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Hamerotz Lamillion 2: The Recaps

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Jai Ho:

--- Quote from: Drake on November 16, 2011, 08:14:33 AM ---
--- Quote from: Jai Ho on November 16, 2011, 02:06:34 AM ---Good lord, I’ve been translating for an hour and half now – time for bed. The rest of this episode in the morning.
--- End quote ---
Can't wait :))

--- End quote ---

Thanks, Drake. Any more specific feedback? I'd really like to know what you guys think of my writing.

Jai Ho:
Oy, these things are taking forever. Enjoy Episode 5, Part 2, as I ice my hands and prepare to rest up for tomorrow:

Brothers and Hen/Alon arrive at the bridge. Anakiva are befuddled, as are Facebook. But the Brothers have a plan! The next three teams (Firashira, Tom/Adele, Yemenites) arrive seemingly consecutively, and for the first time in a while, we actually have somewhat of an equalizer. How does Shira react to this? By freaking out at her partner, of course. Alon/Oren, through a combination of counting and luck, come up with the correct number of 2377 and unlock the box. Alon kisses his brother’s ear so hard he almost falls over. Hen/Alon see this. Anakiva are trying to unlock the box, but it is Facebook (boo!) that the brothers opt to help, for absolutely no good reason. Akiva comes over as the brothers are explaining and the junior-high ethics ensue as he is pushed away, and Anakiva are pissed. Just open the damn clue, Alon. It’s a pit stop YAY. Alon/Oren run for a cab to get to the pit stop, a pretty castle (no bathhouses this time!) passing Hen on the way. They briefly bid her goodbye, but the next team they happen to see are Osnat/Carmit, who are a) pretty weak and b) helped them all the way back in Israel (sheesh, seems like a million years ago now) so they’ll stop to help them. They send Carmit off to be the dummy and count while they craftily write the number on Osnat’s arm. They tell the ladies to pretend to count for like five more minutes and then go get the clue. Osnat comments that now they’re blood family. Brothers grab a taxi.

Bar/Inna? Still on the Herzl task. They find an old man to help them and Inna stupidly thinks the beard is a toupee before Bar helpfully corrects her. The old man wants Inna in the picture with him, as old men are wont to do. They art direct, and hurry up girls it’s getting late. Back at the bridge, Osnat/Carmit are dancing because they know the answer, they’re not telling, nyah nyah. Team Facebook (with or without Oren/Alon’s aid) get the number and Anael calls the guys first-graders for not telling them the answer. Lucky ducks Tom/Adele miraculously get it, as do less lucky but still accurate Yemenites, now in fourth. All three teams head for cabs and we head for a commercial.

Back, and in the brother cab. They’re feeling pretty darn good – they should, they were in 7th at one point today. They’re pretty confident they’re first…and they are. I’m not recapping Alon’s cab chatter because it is utterly stupid. Either way, they congratulate each other at the mat.

Synagogue. Bakers are still at the Herzl task and we get some really wacky shots that are clearly out of order. Either way, the blondes pick up the pace. Both teams finish. In their cab, the dudes spot some chicks on top of their chair. Tom/Adele ride. Yemenites ride. Team Facebook barely edges out Tom/Adele and the teams are second and third. Back at the ice blocks, night has fallen and Bar is hacking away, hoping that Team Burekas don’t show up. But they do, and of course Nitzan ninjas the ice with the nunchuks and has a great time doing it like the Goonie he is. He actually breaks the nunchuks. Bar feels weak. Inna feels her energy sapping away with all of Nitzan’s progress. And Nitzan emerges victorious, putting the girls definitively in last. Back at the bridge, Anakiva get the correct number and leave, as do Hen/Alon. They don’t appear to share the info with Firashira, who get it in 7th.

