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Hamerotz Lamillion 2: The Recaps

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Jai Ho:

--- Quote from: georgiapeach on November 20, 2011, 11:11:31 AM ---Awesome job Jai Ho!! This will make it possible for those of us who can't understand to watch and really know what is going on!!

:tu SO much for doing these, we will cherish them forever!!

--- End quote ---

Thanks georgiapeach!  :<3 Any thoughts on the writing?

Also, even though you didn't ask, the reason I'm not translating a lot of the words they say (which is probably what you're interested in seeing) is because it's usually all about the same thing, similar to American TAR. Either a) all the teams comment on the same thing uncreatively (ie. it's cold, this is disgusting, this is crazy) or b) they say the same things that they usually say. Anakiva usually comment on God's providence, Team Facebook talk about girls and Facebook, the brothers bash each other, Bar/Inna usually go back and forth repeating each other, Tom/Adele usually talk about nothing of consequence, Hen/Alon barely get to talk period, and usually Shira is bitching about something (Firass speaks very little). The only team that usually adds something to the experience are the Yemenites, who tend to give some semi-interesting analogies in their moments of clarity. I like all the teams this season (even Team Facebook and Firashira) but frankly, they're about as deep as a kiddie pool.

Jai Ho:

--- Quote from: Drake on November 20, 2011, 11:48:00 AM ---When are you going to give a summary of the episode 7?

--- End quote ---

Patience patience, it takes me awhile to be creative!  :umn:

...No but seriously, I'll get started on Ep. 7 today. I've already watched it and know what happens, so it shouldn't take me a zillion hours to do. And I no longer use a dictionary/Google to translate unless it's a word I've never heard before.

Jai Ho:
Episode 7, Part 1. I watched Episode 8 last night and I can already see it's going to be difficult, so I'm going to zoom through Episode 7 for y'all. I have class soon but I'll finish the episode tonight, hopefully. Keep reading!

---
Tonight: Zoom! Careen! Croatia!

Roll theme song.

We open en route Croatia…but wait, Shira’s still whimpering in Bosnia, but we’ll get to her in a few. But first, we must have some “driving to Croatia omgawsh it’s so pretty” confessionals from the leading cars. Moti and Pundak are in the lead, followed by Anakiva (who comment on the beauty), and Tom/Adele (who comment that Anakiva are probably singing, and they are, a song about the beauty of mountains). Anael compares Croatia to a dream landscape. Harbor shots lead us to a sports center, where we face a detour: Soccer (Futbol) or Basketball. In soccer, each team member must score 3 goals while the other cheers them on in a cheerleading uniform adorned with the Croatian flag. Come on, no “Bring It On” reference? Tom better do good at this task. In basketball, teams go up against 2 supertall Croatians to score baskets with a trampoline, a ladder, a shopping cart, and a chair. By standing on the items, not throwing them.

Team Facebook chooses Soccer, and predictably, they pimp their Facebook pages, and Pundak cheers first in a little skirt and tank top which is actually quite cute on him. The cheerleaders are 15 years old and Pundak enjoys doing the cheer moves. Moti scores one for his team. Tom/Adele and Anakiva make it to the detour, and both teams point out that soccer task = Tom, and Tom can’t believe his luck. Reminder: he’s a professional SOCCER PLAYER. As in DOES THIS TO PAY THE BILLS. Either way, the ladies skirt up and men suit up. Tom doucheishly makes Adele sing a song about him, nothing short of stupider than that idiotic musical “Bye Bye Birdie.” Moti and Pundak comment that Tom is, again, a professional and they’re shakin’ in their boots. Tom kicks…and it’s the puniest little tap and the little paper goalpost merely topples over. WONK WONK. Anael attempts to lead her girls in “Am Yisrael Chai,” and Akiva…is not comfortable. Before he evens starts, he reasons that not even for a million shekels will he wear a skirt and wave pompoms so off they go to Basketball. Anael supports his decision with no argument.

Ski resort. Firass is carrying Shira’s frozen corpse back to the lodge. She legit looks white. In the first medical intervention of the season, we are informed that Shira’s blood pressure is too low to continue. In the race? YAY! Just joshing, it’s just the task. They have to take a one hour penalty, and that’s Shira’s first roadblock, ladies and gents. Make fun of Adele and Osnat all you want now. She seems pretty contrite and I actually feel a little sorry for her. Firass is not disappointed. Do I smell foreshadowing? Commercials.

On the road to Dubrovnik are the brothers, who are worried about the long drive and fear elimination. Hen/Alon are not worried at all, in the car behind them. Pretty piano music as Hen declares she wants to live there, raise children, work the land…WTF, goes Alon and myself, and Hen’s all “I’ll plant flowers and pick fruit.” Alon derides Hen’s rose-colored glasses view of the world. And…traffic jam!  It seems as the two teams are stuck. There’s been a hellish crash in the tunnel. Hen hopes it’s Team Facebook, and Alon pooh-poohs her but gives a  wink-wink nudge-nudge as we go to the soccer field, where Pundak is cheering for “Tomtom,” some odd nickname for his partner.

