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Hamerotz Lamillion 2: The Recaps

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Jai Ho:
Hey there - did you miss me?

Apparently not :( anyways, with finals, and travel, I've not been able to be as regular as usual but I think I can catch up this week. Luckily, not a lot has happened in the race, and I'm not going to recap the clip show (which showed absolutely no footage, and for some reason ignored Gadi/Alona, Tal/Mor and the Bakers). So that means 3 more episodes to recap (2 in Czech Republic, and 1 in China) and among them only two legs and one elimination.

I hope to get good feedback at least on this guy.

Here we go, Episode 9 Part 2:


Back, and Tom/Adele are in last at the ballet. Adele has her hair in a cute little bun. To their credit, they both seem to have rhythm. Tom, for some stupid reason, feels the need to show off on the piano. IN THE MIDDLE OF THE TASK? Raaace. Seriously. They try once more, and Adele does a beautiful job and passes, but Tom does not. They start to argue and Tom calls Adele crazy. Please…ugh. They pass, and Tom starts to sing “Space Jam,” and let’s go visit someone else.

Krakow town. Brothers are back in town and looking for kisses. They don’t have a good strategy and are scaring most of the population of Krakow.

Salt mine. Both girl teams arrive at the mine, and Osnat and Inna will take the tasks. Osnat jokes about taking a dip in the salt water. Wheezing brings us to Anael, who is clearly having trouble breathing and is crying as well. But it’s lickin’ time for her, and the wall, should I say, looks gross. Osnat and Inna quickly push their carts with Osnat even taking a little ride. Weird, quasi-porn music plays as the three girls lick the wall. For some reason, Akiva and Carmit are allowed to stand right next to their partners, but Bar has to stand in a little box. Anael and Osnat both get their spots, and Inna feels embarrassed. Anael and Osnat start digging, and wait…oh yeah, Moti and Pundak are still here digging. That’s so weird. Anael, in frustration, randomly starts pitching stuff from her cart left and right and almost knocks out Akiva in the process. Moti and Pundak can’t find anything in their cart. Osnat finds her key, and the Yemenites are off in third. Moti/Pundak follow in fourth.

Krakow. Hen/Alon are finding kisses and having a lot of success, due to being much more gentle and Hen having beautiful and kissable cheeks. She looks super glam in the shots – she really must be a good model. Alon/Oren find a group of drunk Spanish chicks for kisses.

Salt mine. Inna is getting frustrated and comments that her tongue is burning. Ouch. They comment on how hard this race is. They stare at each other for a while, and Bar starts crying for some reason. Inna goes to comfort her partner, and this gets ridiculous. I’m getting that there may be some underlying issues here that have nothing to do with the race. Back at Anael’s cart, she finally finds the key, and it fits.

Taxi to the salt mine. Tom is praying and Adele looks bored. Tom comments that only God can help them. Before He has a chance to answer, they arrive at the mine.

Krakow. Yemenites are ready to kiss, and this should be interesting. They take the “scare locals within an inch of their life” approach with Osnat almost tackling some poor woman. The brothers seem to be having success, and Carmit is manhandling some ladies. Alon/Hen, almost done, are begging for a few final kisses. They text off their pictures, and it’s pit stop time. Destination: 16 Sebastiana Street, home to Dora, a woman who was forced out of that home during the Holocaust. In an odd but provocative montage, we get an expose of the greeter, now returning to her childhood home from Israel. We see her camp tattoo and it’s very touching. This is probably the most we’ve ever heard from a greeter in any race. Alon/Hen look for a taxi, and the brothers finish and follow suit. We have a race for first, people. Running, running. Alon/Hen arrive first, and greeter Dora tells her story and welcomes the couple to her former hometown. First place, finally, for these two, which much celebration. Dora gives the couple some grandmotherly advice about love to the couple. Aww. Commercial.

