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Hamerotz Lamillion 2: The Recaps
Drake:
Thanks Jai Ho. Good job :)
Jai Ho:
Drake - Thanks! Any more feedback would be appreciated - just post it here!
Jai Ho:
Episode 3!
Previously, teams went to Hungary. They are…still there.
Theme song.
Teams must now go to Buda Square and do a silly Double Dare-esque task involving the Hungarian Soda Siphon. Who would’ve thought?
The first four teams (Dudes, Anakiva, Tom/Adele, Brothers) get the Buda clue. The dudes grab a cab and talk about how they have to win first. Anael talks about miracles. Tom/Adele appear to be on a bus as are the brothers, and Tom has no clue what a syphon is. Tom not knowing things seems to be coming up a lot.
Hen/Alon? Not so lucky. U-Turned. Hen turns to the camera and announces that to the brothers, dudes, Rainbows, and Tom/Adele this means business, but after than murmurs of disappointment they appear at the Circus detour. Hen has no clue what to do and Alon says it’s harder than it looks.
Buda Square. Dudes arrive and of course Moti is the sprayer and Pundak has the cup on his head. Within seconds Pundak is soaked in purple. Anakiva arrive and Anael seems to get a pretty good strategy going with quick spurts instead of letting the soda fly everywhere. Akiva does pushups for some stupid reason. Brothers arrive and after much bickering, Alon takes off his shirt and Oren sprays the cherry soda. Oren takes a break to drink soda while Alon yells at him. They seem to have made some progress by the time Tom/Adele arrive and joke with them as Tom strips down and Adele sprays him with orange soda.
Circus. Hen is doing the wire walk and if she’s really a model she should be pretty good at this. A few steps in, she falls, but she’s fine. She remarks that it’s tough and she wants to lay down but she has to do it. A kiss and she gets back up.
Pigpen. Nitzan catches a pig and Fifi freaks out only a little. Bar and Inna? Still on their way. They turn into the farm and seem excited for the task and joke about being in last. They arrive and Bar jumps in just as Fifi catches her pig. They rip and read, picking circus, officially second to last as of now. Fifi is mystified that the circus is not at the farm. Yes, because in Israel, all circuses are at farms! The hell, Fifi?
Back on the farm, Inna transports the pig Bar caught and runs around the mud in circles. Bar says animals make her laugh, ever since
she was a little girl. Inna runs around the pigs and Bar is about dead from laughing. They laugh their way over to get the clue and opt for Circus.
Outside the dance hall (I suppose), Yemenites, Rainbow Brites, and Not Romeo and Juliet look for cabs. A cool old car passes by. They all get cabs and Mor is stressed out as usual. Osnat and Carmit humorously debate whether they could’ve done the circus or not, over a montage of Hen failing at said task.
Buda Square. Teams are spraying and drinking. Pundak tells Akiva to start praying. Brothers look to be almost done. All four teams finish at roughly the same time and rip and read. Ron explains that teams must now go to Astra Film Studios and that in the style of famous Hungarian escape artist Harry Houdini, must do so in straitjackets. I don’t think that hailing taxis and gallivanting around Budapest is quite what Houdini did in a straitjacket, but what the hell, these teams have already done a leg full of idiotic tasks, what’s one more. Moti gets suited up, and I am thrilled. Anael is holding stuff in her mouth as her partner gets suited up. All the teams (except Tom/Adele for some reason) hop off into oncoming traffic. Good luck with that, folks? The brothers show their smarts by asking an exiting passenger to hold the door, and they get in.
Circus. The two last teams arrive and have fun getting dressed. Hen? Still on the wire, fourth try, and…kaboom. Bar/Inna see this and it looks hard. Inna tries the barrel balancing and not only falls over but knocks her clown off too. Nitzan comments on how it’s not at all like making burekas. I would agree. Inna seems to be getting the barrel pretty well and Bar falls off the wire. Nitzan introduces Fifi on the high wire, maybe that’ll give her some motivation. And…nope. Hen weeps and says there are some things she just can’t do. Bakers are disheartened, and Fifi says she’d like to see him try it. To his credit, fat ole Nitzan does a little better than she did. Rainbow Brites arrive at the U-Turn board in 5th and celebrate by dancing and singing, as do the Yemenites in 6th. Apparently, the board is close enough to the circus tent that Hen can hear it as she contemplates what an idiotic clown she is. Fifth try, and close but no cigar. Firass/Shira arrive at the U-Turn board in 7th and get the clue after a terribly awkward kiss with a close-up of Shira’s bitchface. Even while kissing? Yeech. Back at the circus, Nitzan fails, a blondie fails, and with six tries for Hen, she becomes the first racer to complete this task with much cheering. She gets some love from the clowns and her husband and they are now in 8th.
