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The Amazing Race International Versions => The Amazing Race: International Versions => Topic started by: Jai Ho on October 29, 2011, 09:27:25 PM

Title: Hamerotz Lamillion 2: The Recaps
Post by: Jai Ho on October 29, 2011, 09:27:25 PM
Hey there! I'm a newbie to the board, and I'm a lifelong TAR fan. I've been reading TAR recaps on TWOP since they started, and have seen the majority of English speaking TAR episodes (USA/Australia/Asia/China Rush) and about half the Latin American ones, and all the Hebrew ones. I am pretty proficient in both Spanish and Hebrew, I love to write, and I figured that it might be time for some TAR Israel recaps, since I find the show hilarious and I want to share the hilarity with the non-Hebrew speakers. I'm currently working on a recap of Episode 1 of season 2 and I hope you'll enjoy them. I'm also known for giving up on projects, but hopefully I get some  :hrt: here and some laffos to encourage me to keep on doing this. If you don't like it, well... :lala ...just kidding, let me know how you feel  :)

Here goes nothing...
Title: Re: Hamerotz Lamillion 2: The Recaps
Post by: Jai Ho on October 29, 2011, 09:29:22 PM
Recap: Episode 1, HMLM 2 (TAR Israel 2)
Sunrise! Aerial  shots! David’s Tower! Jerusalem! Bus! Dome of the Rock!

And we have a new host this season, Ron Shahar. Seems to be more Phil-like than Raz Meirman, slightly less cute. He’s standing atop a tower in Jerusalem, even though we’ll actually be starting in the awesomely-colorful Teddy Stadium in Tel Aviv. Huh?

Anyway, 11 teams, 1 million shekel (like 250,000 dollars), the world…but wait! New twist! Last team to make it to the airport won’t be on the plane. Israel, get ready to meet Eric and Lisa 2.0.

Teams arrive at Teddy and de-bus.

First team: Alon and Oren. Brothers, one’s a lawyer and one’s a CEO. Oren appears to be the one with the glasses and Alon the leather jacketed slacker (I believe). They are very close and kind of look like Baldwin brothers. They like to argue, as they demonstrate for us in a shouting match which I fear we’ll be seeing a lot of, and Leather calls Lawyer insane, who argues that he is well-balanced. Leather (who refers to lawyer as Oren, and so it shall be) is gay, and compares himself to their mother who apparently is a “nuclear disaster” who calls people in supermarkets homos for fun. Let’s see how that pans out for you on the race, guys. Alon argues that all gays cheat at checkers. Looks like they’ll be a scream. Then they play racquetball, talk about how different they are and that it completes them and will help them win the race. They say that no matter what happens, they’ll always be brothers, but they may or may not speak after the race depending on how well they do.

Next up: Tom and Adele. He’s a soccer goalie, and she…apparently just finished high school with a degree in waving pom poms and wearing circle skirts. I don’t think they make an A-level for that. He scores a goal, and she apparently is more interested in talking on the phone. They met through Facebook because Tom liked Adele’s (jailbait) bikini pix. They’re dating (sigh) and bicker a little (sigh) but seem kind of cute and relatively palatable. She’s American and he makes fun of her. He calls her hard to restrain and a baby, she calls him a baby, and I can see this is going to end well.

Next off the bus: Anael and Akiva, a religious married couple from Tirat Yehuda. They talk about religion, he wraps himself in tefillin and she reads from a bible and casually waves to her. She talks about modesty and that she won’t be in a bikini. Wow, shocking news, that. He talks about how pretty she is, and she’s actually quite pretty, possibly even prettier than most of this season’s girls. Then we see them on a picnic which is so obviously staged, he picks her a flower and she smells it and it’s wonderful and they share food and say blessings and are generally borderline cute/robotic for the next few minutes. I don’t want to like them, but I kind of want to think they’re cute in an underdog sort of way. Let’s see how long they last.

Next up is our first chick team: Tal and Mor, a mother and daughter who are neon colored and loud and jump off the bus simultaneously without falling or bumping into each other. Tal’s a fitness instructor with six pack abs and breasts that look like they belong on a competitor on the East German Olympic team and an accent to match. Mama pretty much dominates the confessional and Mor talks about how hot her mother is, and we see Tal leading a fitness class, the kind that makes everyone uncomfortable. You can tell that Tal is all natural, but in a manlike-sorta way. Tal says her doctor believes she’s reversing evolution or something, and yeah, she looks pretty beastly so we’ll go with that.

Our next team is Hen and Alon, kickboxing instructor and model, married 1 year. They seem like a combo of goofball and airhead, and I’m not sure what to make of them Hen says she initially thought he was short and insecure, but Alon insists that good things come in small packages, and the word “package” makes Hen laugh because she’s a fourteen year old girl in a lime green bikini. They clean and iron and make fun of each other and apparently Hen has eyes in the back of her head because she tells Alon to stop making faces at her.

Next up are Osnat and Carmit aka Kibbutz Ladies 2.0 hopefully with less stomach infections. From Kiryat Ayin (where else?) they’re loud, proud, and pretty much kick ass in their confessional, rocking out in traditional Yemenite costumes and doing the dancing around a fire and all that jazz. Osnat (the non-gray-haired one) does the “ai-yi-yi” thing, and Carmit wants to go to India but not Japan because of nuclear reactors (?). They ramble on and it’s adorable and are seen doing a powerwalk and watering plants.

After this, we have Bar and Inna. Bar is the one with the Russell Hantz hat, and she’s a painter. Inna is the Paris Hilton looking one who plays with a dog while Bar sketches. They may or may not be lesbians but they’re pretty damn well on their way what with the hugginess.

Firass and Shira are next, and they’re from Nazareth in the north of Israel. He’s Muslim, she’s Jewish, gasp! They’re just like Romeo and Juliet! They are seen sharing a falafel in an utterly cute way and romping around Nazareth to the tune of Mandy Moore’s “In My Pocket”. They are friends because of their brothers. Shira says Firass would be perfect, alas he’s not of her species, er…religion. They seem fun, but we’ve got 2 more teams to go, so we’ll leave them to their falafel.

Moti and Pundak are next and you can already tell that they’re the Shay and Guy of this season. They come from Petach Tikva. Moti is a DJ and he introduces himself and his partner and describes his partner as the dumb one. Homoerotic vibes flare as they sit next to each other and play around on Facebook (really, producers? That’s the one activity you could have them do?) and Moti comments on Idan’s nose which is quite large. Moti says if Pundak was a girl, he’d sleep with him. So they’re metrosexual. Nonetheless, they talk about gingers and practice shooting each other’s faces blah blah alpha males, next.

Next up are probably the most interesting and the most doomed pairing, Nitzan and Fifi. Not surprisingly, Fifi is the girl, and rather cute at that. Nitzan does a cute little dance as Fifi jumps on his back as they disembark the bus. They have an interesting relationship I don’t think the show has ever seen: boss and employee. Fifi comes from a family of bakers, and Nitzan’s been working in Fifi’s bakery making burekas and rugelach and wants to show her that he’s more than just an employee. They then are seen playing around a swimming pool. Fifi talks about being more than a blonde, just like Hadas and Inbal from season one (that worked out pretty well for them, hope Fifi brought a makeup mirror to smash in leg 1) but I’m distracted by big ole Nitzan floating the background before he hilariously upstages Fifi by falling off the little raft into the water. Team Burekas affirms its place on my love list when Nitzan announces he’ll put the other teams into a pita. Heh.

Final team: a Bettie Page-looking chick named Alona and her drummer from Gadi. They sing “I’ll Stand By You” and it sounds horrible. Gadi knocks over the drum set and they horse around to Elvis songs. Alona wants Gadi but she’s super young and he’s got a wife and kids. They’re kinda cute but not really athletic, kind of like remnants of the fifties.

Teams enter the stadium, gladiator style, in no particular order. Tom, Adele, Hen, and Alon (the kickboxing one) delusionally wave to imaginary fans. Tal and Mor dance around like idiots. Let’s start already.

Teams line up in a semicircle, and Not Raz explains the rules, including the new twist. Gasps all around. One million shekels, let’s all clap, and in a rare, possibly rule-breaking move, Anael wishes good look to the nearest team who happen to be the brothers, who respond kindly. And…they’re off!

Awesome theme song and opening credits. Israeli editors, you’ve won my Emmy.
Title: Re: Hamerotz Lamillion 2: The Recaps
Post by: Jai Ho on October 29, 2011, 09:35:52 PM
Ep 1, Part 2:

And we’re back, and the first twist of the game – their cars are way up in the air on tractors. Holy ****. They have to untie a rope, get the key, climb a ladder, key into the car, turn it on, and then be lowered to the ground and receive their next clue. Maybe Fifi should have borrowed Hadas and Inbal’s mirror after all.

As teams are running, Anael over-comments about the twelfth team, “stress and pressure.” You’ve been on the race for all of ten seconds. Teams freak out at the tanks but start untying. We focus on three teams in particular: Anael and Akiva who talk about how difficult it is but seem to be doing well; Tom and Adele who have no clue what they’re doing; and the brothers who are bickering and saying something about everyone being brothers with Alon in charge. But it’s Anael and Akiva who get their key first along with ear-splitting shrieking from Anael. They celebrate and Anael comments how people see religious people as smart but not athletic. Kind of true, but trite. They start to climb up, and Anael is scared. Jewess Shira takes a break from untying the rope to remark to Muslim Firass that “the religious chick is climbing in her skirt like she’s climbing the Kotel (Western Wall).” Tee hee. Tom and Adele are finished and start to climb. Jazz plays, so that must mean Bettie Page and Partner get some screen time and indeed they do and aren’t doing too well. Alona blathers about travel agencies and the bourgeoisie, but they get it untied magically. Alona’s having trouble climbing though.