Castle pitstop. Osnat/Carmit dance up to the pit stop in fourth. Kisses all around. Back at the ice, Bar’s still hacking away. She finally pops out the freeze-dried clue and they’re on their way to the bridge, to hopefully overtake the bakers, who’ve just arrived there. However, they get muddled when they switch counters midstream, allowing the ladies to catch up. They’re closer than the bakers were. At the pitstop, Anael flutters her eyes in despair learning that she and Akiva are fifth. Stop crying, you baby, you’re still in the race. More triumphant music as Hen/Alon arrive in sixth and Firashira in seventh.

Bridge. Team Bakers can’t get it. Inna shows signs of brilliance when she proposes playing the odds and counting by tens to narrow the number down, and remarkably, the strategy works. Probably similar to Oren/Alon’s strategy. They intend to disappear into the night, and they do. Bakers finally get the clue in last. Bar/Inna’s cab gets lost and they transfer cabs.  Whoops. Fifi/Nitzan’s cab driver seems to know where they’re going. Bar/Inna beg for speed, and we’ve got ourselves a cab race. Ron checks his watch. Both teams arrive, and…it’s Bar and Inna who live to race another day as they arrive in eighth. The chilly bakers arrive, and their goose is cooked. Nitzan comments that it was a black day for them, but they didn’t give up. They get the magic lottery ticket, and 3000 shekels is now theirs. Party time! Awww, I’ll miss their cute faces. No preview.

Jai Ho:
Tonight: Episode 6! Hopefully out of Hungary!

Credits.

Train to Sarajevo, Bosnia and Herzegovina. For some reason, we see none of the teams leaving the pitstop, and the first team we see buying tickets are…Osnat/Carmit? Definitely not shot in order. Ron narrates that the teams are all on the same train to Bosnia. Bar/Inna get the “beautiful country” confessional. We see Muslims! Tom comments that this race is crazy. Shira dances, Akiva prays. And…they’re getting their clues in the order they arrived at the pit stop. LAAAAME. Equalizer, anyone?

First up is the brothers, who say “Bosnia and hurts a vagina.” LOL. The clue tells them to go to the Gavrilo Principe Bridge. They head out as do Team Facebook, who ask their cab driver for pretty girls, and Adele, who cannot pronounce Sarajevo. Yemenites are next, and they ask their driver for Bosnian music and boogie in the cab as usual.

Bridge. Brothers rip and read. The task is to toss a sardine and the other partner has to catch it with their mouth. Every five missed sardines means the tosser must eat one. Oren catches, shirtless, and Alon tosses, shirt on. Facebook arrives as well and Moti and his big mouth are catching. They argue, which is new and exciting for them. Pundak eats his first fish. Tom and Adele arrive. Alon eats a fish. Tom, who is throwing, is totally grossed out by the fish and doesn’t want to eat any. Adele wants him to shut up and throw the damn thing. Yemenites arrive, and Carmit will catch. Good on her. Soon enough, Osnat must eat one and it is gross. Tom screams at Adele for not being a better fish-catcher. Tom bites into one and goes through about ten different emotions of pain in five seconds.

Back at the station, Anakiva gets their cab and are scared. Akiva tosses out a prayer as the bridge teams toss more fish. Carmit barely misses, Adele catches one…with her hood, and the brothers and Facebook each catch one so it’s time for a stupid, pointless duel, this one involving playing musical chairs against some Bosnian thugs and a fierce lookin’ Bosnian lady  with a rolling pin. But first, prom queen! Will Alon/Hen get a threepeat? The brothers and Facebook seem to think so as they do just that as Hen/Alon depart the station. Firass/Shira leave as well.