Buda Square. Anael stops a local who helps them, much to the dudes’ shock. They do the same and both get cabs. In the Anakiva cab, not only are they crazy foreigners, but now they are crazy singing foreigners. I don’t recall this much car singing in any other episode of TAR. And this can’t look too good to the driver.
Astra Film Studios. The brothers arrive and de-jacket and get the roadblock clue. One team member will be locked onto a grate and have to unlock his/herself while entirely underwater. Seems a bit difficult for the first roadblock of the race – anyone remember the “climb the Eiffel tower roadblock?” or the “eat some chocolate” roadblock? Oy. Alon is already sticky from the soda so he volunteers to take it, mostly so he can wash off. I suspect this to become a trend. Alon is appropriately scared and Oren comments that Houdini died this way. Way to comfort your teammate, Oren! Commercials.
Back from commercials, dudes and Anakiva arrive at Astra. Rip and read. Moti will do it (maybe this will shut him up) as well as Akiva, who also reasons that Houdini died this way. Alon is still struggling as Moti gets suited up. I suppose the dark atmosphere isn’t helping either. All three men get lowered. Alon has visions of ambulances. Moti seems to be mostly above water. Akiva, however is almost under – maybe this challenge has a disadvantage for the shorter people, since Alon doesn’t seem to be nearly as far down as Akiva even though he started way earlier, unless they’re mixing shots. Someone yells stop and they all come up. I’m not getting something here.
Tom/Adele apparently aren’t finished. Adele is shivering on the ground. Out of nowhere, Hen/Alon appear as if they were never U-turned. Amazing luck on their part, or three massive fails by Brites/Yemenites/NRJ. Yemenites are present as well, and note Hen/Alon catching up and are rightfully both puzzled and threatened by this. Alon for some reason is now pantsless as Hen squirts green soda at him, and Carmit is catching green soda for her team. Soaked within minutes, both ladies are laughing and getting crazy looks from onlookers. Nonetheless, they seem to be excelling and pass up both younger teams, who all complete it to go get their jackets. Yemenites are tickled, of course, and they’re also in fourth, so good on them for being the first to catch up to the first-flighters! Osnat dances around moaning like the crazy old lady she is, and Tom/Adele get a taxi. Carmit tells the man wrapping her to leave room for her rack, which she cannot get out without laughing. In the Tom/Adele taxi, the driver has no clue where to go and in an unintentionally humorous move, Adele puts her mouth to her partner’s crotch to pick up the clue and give it to the driver. That’s one way to get into an interesting car accident in Budapest.
Houdini tanks. Everyone’s on their second try, and Alon fails. Akiva asks God to open his lock, and click, it opens. This is also the first thing he reports to Anael upon surfacing. Miracles truly do exist! Never mind that your partner almost drowned! Moti gets it in second, without asking God’s help. More mugging as both teams get their next clue and a Rubik’s cube to solve with a picture of the Pit Stop on it. FINALLY. They get cabs and struggle with the cube. Pundak comments that even though they want it, Anakiva are probably smarter and will get it.
Cabs with crazies. Tom/Adele’s driver gets a little worried that he might be transporting some convicts, so he calls his boss and Tom explains the whole “Israeli TV show” deal to him and tries to convince their driver that he and his girlfriend aren’t crazy. The complete opposite is happening in the Yemenite cab as Osnat is raving away like a lunatic going “I am crazy I am crazy I am crazy yaaaa!” It’s cute, but methinks the lady hath drunken too much soda. She then tries to eat Carmit’s shoulder and whips her hair back and forth. She is taking this jacket waaay too seriously. I hope she doesn’t do the roadblock, maybe she’ll turn into The Little Mermaid and start singing underwater. That would be bad.
Circus, eighty try. Inna takes a serious tumble. The girls comment that Nitzan’s actually doing pretty well. He gets it, and they are not pleased. Fifi bounces into her partner’s arms, barrels through the barrel balance and they leave the ladies in last and are directed to Buda square instead of the U-Turn board, for some reason. Bar goes up and down and up and down and gets it on her zillionth try. They get a second wind and Inna powers through the barrel. They leave.