We’re back, and Oren/Alon, you’re second. Dora welcomes them to Krakow. Alon/Oren’s mother comes from Poland. Maybe they know each other. The boys apparently missed the couple by seconds.
Salt mine. Inna’s still licking, and now Tom has joined her. Inna randomly gets it and starts the key search. Adele starts praying and Tom finds the spot. Neither team knows what the key looks like. Bar and Inna have an idea, and they find it. Tom and Adele follow suit. Both teams head back to Krakow.

Krakow. Moti gets a kiss. Team Facebook confesses that they feel like international celebrities. Akiva comments that he does not like kissing. Why doesn’t Anael do it? The pictures come out looking awful and not like kisses at all. Anael passes Osnat and gives her a kiss. Cute. Team Facebook is done and off to Sebastiana. Yemenites hop in a cab, having done, and Anakiva looks for one. It looks like Team Facebook ran or something, because they run in seconds before the Yemenites. They are third and fourth, and congratulate each other with kisses, naturally. Osnat and Carmit invite Dora to party with them in Ekron.

Krakow. Bar/Inna head into an awesome looking pub, as do Adele/Tom. Apparently, Bar and Inna are in a lesbian bar, and a girl tells Bar she wants to kiss her with “tongue.” Ooh, sexy! Unfortunately, Bar does not oblige her. That would have been awesome though. Adele seems to have found a lesbian as well and comments to Tom that the girl practically made out with her cheek, and in a confessional, demonstrates by licking her partner. What is this, the “tongue leg” of the race? The cute lesbian settles for a hug and a cheek kiss. Bar comments that she is straight, to dispel any rumors.

Dora’s house. Anakiva jog in, and they are fifth. Not too happy about it either. Anael is unhappy to be in a sad place like Poland, and Dora comments to them that they shouldn’t be sad because the hard times are in the past, and they’re now safe in Israel and will have lots of Jewish babies. Chattiest greeter ever. Anael seems comforted by her words at least, and comments that she does feel successful in spite of being in a place where so much death happened.

Krakow. Tom/Adele and Bar/Inna finish up and get cabs. Adele is screaming. Bar is calm. After a commercial break, we see both teams arrive, but it’s the girls who prevail. Congrats girls, you’re sixth and safe. Inna comments that she loves old people. Okay. Tom and Adele trudge up, last place. Sad music.  Sad puppies. Ron is a terrible actor, and he cracks a smile as he gives them their lottery ticket, which says that they’re not eliminated. Of course not, not in front of Grandma Dora. Now they’re happy. Next leg they’ll have a speed bump.

Next time: Oren gets lit on fire! Adele dances around on a broom! Roller skating dressed up as witches! Osnat goes boom. Uh oh.

Best Loser:
I was starting to wonder where you went, but I figured it was finals or something and that you'd be done around this time, so I didn't ask. Great as always.

Jai Ho:

--- Quote from: Best Loser on December 19, 2011, 05:35:09 PM ---I was starting to wonder where you went, but I figured it was finals or something and that you'd be done around this time, so I didn't ask. Great as always.

--- End quote ---

Thanks, Best Loser!  :kisses Is there anything upon which I can improve?

Also, side note: for the first two weeks in January, I will be on an Amazing Race of my own in Europe with limited Internet access, so I'm going to try to remain as current as possible up until the time I leave.

Jai Ho:
I know I'm woefully behind, but here's a recap of (most of) the Czech Republic leg. I have watched up to the current leg and I was very surprised at the outcome, and even though the last leg also took THREE episodes it was worth watching and will be worth watching again. As for me, I'm going to Europe tomorrow...back in a few weeks. Hopefully the race will still be going on when I return. And it probably will be.