Musical chairs. The fierce Bosnian Olympic Musical Chairs squad prepares for their first two adversaries, and it’ll be, of course, the two male teams. Alon/Oren walk in, and Moti/Pundak run in shrieking like fags. This is almost too dumb to recap, but let’s see what happens. One of the Bosnian thugs literally tosses Pundak out of the ring. Damn. Moti dances like a six-year-old (Pundak’s words, not mine). The next stop, Alon gets tossed off by the same thug, and the momentum is too much for him, as he literally bounces off the ground and collapses onto Pundak. I would do the same, but for different reasons. Or maybe the same ones – I don’t know. We get treated to a replay and I don’t think we’ve seen this much unintentional physical comedy since Charla vs. the horse. Or maybe even Heather vs. the donkey cart. People take pictures but ultimately, Moti wins. Damn it. Gloat, gloat, just get your damn clue. And…it’s a cup of coffee. The teams don’t know that the clue is a ski resort written at the bottom of the cup. They finish the coffee and get a piece of paper saying, get the next clue…but where? Dun dun DUN. Commercial. Anakiva and Hen/Alon arrive at the fish, and the ladies will be catching. Anael comments that Akiva doesn’t even eat fish at home. Anael shockingly catches one and they’re on their way. Firashira arrive, and Shira freaks out, as usual. Anakiva decides to yield Bar/Inna because they are last, and here they are, leaving the station in remarkably good spirits.

Bridge. No success anywhere. Tom puts on his hood and prays for Adele to catch it. And she does. Amazing. Adele is annoyed, of course. Firass catches and they’re up to fifth. Hen catches, and also uses hand sanitizer. No luck for the Yemenites, but they’re in their own world anyway. All three teams yield the brothers, and it’s looking like Hen/Alon might’ve dodged a bullet. Tom babbles about nothing in the cab, and Anakiva arrive at the duel. The brothers compliment Anakiva’s racing skills, but Alon takes the win for the brothers, who get the coffee clue. They are confused, and look at a city map and decide that since the task involved music, it’s a musical place? Pundak gets the idea to look at the coffee cups, and they get the clue and are off. Brothers? Off, for no good reason, to a music hall. Lenny and Karyn in Paris, much? Commercial.

Bridge. Osnat prays for luck, and Bar will catch fish for herself and Inna. Carmit finally catches one, and they vote Bar/Inna for prom queen since they’re last. Moti and Pundak arrive at the “sky resort” and must stay for the night. They must sign up for departure times. Whither the equalizer? Either way, they’re in for the night, and out of this episode less than halfway in.
Musical chairs. Tom/Adele arrive to duel with Anakiva. Anael wins for her team, and they are rewarded with the coffee and are duly confused. Brothers? Going around nowhere, and for some obscure reason looking for the Olympic Museum. Nothing there neither, pardners. Anakiva are confused. Bar catches a fish with her eye and it’s utterly disgusting. Skillfully, she flips it down to her mouth, and they vote for Tom/Adele, who are going up against Firass/Shira. Firass tries to use Arabic to get the Bosnians on his side. I see a freakout in the near future. Commercial.

We’re back, and I was right. Tom manhandles Shira to the ground, and Firass gets upset and pushes Tom. Isn’t that against the rules? Hen/Alon arrive, and watch the arguing, as do Anakiva. Alon predicts a breakup as some sort of producers step in. Adele cries.

See, this is why this duel idea is stupid. Someone WILL get hurt, someone WILL cry, and this is how a lawsuit starts.

Tom apologizes before it gets too out of control, and Tom/Adele get the coffee clue. As the duel starts, so does a duel between the couple on the way to the ski resort. They argue, and it’s stupid. Tom acts like a baby, and Adele is a baby, so I guess it works. Back at the duel, Firass wins it and they get the coffee clue and are confused. And, we’re back to Tom/Adele, who make it to the hotel.

Musical chairs. Osnat/Carmit are ready to party. Osnat breaks a chair. In a first, both team members win (and even more remarkably it’s the ladies), and there is much shimmying as Hen/Alon sulk in defeat all the way to a commercial.