City streets. Mama is motivating Daughter as they run. Firass/Shira arrive. Mor and Shira position themselves to receive the tossed soda, and Tal finishes her first spray bottle so she has to drink a cup of soda. It looks kind of nasty, but it’s just soda. Mom remarks that it looks like chemical infused nuclear waste, which is actually probably accurate, and downs it before slamming the cup on the ground in anger. Uh-oh. Mor freaks out a little bit as her mom looks like she’s about to pass out and probably being overdramatic when she says she needs to vomit. She demands quiet. Shira, in her first compassionate confessional on the race, notes that Mom looks really sick and Mor is in tears. Tal vomits up the soda and Mor wants to quit, because she doesn’t want her mom throwing up anymore. Aww. Mom fights through the soda of doom to spray some more at her daughter and I don’t know who to feel more sorry for. Burekas arrive, and riding high, Nitzan feels as graceful as a swan, which is cute. Nitzan sprays Fifi with purple soda and calls the siphon a “Cyclops.” Hee. Unlike Tal, Nitzan joyfully downs the toxic waste as Mom and Daughter suffer more. All three teams finish at the same time and suit up in straitjackets. Fifi searches for an English word to describe it, and “location” is not that word.
Pit stop. Ron. Chick in a bikini who’s probably freezing her buttocks off. Dudes ask locals for help while Anael struggles in a cab that’s zooming along the road to nowhere. The guys give their cube to a guy in a bakery who tells them to go away, and they look to be in danger of getting Andy/Tommy’d. Anakiva pray together and once again God answers and Anael solves the puzzle and they appear to be right at the pit stop. The dudes resurface with a solved cube and arrive at the baths as well. Anael starts to freak out that she might have to take her clothes off, but to her credit she does so while running with her partner, and after three episodes, we have our first leg winners. They flip out, probably because this leg’s been so damn long. Moti and Pundak are team number two and pretty damn disappointed for doing so well. Moti of course has to waltz with the poor chilly greeter. Commercial.
Back at Buda Square, Inna is flat on her stomach as Bar sprays her with green soda. Just when all hope seems lost, hilariously, a violin trio comes up and starts playing music around Inna as she says “what do I need this for?” Tears turn to laughter and Bar completely loses it as they play Hava Nagila. Inna kindly requests they go elsewhere, as we go elsewhere.
Astra. Hen/Alon arrive and within seconds, Alon’s stripped down to a speedo to enter the tank. My biggest nightmare has come true: both Alons, same task, same time. At least at the present time, neither are succeeding. A lock opens and it’s Kickboxer Alon, who screams at getting it so quickly, and he and wife are off in third. Gay Alon fails for the third time and starts to cry. Gay Alon gets unlocked to go outside and warm up. Oren swaddles and cuddles his brother in like a million towels and I can see how much this sucks, going from a definitive first to a fourth after a team which has been U-Turned already. Someone else has arrived and I think it’s the Yemenites but I’m not sure as the brothers go back inside. Alon counts keys this time and 12 is the magic number. He gets it and they’re off. Both Tom/Adele and the Yemenites arrive.
In their crazy cab, Tal and Mor loosen up and rock out. Inna and Bar hail cabs with their legs, and Firass/Shira’s cabbie has taken them into what looks like a junkyard, complete with howling dogs, and they’re scared. Shira yells and the driver angrily stops the cab and exits with no reason. Firass wants to get out too and Shira does not. Neither has a clue what’s going on. In the Kickboxer/Wife cab, no progress on the cube. In the brothers cab, Oren is trying to tackle the cube while Alon looks on. Oren remarks he doesn’t like the cube and his brother comments that he doesn’t like being chained underwater. Touche. Both teams get it, get out, and start running to the baths. Welcome brothers, you’re team three, which makes Hen/Alon team four. Hen comments that they really are in this for the big time, having been tied for last and now in fourth.
