Author Topic: SURVIVOR INSIDER: Palau, Episode 13  (Read 1615 times)

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Offline puddin

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SURVIVOR INSIDER: Palau, Episode 13
« on: May 13, 2005, 12:04:04 AM »
Thanks to DCReads56† }bH{

Welcome to Survivor Insider!

Psprecinctprez & I are typing away at several hundred miles per minute (we're that good!) to bring you the Survivor Insider scoop. Don't forget to say thank you and renew our ezSupporters (heh heh heh)!

Finished: Koror Tribal Council, Caryn: Final Words, Back-Stabbers, Friend or Foe?, and Sugar and Spice.

Left to go: Caryn: The Day After, Game On, and And The Oscar Goes To...

Koror Tribal Council
Caryn Voted Out

Ian (Votes Caryn): Best three seconds of my day. Canít wait for you to go home!

Katie (Votes Caryn): I think that I donít know what to believe, but I think that this guarantees me a spot in the Final 4.

Tom (Votes Caryn): Caryn, itís not that you didnít know there was a game going on. You just didnít like the hand that you were getting dealt today. Sorry.

Jen (Vote Caryn): Caryn, I really wanted to do the womenís alliance thing with you, but you just Ė it works out better this way. It keeps me in for a little while longer.

Caryn (Votes Ian): You told me that if I followed your strategy with Tom that we would go and we would control the game and that was a lie.

Final Words

DC Notes: Sheís very much a lawyer, especially in Part 2. Her ďI must focusĒ schpiel kind of reminds me of a mellow Carolyn Burnham.

Caryn: You know, itís a mixed baggage of emotions how I feel now that Iíve been voted out. I mean, I took a calculated risk to say everything and just get everything out in the open because thereís been so much going on. Iím so frustrated Ė and all the gossip and talking and backtracking and planning and plotting! Iíve had it up to here! Including from myself.

So in one way, maybe I regret using that strategy because it didnít work. But on the other hand, it is a relief because it is really intense right now Ė whatís going on at camp with all the twosomes (hehe yeahÖ) talking and the threesomes (ooo, kinky) talking and the foursomes (ooo, very kinky!) talking, and everyone wondering what everyoneís saying. So on the one hand, itís a relief, and on one hand, I kind of wish that I hadnít done that particular strategy and maybe played a little longer and made it a little further.


I am surprised I got this far into the game because I really didnít connect deeply with anyone. Mostly everybody except for Tom and Janu and Willard, who got voted out early, were much younger. It was a much younger crowd. .

So Iím really in a different frame of mind. I donít talk about bars and guys and getting laid and all that stuff, so I didnít connect with them on a lot of levels for a lot of conversations. I kind of felt more mature and just past all that stuff, so I didnít really connect with anybody. Well, a little bit with Tom because he and I are both parents and we both have 3 kids. I did feel like I had some connection with Tom. And I liked talking to Ian. Heís intelligent young man, but I didnít really have any bonds with anyone else, so it does surprise me that I got so far in the game.


By playing this game I really feel that Iíve learned:

1) That I can endure a lot more than I thought I could endure;
2) That I am tougher than I thought I was;
3) That I can sort of make myself fit in, while I canít be totally phony and make up stupid jokes and do all that kind of stuff.

I can tolerate a lot more annoying people than I thought Ė like for example, Tom never stopped talking, Katie never stopped talking. I didnít know if it would just drive me nuts being out here with people that were bugging me, and I realized that I have a very high tolerance level.

And of course, of course, of course, I realize Ė I mean, I always realized how much I love my family, but I think itís like double, triple, quadruple enforced that I am one of the luckiest people in the world

(Part 2)

In order to control your emotions when youíre playing the game, I think you have to Ė a couple of things: not think about things that make you sad, or that take you away from your focus. If I start daydreaming about my family or this or that, I really need to just Ė you really need to just stay focused on whatís the next challenge, how am I going to prepare, if I make it through the next day who am I going to align with, who am I going to talk to, whatís my plan, whatís my strategy?