Brothers are also climbing, and it appears Adele and her spindly legs get to the top before anyone else, but brothers and Anakiva aren’t far behind. The brothers get in the car and are the first to get lowered, and Adele screams at Tom and laughs at him for being scared of standing that high up. Um, I’d be scared too. Then Adele freaks out as Tom almost puts the car into gear. I really hope that no teams actually do that, or else this may be a shorter race than the producers intended.

Brothers get the clue first and it’s a route info task. Ron explains that the teams must drive to a wheat field in Rukhama at Nahal Shikma, where they will be greeted by an Israeli choir in full choir attire singing oom-pah-pah. Each car has a clue locked in a plexiglass cage on the dashboard and to elucidate further, teams will need to figure out that the songs the choir is singing correspond to three colors of the country’s flag to which they are going (red, white, and green, although this may not be necessary as we will see). Then they have to go to another field, search for the correct colored balls with a number code to unlock the cage to get the clue to their next country. I’m guessing it’s either Hungary or Italy. Damn, and they haven’t even seen the inside of an airport yet.

Back in the race, Alon and Oren are team number 1 and Oren jokes about coming out of the reality TV closet. Back at the cranes, Tom and Adele get lowered while Alona swings aimlessly nearby and Tom comments on the fatty swinging on the rope. Hey Tom, that’s only funny when you do it to your own partner; see TAR USA, Season 1, Leg 1, Kevin and Drew (swing you fat bastard!) Anakiva beat Tom and Adele to the ground and get the clue in second. They quickly get on brainfarting down the road as Anael wonders what the clue means by “cage” (maybe she didn’t notice the big ole box on the dash) and Tom and Adele have a funny exchange where neither of them have a clue what “south to the Negev” means and Tom tells Adele to slow down (re: stop yelling) and she repeats the clue very slowly as if he’s retarded and it’s pretty funny. But then it devolves into utter stupidity as Tom argues about the tone of Adele’s reading skills. Oh dear. And we’re only like ten minutes into the race. This is going to be a long one, folks.

Back at the cranes, Tal and Mor get their key with much screaming and the Yemenites get theirs with less celebration. Carmit comments on the buff chicks and on Mama Tal’s body and Alona and Gadi concur. Kickboxer seems to be draping the draping the rope around his wife’s neck. Pundak and Moti, Bakers, and Firass/Shira are untied and climbing now. Pundak takes a tumble off the rope and Shira channels her inner Cruella De Vil encouraging him to fall. What a ray of sunshine, that Shira.

On the road, Tom and Adele spot the sign for Rukhama and Tom sings to drown out Adele’s yammering. They are following a car who turns out to be the brothers. They agree to look for the wheat field together.

Nitzan yells at Fifi to hurry up on the ladder. Carmit gets onto her platform. Mom/Daughter and Not Romeo and Juliet are being lowered and in an odd montage, all of these teams plus Alon/Hen and the dudes get on the road. Shira thinks that since her boyfriend is Arab he knows all the Arab towns around Nahal Shikma. Cut to said Arab boyfriend in the backseat, rolling his eyes. Teehee. They play some kind of stupid car game where FIrass lauds Shira zzzzzzzzz. In Team Burekas’s car, Fifi is freaking out once again about her worst nightmare, driving through Arab villages, and Nitzan offers to drive. She declines.

Bar and Inna appear to be the only team still doing the ropes and Inna is doing some sort of pointless arm-binding. Alona and Gadi are still on the ladders and it’s not looking good for them. Alona says she’s seizing up. Bar and Inna shimmy up the ladders and the Yemenites (who apparently didn’t leave in the big montage earlier, much to my surprise) get lowered and comment that Cleopatra (Alona) is having problems. Oy vey, no love for Alona. On the road, Carmit comments that she’s going to drive like a bandit, and Anakiva are singing like they’re at Jewish day camp. Akiva spots the green tractor which marks the clue and Anael concurs and they bounce

Brothers and Tom/Adele see flags, park, and run to the clue, whereas Anakiva appear to park right there.

Brothers get the clue first, rip and read. Ron explains the clue and Oren commands the choir to start singing and on cue, they start. Anakiva get the clue and she comments on how cute they all look in white and compares it to Shavuot (as you do). For reference, I understand the songs but as a non-Israeli, have no clue about their connection to color. So I would not be leaving the country. Let’s hope these guys know something I don’t.

The first lyric is about the ground, and Tom assumes brown (nope!) and then blue, for the sky and the Israeli flag, Adele adds (wrong!) Anael and Akiva are rockin’ out, oddly enough, and Oren demands quiet – and it pays off, since he gets the first color, which is red, due to a lyric about Mt. Gilboa, which has a red top, apparently. Either way, he gets a “correct.” Alon comments that it could be just about anything that it could be anything and Oren shushes him so Adele and Tom won’t hear them, and of course they hear him and get the red clue.

Elsewhere, the Yemenite ladies disturb some old guys in a park and guilt trip them into helping them (we’re in a race and we’re old ladies!) Inna and Bar are in the middle of nowhere and happen on an abandoned guardpost which frankly looks megasketchy but Inna insists Bar get out and ask someone. There is nobody around. I can see this strategy working well, especially with the ominous music starting to play. For whatever reason, Bar gets out, and for some odd reason, Inna backs the car up STRAIGHT INTO HER PARTNER AND RUNS HER FOOT OVER. 0 for 2, Inna, 0 for 2. Lots of screaming and the camera pans to Bar lying on the ground. Inna screams and Bar tells her to relax, then the pain kicks in and Bar very gracefully cries. If this were China Rush, there’s be a lot of bleeping right now. Inna pops out of the driver’s seat and three men (probably one of them a cameraman/producer) have magically appeared to comfort Bar and asks what happened. Um, didn’t you feel the clunk of your partner being run over, hear the screaming, and see the chick on the ground? DO THE MATH. Bar must be okay, because we see her in a confessional looking alive and well and Inna comments that she got the chills and was stressed out. But enough about me, how’s your severed foot, partner? Inna continues to talk about herself as Bar hauls herself back up and into the car. If I were her I wouldn’t get back into the backseat, but maybe I would if I couldn’t move my foot to the gas. Bar graciously forgives Inna and they get back in the race. Sheesh.

Back at the cranes (hopefully for the final time) Alona finally gets up to the platform and comments that it was like seeing angels at the top of Jacob’s Ladder. I’m beginning to think Alona might see other imaginary creatures too. Gadi is proud of her anyway as she freaks out all the way to the ground and they get the clue in last place. In their car, Alona points out her jungle tights and comments on the fashion choices of the mom and daughter, which are suddenly very important to her. Speaking of mom and daughter, here they are getting out of their car. Tal’s butt hurts. For some reason, I’m not surprised since it’s probably all bone and tissue. Mor voiceovers that her mom is not a dominatrix and then says some sort of analogy I’m not familiar with which concludes with them getting into the car, Mom giving a motivational speech, Mor whining, and Mom calling her daughter a Barbie. That’s right, kick her while she’s down, Mother of the Year. Elsewhere, Nitzan and Fifi are stopped, lost, and silent.


That took me about five hours (no lie) so I need a break. Back later with more - leave a comment if you like :) Also, if anyone has any creative team names so I can stop typing full names, post them.

Mine so far:
Anael/Akiva: Anakiva
Alon/Oren: Brothers, Lawyer and Leather
Alon/Hen: Kickboxer and Wife (lame I know)
Osnat/Carmit: Yemenites
Bar/Inna: nothing yet!
Firass/Shira: Romeo/Juliet (lame I know)
Tal/Mor: Mom/Daughter (lame I know)
Gadi/Alona: Bettie Page and Pinocchio
Nitzan/Fifi: Bakers, Team Burekas
Pundak/Moti: the Dudes (lame I know)
Tom/Adele: nothing yet!
Title: Re: Hamerotz Lamillion 2: The Recaps
Post by: georgiapeach on October 30, 2011, 01:23:29 AM

 :bigwelcome to RFF !! I haven't watched because I find it so frustrating to not be able to understand, but your help will inspire me to watch now!!

Title: Re: Hamerotz Lamillion 2: The Recaps
Post by: Jai Ho on October 30, 2011, 03:12:36 AM
Thanks, georgiapeach! I've been reading this forum for years and only registered today. I don't, unfortunately, have oodles of time to be active in other parts of the forum and lurk all day, but if someone has a question about TARI that I might be able to answer, send them over to me and I could help.

By the way, I currently live in Missouri City, Texas, USA of all places.
Title: Re: Hamerotz Lamillion 2: The Recaps
Post by: Prophet on October 30, 2011, 12:35:05 PM
:welcome2: to RFF, Jai Ho! These recaps are great!
Title: Re: Hamerotz Lamillion 2: The Recaps
Post by: TexasLady on October 30, 2011, 12:48:43 PM
Welcome Jai Ho, thanks for the wonderful recaps, and thanks for joining and sharing your expertise with us!

Title: Re: Hamerotz Lamillion 2: The Recaps
Post by: Jai Ho on October 30, 2011, 01:05:11 PM

thank you Prophet and TexasLady!

Did you find anything particularly funny?