Here we go:

Episode 10

We open in Krakow. Start us off, Hen and Alon! And we’re off to Kutna Hora, to the church of Bones, via Prague. Czech Republic! As Hen/Alon struggle to find a taxi, the brothers find a friendly local to walk them to the train. Said local starts talking…and talking…and it’s kind of funny, because it’s shutting the brothers up. Oh, locals. Hen grabs a taxi for herself and her partner, and Moti/Pundak are pronouncing it “Cunt’a hora.” First the bros with “hurts a vagina,” now this? Oy. Osnat/Carmit get the clue, and Carmit reveals she has been to the Czech Republic. But first, they must get to the station, and their cabbie is clueless.

Train station. It’s closed for the night, obviously, since it’s 3 AM according to the clock. Alon/Hen and Oren/Alon arrive, and the bros’ Fern, even after a “thank you my friend” from Alon, refuses to shut up or go away. Alon threatens (in Hebrew) to kill the man, much to Hen and the other Alon’s amusement. Random Polish Dude continues to babble on about trains and cars and the general state of the union to Oren, and I guess this is what 3 AM is like in Krakow. Gay Alon has a bright idea, to sell his snacks to some locals. Way to not be sketchy, brother. He manages to sell one. A policeman passes and the Alons hide their little operation like the two scamps they are. Oh so cheeky.

Anakiva and the blondes get their clue and Anael is quite happy to be leaving Poland. Tom/Adele pit-start as well, acknowledging the idiocy of yesterday, which they’ll probably repeat again tomorrow. Pointless cab convo.

Morning. Hen/Alon and Oren/Alon get tickets in an orderly fashion. Facebook gets dropped off at the station, and the Yemenites…are somewhere else? I think their driver dropped them off at some sort of service bay, because an official looking local escorts them to the front of the station. Meanwhile, Facebook and Anakiva get their tickets. The Yemenites get tickets, but have no clue how to say “Kutna Hora.” How do you say, “I’ll have what they’re having” in Polish? Bar and Inna arrive and ticket as well, and in an odd montage, we see them buying coffee. Tom/Adele enter the station and run around the station as all the other teams get on the same train. Will they miss it? Ticket counter! Train leaves! And…Adele is on it! Which must mean that Tom is as well, big ol’ equalizer.

Foreboding music plays, and oh no, where’s Bar and Inna’s money purse? Dun dun dun. Inna asks Bar if they left it at the coffee (there’s the relevance!) and she’s sure she didn’t. That older lady they’re sharing the seats with looks pretty darn suspicious. Yeah, read, old lady, read. Searching, searching, searching…damn, I have to take an overnight train in Central Europe in a few weeks. This is scurry. See, Tyler/Nathan and Bar/Inna HAVE taught me about the world! OMG THIS IS REAL LIFE. Inna comments that no money = out of the race. What to do? Bar looks pensive…and it’s beggin’ time. They start begging, and being cute, foreign blondes, they should be able to accrue some cash. And they do. Inna is embarrassed because her mother will see her begging on national (well, international) TV.

Kutna Hora! Teams exiting the train! For some reason, without backpacks. Predictably, Yemenites are bringing up the rear, and even more predictably, the brothers get the route info first. It’s at the Church of Bones, and they must count all the skulls in the main lobby (936) before continuing. Brothers, Tom/Adele, and blondes are counting. Damn that’s a lot of skulls. Oren and Alon start to argue.  Adele is confused. Tom reads out loud. Inna tries some math magic, and there is much counting. Brothers and blondes both get the wrong answer and have to wait out a penalty before trying again. Facebook and Anakiva arrive at the church and enter. Anael is horrified and tries to pretend that they are plastic. Facebook thinks that they will be there long enough to become skulls on the wall. Adele/Tom take their argument outside. Hen/Alon and Yemenites arrive and count as well. Moti/Pundak and Anakiva get it wrong, and Bar/Inna and the brothers are in for their second try. Hen/Alon? Way off. Osnat/Carmit are closer, but no cigar. The brothers get their number in first, and must go downstairs to a “witches room” and find their clue, which is printed on the sandy floor which they must sweep with a broom to uncover. After the explanation, Bar/Inna get the number and head down as well. It looks pretty freakin cool, I might add. The brothers are totally confused, and check in some rocks. Apparently there are a bunch of random things like cockroaches, tarot cards, and a crystal ball. Lots of combing by the teams, but nobody’s getting anything, so let’s head upstairs and watching some thrilling counting. On their second try, Tom/Adele are four off (aww) as we head to a commercial.

