that’s not too funny but gets a smiley. Oren says, why does a Pole wake up at five to make coffee? So at eight it’ll be cold! More jokes, rapid fire, and Hen/Alon and the brothers are done. Redhead instructs them to go to the Klezmer House, and once they get there it’s a detour, which is overly complicated. In one task, they must carry water backwards in leaky buckets and fill up to a line in a barrel (again, a la Double Dare) and in the other, they must identify an accordion song and eat several knaidlach (matzo balls) to get the clue. Both Hen/Alon and the brothers choose the water task, which honestly looks harder than the other one. They seem to be doing pretty well. Anakiva arrives at the detour, and choose to eat. They only get one note, and guess Fiddler on the Roof. They’re wrong, so they must eat. Akiva enjoys the food, as he eats it regularly. They get frustrated, and contemplate quitting.

Krakow Square (still). Moti and Pundak are in last and trying the task once more. They finally get it, now in last. They pick Alon/Hen for the u-turn board, but it’s to no avail. Back at the water task, Hen/Alon are doing well. Moti/Pundak do their best Alon imitation and head for the Jewish Quarter. Commercial.

Jewish Quarter. Bar/Inna arrive and bean their taxi driver with the trunk. Tom/Adele head to a hotel to look up jokes, whereas Bar/Inna get two smileys right off the bat. Tom tells a joke and LeAnn cringes. Tom does a similar cringe on his end of the line. No smiley. Another joke, and the ladies look annoyed. They don’t like him and they can’t even see him. Adele does a fakesy laugh but it ain’t good enough. The Yemenite ladies arrive and it appears they’ll be good at this as they get a smiley while Tom struggles for his first. Osnat comes up with a joke: A Polish lady is getting stared at through her window, her friend suggests to put a curtain up, Polish lady says why can’t he put a curtain up! This earns them their final smiley and Bar/Inna complete the task as well. Off to the detour.

Water detour. Hen/Alon are working very well together, and the brothers are almost there too. The stick guy sticks his stick (say that three times fast) into Hen/Alon’s bucket, and it’s just short. They must go back for more. The brothers, however have much less water than Hen/Alon and must go back too. Hen/Alon make the work quick and joyous and pour their finished bucket into a well as the brothers. Congrats, former pariahs, you’re now first. Hen reads the clue and in the next task, the teams must go to Operi Krakovski ballet studio and dance to Swan Lake in tutus and pointy shoes. But first! U-turn board. Hen/Alon run off to find the U-turn board and it appears to be somewhat hidden, and Hen describes their next segments as “horses running around in a circle.” As they search for 16 Siroka Street, the brothers are finishing their water. Hen/Alon end up back where they started, and this doesn’t look good. The brothers are done, and get their clue. Hen/Alon are still counting numbers. The brothers sneak past them and find out they are not U-turned.

Joke task. What do you call a pretty girl in Poland? A tourist! The ladies laugh, they’ve heard this one, and Tom/Adele get the final smiley. Tom tells them to say hi to his dad and look for him on The Biggest Loser. Adele and the viewing audience go “WTF” as we head to commercial. Damn this episode is long.

Joke task. Team Facebook is finally starting, and they rocket off and get five smileys before I finish typing this sentence. Darn.

Matzo ball detour. Akiva figures out the song “Hava Nagila” and they celebrate. Second song? Nope, eat. Anael knows she’s the cause of the team slowing down, and as Akiva whistles Kill Bill, we get a closeup of Anael’s balls (lol). Fortunately, they get the next song, which is “Siman Tov.” Anakiva head off with the U-turn clue in third. Bar/Inna arrive at the detour and choose water. Osnat/Carmit choose matzo balls. Bar is supporting much of the bar as the girls walk backwards in tandem. Inna, once again, is useless at navigating. The Yemenite ladies get their first note, and Carmit literally says in English “that’s it?” Hee. Time to tuck in, ladies. Carmit immediately asks for some hot pepper or sauce to put on the matzo balls and fakes vomiting. Come on, Carmit, it’s not that bad. Of course, Carmit struggles. Osnat finishes but feels gypped.

Streets of Krakow. Hen/Alon are super lost and resort to finding a cab. Alon slams his forehead. Careful, racers! Hen is disappointed in her husband and they bicker a little. Fortunately, since they know that this argument is going to amount to nil, they stew silently as Alon voiceovers about their home life. Commercial.

Water detour. Bar/Inna are making some progress. Hen/Alon FINALLY find the u-turn board, and they’re happy it’s not them. Anakiva make the same discovery. Adele and Tom make it to the detour and choose water. Adele navigates them and they go all of five seconds before bickering. It’s difficult for them, as opposed to Bar/Inna, since at least Bar/Inna are the same height, whereas Tom is like a giant to little Adele. Bar looks like she’s about to pass out as Inna loads the water. It’s pretty painful to watch. To her credit, Inna jumps back in. They make it to the end, and now they must put it on the ground, and Inna accidentally drops herself and Bar drops the bar. All that effort, and barely a drop in the bucket. They opt to switch detours, sopping wet.

Matzo ball detour. Carmit is slowly eating her matzo balls as Osnat bitches at her. They voice over that Osnat’s the quick one and Carmit is “slow ocean.” Heh. Carmit finishes and apologizes to the musician that they’re Yemenite not Polish. Another musical note, and the ladies must eat again. Carmit threatens to puke. One more note, and the ladies are stumped…but in an epiphany, Carmit shockingly starts singing “Hava Nagila” (which is correct) and they must get up and dance, of course. Next song, and a sigh from Carmit.

Water detour. Tom/Adele note that the girls went away, so maybe now they’ll focus better. Adele botches a turn and a bucket goes flying and ends up on the ground. Adele runs back to get it, and they start dumping. They must’ve gotten a lot of water, since they don’t even use all their buckets. They find the u-turn board in fourth…but wait! We must watch the girls eat. Bar/Inna hear their first note. Bar makes up a song, Inna sings and claps along, and their musician looks utterly disgusted. No love for the ladies. Commercial.

Team Facebook arrives at the detour and choose water.  They start off quickly but Pundak steers himself into a pole and knocks a bucket off. Back at the matzo balls, Inna daintily eats. They get “Hava Nagila.” Back at the U-turn board, Tom/Adele discover that they’ve been U-turned by Bar/Inna, Brothers, and Yemenites. They head to the matzo balls and Tom feels like self-destructing. Good strategy to U-turn a team that’s going to likely sabotage themselves, folks. They start eating. Tom guesses “If You’re Happy and You Know It” and Adele claps, but they’re wrong. Adele suggests another song, but it’s wrong as well. Tom’s all “I had fifteen years of piano.” Back at Bar/Inna, they get “Siman Tov.” Back at the buckets, Moti/Pundak finish, now in sixth. Both teams are safe at the U-turn board.

Matzo balls. Carmit is slowly eating, as usual, and Osnat’s upset. They do, however, get the “Siman Tov” song, and head for the U-turn board. They’re safe, and now Osnat’s pulling Carmit along by the hand, literally, like a red wagon. Uh-oh. It’s time for the first Yemenite Breakdown, sponsored by Killer Fatigue. They argue so quick I can barely keep up, but Carmit accuses Osnat of treating her like a daughter and Osnat yells at Carmit for lollygagging and being the dead weight she is. Back at the matzo balls, Adele’s crying again. Tom argues with the musician, and Adele. Adele tearfully eats her matzo balls and this is getting boring. Tom describes them as being disheartened as they were passed up by both the blondes and the crazy moms (who should be behind them had Tom/Adele not been U-turned) and they’re sad. Meanwhile? Crazy moms, still fighting in the background. More Yemenite arguing, same topics. Tom/Adele, and Adele is a tiny little woman (Monica Geller) and can eat no more matzo balls. Bell. Commercial. Oh, wait, are we done? I guess so.

Off to episode 9…

Jai Ho:
Episode 9!

We open on spotted horses, which of course means Krakow, Poland. Tonight: Caves! Wheezing! Crying! Running! Finish mat!

Theme song. I miss having a life.

In the lead are the brothers and Hen/Alon in cabs going to the ballet studio mentioned last episode. Moti/Pundak are on foot.

Ballet studio. Hen/Alon are first, and Hen is so excited about Swan Lake. Alon has no clue how to wear the tights and comments that his legs look muscly in them. Brothers arrive and put on tutus. Apparently, they must walk across the street in their tutus to get to the actual dance room. That is a task in and of itself. Hen/Alon arrive at the dancers and they comment that it’s like a movie. What, so no Bring It On, but a Step Up reference? Hen is in love with the little girls and we learn it was her dream to be a ballerina as a girl. The combination is shown and it’s not too hard, being someone who used to dance myself. The couple must start immediately, and Alon comments that as a kickboxer, he’s not used to being all flowy and flowery and his muscles are used to jabbing and kicking. A fair assessment. They don’t do horribly but the judge does not like them. Oddly enough, Hen looks dopier in the tutu than her husband. The brothers shuffle in. They have about as much rhythm as Jerry Seinfeld. It’s a no. Commercial.

Matzo balls. Adele and Tom throw out every song they know, even “Old MacDonald.” So not Israeli, dudes. Adele cries because it’s hard. Tom hums and he’s actually really close to “Siman Tov,” but not quite.

Streets of Krakow. Bar/Inna hail a cab and Inna massages Bar’s back. Osnat/Carmit have cooled down a bit in their cab.

Ballet studio. Moti/Pundak run, and they’re now in third, beating even Anakiva. Team Facebook looks at home in their pink tutus, and they start dancing and don’t even finish their combination. It’s Richard Simmons Sweatin’ To The Oldies bad. The judge notices that their eyes are on the girls and calls them out on it, even calling them “stupid” to their faces. YES. Now, we must see the dudes ogling the ballerinas, and Pundak notes the muscular arms, like Madonna (?) and now ex-racer Tal. They start again and look like idiots. Cute idiots, but idiots. Anakiva dance, and Anael seems to get it but Akiva doesn’t. “Too slow.” Brothers fall over, and the judge tells them not to crush each other. They try again and fail, and Alon does his best Natalie Portman Black Swan imitation. Heh.

Triumphant music, so someone’s got it, and it’s probably Hen/Alon. Hen actually looks graceful and even Alon does a nice arabesque. They get the clue and chasse away. The brothers are still dancing like Angelica Pickles, but the dance teacher is tired of them, I guess, so they get a pass. Commercial.

We’re back, and the two top teams rip and read. Time for a new city – the Wieliczka Salt Mine we saw in TAR Australia. They’re off.
Ballet studio. Moti/Pundak? Still dancing like fags. They get it, and we don’t see them advertise their Facebook pages to the ballerinas, but that doesn’t mean it didn’t happen.

Matzo balls (still). Adele/Tom finally get both songs and the ballet clue. Will they catch up? They catch a cab.

Wieliczka salt mine. (Already?) Roadblock! One team member must dress up as a miner, go down into the mine with their partner, push a cart, lick a salty wall to find a sweet spot, get gloves and a shovel, find a crystal key, and open the clue drawer. Well, that’s clear. Hen/Alon decide Alon will take it. Team Facebook has appeared out of the blue (?) as well as the brothers, and Alon will do it, as well as Pundak. Pundak comments that he feels like a Chilean. All three teams are underground, and the brothers notice the awesome architecture, as does Hen. Hen feels like waltzing. Moti/Pundak are now in the lead (wtf?) and Pundak starts the push. Kickboxer Alon pushes as well. Gay Alon is now in third. He’s not breathing so great. Montage of pushing, and Kickboxer Alon and Pundak finish and head to the salt wall. Commercial.

Salt mine. Pundak licks the wall, and keeps missing the sweet spot. This is strange to recap. Pundak thinks he has it but he doesn’t. Gay Alon finds the wall, and decides to approach it differently, and looks for a spot that looks a bit different. One lick and he’s right – good thinking. The brothers trot back to the carts and Alon digs for the key. Kickboxer Alon gets his spot and starts digging in the cart. Neither Alon knows what the heck they’re looking for.

Ballet studio. Osnat/Carmit tutu up and of course shake it up. Bar/Inna are not far behind. Anakiva are dancing, and it’s enough for the teacher. Yemenites start dancing, and they kind of look like the hippos from Fantasia. Osnat tells the lady she’s “old woman,” and the teacher identifies. Bar/Inna enter and believe they can do better than the ladies, and Inna’s even got her hair in a cute little bun. Inna is actually almost indistinguishable from the real dancers on her first try, but Bar has no clue how to cross her legs. Back to the Yemenites, they try again and do much better. And of course, they must celebrate by shimmying and showing off their Yemenite dance skills. They get the teacher to shimmy with them and it’s a little cute. They need to race, not shimmy, but it’s still cute. Okay, it’s ADORABLE. I said it. Bar/Inna get the clue as well and both teams head to the salt mine. Commercial.

Night, salt mine. Anakiva arrive, and Anael decides to take it. She immediately regrets her decision and can’t stop thinking about all the dead people under the ground in Poland. Unlike the fake scared we usually see, Anael looks legitimately white as she and Akiva ride down in the elevator. I feel for the girl – she probably had people there, you know?

Back at the mine carts, both Alons are looking for the key. Gay Alon finds what may be the key, and indeed it is. Indiana Jones music plays, and they get the clue from the drawer. And my Internet decides to reset. Come on, almost halfway done. Okay, network reset and we’re back. The brothers retrieve the clue in first place. Another task – back to Krakow, and get pictures of themselves being kissed 50 times, like some song. I think we know who’s going to benefit from this task. Back at the mine, Alon’s forehead is bloody for some reason, and they hail a cab.

Salt mine. Akiva comforts Anael with a pretty psalm as she pushes her cart, and she whimpers but pushes her cart. Good on her. Pundak is still licking the wall. He gets it and they join Hen/Alon in digging. Alon is the next to find the key, and it doesn’t work. He goes back and finds another, and it does work, and they get the clue in second. Commercial.

And to think, I’m procrastinating on a 1500 word paper due on Friday yet I just wrote tonight, including this sentence…2467 words. Clearly, my priorities as a graduate student are in the right place. 1:11 AM Central Time, and you’ll have to wait until tomorrow to get the rest of Episode 9 and Part 1 of Episode 10. Good night!

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