I think when you let your emotion get into it, or you start trusting people or making friends or think you have friends or think you have an ally, and start thinking about, ďGosh, thatís so niceĒ or ďGosh, youíve been so kind to me,Ē - When you let all that get in the way, you lose your focus. And when you lose your focus you get emotional and itís like a Catch-22. So I would say stay focused on what is the next thing and donít get distracted by, ďGosh, I really donít want to lie to you. I really donít want to do this.Ē Or careful how youíre couching words so you donít hurt someone elseís feelings. Screw it. Just stay focused on the next step and donít worry about other peopleís feelings and donít worry about if your feelings are hurt and donít worry about whatís going on at home. And donít read your letters too much from home. Just stay focused on the next thing and you try to keep your emotions out of it.


I walk away with confidence that, if god forbid something happened to me and I was stranded somewhere, I know I could take care of myself. I know I could take care of my family. I know if something happened really terrible I could come through it. I kind of always knew that about myself, but I think this maybe reinforced it.

It also reinforced that Iím a lot more emotional. Once it got to Day 30 and we got the letters from home I started getting really emotional and felt like I had a little disconnect with the game. I started thinking about my family, itís Day 30, only 9 more days.

I realize now that if I am going to really be focused on something, I have to really stay focused. I canít Ė what I was doing the first 30 days was just limiting my time, thinking about my family in the mornings and the nights. And when I started letting it seep in, I started getting a little more emotional, maybe not think as clearly. It might have thrown my game off a little bit. I donít think it did, but I think maybe in some ways it did. So I have a renewed understanding of my sense of focus.


Itís not getting what you love, itís loving what you get. And I loved my 36 day adventure. And I am now looking forward to going home to my friends and family who I love and miss very much.

Back Stabbers

Description: Why has Tom been so protective of Caryn? Listen as Tom explains their relationship.

Tom (Confessional): Yeah, Caryn says that she trusts, that sheís giving me her full trust implicitly and the whole thing, but I pointed out to her today: you were on the chopping block a few times and I always went out of my way to give you a little reassurance, give you a little advice. Yesterday I was on the chopping block - you didnít even talk to me. Well it was ďI didnít want to be seen, I didnít want to lie, I didnít wanna.Ē

Caryn pretends sheís playing the game on a higher level than other people. Sheís right down here in the trenches with us. Sheís slugging it out, making her deals, going back, telling me, ďThis one said that, the other one said that.Ē You know. I think it kind of eases her guilt that she kind of thinks sheís playing it cleaner, but at the end here weíre all fighting for a million dollars and weíre not fighting for each other. Weíre fighting for ourselves.


Early on I just let Caryn know that I would look out for her, just to have another set of ears on the ground. I said to her, ďYou watch my back, Iíll watch yours. Weíre the 40 year olds, the parents in this game, and wouldnít it be nice if we both get to the end of this game.Ē

So with that in mind, Iíve always kind of protected her. Iíve talked her out of a few votes. They were mentioning her name real early in the game Ėbefore Willard even. And I was like, ďNo no, Willardís going, not Caryn.Ē And they were talking about dumping Caryn before Janu even went, and once again, my thing was like ďSend Janu home. Sheís just a liability at this point for the whole tribe.Ē

So I have defended Caryn a few times. And once again, not because Iím a saint, but because I felt there were favors that might come back to me someday. Hopefully I get to cash those favors in. Hopefully she believes that I did look out for her as far as I could and itís not a malicious vote, itís just that the votes are against her and if thatís the way itís going then I got to play along with my alliance. She may very well hold me more responsible than anyone else for writing her name down because I was closer to her, but so be it. You canít worry about every vote on the jury at this stage. You got to get yourself to that jury vote and hope you can square it away with them later.

Friend or Foe?

Description: Is Ian and Katie's friendship falling apart? Listen as Ian gives his take on the situation.

Ian (Confessional): Gamewise, I donít know whatís going on with the game. I mean, Katie was very blatant with me and said, ďI think Tom or Caryn need to go tonight but Iíll have you know that Iím playing a game to win. Iím going to stand on my own two feet with it. I donít need you to win.Ē And sheís right. She doesnít need me to win. Iím going to compete. And I was like, ďThatís good. I hope you compete the whole time.Ē I also reiterated to her that this is a game. There are things that happen out here that donít happen back home. There are things that happen for a million dollars that you wouldnít see in normal life, in life outside the game. Itís a definite juxtaposition that goes on with all these things. She realizes that, and it just sucks that you have to mix the two and thatís probably the darker side in Survivor.