Soccer. Moti scores his last two and it’s time to switch. Tom, meanwhile, can’t even score one. NOT ONE. Adele is cheering her little jailbait heart out and even comments to the cheerleaders a la Mirna, “Look, he’s a footballer and he can’t even do this.” Moti is cheering now, and Sue Sylvester would not approve of the booty shaking or the cartwheels. Despite little previous experience, Pundak knocks out two targets in a row. Moti does the airplane dance, and Pundak’s all, “Do I know you?” (Again, Pundak’s words, not mine. I feel this may become a recurring theme.  I like it). Adele is laughing at Tom’s lack of performance and of course, it’s not Tom’s fault, it’s the shoes. HIS FREAKIN SHOES. He claims that he can’t do it because he doesn’t have cleats, and I can see this is going to end splendidly. Pundak finishes, and they pick a cheerleader up and rip and read. Next up? Cremeschnitte Festival, where each team member will eat five pieces of delicious cream cake with only their mouths. I would ADORE this task.

Basketball. Anael tries from the ladder, but it’s Akiva who scores.

Road to Croatia. Inna and Bar are lost, and Inna admits she sucks at navigating before any arguing starts but of course this means we need to see proof of this, so here’s your next five minutes, folks. They argue about who’s the most annoying. Osnat asks Carmit to drive, but she’s too tired. Osnat, to her credit, is tired of doing this all alone, having done three roadblocks to her partner’s zip. Carmit argues that she’ll do what she’s able to do. Blah, commercial.

We’re back, and not going anywhere on the road to Croatia. Hen/Alon spot the brothers and they go fake-make-nice. They’re happy that each other is stuck. Oren actually comes up with a brilliant if not illegal idea that since they have cameras and are actually being filmed, the two cars should go to the police as if they’re (Hebrew-speaking) Spanish TV news crews covering this insignificant accident. I guess Oren picked Spain due to the red and yellow flag on the dash. Well, better Spain than the former South Vietnam, I guess. They are allowed through, probably because the policeman doesn’t want to see Oren’s smelly face. Now that’s acting, comments Oren.

Ski resort. Shira still looks dead as they drive to the bridge. Tom finally gets two goals and comments that if it’s difficult for him, it’ll be near impossible for Adele. I get his reasoning, but…no, I’m not going to lie. I don’t get it. Team Facebook steamed through the task and I think Tom just doesn’t want to get showed up by his girlfriend in front of a bunch of girls. Tom bitches and Adele imitates him and it’s so Anti-Flo and Zach that it’s hirarious. Tom decides to switch tasks, and Adele is rightfully pissed, you know, being a professional fish-catcher/escape artist who jetskis through the snow in her bikini in her spare time, so she’s entitled. At said switched task, Anael jumps on the trampoline and scores. Tom and Adele get to the task, and Tom immediately showboats worse than Moti and Pundak combined, while Adele stands on the stupid ladder and tries to actually do the task instead of having fun. Tom beans her with the ball. Tom must have a really small penis to be attempting to prove this point. Meanwhile, Anael scores again and hey, look, a team that WORKS TOGETHER TO DO THE TASK. As robotic and repetitive as Anakiva are, at least they know how to follow the rules and do the tasks without bickering.

Cake. Team Facebook is turned on by Katrina, the waitress, and they get tied up and start to eat. They look like the big babies they are in their giant bibs.

Brothers and Hen/Alon opt for the basketball. Brothers immediately comment on the height and age of the players and we learn that Oren is 46 with an 18 year old son. Kickboxer Alon looks even more like Russell Hantz than normal and has little success, but a whole lot of fun and everyone is giggling. Yay. Hen, who looks like WNBA Barbie, even comments (in English!) “Alon, you are so not good at this.” Heh. Oren’s laughing, but Gay Alon’s not. Tom is being Tom. Oren beans his partner with the ball. Adele, atop a ladder, gets the tenth point, but they’re told they did it wrong and have to do it again. And Tom forget to read the clue to use all the stupid items. Tom yells at Adele for no good reason. Gay Alon gets a nice ladder-assist from his brother. Hen comments that she played basketball as a child, and being tall, I’d buy that she’d be good at this task. She scores one from the chair and another from the trampoline, and lawyer Oren dunks impressively. Kickboxer Alon gets the final basket for his team, and Tom/Adele have been officially sent down to fifth place. The brothers, now in third, get a biker to lead them to the cake. Hen/Alon leave as well, in fourth.

Mostar Bridge. Firashira are safe and finally heading to Dubrovnik. Firass hopes the teams are in Norway. Bar/Inna might as well be, as they learn they’re 100 km from Dubrovnik. Bar, BTW, has a super cute University of Michigan hoodie on, quite randomly.

Cake. Facebook is struggling with the cake. Anakiva arrive at the restaurant and bless the cake as they dig in. Akiva’s face seems to stick to the cake. Team Facebook is staying clean (?) by wiping their faces on each other, and the homoeroticism is noted. With that, commercial.
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Any comments? Bueller? Bueller?

Best Loser:
Excellent as usual. Your recap confirmed my theory that the argument between Firass and Tom was just two males overreacting for no real purpose.

AR FAN:
Thank You Jai Ho for the recaps, I almost look forward to them as much as the videos themselves.

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