We’re back, and Facebook and Yemenites get the clue. Oren picks up the broom, noticing the floor, and Osnat does the same, and uncovers some sort of hole in the floor. Bar and Inna wander aimlessly. Team Facebook decide to put on a little play, with Moti pretending to cast a spell with Pundak walking around going “woo” on the back of the broom, a la…a witch? Oren/Alon, Osnat/Carmit and Bar/Inna discover the clue, and Moti/Pundak? Asked to leave and come again. The clue is to “follow the dim light.” Brothers and Yemenites have the right idea, and Bar/Inna actually look up at the ceiling, as if they’re going to have to climb to their next clue. Now we get a fun montage of Bar/Inna searching randomly, pulling bricks off the wall. At one point, Bar actually starts to go down the right path, but Inna’s all, “no, that can’t be it!” Elsewhere, brothers and Yemenites encounter…another double battle. Joy. The teams must put on antique rollerskates and skate around on a broomstick, pulling down bats from the ceiling and tossing them into cauldrons. So like Quidditch, only…not really.

The pairs get suited up, and face off. The brothers are doing ok, but the ladies are struggling to even move on the old-style skates. The brothers get two bats in, but Osnat falls backward. Ouch. One of the brothers yells out, “Osi, you okay?” and she says, “No, I ****ed up my hand.” Yes, she actually says that. She looks to be in pain, and of course we get a clip, and the medics visit for the second time this season. Carmit looks at Osi, all “Oh ****, we’re going to be going home.” I’m at least glad they were against the brothers, and not a team that would see this as an opportunity to kick the woman when she’s down. Ostensibly, the challenge is over…for now. Commercial.

We return to the lobby, where Anakiva gets the route info in 5th, followed by Tom/Adele and…not Hen/Alon, who are now first-to-worst and are forced to go out to come back in a third time. Cut to Inna, who is still contemplating the lantern. Inna decides her partner might’ve been right, and she was indeed, and they head to the duel. Tom/Adele head to the chamber, as do Anakiva and Moti/Pundak (on their second try). Adele channels the spirit of Pundak, and picks up the broom and in a hilariously wrong Adele-like fashion, goes “hooo! Hooo! Hoo!” and pretends to fly around the room on the broom. The judge looks on in disbelief. She then gets Tom in on the charade. One challenge too early, dearie. Akiva discovers the broom, and subsequently the clue. Both Moti and Adele are now sweeping, but Tom insists it’s “not on the floor.” Prepare to eat your dusty words, bucko. Neither of them get it in time, and both teams are sent back again.

Upstairs, Alon is taking his SATs, and they finally get it. They head down to the chamber.

Double battle. And it’s not looking good for Osnat, who is in a cast and gauzed up, but declaring that even though they are volunteering to be the last team of the double battle, they’re not quitting just because of a bruised hand. Osnat looks horribly sad and Carmit, sympathetic. And they were doing so well, too. Damn you, double battle. Bar/Inna come downstairs and suit up for the skating. They back into a wall. The brothers, who’ve had more experience at this (all of ten minutes) skate circles around them. Someone hasn’t explained the rules to the blondes, who randomly toss the bats. Alon/Oren finish up and head for a victory lap. Bar/Inna are glad for the break, and as the brothers get their clue, so am I.

Back, and the brothers have a roadblock clue, “who wants to be the hottest thing ever.” And what is that hottest thing ever? Being a movie stunt actor! They must get lit on fire, run a slalom, and open a box with their clue without being burned alive. Cool! The brothers have no clue what the task could be, and Oren speculates fire, and decides to do it. They get in a taxi, and send Osnat some virtual get-well wishes as they wait on a very uncomfortable bench for the other teams to pass them.

Witches chamber. Alon starts sweeping while Hen opens drawers, but it’s too late, they must try again. Moti/Pundak literally walk in and out again. Adele starts sweeping, and Tom sees the clue, finally. Adele confuses “chauvinist” with “claustrophobe,” and then teases Tom about not knowing what claustrophobia is. Hey lady, with all the vocabulary you didn’t know before this race, I’d stop talking if I were you. Commercial.

Somewhere in Prague. Burning barrels, an ambulance, oh, it’s just the roadblock. Oren is already in the fire suit. This is starting to look a little scary. The safety crew rubs Oren with fire-resistant cream and gives him instructions. A montage of Oren getting suited up, and looking scared out of his mind. He gives his brother his glasses – aww, nice, something to remember your teammate by after his immolation. The safety crew squirts some lighter fluid stuff on Oren’s back, and Alon plans his brother’s obituary “47 and burned.” Hee.

Oren gets lit up as we go to a (poorly place) end of episode. GIVE ME A BREAK, show.

Episode 11! We left off: Oren/Alon at the Roadblock, Bar/Inna waiting at the double battle for Anakiva/Tom/Adele, Osnat/Carmit nursing a wounded wrist,  and Hen/Alon still in the witches’ chamber.

Fire-Block. Alon looks scared for his brother, who runs like a man on fire, and gets the clue relatively quickly. They comment that their mother is going to have a heart attack. Route info: go to a newsstand in the morning and look for a clue printed in the newspaper.

Double battle. Anakiva arrive first, and fall a lot. They score one, however. Bar and Inna have no such luck for a while. They finally get one to tie it up, and a second. The girls come from behind for the win, and Inna will do the roadblock. Commercial.

We’re back, and the brothers hit a HoO at the newsstand, so they’re in for the night. Tom/Adele get the double battle clue, and Tom can’t pronounce “skates.” He falls right off the bat, and it actually looks like the teams aren’t battling each other so much as the stupid electronic bats. Anakiva think that they can beat Tom/Adele, and they do. Akiva will get lit on fire.

Back at the witches’ chamber, Moti/Pundak are completely in the dark, as are Hen/Alon. Instead of thinking like witches, the boys suggest to think like the other teams who’ve done the task (for some reason, they know) and since Osnat/Carmit seemed to get it done in seconds (and they did) they choose to think like them, and they go in and go straight for the broom, with the analogy that CD : Moti :: Broom : Osi. This is actually kind of smart, providing Pundak knows that Osnat is indeed a school janitor in real life. If not, he’s made himself kinda ass-y on national TV by implying that Osnat’s place is behind a broom. Both teams get the clue, and start sweeping.

Somewhere in Prague. Inna comments that Paris is beautiful, and Bar counters with “…only we’re in Prague.” Inna gets suited up and looks pretty freaked out. Anael asks the stuntman to take care of Akiva because “I love him.” Cute. Inna gets a hood put on her head and Bar comments that she looks like a giant condom. Anael does not see this analogy. Inna gets lit up and runs, screaming like a girl (well, she is a girl) and gets it in the first briefcase she opens. Akiva does the task as well, finding the clue in the third briefcase. Both teams head to the newsstand. Lots of pride. Commercials.

Double battle. It’s Tom/Adele against Facebook, and the roller derby is on. Tom/Adele take the win and the clue. Tom chooses the roadblock. Bar/Inna check in at the newsstand in second. They note that even with their bad money luck, they still managed to make it in second. Alon/Hen head in for the final battle (assuming the ladies will not return). It’s on, with a bit more push and shove. Team Facebook wins, and we learn Moti’s real name as Pundak declares that “Mordechai!” will do the roadblock. Heh. Mordechai.