Musical chairs. Osnat/Carmit, having won, get the coffee clue, and Osnat’s sweet tooth leads her to lick the cup and become only the third team to discover the clue. The brothers, having returned from their trip around Sarajevo, are summoned over by the ladies, who share the clue. Neither shares with Anakiva, but with the hubbub they figure it out. Firass and Shira do not. After a short musical interlude a la Hannah and Margalit (they sang this song last season, episode 1), Firass and Shira figure it out and are on their way just as Bar/Inna arrive to duel Hen/Alon. Inna dances like she needs to go potty. Even so, the kickboxer boxes out Bar but it doesn’t really matter as they only have to wait fifteen minutes. Bar/Inna kiss and wait as the musicians pack up. Lonely girls in Sarajevo.

Ski resort. Anakiva arrive in third, having passed the other two teams. No sympathy for the Yemenites, as the brothers breeze past them to claim fourth. In an uninteresting montage, Shira/Firass get sixth, Hen/Alon seventh, and Bar/Inna last, just like they started.

Commercial.

Morning at the ski resort. Hen/Alon are kickboxing together. Roadblock, and it’s time to jet-ski in the snow – but in swimsuits! Just like
they do in the Olympics! Moti volunteers, and wishes he hadn’t. Heh heh heh. I am not jealous of Moti as he sets off in his pink swim trunks. After a few moments, he’s on his ass.

Back at the ranch, it’s Anakiva’s turn to play Sally Jessy as they counsel feudin’ and fightin’ Tom/Adele. Tom admits to the entire country that he’s on his knees and sorry and blah, you’re going to do something stupid next leg most likely so save your breath. Adele doesn’t want to do the roadblock, but Tom guilts her into doing it. Adele takes off in her powder blue bikini. Anael and Oren will take the task for their teams. I have a feeling Anael’s swimwear will be not much different than her land wear, and I’m right. Apparently, Anael also swims in a fuzzy hat. All three teams are off, and Anael takes a tumble. Adele gracefully glides to the finish and proves her awesomeness once again. Oren glides through as they get the clue, and it’s time to drive to Dubrovnik, Croatia. But first, they must find the U-Turn Board at Mostar Bridge, another bridge.

Roadblock. Osnat will do her third, and Shira, her first. Firass is uncomfortable in the cold. Moti limps up for his second go, as does Anael. They’re all cold. Moti gets it done, and Anael glides to a stop just barely past the line, and they’re off to Dubrovnik, via Mostar. Carmit sings to her partner as her falls immediately. Shira falls with less grace. The brothers, once again, are lost en route Mostar. They argue with much drama. Back at the roadblock, Hen gets into her teal swimsuit and looks like she’s done this before as she smokes the task and flashes the viewing audience. They hope that the brothers and Facebook drive to Kazakhstan. Predictably, despite leaving in third, Moti/Pundak reach the U-Turn bridge in Mostar and head to Croatia as back at the roadblock, both Osnat and Shira hit the snow and sport some impressive bruising. Commercial.

Anakiva and Tom/Adele reach the board simultaneously, and both are safe. Inna channels Baywatch as she heads out in her pink swimsuit with a blonde hair toss. She looks very wobbly, but she maintains focus and gets it on her first try. Osnat and Shira fall again. They leave as Osnat limps to her fourth try. She’s clearly scared to death but she does it. The cold actually manages to cause them to leave without a song. Shira? Still struggling. The Yemenites have not a clue what they’re looking for an look as if a bridge is going to walk up and knock on their car door begging for money. Hen/Alon, however, find the board and are overjoyed at having survived the yield. Brothers are still lost, having not moved, apparently.

Roadblock. Shira falls right before the finish line, and Firass picks her up. Shira looks more corpse-like than usual, and wants to give up the roadblock. Bar/Inna pass up the brothers and find the bridge, as do the Yemenites. With three votes (all the couples) they have been yielded. Back at the resort, Firass carries Shira’s corpse back to the resort. What will happen next? End episode.

georgiapeach:
Awesome job Jai Ho!! This will make it possible for those of us who can't understand to watch and really know what is going on!!

:tu SO much for doing these, we will cherish them forever!!

Drake:
When are you going to give a summary of the episode 7?

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