Do you have any other team nickname suggestions?
Title: Re: Hamerotz Lamillion 2: The Recaps
Post by: Jai Ho on October 30, 2011, 02:38:00 PM
Part 3 (only took about an hour and a half!)

Brothers ask Anakiva to partner up and Tom gets in on the action too. Lawyer flaps his arms around and doesn’t get it even though he’s probably the smartest one there, but then approaches Adele and together they figure out the lyric “white butterflies” (ding!) and Alon kisses Adele. Oren then voices over that he and Adele (of all people, who’d have thought?) decided to start singing the rest of the songs out loud, and that helped, and sure enough, he and Adele inter-team and come up with “green night shirt” (ding ding ding) and there is much celebration. Anael praises Allah in what I hope is a joke and tfu tfu tfu’s that she and her partner have this much understanding through the rest of the race as they drive to the balls, whereas brothers and Tom and Adele head out on foot. Anakiva is the first to the field and Anael wards off the evil eye as she starts to look. Not all the balls have numbers. Anael finds a 5, but it’s pink. Zees ees going to take a vile.


Bar/Inna and Moti/Pundak arrive at the tractor and the girls get out to investigate. Bar is, for some reason, in the driver’s seat of the tractor. Well, that’s one way to exact revenge on your teammate. Inna and Moti are now climbing all over the tractor searching for a clue. We now get a segment called “Let’s Watch Inna’s Ass” with special commentary by Moti. Overcompensating, much? A car passes and with the Indian shouting, it’s clearly the ladies. I love it when we can just hear a team go past and identify them without even seeing a strand of hair. Not wanting to lose to two cartoon characters, the youngsters pop back in their cars; Osnat comments that the kids are eating “Yemenite dust” which is true in this case, and the ladies indeed beat them to the clue box. Of course, the ladies are dancing, the dudes are ogling Inna, and Bar is confused, as she relates in a confessional. I hear ya, sister. Inna suggests that it’s a Lior Narkis song, and since Narkis is daffodil in Hebrew, maybe yellow is a color. Nice complex thinking, but a little too far for this one.

Kickboxer and wife emerge at the scene and shake some booty, and the wife must have some modicum of fame because Pundak immediately recognizes her and refers to her by her full name. He and Moti then ask “what’s a fox like her doing with a Popeye like him” and though I’m wondering the same thing, just shut up and race. The dudes then come up with a green tree (?) and the white butterflies clue and then bail on the task in hopes of improvising at the ball field, and therein lies the fail-factor of the challenge planning. I knew some team would find a loophole.

Ball field. Anael finds a green as dudes arrive. Anakiva then find all the balls and start decoding, and get confused over whether it’s a 9 or a 6 on the green ball – I saw that coming in the preview, which showed the combo (367) hey producers, throw them a bone by at least underlining the six? Bastards. They get it anyway and get the clue. Akiva opens it, gets the tickets (itinerary?) and reveals that location number one is Budapest, Hungary. CALLED IT. Ron then introduces us to the airport and Budapest and recaps the whole “only ten teams will make it” dealio. Anakiva celebrates their win by singing, of course, which they apparently didn’t get enough of in the task, and they praise God once again, as you do.

Still on the road: Not Romeo and Juliet, Tal/Mor, and Bettie who calls her partner an alligator instead of a navigator. Tom/Adele and Bros head to the ball field. Osnat comes up with white night (?) and struggle to find the next color. Apparently, the brothers have gone in a circle because now they’re back at the singers and see the other teams working on the colors still. Alon spots the Yemenites sitting on the ground and call them over to their car. The ladies get in and the brothers give them the green clue. Alon kisses Osnat who practically molests both of them and they merrily head off to the ball field together. The brothers confessionalize that they are interested in helping out the “weaker” teams, a classic strategy which we don’t see too much of. Tom/Adele, bros, and Yemenites get to the field. Tom and Carmit find reds. And here come the dudes, who have a “genius” strategy of playing dumb so that “idiot” Tom will reveal their missing color. Or they could just ask. They think they’re so clever. I’m so over you already. Both teams find all the balls and head to their cars. Tom and Adele are now arguing about whether it’s a 7 or a 1 and MY GOD JUST OPEN THE DAMN CAGE BEFORE THE DOUCHEBAGS. They get it eventually and both teams head to Ben Gurion airport.

Speaking of the airport, here we are. Planes, Ron, driving, and congrats Anakiva, you’re team number one and they shriek. Anael interviews that it wasn’t easy but they’re here and they can’t believe it. Just get on the damn first flight.

Back on the road, Bettie Page proposes marriage to Gadi. Of course, this is exactly what you should be thinking about when you’re in last on Leg 1. Facepalm. And they are totally lost, finding a blue tractor and some Bedouins smoking hookahs. Nitzan and Fifi? Also lost.
At the choir, Bar and Inna notice the clothing colors (like I did) and head out as the choir laughs at them. As they drive away, they figure out the green shirt lyric and guess that it’s either red or orange as the last color, and Hen, back at the choir, figures out the white butterflies and they go. Both teams appear at the ball field and the brothers notice they’ve arrived and get disappointed in their luck as Inna immediately finds a red ball and Alon/Hen magically find all the balls within seconds and run back to their car and head out. The brothers bicker as Carmit finds the red ball for her team and stuffs it in her bra and the ladies decide to repay and help the brothers look for their balls. All they need is a green, fortunately. Meanwhile, Inna finds her last ball and she and Bar are off. They comment that they are glad the tickets are finally in their hands and Inna calls her partner Barbie, which is a nickname that’s both functional and funny. Hee. The brothers yell at the ladies to help them (kinda rudely) and Osnat says that they won’t leave them, which is nice of her. They have no clue why the ladies are staying to help them, but neither anywhere near last at this point so they can afford the time.

Dudes and Tom/Adele get to the airport in 2nd/3rd respectively and unsurprisingly. They get tickets on the first flight.

Tal/Mor, Burekas, and Not Romeo and Juliet are at the choir. For some reason, Not Romeo and Juliet leave for no reason (maybe they
were just quiet for once?) and Fifi figures out the white butterflies clue and shares it with Mama and Daughter. Mor suggests green, Tal says no, but then changes her mind and they all leave just as Alona/Gadi arrive.

Field. Carmit finds a green for the brothers finally. Maybe the old ladies ain’t as weak as you thought, are they now? Osnat points out the irony of them finding the green that the brothers helped them find earlier with the clue. Heh. Just get in the car and go. The ladies cheer for Hungary and Shira sourpusses that the “reds” (ladies with red shirts, mayhap) can’t beat them. Oh the humanity.

Cut to the choir, and Bettie is babbling once again about her stupid tiger tights. The choir laughs AT her, not with her. To their credit, the musicians manage to figure the red and green out quickly and we cut to Shira wandering around the ball field. They and the bakers get the clue and head to the airport. Mom/Daughter are behind them and fretting, and Shira demonstrates her Hungarian skills by saying “I love you” to her partner in Hungarian, aided helpfully by the subtitles.

Airport. Hen and Alon, you are team number four and on the first flight. Brothers, you are team number five and last on the first flight. Their first comment? “****.” Annnnd here come the Yemenites, playing on a luggage cart and singing when they should be running. They greet Ron and find out they are on the second flight (apparently) in sixth place. For some reason, Ron asks them if they don’t want to go, but Osnat theorizes that they’ll always love Israel, but peace out. She then lists all the famous people that have come from her town and more celebrating. Night falls, and Bar/Inna arrive in seventh. Inna immediately breaks down in tears and Bar comforts her by saying “as long as I have hands to draw with, my legs aren’t critical.” WTF? I hope she didn’t mean that.

Back at the field, the lollygaggers look for balls. Alona calls Gadi Pinocchio. Sunset comes, and it’s Mor’s hot pink fingernails that find their third ball and open the lock. Bettie/Pinocchio break out the headlamps and Bettie finds a white ball and declares herself and Gadi “back in the game.” Whatever, crazy tiger lady. At the airport, Not Romeo and Juliet come in 8th and Burekas in 9th.

Two teams left but only one set of seats. Bettie stays positive and declares that she’s not giving up hope for a minute. Tal passes an airport sign, again ignoring her daughter. Mor interviews that she is not going home. Well, back to her mom’s house, anyway. Bettie sings. Mor bitches. Cars arrive. Ron checks his watch, like he’s got a date.


Bells, and Rocky music. Annnnnndddd…Tal and Mor, you’re team number ten and live to race another day in your neon bras. Ron welcomes them to the race and Mor says they’re only going up from here.

Bettie and Pinocchio trudge into Ben Gurion airport, and he hands over the clue, nervously. Tension. Kiss. Elimination. Gadi says “it is what it is,” and they exit with some dignity. They say nice things about each other, Gadi stays married, and Alona stays delusional and hoping that his wife realizes how lucky she is.

Next week: Budapest! Hungary! Struggling with street names! Eating the spicy soup that made Freddy and Kendra vomit back in season 6! Anael is scared of a cute little pig but I think she’s more scared of possibly having to eat it.

Till next time!


Any thoughts?
Title: Re: Hamerotz Lamillion 2: The Recaps
Post by: Jai Ho on October 31, 2011, 01:08:55 PM
Episode 2:

Previously, Israel. Today, Hungary.