Tanks. Osnat is suited up and dancing on the platform (I can see she’s done this before) and Adele climbs the ladder in her bikini. Osnat starts and the first think she does is note the temperature of the water and declare that someone peed in it. Eew. I think that was Kickboxer’s tank. Eew, Kickboxer Pee! Would’ve been funnier if it was Fifi’s pee as they sometimes call her Pipi. And this is all coming from the oldest team. Rainbow Brites are outside the studio as are Burekas and sadly, Pipi will not get a chance to pee as Nitzan takes it for their team, as does Tal. Adele is completely submerged, as was the point of the exercise, while Osnat looks like she’s taking a bath in her pee-water. Tal is having trouble seeing. Adele, completely underwater, gets her lock, shockingly. Instead of celebrating, Tom and Adele completely give the task the Whatevia treatment because Adele was able to do it in like four seconds. Tom declares that pulling a rabbit out of a hat, now that’s magic. Magic won’t help them, however, stop bickering over their cube. Back inside, Tal isn’t even sticking her head underwater and demands to be pulled up. Nitzan, though he feels like Leonardo DiCaprio in Titanic, must be pulled up as well. Someone opens a lock and it must be Osnat, who triumphantly “ai-yi-yi”s as she exits her pee-water after only one try. Carmit gets the cube and they leave in sixth.
Outside, Tom can’t get it, and Adele breaks down in tears as Tom dismisses the task as crazy, “I’m a soccer goalie, I don’t do this.” Yeah, and your partner’s not exactly a professional escape artist in her daily life, JACKASS. Yemenites run by and offer encouragement to a weeping Adele and frustrated Tom by admitting they don’t know how to solve it either. Osnat peers into Tom/Adele’s cab window and tells Adele to stop crying and Tom to stop acting crazy. The ladies, in a confessional, state that they sometimes have to be the big girls since they are the oldest ladies, and they couldn’t leave the poor girl crying and they need to set a good example for the younger teams. You could argue that they should just let this obviously strong team self-destruct, but whatever, neither are in danger of being eliminated at the moment. Osnat tells Tom to calm down and Adele to stop crying and then actually PUTS HER HAND OVER TOM’S MOUTH so he’ll get the idea that he should shut up because his partner is melting down and it’s only leg one, and he STILL doesn’t get it, so she must do it twice more until he finally understands that his yelling is making his hard-working girlfriend upset. Another fundamental race difference - could you imagine if this was Charla/Mirna and Colin/Christie? Unbelievable. Power to the ladies for keeping the peace, but you could’ve afforded to let them self-destruct just enough so you could wind up in the top half of the pack. Carmit gets a local in a blue sweater to help them and then directs said local to do the same for Tom/Adele. Come on ladies, it’s a RACE. That means you too, Tom. Commercials.
We’re back, and Firass and Shira are somewhere in Budapest, arguing, still in their straitjackets. Firass wants to break up with Shira. AND THEY’RE STILL RACING AND ONLY IN THE FIRST LEG. Not the time for this conversation. Shira explains that if they go home, they may now be going home separately, as the anti-Chad and Stephanie. OUCH. Cry cry cry. They still love each other and they arrive at the studio. Tal is on her second try as is Nitzan. Firass climbs in, and it’s the FIRST FREAKIN KEY HE TRIES. WHAT. THE. HELL. They leave, and Tal still can’t see the keys. She goes back up as does Nitzan. Tal climbs down from the platform, and how the tables have turned as it’s Daughter of the Year Mor who does an amazingly non-invasive pep talk. She talks about how proud her dad will be and Tal goes up again as Mor calls her mom her queen. Aww.
Baths. Tom/Adele (what the hell?) are in fifth. All that and they don’t even let the nice ladies finish before them. Osnat/Carmit, you’re sixth. Good work ladies, now go sing elsewhere.
Tanks. Tal fails her 4th try as Mor cheers her on from below. Tal feels her soul is dying along with Houdini. This doesn’t look good. She climbs down again to towel off and warm back up. Nitzan fails his fourth as well, and Tal, her fifth. Firass and Shira, you’re team number seven. Fudge. Shira cries. Cry, Shira, cry. Back at the tanks, Tal tries and fails a sixth time, and someone (a producer) ask her if she wants to quit. She wants to do it but she doesn’t think she can, so the girls take the cube and a penalty. This ain’t no China Rush, folks. The girls find a cab and hope that the blondes fail or Nitzan can’t do it. Mor solves the puzzle with ease and gets a “bravo” from Mom as they head to the pit stop. They arrive in 8th, but have an hour penalty to wait out. They understand, move aside, and hope against hope as the blondes are already at the tanks.
35 minutes left for Tal/Mor, and Inna opens her lock. Nitzan? No such luck. Tal and Mor sit in silence with 15 minutes left. Bar solves the puzzle and the girls are off to the pit stop. Nitzan finally gets his lock. Bar/Inna are told that they’re in 9th although Rainbows still have 12 minutes left on their penalty. Fifi struggles with the cube. 7 minutes for the Rainbows. Two ladies help Fifi and with probably less than 5 minutes remaining, Burekas check in and are told that they are last but Tal did not complete the roadblock. They leave, Rainbows are up, and eliminated. Tal takes the spotlight, but tells Ron she has a million-shekel daughter. Aww. I hope she learned to treat her daughter better. In an interesting turn of events, Ron gives them a race scratch-off ticket, and they get 2000 NIS (500 dollars) on the spot. Yay! Well at least they won something. Moving on!
Next week: Chocolate wrestling! Ice hockey! Brothers do a weather report! Adele malfunctions!
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What do y'all think?
Jai Ho:
Episode 4, Part 1 (Leg 2 though):
Previously: Hungary. Tonight: More Hungary. And no elimination, because it’s a part 1. Sigh.
Credits.
First team to depart in what looks to be early morning, Anakiva. Rip and read – go to an ice hockey stadium. Anakiva get a cab and re-run how wonderful it will be if they win the race with God’s help. Dudes rip/read in second and ask for help from a local. Of course, it is punctuated by “Moti Lahav, Facebook, don’t forget!” I guess he means all of us. Anakiva, in their cab, talk about what a shame it was they lost the Rainbow Brites and the lawyers “Tzili and Gili” (hee) are still in. Akiva does not approve. He is convinced they don’t blink. I’ll have to take a closer look. Cut to said brothers doing a rip and read and flopping around looking for a cab. Brothers interview about stress and after much cabbie arguing, get inside the cab. Oren whistles and Alon shushes him. Hen/Alon are next up and she takes charge in the cab. Lots of driving and brothers’ cabbie answers the phone. They then discover his porno pinned up to the dashboard and figure it’s like his prayer. Heh.
Flags, and I hear Moti’s annoying voice so I’m guessing the dudes passed Anakiva. And they did. Moti rips and read and Ron explains that one team member will have to score two goals against the kid from Mighty Ducks while the other holds a giant block of ice. Not following the logic, but at least we get a task to watch this early on in the ep, so I’m not complaining. Moti/Pundak suit up – Moti will be doing the hockey and Pundak, the ice. Anakiva arrive and Anael channels her inner Oksana Baiul with a little gray ice-skating skirt and her inner Tonya Harding with a huge mask while Akiva hopes that she channels neither after the task ends. On the ice, Moti looks both European and idiotic with his little pink shorts as he wipes out on the ice. Anael seems to have a bit more control and Akiva is doing squats to keep himself warm under the ice. Brothers arrive and Oren is in the hockey gear. Alon is freezing his balls off, but Oren manages to score his first goal.
Pit-start. Tom/Adel are on their way, and Tom does a little pantomime to determine whether the rink is 13 or 30 minutes away. It’s 13, but it’s also time for the Yemenites to depart in sixth. They dance through the streets and get a cabbie who asks if they’re from Israel. They answer in the affirmative, with Carmit saying (rather facetiously) that she’s a little bit Swedish with the blond hair. She also notes the moody, brooding locals and announces her intentions to spice things up a little. Firashira also pitstart, noting that the only teams they’re ahead of are Bakers and Bar/Inna. Every second counts.
Ice rink. Anakiva’s goalie lets one seemingly slip by to get their first, which looked to me like a soft goalie, but then Anael fires off three rapid shots and he can’t block all of them, so they score their second and Anael celebrating kicking Dude and Bro tushy by attempting to dance on the ice by going around in a little circle. Lovey dovey confessionals. Moti now must showboat by scoring two goals and announcing that he is good at everything, and Pundak confirms our suspicions by saying that Moti lives in a movie. Apparently, today’s feature is Slap Shot. Teams rip and read, and it’s time for a duel. Ron explains that the teams must find a pool of chocolate and fight to get a certain amount of chocolate in a cup. The losers get a penalty and the winners get to do the Prom Queen vote and continue. Akiva comments to Anael that this may involve male-female touching, to which she responds, “Aw, man.” Chocolate wrestling and Moti’s cooties – that would do it for me too. Commercials.
Back, and Bakers and Bar/Inna depart. Anakiva arrives at the u-turn board and vote for Burekas since they’re far behind and they don’t want to make an enemy of a strong team. Dudes do not think the same and once again go after Alon/Hen. Alon/Hen arrive and suit up just as the brothers finish and as they pass, some gentle ribbing ensues. The brothers comment on the hot girl getting suited up for hockey and Hen gives them a verbal middle finger. As she heads out on the ice (and why didn’t they made this a roadblock?) the brothers hit the U-Turn board and it’s no surprise that they choose Alon/Hen, who are, to their credit, quite a strong team. Hen misses the first shot and complains that she can’t do this, but Alon reminds her she said the same thing at the circus and the soup and she did those things, which is true. Elsewhere, Bar/Inna are trying to hold it together in their cab and Nitzan is singing raspily.
Back at the rink, Hen is having little success in the areas of both scoring and figuring out the goalie’s gender. She thinks it’s a girl, while her partner thinks otherwise. Male or female, this goalie’s not going easy on Hen as she fires some great shots and gets denied. Peppy Little Mermaid music plays as Tom/Adele arrive, Adele of course on the ice in a bikini as Tom stumbles along in his uniform. We get treated to some Yemenite-treated theme music as the ladies suit up, with Osnat basically carrying the suited-up Carmit to the ice. Carnival music means it’s time to watch Tom/Adele screw up. Boom goes Tom, as predicted. Hen’s nose itches. Will the excitement never stop? She gets her first legit goal and dances and sings as Alon yells at her, and randomly says “como estas” before shooting her next one in. They get the next clue.
Duel time! Dudes and Anakiva arrive at the same time; men in swimsuits and Anael fully clothed. Moti and Akiva immediately start to wrestle, where I would just scoop the damn chocolate, but it’s TV and the producers probably told them what to do anyway. Anael looks horribly uncomfortable and the dudes say that they love Anakiva but only one team will win. Moti derides Pundak for not wanting to get a face full of chocolate. Oy – if Osnat thought the pee-water was bad, wait until she sees this brown mess she has to swim in. An onlooker cheers, and Moti and Akiva scoop chocolate as their partners yell on. Moti wins in this pointless battle and deliriously thinks that he’s better than Akiva, as if fake chocolate wrestling counts for anything in life. The dudes voice over how it was nice to win but they would’ve rather seen Adele, Bar, and Inna in the chocolate. Rip and read your damn clue. Detour! Movie Star or TV Star. In Movie Star, teams have to dub a movie in Hebrew, whereas at TV Star, teams must give a weather report in Hungarian. Moti/Pundak pick Movie Star. At the U-Turn board, Alon/Hen pay back the dudes.
Back at the rink, Tom goes boom some more. Adele laughs. Tom falls again and claims he can’t do it, yelling at his partner. Adele says to just try it and notes that she’s not yelling. Osnat and Carmit help each other step out onto the ice. Carmit is scared and now Adele has a turn to give her a pep talk, but it doesn’t seem to work and Carmit pouts off as Adele juggles the ice. Tom falls once more and we’re back at the chocolate with Anakiva and the bros and fake Western music. Akiva tackles Oren and Anael screams “shushi,” her pet name for Akiva and the brothers imitate her in a confessional. It’s not the most annoying thing in the world, but eh. Anakiva gets the win and off they go to TV Star.
Ice rink. Carmit is struggling to get on the ice. She is extremely scared and chooses to take an hour penalty. I guess they couldn’t have switched? Firashira get to the rink. Carmit/Osnat act as cheerleaders and Adele comes up with the quick shot strategy for Tom. One gets in, and there is celebrating. A second one goes right through the goalie’s legs, and they are done. Tom wants to hug Adele but she is too cold, alas he cannot. At the U-Turn board, it’s another vote for Hen/Alon, and now we go to the choco-pit where we see the bros and Alon/Hen in swimsuits. They exchange niceties, we jump in, and since Hen is not a religious chick, it’s mano a mano for everyone with Hen shrieking like a girl. I honestly don’t even see the need for contact, but whatevs. Now it’s gay Alon molesting Hen as she tries to fill her cup, whereas Oren is going largely ignored as Hen’s boob pops out of her swimsuit and she goes ballistic. Kickboxer chooses his partner’s dignity over competition and the brothers win this round. They choose TV star. Elsewhere, the dudes are running and before long they arrive at the studio and get their headsets on. They act like a less funny Colin Mochrie and Ryan Stiles as they dub and compare it to Eskimo Limon (an Israeli movie). At the TV studio, Anakiva arrive and start figuring out the Hungarian map. We learn that Akiva’s grandfather is Hungarian. Imagine that. He messes up the pronunciation and she can’t figure out how the stickers work. Again, again.
Ice rink. Firass and Shira see the Yemenites sitting there and note the open window, and the Luck of Firass strikes again, he scores two goals in seconds, and they’re out of there. They further cement themselves on my bad list by voting for the Yemenites for no reason other than the fact that they’re sitting there. Bar/Inna and Burekas arrive together and Inna and Nitzan take the ice. Nitzan falls. Inna falls. A lot of times. Oof. Elsewhere, Adele and Tom are lost, and they make a side trip to get some baked goods along with their directions. Now I’m hungry. They make it to the chocolate pit, and Adele trips and falls on her bottom complete with sound effects before even entering the pit. Oy. They play the clip again and comment on it and ADELE FALL DOWN GO BOOM IT WAS FUNNY WE GET IT. All four uncomfortably get in the pool. It goes relatively quickly as Adele/Tom/Alon sissyfoot around while Hen slips by unnoticed to fill up her team’s cup. This is seemingly a common occurrence. They opt for TV star while Moti/Pundak are repeating the Movie Star task. They are done, and it’s time for U-Turn Board, Part 2: The Reveal. But Yemenites, Bar/Inna, and Bakers haven’t even voted yet??? Lots of mugging and hugging and at the TV task, Anakiva are done. At the rink, Yemenites are done their penalty and choose to U-turn Tom/Adel. They head off to fight said team in the chocolate as we head off to commercial.
Jai Ho:
Back, and at the ice rink with the bakers. Nitzan can’t get a goal but at least he’s managing to stay upright, which can’t be said for everyone, Soccer Goalie Tom. Fifi’s struggling with the ice. Fifi starts to crying and Nitzan tells her to shut up, but she argues back that sometimes you need to cry in order to grow and get stronger. I would agree with that; crying seems to be Fifi’s way of dealing with the pain, which is normal, and we can see that Nitzan is trying hard to understand her, and she’s trying hard to understand him, and they seem to both be showing some human soul here, so hockey goalie, be nice to them. Bar is struggling more with the ice than Inna with her hockey. Finally, Nitzan strikes in two quick goals and the bakers are off ahead of Bar/Inna, finally. In other news, Nitzan’s underwear and pants are falling down, and he almost leaves the rink in his skates until Fifi tells him his shoes are sitting there. Teehee. They vote for Firass/Shira, thank you, who are now at the chocolate pool.
At the pool, Shira says the necessary “sorry, sweetie” to Adele. Firass wonders where the Yemenites are, as am I. The ladies go at it, and Tom comments that he would’ve preferred not to go up against a strong team like “Pirass and Shelly.” Lol. Firass grabs Adele, and Shira (probably in the right here) scolds him for touching her, and as Adele swims away Shira grabs her and presses her against the side even harder than her boyfriend did. Firass notes that Shira is faster and stronger than Adele, and Shira adds “and prettier.” Ugh. Lots of yelling from all sides as nobody seems to be getting anywhere. Firass tosses Adele aside. Shira goes for the chest and pulls one of Adele’s boobs out of her bra. Adele and Shira beat each other up. Tom and Firass beat each other up. Then…Firass splashes Tom, and they stop and laugh at how ridiculous they are, apologize, and have a little splash fight as their girlfriends pummel each other in the background. More homoerotic chocolate wrestling, and this is all so pointless. Shira comes over to Tom/Firass because ain’t nobody gettin between her and her man – I knew she had a little Rachel Reilly in her – and Tom screams for Adele, who now has an open cup, to start filling. She does so, and as Tom has Not Romeo and Juliet under each armpit, she finishes and Tom/Adele win this round. Adele celebrates by yelling, and Tom, by falling. They opt for TV Star, and they’re also going to need a shower.
TV Star. Hen/Alon arrive and seem to be working well together. Brothers also arrive and sing a theme song for themselves as they start the task and it’s kind of cute. Back at the rink, Bar is crying but Inna is determined to get out of last. Heroic music plays as Inna restarts her shooting. The goalie lets one slip past, but the second one goes right between his legs and they’re off. They vote for Hen/Alon, and it’s an exact repeat of last leg. Back to said kickboxer and wife, they’re at the TV star task and with a curtsy from Hen, they are done and not a moment too soon. They’re off to the U-Turn board. Anakiva beat Moti/Pundak to the board but they’re both safe.
Chocolate pool. We hear the Yemenites before we see them and is this really going to happen? Really? It seems rather gentle with Osnat trying to bury her face in Shira’s cleavage but Firass fills the cup and they’re off to movie star. At TV Star, Tom and Adele are struggling with the Hungarian language. Adele has no clue how it works, and she does an impression of a Hungarian speaker in a confessional that makes her look like she needs new batteries. Tom (and the viewing audience) go “WTF?” Back at the chocolate, it’s the ridiculously fun pairing of Yemenites and Bakers. Firass apologizes in advance to Osnat because she’s his mother’s age (and he’s probably right) but it doesn’t prevent them from beating the ladies by a hair. Bakers head off to TV star. This was a stupid task. Bakers are thinking the same as they baby-wipe the chocolate out of their nostrils.
TV Star. Brothers are going very slowly. They argue, and Alon bullies his brother through the task. They get a no. It’s Tom and Adele’s turn now and the producer seems to like Adele from the moment she enters the studio. Tom compares reading Hungarian to reading psalms, and Adele puts on her best Vanna White, and some combination of the two strategies works because they’re now done.
U-Turn board. Hen/Alon arrive, and they are U-Turned by the same four teams as last time. WTF, show? Hen is furious and I actually identify with her, because this would not and could not happen in any other version of the show. Bad move, producers. Hen wonders why their team is such a threat, is it because she’s a model? No, it’s because you can actually do the tasks and do them well. Still, I don’t like the fact that basically all the teams can gang up on one team. I hope this doesn’t happen every leg or we’re in for a long race. Hen frets all the way to the middle of the street when her partner tells her to get on the sidewalk or get hit by a car, which he’s right about. Alon wants to just do the damn Movie task and Hen is still flipping out.
Movie Star. Shira and Firass enter the studio and are enchanted. Their first attempt is a fail, and I have no idea on what criteria they’re being judged, but they get through the second time. At TV Star, Alon/Oren try it once more with feeling, and they get it this time in sixth. At the U-Turn board, Adele/Tom are not U-Turned. At TV Star, Fifi reads the news like you’d expect a baker to read the news as Nitzan is her weather-bunny. They are told to do it again. The bakers leave the studio and have a local properly pronounce the cities for them.
Chocolate pool. Osnat/Carmit feel like they can beat Bar/Inna, and locals cheer because we finally have an all chick battle, even if two of the chicks are moms. This is actually not too fun to watch since everyone is getting choked. Inna announces that she’s going to give up, classic fakeout, and she wins. I honestly don’t see why they couldn’t have struck a deal, being the last two teams, nobody’s going to have to fight anymore, but logic seems to escape this show. Bar/Inna pick TV star and Osnat/Carmit have a 15 minute penalty because nobody’s left to fight them so they chill out in the chocolate mess instead of drying off. Alon/Oren? Not U-Turned.
TV Star. Bar/Inna arrive and Bar reads, attacked by the giggles. They both double over as across the room, the bakers fail again. After their giggle attack, they try again with Bar holding her hand over her cheek so she can’t see her dopey partner, and they bow to the camera and pass the task. They pass Team Burekas and are now in seventh (technically sixth, since Hen/Alon have yet to do the movie star task). Bakers try again, and they fail again. I think it’s Fifi’s stale-bread delivery. She announces she’s at her breaking point. They argue and lead us to commercial.
U-Turn board. Bar/Inna are safe. Yemenites choose movie star, and Carmit breaks down in her cab. This has been a super crappy day for these guys, what with the hockey fail and the chocolate fail. Osnat massages her partner and then manages to get her to chuckle, and even though they’re last, they might not yet be out as Alon/Hen need to do the task as well and the Bakers are off arguing somewhere. Hen feels depressed as they enter the movie studio and she’s crying for obvious reasons. Alon tries hard but Hen is out of gas. They get a “one more time please.” Hen tries again but fails. And here come the Yemenites! This task shows them a little love as they get a pass and officially knock the kickboxer and wife down and are not U-turned. For a team that really had bad luck and sucky performances, they managed to leap frog over two other teams in a matter of minutes, so power to them for not giving up. The TV star asks Hen why she’s crying and she says it’s not him. It’s just that the world hates her.
And with that, we end this episode with seven teams off to an unknown task, Hen/Alon at Movie Star, and the bakers at TV Star. Not a lot of placement shuffling in this ep, other than Alon/Hen going to the back of the pack with a rebound inevitable, and Firass/Shira teetering on the top tier.
On Tuesday: A bar mitzvah! Teams teach locals Hebrew. Anael screams for Shushi. Large ice blocks. Someone gets eliminated.
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Is anyone reading these?
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