Fire-block. Tom looks like a racecar driver. Pundak is thrilled at his partner being set on fire and comments that he looks like a homeless person. Adele can’t stop laughing. Tom starts his run. Moti starts his run. Both get it and stand up. Moti asks the firemen to let his partner roast a little more, and comments that this will make a fun memory. Tom fixes his hair in the mirror, after all, they are on TV. Pundak sings about Moti being on fire, commercial take me away.

Double-battle. Bats sit on the floor. The trailing teams get the roadblock clue. Hen will take it for her team, and Carmit will do her first roadblock on the race since her partner’s wrist is tied to her chest. Tom/Adele and Moti/Pundak sign up at the newsstand. Hen and Carmit, at the roadblock, get suited up, and Hen suddenly gets scared that she will no longer have children. She freaks out, but hilariously, exclaiming that she feels like a “human tampon.” Hen takes off like a rocket. Carmit takes off…like a wounded deer. Osnat sings from the sidelines. They get their clues, and Carmit almost forgets to lie down after she gets the clue. Hen gets de-condomed, and Carmit actually has smoke coming off her body. Hen must, of course, rub gel on her husband’s bald head as they leave, and the ladies giggle off to a cab. They get there in that order. Osnat/Carmit are disappointed at being at least, but repeat that they’ll carry on, broken hand notwithstanding. Commercial.

Morning, Prague. The brothers head out in first place to find the newsstand clue. Bar/Inna start their day off with some good old-fashioned begging. Not so embarrassed now. They do a Little Orphan Annie act for the camera before heading off to the newsstand. Watching teams read is, of course, riveting. Bar sees a hippopotamus in the paper, and wonders if that means they should got to Kenya. The brothers find the clue, as do the blondes, which is to find the “holy horse.”  Both teams head for Venceslav Square. Anakiva, Tom/Adele, and Facebook head to the newsstand, in that order. Within seconds, Pundak finds the clue, whereas Anakiva have less luck. Tom is sprawled out on the curb, leisurely leafing.

Venceslav Square. Brothers and blondes arrive at the same time, and there’s a route info…and a fast forward! Both teams opt to do the route info instead, and head to Old Town Prague. Commercial.

We’re back, and wonder of wonders, Moti/Pundak find a group of Israeli tourists to give them directions. Anakiva find the clue and head out, as does Adele for her team. Back in Prague, Moti/Pundak are inside some shopping mall, and find an odd mobile of an elephant trunk or something. They find it, and head to old town Prague. Hen/Alon and Osnat/Carmit are off to the newsstand. Osnat’s wrist still hurts, but she’s laughing through the pain. Hen/Alon find the papers and start searching. The Yemenites do the same. Hen squeaks in frustration. Commercial.

Newsstand. The ladies have found the clue after two minutes, and Hen is incredulous. Walking around, Adele spots an H&M and must window shop. Save that for the dragon head task in Hong Kong, lady. Anakiva and Tom/Adele then opt for a route info. At the newsstand, Alon and Hen are flummoxed. In their taxi, Carmit asks for a “horse not really,” but the driver understands anyway. Hen/Alon head back and try another newspaper and find it within a few seconds. Hen complains of defective newspapers. Osnat/Carmit sing their way to the clue, and they’re going for the Fast Forward, which is at a local art school. Hen/Alon , in last, argue about what to do, but Alon caves to Hen and they go to the FF. Osnat and Carmit get into their cab, and we end the episode with them declaring “whatever they ask us to do, we’ll do.”

kobbar:
OK I HAD TO comment on this one!!!
Laughing out loud! brilliant! hiliarous!

I am from Israel , I watch the show here in Israel and opt for Bar and Inna who are my favorites
you write very funny, making me laugh.
I love it when you put self-comments like: "read the damn clue already".
If you can add some more like this, I like it very much.

hahaha! very nice!

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