Ron tells us a bit about Hungary, then we see the first five teams on spoonfed flight 1: Anakiva, Bros, Dudes, Tom/Adele, and Alon/Hen. Teams get into cars en route Pilisvorosvar, where they will eat goulash. Delicious. Anael wishes a good morning to Hungary as her partner prays in the car and voices over “we’re not the best team, but we’re trying to live the best life.” Fair enough. Akiva uses his tzitzit (ritual fringed garment) to measure distance on the map and that is pretty freakin’ cool. The brothers have Post-Its on their windshield and are arguing again. Tom/Adele noisily pass up Alon/Hen, and they trash talk with Tom saying that Alon can’t drive and apparently Alon pointing out that Tom doesn’t speak English. Adele baby-talks Pilisvorosvar and mispronounces stuff and Tom starts singing “Besame” and I really hope this whole series doesn’t evolve into the Adele Learns to Read show because that would be super boring. Moti honks his way around asking half the population of Hungary where to go and calling everyone “the man.” For some reason, we hear “The Nutcracker” as Hen and Alon ask gas station people and Tom and Adele join them. Tom wants to buy porn at the gas station. Hee.

We see signs for Pilisvorosvar and Moti/Pundak talk about hot Hungarian chicks and talk about who’s got more game, but they and and Anakiva make it to the restaurant in first/second. Ron explains the task, which is to eat the spicy soup together with only one glass of water between them. Ouch. Moti/Pundak act dopey as Anael hugs a local. Moti reasons that this will be easy for the Yemenites since they are used to spicy food and asks for some chilba, and Anael begs for less soup. Moti talks about it being like when you get a pot of soup and dump it all out, and I have a feeling he might be pouring some out but not with a spoon. Moti feeds Pundak with a tiny baby spoon and it reminds me of when Joey feeds Jesse baby food on an early Full House episode and Jesse looks horrified. Moti says it’s not that spicy – oh wait. They ask for some lip gloss, randomly, and then Pundak returns the favor. Locals clap and Pundak calls Moti a little girl. Anakiva bless the food and start feeding each other the soup, which I guess is part of the terms of the challenge. They talk about this not being for Ashkenazim and Anael begs to open a window as we go to commercial.

Back on the road, Tom/Adele are lost. Alon/Hen get to the restaurant in third. Moti starts a “full full full” cheer for Alon. Chug-a-lug, indeed. Hen is wiping her eyes already and declares that she’s steaming up as her boyfriend shovels six spoonfuls in her mouth one after the other and Moti/Pundak look on in admiration. Hen admits that yes, she’s a model, but she doesn’t know how to make herself throw up. You’ve got time, honey. Anael cheers on Akiva as the second flight comes in with Yemenites, Firashira, Tal/Mor, Burekas, and Barbies. Tal looks up the restaurant and says it’s not in Lonely Planet, and Bar/Inna talk about how smart they are. Shira is complaining as usual. Osnat and Carmit declare that they’re in the zone. Tal/Mor in their Rainbow Brite hats (of course – hey, we got a nickname!) find a blonde in a local gas station who’s going in the same direction and Mor arranges for a follow. Tal comments that it’s the blond leading the blond (eh, that’s about as good as we’ll get from her). I must say that Mor’s got a pretty good command of English from this scene, so maybe Tal should listen to her daughter. Blondie gives them a little tour as we return to the restaurant where the bros and Tom/Adele arrive and the locals chant at the brothers who gear up to eat. Adele claims allergy but it’s Tom who seems to be more in pain. Moti and Pundak finish first with Anakiva on their tails, and everyone cheers and the locals chant Moti. Moti says he’ll call them. I bet he’s not gonna.

Clue time! Teams must go to Pusslaci and catch 2 pigs. And in an even odder twist, it’s time for a U-Turn, and apparently teams get to vote for who they want to U-Turn. It’s just like voting for Prom Queen! The Dudes pick Alon/Hen (who finish and head outside to return the favor) and Anakiva admits that they are picking the Rainbow Brites because they are scared and possibly turned on by their muscles. In the Rainbow car, Tal is guruing, and Shira sees a sign and cheers in her car. Yemenites comment on the scenery, and Bar and Inna are OUT OF GAS. And conveniently, in front of the bakers too. Nitzan giggles as Bar and Inna rock the car. Inna almost gets hit by a car as she flops out for help and they chit chat with the bakers and Bar/Inna comment on the bakers’ relationship.

Puss Laci. Moti/Pundak ride in in first as Moti makes pig sounds. Anakiva are right behind and both teams suit up. Pundak and Akiva jump into the mud first and Pundak has a Western standoff while Anael flips out in her floral skirt as Akiva runs after the pig. Moti taunts his partner that Adele’s more of a man than he. Cut to Adele crying so hard her mascara runs.

Restaurant. Rainbows sing our first Hava Nagila of the race. As they praise their blonde leader (hee) she tells them that she was Miss Hungary. Whoa, I guess they picked the right local then! She gives a pageant wave to the Rainbows as she drives off to be an ex-beauty queen in a tracksuit and the Rainbows comment on her ambassadoring skills while they do the restaurant rip-n-read. Tal and Mor introduce themselves as the locals cheer and the bros finish. They vote Alon/Hen for prom queen due to Alon’s strength and navigating skills (apparently) so that’s 2 for Kickboxer/Wife. Firashira arrive at the restaurant and Shira is freaking out already, predictably, and Firass, for once, takes charge, much to surprise of both me and Tom/Adele who look on in shock. Tom suggests he and Adele bless the food to make it go down easier and has Adele repeat the blessing “once more with feeling.” Hee. Tom serenades Adele and gies with a necklace of peppers as she finishes and Alon/Hen get their third vote for Prom Queen.

Alon/Hen arrive at the pigs and within seconds Alon has one so maybe the other teams do have the right idea. Pundak gets a pig and if you blink, you miss Hen getting her pig which practically jumps into her arms. Moti jumps in the mud and mugs for the crowd, of course, and Pundak declares his partner smarter than a baby pig. Hee. Alon/Hen get their clue in second and it’s the first Detour of the season after what seems like an eternity already – Circus or Waltz. In Circus, teams must do a circus training, and in Waltz, teams must earn at least 21 points, as Ron explains while dancing with a pretty local. Both choose waltz as Akiva tackles the pig. Anael attempts to calm herself by telling the pig she will not eat it since she is a Jew but she is too scared to even touch it. Anael responds by throwing up into the mud which will add a fun, new element to this challenge for his girlfriend! Cut to Shira doing the same at the restaurant.

The Yemenites arrive at the restaurant and Carmit’s pants keep falling down. Shira comments that they need to hurry and beat the Yemenites who will love the spicy soup. They sing and enjoy their soup, downing it like the spicy food champs they are, and they comment that it’s not spicy at all! God love ‘em. Shira asks her partner if they’re Yemenites or Iraqis for some odd reason, and vomits again and they’re out of water. The ladies look over at Firashira dubiously and they do not care for them. Mor comments that each spoonful is one spoonful closer to the million and with that, Osnat and Carmit are done and officially rocket their way up to sixth, with a half cup of water to spare. Not so weak now, Alon and Oren? Rainbows are done too and both teams exit the restaurant. The Yemenites vote for Firass and Shira and my love for them increases and Tal/Mor choose the dudes.

Speaking of the dudes, they and Alon/Hen arrive at the Waltz detour; Hen applies makeup and puts on a dress and the guys put on tuxes. Moti molests a local and declares that all the girls in Israel will be jealous bleaaaaaaaaargh. Less douching, more dancing. Moti asks the sexy instructor to find him on Facebook. Hen loves to dance and Moti/Pundak flirt more. Back at the pigs, Anael is crying hysterically and is  scared but finally does it, afterwards going “ick ick ick.” As we go to commercial.

We’re back, and it’s Anael’s turn to jump into the pigpen. Tom/Adele and the brothers arrive and Adele and Oren hop into the mud for their teams. Oren catches his pig while trying to insist that they’re on the same team. Anael finally catches a black pig after Akiva tells her to be a champ like Kill Bill and as Akiva carries the pig away, he proclaims him untasty. Heh. Anakiva wash their hands vigorously and head out. Alon catches a pig. Tom and Adele bicker until she catches one. Brothers get the clue and Tom handles the pig like a soccer ball and they’re off too. Tom and Adele have no idea what a waltz is (?) so they pick circus, and joke around with the brothers, who will waltz.

At the music hall, Moti and Pundak do the waltz and Moti comments on the gay judge in the middle with the black fur coat. Said gay judge doesn’t appreciate this unspoken comment. Hen and Alon dance, and she tells us her dream of being on Dancing with the Stars. I was waiting for that. Gay judge Simon Cowells the kickboxer and wife and tells them to come back. What is this, auditions for the talent show? Just give them the damn clue. Moti rates himself as a 12. Gay judge gives them a 1, and they get a 12 total, and this is boring. OH MY GOD THIS LEG IS TAKING FOREVER.

Anael and Akiva arrive at the circus and get made up to do the balancing activities. Anael, it should be said, makes for an incredibly cute clown. They quickly decide they made a mistake and switch. Firass/Shira finish their soup and vote for Burekas because they know they’re in front of them, and said team along with Bar/Inna finally make it to the soup and start eating. Burekas make quick work of it as do Bar/Inna. Burekas choose Firass/Shira and Bar/Inna cast the 4th vote for Kickboxer and Wife, and so I guess Hen is dressed appropriately to receive the Prom Queen tiara. Akiva and Anael arrive at the waltz and Moti/Pundak try again. It’s still dopey but the judges pass them. The instructor asks for a picture with Moti and more mugging and Facebook and blah. They arrive at the U-Turn board and find out that Alon/Hen and the Rainbows voted for they but they are safe. Rainbows get to the pigs having made up some time and Mama gets hers. Mor compares it to picking up stray cats. Yemenites arrive as well and Carmit jumps into the pen. Osnat tells her to think that the pigs are Moroccans. Hee. Mor jumps in as Mom gurus and gets one after a bit of a struggle. They finish and choose Waltz.

Back at the dance hall, Anakiva impress the judges on their first try. They give the judges a crash course in being Jewish and score a perfect 21, boosting them the 2nd. They are not U-turned. Firass/Shira arrive at the pigs, and Firass gets one quickly and Shira screams loud enough for the both of them. Carmit? No such luck. Shira gets THROWN into the mud by her partner, who I suspect has been wanting to do that for a while now, and she tearfully approaches the pigs. Firass tells Shira the pigs are more scared of her, and she stands there and sulks like the Flo she is. Carmit finally has success, as Osnat jumps in and does the pen and has no trouble at all catching the pig. They choose Waltz. Firass and Shira bicker and Shira just stands there. DO SOMETHING. Shira finally gets the pig and cries some more. They also choose waltz. The brothers arrive at the waltz and Alon/Hen? Still there. Tom/Adele arrive and seem to dance well. The brothers seem to have rhythm and fun as they perform. Adele does somersaults and the judges are impressed. She finishes with a split. Both teams finish, as do Alon/Hen. U-Turn board! Brothers strategy seems to work as they are safe as well as Tom/Adele. Hen/Alon hope against hope in their cab as we go to commercial.

Back, and at the dance hall. Rainbows dance and Tal comments she doesn’t even own a pair of heels. Yemenites do some Yemenite dancing and confess that they’re not that refined. Firass/Shira appear, and gay judge hates them. Gay judge loves the Yemenites and gives them a ten, and the judges actually get up and dance around the room with the ladies, Yemenite-style, as Shira watches and calls them crazy. Crazy, maybe; but better than you? Any day. After an eternity with the judges, they and the Rainbows leave. Firass and Shira get their clue and leave as well.

U-Turn board, Alon/Hen find out their fate, and the episode ends.

Next time: Straitjackets! Throwing green and purple water! Houdini-style tricks! Someone almost drowns! Anakiva pray some more! Someone gets eliminated FINALLY. It better be Firass and Shira.

Title: Re: Hamerotz Lamillion 2: The Recaps
Post by: Drake on November 01, 2011, 03:30:45 AM
Thanks Jai Ho. Good job :)
Title: Re: Hamerotz Lamillion 2: The Recaps
Post by: Jai Ho on November 01, 2011, 03:34:15 PM
Drake - Thanks! Any more feedback would be appreciated - just post it here!
Title: Re: Hamerotz Lamillion 2: The Recaps
Post by: Jai Ho on November 02, 2011, 12:33:27 AM
Episode 3!

Previously, teams went to Hungary. They are…still there.

Theme song.

Teams must now go to Buda Square and do a silly Double Dare-esque task involving the Hungarian Soda Siphon. Who would’ve thought?

The first four teams (Dudes, Anakiva, Tom/Adele, Brothers) get the Buda clue. The dudes grab a cab and talk about how they have to win first. Anael talks about miracles. Tom/Adele appear to be on a bus as are the brothers, and Tom has no clue what a syphon is. Tom not knowing things seems to be coming up a lot.

Hen/Alon? Not so lucky. U-Turned. Hen turns to the camera and announces that to the brothers, dudes, Rainbows, and Tom/Adele this means business, but after than murmurs of disappointment they appear at the Circus detour. Hen has no clue what to do and Alon says it’s harder than it looks.

Buda Square. Dudes arrive and of course Moti is the sprayer and Pundak has the cup on his head. Within seconds Pundak is soaked in purple. Anakiva arrive and Anael seems to get a pretty good strategy going with quick spurts instead of letting the soda fly everywhere. Akiva does pushups for some stupid reason. Brothers arrive and after much bickering, Alon takes off his shirt and Oren sprays the cherry soda. Oren takes a break to drink soda while Alon yells at him. They seem to have made some progress by the time Tom/Adele arrive and joke with them as Tom strips down and Adele sprays him with orange soda.

Circus. Hen is doing the wire walk and if she’s really a model she should be pretty good at this. A few steps in, she falls, but she’s fine. She remarks that it’s tough and she wants to lay down but she has to do it. A kiss and she gets back up.

Pigpen. Nitzan catches a pig and Fifi freaks out only a little. Bar and Inna? Still on their way. They turn into the farm and seem excited for the task and joke about being in last. They arrive and Bar jumps in just as Fifi catches her pig. They rip and read, picking circus, officially second to last as of now. Fifi is mystified that the circus is not at the farm. Yes, because in Israel, all circuses are at farms! The hell, Fifi?

Back on the farm, Inna transports the pig Bar caught and runs around the mud in circles. Bar says animals make her laugh, ever since
she was a little girl. Inna runs around the pigs and Bar is about dead from laughing. They laugh their way over to get the clue and opt for Circus.

Outside the dance hall (I suppose), Yemenites, Rainbow Brites, and Not Romeo and Juliet look for cabs. A cool old car passes by. They all get cabs and Mor is stressed out as usual. Osnat and Carmit humorously debate whether they could’ve done the circus or not, over a montage of Hen failing at said task.

Buda Square. Teams are spraying and drinking. Pundak tells Akiva to start praying. Brothers look to be almost done. All four teams finish at roughly the same time and rip and read. Ron explains that teams must now go to Astra Film Studios and that in the style of famous Hungarian escape artist Harry Houdini, must do so in straitjackets. I don’t think that hailing taxis and gallivanting around Budapest is quite what Houdini did in a straitjacket, but what the hell, these teams have already done a leg full of idiotic tasks, what’s one more. Moti gets suited up, and I am thrilled. Anael is holding stuff in her mouth as her partner gets suited up. All the teams (except Tom/Adele for some reason) hop off into oncoming traffic. Good luck with that, folks? The brothers show their smarts by asking an exiting passenger to hold the door, and they get in.

Circus. The two last teams arrive and have fun getting dressed. Hen? Still on the wire, fourth try, and…kaboom. Bar/Inna see this and it looks hard. Inna tries the barrel balancing and not only falls over but knocks her clown off too. Nitzan comments on how it’s not at all like making burekas. I would agree. Inna seems to be getting the barrel pretty well and Bar falls off the wire. Nitzan introduces Fifi on the high wire, maybe that’ll give her some motivation. And…nope. Hen weeps and says there are some things she just can’t do. Bakers are disheartened, and Fifi says she’d like to see him try it. To his credit, fat ole Nitzan does a little better than she did. Rainbow Brites arrive at the U-Turn board in 5th and celebrate by dancing and singing, as do the Yemenites in 6th. Apparently, the board is close enough to the circus tent that Hen can hear it as she contemplates what an idiotic clown she is. Fifth try, and close but no cigar. Firass/Shira arrive at the U-Turn board in 7th and get the clue after a terribly awkward kiss with a close-up of Shira’s bitchface. Even while kissing? Yeech. Back at the circus, Nitzan fails, a blondie fails, and with six tries for Hen, she becomes the first racer to complete this task with much cheering. She gets some love from the clowns and her husband and they are now in 8th.

Buda Square. Anael stops a local who helps them, much to the dudes’ shock. They do the same and both get cabs. In the Anakiva cab, not only are they crazy foreigners, but now they are crazy singing foreigners. I don’t recall this much car singing in any other episode of TAR. And this can’t look too good to the driver.

Astra Film Studios. The brothers arrive and de-jacket and get the roadblock clue. One team member will be locked onto a grate and have to unlock his/herself while entirely underwater. Seems a bit difficult for the first roadblock of the race – anyone remember the “climb the Eiffel tower roadblock?” or the “eat some chocolate” roadblock? Oy. Alon is already sticky from the soda so he volunteers to take it, mostly so he can wash off. I suspect this to become a trend. Alon is appropriately scared and Oren comments that Houdini died this way. Way to comfort your teammate, Oren! Commercials.

Back from commercials, dudes and Anakiva arrive at Astra. Rip and read. Moti will do it (maybe this will shut him up) as well as Akiva, who also reasons that Houdini died this way. Alon is still struggling as Moti gets suited up. I suppose the dark atmosphere isn’t helping either. All three men get lowered. Alon has visions of ambulances. Moti seems to be mostly above water. Akiva, however is almost under – maybe this challenge has a disadvantage for the shorter people, since Alon doesn’t seem to be nearly as far down as Akiva even though he started way earlier, unless they’re mixing shots. Someone yells stop and they all come up. I’m not getting something here.

Tom/Adele apparently aren’t finished. Adele is shivering on the ground. Out of nowhere, Hen/Alon appear as if they were never U-turned. Amazing luck on their part, or three massive fails by Brites/Yemenites/NRJ. Yemenites are present as well, and note Hen/Alon catching up and are rightfully both puzzled and threatened by this. Alon for some reason is now pantsless as Hen squirts green soda at him, and Carmit is catching green soda for her team. Soaked within minutes, both ladies are laughing and getting crazy looks from onlookers. Nonetheless, they seem to be excelling and pass up both younger teams, who all complete it to go get their jackets. Yemenites are tickled, of course, and they’re also in fourth, so good on them for being the first to catch up to the first-flighters! Osnat dances around moaning like the crazy old lady she is, and Tom/Adele get a taxi. Carmit tells the man wrapping her to leave room for her rack, which she cannot get out without laughing. In the Tom/Adele taxi, the driver has no clue where to go and in an unintentionally humorous move, Adele puts her mouth to her partner’s crotch to pick up the clue and give it to the driver. That’s one way to get into an interesting car accident in Budapest.

Houdini tanks. Everyone’s on their second try, and Alon fails. Akiva asks God to open his lock, and click, it opens. This is also the first thing he reports to Anael upon surfacing. Miracles truly do exist! Never mind that your partner almost drowned! Moti gets it in second, without asking God’s help. More mugging as both teams get their next clue and a Rubik’s cube to solve with a picture of the Pit Stop on it. FINALLY. They get cabs and struggle with the cube. Pundak comments that even though they want it, Anakiva are probably smarter and will get it.

Cabs with crazies. Tom/Adele’s driver gets a little worried that he might be transporting some convicts, so he calls his boss and Tom explains the whole “Israeli TV show” deal to him and tries to convince their driver that he and his girlfriend aren’t crazy. The complete opposite is happening in the Yemenite cab as Osnat is raving away like a lunatic going “I am crazy I am crazy I am crazy yaaaa!” It’s cute, but methinks the lady hath drunken too much soda. She then tries to eat Carmit’s shoulder and whips her hair back and forth. She is taking this jacket waaay too seriously. I hope she doesn’t do the roadblock, maybe she’ll turn into The Little Mermaid and start singing underwater. That would be bad.

Circus, eighty try. Inna takes a serious tumble. The girls comment that Nitzan’s actually doing pretty well. He gets it, and they are not pleased. Fifi bounces into her partner’s arms, barrels through the barrel balance and they leave the ladies in last and are directed to Buda square instead of the U-Turn board, for some reason. Bar goes up and down and up and down and gets it on her zillionth try. They get a second wind and Inna powers through the barrel. They leave.

City streets. Mama is motivating Daughter as they run. Firass/Shira arrive. Mor and Shira position themselves to receive the tossed soda, and Tal finishes her first spray bottle so she has to drink a cup of soda. It looks kind of nasty, but it’s just soda. Mom remarks that it looks like chemical infused nuclear waste, which is actually probably accurate, and downs it before slamming the cup on the ground in anger. Uh-oh. Mor freaks out a little bit as her mom looks like she’s about to pass out and probably being overdramatic when she says she needs to vomit. She demands quiet. Shira, in her first compassionate confessional on the race, notes that Mom looks really sick and Mor is in tears. Tal vomits up the soda and Mor wants to quit, because she doesn’t want her mom throwing up anymore. Aww. Mom fights through the soda of doom to spray some more at her daughter and I don’t know who to feel more sorry for. Burekas arrive, and riding high, Nitzan feels as graceful as a swan, which is cute. Nitzan sprays Fifi with purple soda and calls the siphon a “Cyclops.” Hee. Unlike Tal, Nitzan joyfully downs the toxic waste as Mom and Daughter suffer more. All three teams finish at the same time and suit up in straitjackets. Fifi searches for an English word to describe it, and “location” is not that word.

Pit stop. Ron. Chick in a bikini who’s probably freezing her buttocks off. Dudes ask locals for help while Anael struggles in a cab that’s zooming along the road to nowhere. The guys give their cube to a guy in a bakery who tells them to go away, and they look to be in danger of getting Andy/Tommy’d. Anakiva pray together and once again God answers and Anael solves the puzzle and they appear to be right at the pit stop. The dudes resurface with a solved cube and arrive at the baths as well. Anael starts to freak out that she might have to take her clothes off, but to her credit she does so while running with her partner, and after three episodes, we have our first leg winners. They flip out, probably because this leg’s been so damn long. Moti and Pundak are team number two and pretty damn disappointed for doing so well. Moti of course has to waltz with the poor chilly greeter. Commercial.

Back at Buda Square, Inna is flat on her stomach as Bar sprays her with green soda. Just when all hope seems lost, hilariously, a violin trio comes up and starts playing music around Inna as she says “what do I need this for?” Tears turn to laughter and Bar completely loses it as they play Hava Nagila. Inna kindly requests they go elsewhere, as we go elsewhere.

Astra. Hen/Alon arrive and within seconds, Alon’s stripped down to a speedo to enter the tank. My biggest nightmare has come true: both Alons, same task, same time. At least at the present time, neither are succeeding. A lock opens and it’s Kickboxer Alon, who screams at getting it so quickly, and he and wife are off in third. Gay Alon fails for the third time and starts to cry. Gay Alon gets unlocked to go outside and warm up. Oren swaddles and cuddles his brother in like a million towels and I can see how much this sucks, going from a definitive first to a fourth after a team which has been U-Turned already. Someone else has arrived and I think it’s the Yemenites but I’m not sure as the brothers go back inside. Alon counts keys this time and 12 is the magic number. He gets it and they’re off. Both Tom/Adele and the Yemenites arrive.

In their crazy cab, Tal and Mor loosen up and rock out. Inna and Bar hail cabs with their legs, and Firass/Shira’s cabbie has taken them into what looks like a junkyard, complete with howling dogs, and they’re scared. Shira yells and the driver angrily stops the cab and exits with no reason. Firass wants to get out too and Shira does not. Neither has a clue what’s going on. In the Kickboxer/Wife cab, no progress on the cube. In the brothers cab, Oren is trying to tackle the cube while Alon looks on. Oren remarks he doesn’t like the cube and his brother comments that he doesn’t like being chained underwater. Touche. Both teams get it, get out, and start running to the baths. Welcome brothers, you’re team three, which makes Hen/Alon team four. Hen comments that they really are in this for the big time, having been tied for last and now in fourth.

Tanks. Osnat is suited up and dancing on the platform (I can see she’s done this before) and Adele climbs the ladder in her bikini. Osnat starts and the first think she does is note the temperature of the water and declare that someone peed in it. Eew. I think that was Kickboxer’s tank. Eew, Kickboxer Pee! Would’ve been funnier if it was Fifi’s pee as they sometimes call her Pipi. And this is all coming from the oldest team. Rainbow Brites are outside the studio as are Burekas and sadly, Pipi will not get a chance to pee as Nitzan takes it for their team, as does Tal. Adele is completely submerged, as was the point of the exercise, while Osnat looks like she’s taking a bath in her pee-water. Tal is having trouble seeing. Adele, completely underwater, gets her lock, shockingly. Instead of celebrating, Tom and Adele completely give the task the Whatevia treatment because Adele was able to do it in like four seconds. Tom declares that pulling a rabbit out of a hat, now that’s magic. Magic won’t help them, however, stop bickering over their cube. Back inside, Tal isn’t even sticking her head underwater and demands to be pulled up. Nitzan, though he feels like Leonardo DiCaprio in Titanic, must be pulled up as well. Someone opens a lock and it must be Osnat, who triumphantly “ai-yi-yi”s as she exits her pee-water after only one try. Carmit gets the cube and they leave in sixth.

Outside, Tom can’t get it, and Adele breaks down in tears as Tom dismisses the task as crazy, “I’m a soccer goalie, I don’t do this.” Yeah, and your partner’s not exactly a professional escape artist in her daily life, JACKASS. Yemenites run by and offer encouragement to a weeping Adele and frustrated Tom by admitting they don’t know how to solve it either. Osnat peers into Tom/Adele’s cab window and tells Adele to stop crying and Tom to stop acting crazy. The ladies, in a confessional, state that they sometimes have to be the big girls since they are the oldest ladies, and they couldn’t leave the poor girl crying and they need to set a good example for the younger teams. You could argue that they should just let this obviously strong team self-destruct, but whatever, neither are in danger of being eliminated at the moment. Osnat tells Tom to calm down and Adele to stop crying and then actually PUTS HER HAND OVER TOM’S MOUTH so he’ll get the idea that he should shut up because his partner is melting down and it’s only leg one, and he STILL doesn’t get it, so she must do it twice more until he finally understands that his yelling is making his hard-working girlfriend upset. Another fundamental race difference - could you imagine if this was Charla/Mirna and Colin/Christie? Unbelievable. Power to the ladies for keeping the peace, but you could’ve afforded to let them self-destruct just enough so you could wind up in the top half of the pack. Carmit gets a local in a blue sweater to help them and then directs said local to do the same for Tom/Adele. Come on ladies, it’s a RACE. That means you too, Tom. Commercials.

We’re back, and Firass and Shira are somewhere in Budapest, arguing, still in their straitjackets. Firass wants to break up with Shira. AND THEY’RE STILL RACING AND ONLY IN THE FIRST LEG. Not the time for this conversation. Shira explains that if they go home, they may now be going home separately, as the anti-Chad and Stephanie. OUCH. Cry cry cry. They still love each other and they arrive at the studio. Tal is on her second try as is Nitzan. Firass climbs in, and it’s the FIRST FREAKIN KEY HE TRIES. WHAT. THE. HELL. They leave, and Tal still can’t see the keys. She goes back up as does Nitzan. Tal climbs down from the platform, and how the tables have turned as it’s Daughter of the Year Mor who does an amazingly non-invasive pep talk. She talks about how proud her dad will be and Tal goes up again as Mor calls her mom her queen. Aww.

Baths. Tom/Adele (what the hell?) are in fifth. All that and they don’t even let the nice ladies finish before them. Osnat/Carmit, you’re sixth. Good work ladies, now go sing elsewhere.

Tanks. Tal fails her 4th try as Mor cheers her on from below. Tal feels her soul is dying along with Houdini. This doesn’t look good. She climbs down again to towel off and warm back up. Nitzan fails his fourth as well, and Tal, her fifth. Firass and Shira, you’re team number seven. Fudge. Shira cries. Cry, Shira, cry. Back at the tanks, Tal tries and fails a sixth time, and someone (a producer) ask her if she wants to quit. She wants to do it but she doesn’t think she can, so the girls take the cube and a penalty. This ain’t no China Rush, folks. The girls find a cab and hope that the blondes fail or Nitzan can’t do it. Mor solves the puzzle with ease and gets a “bravo” from Mom as they head to the pit stop. They arrive in 8th, but have an hour penalty to wait out. They understand, move aside, and hope against hope as the blondes are already at the tanks.

35 minutes left for Tal/Mor, and Inna opens her lock. Nitzan? No such luck. Tal and Mor sit in silence with 15 minutes left. Bar solves the puzzle and the girls are off to the pit stop. Nitzan finally gets his lock. Bar/Inna are told that they’re in 9th although Rainbows still have 12 minutes left on their penalty. Fifi struggles with the cube. 7 minutes for the Rainbows. Two ladies help Fifi and with probably less than 5 minutes remaining, Burekas check in and are told that they are last but Tal did not complete the roadblock. They leave, Rainbows are up, and eliminated. Tal takes the spotlight, but tells Ron she has a million-shekel daughter. Aww. I hope she learned to treat her daughter better. In an interesting turn of events, Ron gives them a race scratch-off ticket, and they get 2000 NIS (500 dollars) on the spot. Yay! Well at least they won something. Moving on!

Next week: Chocolate wrestling! Ice hockey! Brothers do a weather report! Adele malfunctions!


What do y'all think?
Title: Re: Hamerotz Lamillion 2: The Recaps
Post by: Jai Ho on November 07, 2011, 02:19:38 AM
Episode 4, Part 1 (Leg 2 though):

Previously: Hungary. Tonight: More Hungary. And no elimination, because it’s a part 1. Sigh.


First team to depart in what looks to be early morning, Anakiva. Rip and read – go to an ice hockey stadium. Anakiva get a cab and re-run how wonderful it will be if they win the race with God’s help. Dudes rip/read in second and ask for help from a local. Of course, it is punctuated by “Moti Lahav, Facebook, don’t forget!” I guess he means all of us. Anakiva, in their cab, talk about what a shame it was they lost the Rainbow Brites and the lawyers “Tzili and Gili” (hee) are still in. Akiva does not approve. He is convinced they don’t blink. I’ll have to take a closer look. Cut to said brothers doing a rip and read and flopping around looking for a cab. Brothers interview about stress and after much cabbie arguing, get inside the cab. Oren whistles and Alon shushes him. Hen/Alon are next up and she takes charge in the cab. Lots of driving and brothers’ cabbie answers the phone. They then discover his porno pinned up to the dashboard and figure it’s like his prayer. Heh.

Flags, and I hear Moti’s annoying voice so I’m guessing the dudes passed Anakiva. And they did. Moti rips and read and Ron explains that one team member will have to score two goals against the kid from Mighty Ducks while the other holds a giant block of ice. Not following the logic, but at least we get a task to watch this early on in the ep, so I’m not complaining. Moti/Pundak suit up – Moti will be doing the hockey and Pundak, the ice. Anakiva arrive and Anael channels her inner Oksana Baiul with a little gray ice-skating skirt and her inner Tonya Harding with a huge mask while Akiva hopes that she channels neither after the task ends. On the ice, Moti looks both European and idiotic with his little pink shorts as he wipes out on the ice. Anael seems to have a bit more control and Akiva is doing squats to keep himself warm under the ice. Brothers arrive and Oren is in the hockey gear. Alon is freezing his balls off, but Oren manages to score his first goal.

Pit-start. Tom/Adel are on their way, and Tom does a little pantomime to determine whether the rink is 13 or 30 minutes away. It’s 13, but it’s also time for the Yemenites to depart in sixth. They dance through the streets and get a cabbie who asks if they’re from Israel. They answer in the affirmative, with Carmit saying (rather facetiously) that she’s a little bit Swedish with the blond hair. She also notes the moody, brooding locals and announces her intentions to spice things up a little. Firashira also pitstart, noting that the only teams they’re ahead of are Bakers and Bar/Inna. Every second counts.

Ice rink. Anakiva’s goalie lets one seemingly slip by to get their first, which looked to me like a soft goalie, but then Anael fires off three rapid shots and he can’t block all of them, so they score their second and Anael celebrating kicking Dude and Bro tushy by attempting to dance on the ice by going around in a little circle. Lovey dovey confessionals. Moti now must showboat by scoring two goals and announcing that he is good at everything, and Pundak confirms our suspicions by saying that Moti lives in a movie. Apparently, today’s feature is Slap Shot. Teams rip and read, and it’s time for a duel. Ron explains that the teams must find a pool of chocolate and fight to get a certain amount of chocolate in a cup. The losers get a penalty and the winners get to do the Prom Queen vote and continue. Akiva comments to Anael that this may involve male-female touching, to which she responds, “Aw, man.”  Chocolate wrestling and Moti’s cooties – that would do it for me too. Commercials.

Back, and Bakers and Bar/Inna depart. Anakiva arrives at the u-turn board and vote for Burekas since they’re far behind and they don’t want to make an enemy of a strong team. Dudes do not think the same and once again go after Alon/Hen. Alon/Hen arrive and suit up just as the brothers finish and as they pass, some gentle ribbing ensues. The brothers comment on the hot girl getting suited up for hockey and Hen gives them a verbal middle finger. As she heads out on the ice (and why didn’t they made this a roadblock?) the brothers hit the U-Turn board and it’s no surprise that they choose Alon/Hen, who are, to their credit, quite a strong team. Hen misses the first shot and complains that she can’t do this, but Alon reminds her she said the same thing at the circus and the soup and she did those things, which is true. Elsewhere, Bar/Inna are trying to hold it together in their cab and Nitzan is singing raspily.

Back at the rink, Hen is having little success in the areas of both scoring and figuring out the goalie’s gender. She thinks it’s a girl, while her partner thinks otherwise. Male or female, this goalie’s not going easy on Hen as she fires some great shots and gets denied. Peppy Little Mermaid music plays as Tom/Adele arrive, Adele of course on the ice in a bikini as Tom stumbles along in his uniform. We get treated to some Yemenite-treated theme music as the ladies suit up, with Osnat basically carrying the suited-up Carmit to the ice. Carnival music means it’s time to watch Tom/Adele screw up. Boom goes Tom, as predicted. Hen’s nose itches. Will the excitement never stop? She gets her first legit goal and dances and sings as Alon yells at her, and randomly says “como estas” before shooting her next one in. They get the next clue.

Duel time! Dudes and Anakiva arrive at the same time; men in swimsuits and Anael fully clothed. Moti and Akiva immediately start to wrestle, where I would just scoop the damn chocolate, but it’s TV and the producers probably told them what to do anyway. Anael looks horribly uncomfortable and the dudes say that they love Anakiva but only one team will win. Moti derides Pundak for not wanting to get a face full of chocolate. Oy – if Osnat thought the pee-water was bad, wait until she sees this brown mess she has to swim in. An onlooker cheers, and Moti and Akiva scoop chocolate as their partners yell on. Moti wins in this pointless battle and deliriously thinks that he’s better than Akiva, as if fake chocolate wrestling counts for anything in life. The dudes voice over how it was nice to win but they would’ve rather seen Adele, Bar, and Inna in the chocolate. Rip and read your damn clue. Detour! Movie Star or TV Star. In Movie Star, teams have to dub a movie in Hebrew, whereas at TV Star, teams must give a weather report in Hungarian. Moti/Pundak pick Movie Star. At the U-Turn board, Alon/Hen pay back the dudes.

Back at the rink, Tom goes boom some more. Adele laughs. Tom falls again and claims he can’t do it, yelling at his partner. Adele says to just try it and notes that she’s not yelling. Osnat and Carmit help each other step out onto the ice. Carmit is scared and now Adele has a turn to give her a pep talk, but it doesn’t seem to work and Carmit pouts off as Adele juggles the ice. Tom falls once more and we’re back at the chocolate with Anakiva and the bros and fake Western music. Akiva tackles Oren and Anael screams “shushi,” her pet name for Akiva and the brothers imitate her in a confessional. It’s not the most annoying thing in the world, but eh. Anakiva gets the win and off they go to TV Star.

Ice rink. Carmit is struggling to get on the ice. She is extremely scared and chooses to take an hour penalty. I guess they couldn’t have switched? Firashira get to the rink. Carmit/Osnat act as cheerleaders and Adele comes up with the quick shot strategy for Tom. One gets in, and there is celebrating. A second one goes right through the goalie’s legs, and they are done. Tom wants to hug Adele but she is too cold, alas he cannot. At the U-Turn board, it’s another vote for Hen/Alon, and now we go to the choco-pit where we see the bros and Alon/Hen in swimsuits. They exchange niceties, we jump in, and since Hen is not a religious chick, it’s mano a mano for everyone with Hen shrieking like a girl. I honestly don’t even see the need for contact, but whatevs. Now it’s gay Alon molesting Hen as she tries to fill her cup, whereas Oren is going largely ignored as Hen’s boob pops out of her swimsuit and she goes ballistic. Kickboxer chooses his partner’s dignity over competition and the brothers win this round. They choose TV star. Elsewhere, the dudes are running and before long they arrive at the studio and get their headsets on. They act like a less funny Colin Mochrie and Ryan Stiles as they dub and compare it to Eskimo Limon (an Israeli movie). At the TV studio, Anakiva arrive and start figuring out the Hungarian map. We learn that Akiva’s grandfather is Hungarian. Imagine that. He messes up the pronunciation and she can’t figure out how the stickers work. Again, again.

Ice rink. Firass and Shira see the Yemenites sitting there and note the open window, and the Luck of Firass strikes again, he scores two goals in seconds, and they’re out of there. They further cement themselves on my bad list by voting for the Yemenites for no reason other than the fact that they’re sitting there. Bar/Inna and Burekas arrive together and Inna and Nitzan take the ice. Nitzan falls. Inna falls. A lot of times. Oof. Elsewhere, Adele and Tom are lost, and they make a side trip to get some baked goods along with their directions. Now I’m hungry. They make it to the chocolate pit, and Adele trips and falls on her bottom complete with sound effects before even entering the pit. Oy. They play the clip again and comment on it and ADELE FALL DOWN GO BOOM IT WAS FUNNY WE GET IT. All four uncomfortably get in the pool. It goes relatively quickly as Adele/Tom/Alon sissyfoot around while Hen slips by unnoticed to fill up her team’s cup. This is seemingly a common occurrence. They opt for TV star while Moti/Pundak are repeating the Movie Star task. They are done, and it’s time for U-Turn Board, Part 2: The Reveal. But Yemenites, Bar/Inna, and Bakers haven’t even voted yet??? Lots of mugging and hugging and at the TV task, Anakiva are done. At the rink, Yemenites are done their penalty and choose to U-turn Tom/Adel. They head off to fight said team in the chocolate as we head off to commercial.
Title: Re: Hamerotz Lamillion 2: The Recaps
Post by: Jai Ho on November 07, 2011, 12:59:26 PM
Back, and at the ice rink with the bakers. Nitzan can’t get a goal but at least he’s managing to stay upright, which can’t be said for everyone, Soccer Goalie Tom.  Fifi’s struggling with the ice. Fifi starts to crying and Nitzan tells her to shut up, but she argues back that sometimes you need to cry in order to grow and get stronger. I would agree with that; crying seems to be Fifi’s way of dealing with the pain, which is normal, and we can see that Nitzan is trying hard to understand her, and she’s trying hard to understand him, and they seem to both be showing some human soul here, so hockey goalie, be nice to them. Bar is struggling more with the ice than Inna with her hockey. Finally, Nitzan strikes in two quick goals and the bakers are off ahead of Bar/Inna, finally. In other news, Nitzan’s underwear and pants are falling down, and he almost leaves the rink in his skates until Fifi tells him his shoes are sitting there. Teehee. They vote for Firass/Shira, thank you, who are now at the chocolate pool.

At the pool, Shira says the necessary “sorry, sweetie” to Adele. Firass wonders where the Yemenites are, as am I. The ladies go at it, and Tom comments that he would’ve preferred not to go up against a strong team like “Pirass and Shelly.” Lol. Firass grabs Adele, and Shira (probably in the right here) scolds him for touching her, and as Adele swims away Shira grabs her and presses her against the side even harder than her boyfriend did. Firass notes that Shira is faster and stronger than Adele, and Shira adds “and prettier.” Ugh. Lots of yelling from all sides as nobody seems to be getting anywhere. Firass tosses Adele aside. Shira goes for the chest and pulls one of Adele’s boobs out of her bra. Adele and Shira beat each other up. Tom and Firass beat each other up. Then…Firass splashes Tom, and they stop and laugh at how ridiculous they are, apologize, and have a little splash fight as their girlfriends pummel each other in the background. More homoerotic chocolate wrestling, and this is all so pointless. Shira comes over to Tom/Firass because ain’t nobody gettin between her and her man – I knew she had a little Rachel Reilly in her – and Tom screams for Adele, who now has an open cup, to start filling. She does so, and as Tom has Not Romeo and Juliet under each armpit, she finishes and Tom/Adele win this round. Adele celebrates by yelling, and Tom, by falling. They opt for TV Star, and they’re also going to need a shower.

TV Star. Hen/Alon arrive and seem to be working well together. Brothers also arrive and sing a theme song for themselves as they start the task and it’s kind of cute. Back at the rink, Bar is crying but Inna is determined to get out of last. Heroic music plays as Inna restarts her shooting. The goalie lets one slip past, but the second one goes right between his legs and they’re off. They vote for Hen/Alon, and it’s an exact repeat of last leg. Back to said kickboxer and wife, they’re at the TV star task and with a curtsy from Hen, they are done and not a moment too soon. They’re off to the U-Turn board. Anakiva beat Moti/Pundak to the board but they’re both safe.
Chocolate pool. We hear the Yemenites before we see them and is this really going to happen? Really? It seems rather gentle with Osnat trying to bury her face in Shira’s cleavage but Firass fills the cup and they’re off to movie star. At TV Star, Tom and Adele are struggling with the Hungarian language. Adele has no clue how it works, and she does an impression of a Hungarian speaker in a confessional that makes her look like she needs new batteries. Tom (and the viewing audience) go “WTF?” Back at the chocolate, it’s the ridiculously fun pairing of Yemenites and Bakers. Firass apologizes in advance to Osnat because she’s his mother’s age (and he’s probably right) but it doesn’t prevent them from beating the ladies by a hair. Bakers head off to TV star. This was a stupid task. Bakers are thinking the same as they baby-wipe the chocolate out of their nostrils.

TV Star. Brothers are going very slowly. They argue, and Alon bullies his brother through the task. They get a no. It’s Tom and Adele’s turn now and the producer seems to like Adele from the moment she enters the studio. Tom compares reading Hungarian to reading psalms, and Adele puts on her best Vanna White, and some combination of the two strategies works because they’re now done.
U-Turn board. Hen/Alon arrive, and they are U-Turned by the same four teams as last time. WTF, show? Hen is furious and I actually identify with her, because this would not and could not happen in any other version of the show. Bad move, producers. Hen wonders why their team is such a threat, is it because she’s a model? No, it’s because you can actually do the tasks and do them well. Still, I don’t like the fact that basically all the teams can gang up on one team. I hope this doesn’t happen every leg or we’re in for a long race. Hen frets all the way to the middle of the street when her partner tells her to get on the sidewalk or get hit by a car, which he’s right about. Alon wants to just do the damn Movie task and Hen is still flipping out.

Movie Star. Shira and Firass enter the studio and are enchanted. Their first attempt is a fail, and I have no idea on what criteria they’re being judged, but they get through the second time. At TV Star, Alon/Oren try it once more with feeling, and they get it this time in sixth. At the U-Turn board, Adele/Tom are not U-Turned. At TV Star, Fifi reads the news like you’d expect a baker to read the news as Nitzan is her weather-bunny. They are told to do it again. The bakers leave the studio and have a local properly pronounce the cities for them.
Chocolate pool. Osnat/Carmit feel like they can beat Bar/Inna, and locals cheer because we finally have an all chick battle, even if two of the chicks are moms. This is actually not too fun to watch since everyone is getting choked. Inna announces that she’s going to give up, classic fakeout, and she wins. I honestly don’t see why they couldn’t have struck a deal, being the last two teams, nobody’s going to have to fight anymore, but logic seems to escape this show. Bar/Inna pick TV star and Osnat/Carmit have a 15 minute penalty because nobody’s left to fight them so they chill out in the chocolate mess instead of drying off. Alon/Oren? Not U-Turned.

TV Star. Bar/Inna arrive and Bar reads, attacked by the giggles. They both double over as across the room, the bakers fail again. After their giggle attack, they try again with Bar holding her hand over her cheek so she can’t see her dopey partner, and they bow to the camera and pass the task. They pass Team Burekas and are now in seventh (technically sixth, since Hen/Alon have yet to do the movie star task). Bakers try again, and they fail again. I think it’s Fifi’s stale-bread delivery. She announces she’s at her breaking point. They argue and lead us to commercial.

U-Turn board. Bar/Inna are safe. Yemenites choose movie star, and Carmit breaks down in her cab. This has been a super crappy day for these guys, what with the hockey fail and the chocolate fail. Osnat massages her partner and then manages to get her to chuckle, and even though they’re last, they might not yet be out as Alon/Hen need to do the task as well and the Bakers are off arguing somewhere. Hen feels depressed as they enter the movie studio and she’s crying for obvious reasons. Alon tries hard but Hen is out of gas. They get a “one more time please.” Hen tries again but fails. And here come the Yemenites! This task shows them a little love as they get a pass and officially knock the kickboxer and wife down and are not U-turned. For a team that really had bad luck and sucky performances, they managed to leap frog over two other teams in a matter of minutes, so power to them for not giving up. The TV star asks Hen why she’s crying and she says it’s not him. It’s just that the world hates her.

And with that, we end this episode with seven teams off to an unknown task, Hen/Alon at Movie Star, and the bakers at TV Star. Not a lot of placement shuffling in this ep, other than Alon/Hen going to the back of the pack with a rebound inevitable, and Firass/Shira teetering on the top tier.

On Tuesday: A bar mitzvah! Teams teach locals Hebrew. Anael screams for Shushi. Large ice blocks. