Racing Report
Edit: Peach I didn't know if you wanted me to put this by itself are just to start posting them on one thread, let me know.
Amazing Race
Season 16, Episode 5
Title: “I think we’re fighting the Germans, right?”, stated by Michael under fire.
Date: 12/05/09
Provided Funds: $20.00 (from Jet)
During the Pit Stop teams are bused from Hamburg, to the Chateau des Monthairons, in France.
During the bus ride, Joe comments on his leg, saying it’s slowing him down a little, but even so, he isn’t being hindered imagine how they would do with two .
Louie & Michael are not impressed at Joe’s attitude and find him cocky. On this, I might give Joe a pass as teams are often told (for interviews) to talk about how they are going to do well. Or it could simply be his way of building up the moral of his team.
Quote
Heidi: We’ll even with the bad leg, we’ve been placing in the top 3, these last couple legs.”
Well that would be a big Ol’ honking, Wrong! You placed 4th and 3rd in the last two legs. If I might make a suggestion, stick to the physical challenges if this is an indicator of your basic reasoning skills.
Teams are releases the morning of the 5th at the Chateau in the following Order:
Louie & Michael 9:35am
Steve & Allie 955am
Joe & Heidi 10:11am
Jet & Cord 10:36am
Carol & Brandy 10:44am
Dan & Jordan 10:57am
Brent & Caite 11:36
Jordan & Jeff 12:17
Route Info: Drive yourself to the town of Sainte-Menehould
Phil: Teams must now drive themselves to the town of Sainte-Menehould find Boulangerie Defontaine and buy a fresh baggette to receive their next clue.
Note: This is roughly 38 kilometers
Louie & Michael (who are lost, known by the fact they must turn around after getting directions) get directions from a postal worker. This is a very good idea (unless the French also have problems with them going Postal!)
When Dan & Jordan get to their Mercedes and discover that it is an automatic they jump up and down and squeal with girlish delight. Rarely do you see racers this happy who haven’t been told by Phil that you are Team (pause) #1; or 28 days, 5 continents and more then 45,000 mile you are the official winners of the Amazing Race.
In a scene between Steve & Allie, I believe Steve is testing his daughter so that he can find out what a baggette is (my Dad would do this to me all the damn time!).
Teams arrive at the Bakery and receive their baggette in the following order:
Louie & Michael (takes them ripping open the baggette before discovering the clue
Steve & Allie
Joe & Heidi (who are feet behind Steve & Allie)
Jet & Cord (Jet: Five bunks says it’s inside. I hope Cord didn’t take it.
Dan & Jordan (arrive at the bakery feet behind Carol & Brandy but apparently get the baggette before them)
Carol & Brandy (arrive probably a minute behind Jet & Cord).
Brent & Caite or as I like to call them the stupid Ray & Yolanda
Jordan & Jeff (who are further behind the lead team then Joe & Bill were behind Charla & Mirna in All Stars, they are having difficulties in navigation as well).
The Clue is rolled up tight inside the baggette. It reads Find La Main de Massiges
Note: When you arrive, Park your car in the designated area.
In an apparent move to make sure teams are hungry and eat their baggette, teams were not feed during the Pit Stop (is this first?).
Teams must drive themselves roughly 17 kilometers to the town of Massiges and find the next route marker.
Actual Clue:
Detour: In the Trenches or Under Fire
In the Trenches: Working together, translate a message using Morse code. Once the full message is translated, help attach it to a carrier pigeon-release the pigeon to receive you next clue.
Note: There are five translation stations. First come, first served.
Under Fire: Crawl across the battlefield to retrieve a message from the machine gun nest. Bring the message back and help attach it to a carrier pigeon-release the pigeon to receive your next clue.
Caution! U-Turn Ahead!
PhilAt the height of World War I, this strategic hill coveted by the Germans and fiercely defended by the French (No seriously, they fought like bastards in that World War I) was the site of intense fighting. Now dressed as American Dough Boys teams will join their french brothers on the front line of this historic conflict and carefully pick their own battle. The choice: In the trenches or Under Fire!
In, In the trenches, teams must clammer down in a World War I trench and choose one of these communication area. Then with the battle ranging around them and with only a field manual for reference they must translate a message being sent to them in Morse code.
In Under Fire teams get down on their bellies in a muddy field, booby trapped with barbed wire and must then crawl 100 yards to the machine gun nest. While the battle rages teams must receive a message from a french soldier and crawl back to safety.
In both cases teams will attach their messages to a homing pigeon who will deliver the news to headquarter that the war is over.
All teams choose Under Fire.
All teams must go into tents and change into period uniforms, before walking down a marked path to the combat area.
May I just say I am not the biggest fan of the “staged” tasks that have been more in use since season 12. But this one, this one is exceptionally will done.
QUOTE
Brent: Oh baby, look! Their up in some kind of flying...thing....
Note: It’s called a plane. Seriously a plane. IDIOTS
Teams arrive at the route marker in the following order:
Louie & Michael
Steve & Allie
Joe & Heidi (who are now traveling and working together)
Dan & Jordan (though it appears they followed Carol & BRandy driving on over)
Carol & Brandy
Jet & Cord
Brent & Caite
QUOTE
Dan: Should we pretend the enemies behind us and walk a little faster...
Jordan (in shock that his brother would suggest actually moving quicker)..) I will if you will.
Note: IDIOTS!!! The enemy is behind you, this is a competition not a Sunday stroll.
QUOTE
Carol: God, this frigging sucks (on having to walk, to the Detour).
and in comparison
Dan: This is gonna be awesome!!
Teams make the trek to the battle site and start the detour in the following order:
Louie & Michael (at this point Jordan & Jeff are being released from the Pit Stop)
Steve & Allie
Joe & Heidi
Dan & Jordan
Jet & Cord (who is the first team to actually seem to grasp that you should be running all the time).
Carol & Brandy
Brent & Caite
QUOTES
Dan (after arguing with Jordan after he wanted to quit running): Do you think this is funny..
Jordan: I am having so much fun right now (grinning ear to ear)
Dan (laughing as he shoves his brother): Your such a tool.
Michael (at the start of the detour): Here we are. Are you ready?
Louie: Cough, Cough, Hack (he hasn’t even started yet)
Michael: I hate the smell of Sulfur in the morning.
Allie: I think that’s the Red Baron (at the tri plane, and at least she gets the right World War)
Michael: This is the coolest
Jordan: Damn, Stop shooting at us. We’re Innocent.. I don’t understand why..
Dan: They’re Nazi’s (Educators all over America are having fits...)
Jordan (Stopping with a soldier): You Ok sir? Just checking on my fellow soldier.
Dan (laughing): I’m going to kill you if you don’t shut up.
Note: Jordan doesn’t seem to shut up, ever. But I have to say that I always feel that these two really, really like each other.
Dan: Yeah that was dangerously Close (in complaints about an explosion)
and
Cord: It was pretty real...for a Detour.
Brandy (who has been bitching and moaning all during the detour) Smart people do Morse Code, Dumb people do this...(on reflection of seeing Brent & Caite) More Stupid People!!!!
Caite: Those mean Lesbians!
Note: Most teams find the tasks really cool, even if a little scary.
Teams complete the detour in the following order:
Louie & Michael (call an ambulance Louie is almost dead!)
Steve & Allie
Joe & Heidi
Dan & Jordan
Jet & Cord
Carol & Bitchy
Brent & Caite
Route Info: Head South down the Road (which is marked North and South) to receive your next clue.
Blind U-Turn: Teams can use a U-Turn to slow down another team forcing them to perform the other side of the Detour, and because it’s a Blind U-Turn the team that uses it can remain anonymous.
Teams head South on the road (Lord!) and reach the next route marker, a U-Turn in the following order:
Louie & Michael (Who waste no time in using the U-Turn on Joe, well Heidi too, but mainly on Joe)
Steve & Allie
Joe & Heidi (who must head back to do In the Trenches and now are only ahead of Jordan & Jeff)
Dan & Jordan
Jet & Cord
Carol & Brandy
QUOTE
Michael: This is a cutthroat game for a million dollars. I didn’t come here to make friends, I came with a friend, I’m gonna leave here with a friends.
Note: While I certainly don’t blame racers for using any and all tools of the race. I think the use of devices for racers to harm the chances of other teams has dirtied the race. I can’t express how much I dislike those type of stunts. Reality shows are often seen as manipulative garbage, and one of the great things is that TAR is viewed by many as the shining example of how not to be manipulate and trash. To include such gimmicks is just sad.
QUOTE
Steve: Someone got you. Somebody got you (meaning U-Turned Joe & Heidi).
Note: You know your second how hard is it to figure out that it’s Michael & Louie.
Route Info: About Face! March yourselves into town, once there find the church of Massiges.
Jordan: This is not my cup of tea. I don’t like guns, I like Swords (Oh honey we know you do!!)
On the march to the church Jet & Cord run past Dan & Jordan who don’t seem to thing this is a big deal at all. Eric & Jeremy are at home watching this and their heads explode. RRRRRUUUUUUNNNNNNNN!!!!!!!!!! It’s a RRAAACCCCCEEEEEEE!!!
Teams arrive at the Church de Messiges in the following order:
Louie & Michael
Steve & Allie
Jet & Cord
Dan & Jordan
Carol & Brandy
Brent & Caite
Phil: With the war behind them, teams will peddle themselves to victory. Inspired by (Great job Gator!) 1903’s inaugural Tour de France teams will wear traditional riding gear (& moustaches) and ride antique bicycles built more then 100 years ago (look something older then G-Man) through a challenging 4 mile course to the Pit Stop outside the city hall of Wargemoulin. The last team to arrive will be absolutely safe (oops spoiler!)
Teams complete the trek on the bikes and are greeting by a band as they check into the Pit Stop in the following order:
Louie & Michael who each win a 55inch HDTV (of which TAR is still not shot on!!)
Steve & Allie
Jet & Cord
Dan & Jordan (Oh and Weavers making fun of yourself as Lance Armstrong is ok, making fun of locals is tactless, just a little hint)
At this point Jordan and Jeff arrive at the detour location and discover a Speedbump (and ok, look at Jeff’s reaction to their picture!!).
Phil: Having been spared elimination at the end of the last leg, Jordan and Jeff have now hit a Speedbump, an extra tasks that only they must complete.
Dug out of muddy fields, these subterranean shelters were the soldiers only safe haven (I wouldn’t go that far I ‘ve read about trench war fair, doesn’t sound that safe) during World War I. In this Speedbump Jordan & Jeff must reinforce a section of the trench wall, using these branches. When the army engineer is satisfied that the team has properly shored up the walls of the trench they’ll be able to continue on the race.
QUOTE
Jordan (on the way to the Trenches): My Shoes are too big. My hat is too big. My Brain is too small...... WHINNNNNEEEERRRRRR
Flo go kick her ass!
Jeff is so frustrated with her, that he puts the barrel of the rifle in his mouth. Hell even Zack would want to kill her!
Back at the PIt Stop
Brent & Caite arrive all smiles...
Phil: You are team #6, but....
Brent & Caite are missing a clue as they didn’t follow the marked south path (they used his compass, so far people’s compasses are zero and two) and by passed the U-Turn Route Marker and just stumbled upon the Church and it’s route marker.
They must bike back 4 miles to the church, drop off the bikes, walk back down the path and find the U-Turn, then make their way back.
Note: This is typically a huge mistake that can cost a team the race. But two other teams happen to be buried so deep that they will be fine, and do manage to do all this and return to the mat still in sixth place.
Joe & Heidi have now been trying for hours to solve the Morse code side of the Detour, as Jordan and Jeff successfully complete the Speedbump and choose Under Fire for their detour choice.
Even under all this pressure Jordan whines and complains about doing the detour and makes little progress.
QUOTE
Jeff (To try and help her crawling): Put your boobs on the ground and drag em on over here.
Eric goes, WTF. I tell Dani to use her Boobs and the internet screams for my death! This idiot from Big Brother does it and no one says damn word!
Eventually, Jordan and Jeff break their message to the pigeon and release the pigeon. As they receive their next clue.
Jeff: Is the war over because of this message or because it took us so long to get over here.
Joe & Heidi are still attempting the other side of the detour but once they see Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dum finish they know its pretty much over but the crying.
Jordan & Jeff make their way to the U-Turn and finally realize why Joe & Heidi are still there at the detour. They then make their way to the church, change and ride to the Pit Stop.
Trying to end on a positive note.
Jeff: Come on Jordan let’s finish strong! Come on Paddle!
Jordan: I’am Paddling.
Note: Paddling!!!! WTF!!! Major, major idiots. I would say their 15 minutes of fame is up, by Jordan doesn’t know how to tell time.
They are the 7th and final team to arrive at the Pit Stop. They live to see another leg.
As the sunsets Phil heads down the trench to eliminate Joe & Heidi (who per interviews say they tried for 6 hours). Phil informs them that the correct code was “We will prevail Viva la france.
Notes
This is the 6th leg of the Amazing Race that features no form of equalizers.
This makes it look like people like Louie & Michael and Steve and Allie did great.
But did they?
With departure times (from leg 6 now out) and the departure times given. This is the order of how teams actually performed this leg (in the time it took them to complete).
Dan & Jordan in 9 hours and 20 minutes (who would have thought)
Jet & Cord in 9 hours and 37 minutes
Carol & Brandy in 10 hours and 5 minutes
Steve & Allie in 10 hours and 9 minutes
Jordan & Jeff in 10 hours and 11 minutes
Louie & Michael and Brent & Caite in 10 hours and 12 minutes
Of course Joe & Heidi would be last, by hours and hours.
But I hate to see a team get first, when they did terrible. Absolutely terrible. Jordan and Jeff actually performed the leg (and with a Speedbump and being hopelessly stupid) better then Louie & Michael....... Brent & Caite had to bike 8 extra miles and walk an extra bit (and deal with each other being as smart as a stump) and they finished in the same amount of time.
Absolutely shocking.