As far as my strategy goes now, I donít now whatís going to happen. I donít know. I know that I have to win immunity, and Katie pretty much said, ďIf Tom doesnít win, you need to go.Ē I think she may be trying to scare me . I think she was be a little upset with me. Weíll see. I do feel very vulnerable at the next Tribal Council but Iím going to work my butt off to win immunity and hopefully get a day or two out of it to smooth things over some more and save a friendship and the game.


I donít know where Ian, Tom, and Katie stand now. I think Katie wants Tom gone, but once we get to 4, the gameís going to change again. Iím going to have some decisions to make. I donít know what Iím going to do yet. But the game got interesting all of a sudden! Gosh, what a rollercoaster of hellish fun. Are we having fun? Are we having fun yet? (Laughs)

All of a sudden the gameís on full gear. We all said, Oh no, the gameís not going to get ugly, not with us, weíre one big happy family. Weíre the Huxtables.

And in reality, thatís not the case. The game does get ugly. Everybody wants a million bucks. I want it just as bad as everybody else does. But there are certain things that are more important than the million dollars as well, and one of them is a good friend. And that was the first priority today.


Yes, I am afraid (laughs). I am afraid that the mistake that I made will cost me a million dollars. Because Katie was very blatant with the fact that, ďI want to stick with Ian to the end,Ē this morning on the beach. ďEven if I donít win the million just so he can.Ē Gosh, how touching was that? For me, you shouldnít do that. Why should anybody do that? Why should anybody let me take the million and just take second place? Katie said this morning thatís what she was planning on doing. That was like, wow! I made a bigger mistake than I thought I did, as far as the game goes. So yeah, I mean the mistake that I made, will it cost me a million dollars? It could very well. And one of the hardest lessons Iíll have ever learned for sure, if a mistake like that will cost me a million dollars.

Sugar and Spice

Description: Jen reveals her strategy. Is she as sweet as she seems?

Jen (Confessional): Ian and Katie seem to have like a brother-sister relationship. I donít think it goes beyond anything beyond that. They just seem really close and seem to care a lot about each other.

She was really hurt by yesterday, but she seems to have gotten over it really quickly. And I just need to Ė I think I need to do a better job of being devilís advocate or something and jus playing that up and ďHow horrible was it that he did that to you?Ē And really trying to pound that into her brain that it didnít not happen. He still did it. He still hurt her. She forgave him but it doesnít mean that she owes him anything. So I just need to be really more vocal about that.


Really surprised at how quickly Katie recovered from being pissed at Ian! She was Ė hearing lots of Katie stories, sheís not very good with men in general. Men have hurt her over and over and over again, and it sounds like she just allows that to happen and itís just one more instance of that happening. And Katie really wants to be a strong, individual woman, and not letting that happen to her, and I just have to keep reiterating to her that sheís letting that happen if she lets these guys steamroll her. She needs to stay strong and say ďThis is what Jen and I are doing. Are you in?Ē We need to start calling the shots, not them.


I am happy with whatever happens. I have made it this far. Iím happy. Iíll make it tomorrow and whatever happens after that is fine with me. Fine. Iíve gotten really far and Iím happy with that. Iím not willing to Ė thereís some things Iím not willing to do. And Iím willing to fight for myself to try to make good decisions, but Iím not going to screw people over left and right and try to make deals here and there. Iím just not. Iím just not. Iím going to try to stick to something and feel good about it.


I think about it all the time, but I also realize that everyone else thinks about it all the time too. And I know my chances are 1 in 5 right now. Tomorrow theyíll be 1 in 4. Thatís all I can do.


The group talks about in general how the game is just wearing on all of us. Lack of food, lack of sleep, lack of everything. Itís just wearing on every single person. People are pulling out all the stops. I donít think Tom would ever Ė I donít know Tom that well, but I donít think heíd ever resort to serious threats! Itís like we feel like heís going to break our kneecaps if you donít do what he says! Not me. But I hate seeing the ugly side of people, and I knew that was going to happen. But it still sucks.


I donít even know if itís the money necessarily. Itís just about winning. People Ė weíve got competitive people out here. To me almost itís like that too. Itís just want to win! Want to win, want to win! And the money is just kind of secondary right. Itís weird. Itís just, you donít want that person to make it further than you.
« Last Edit: May 13, 2005, 01:49:19 AM by puddin »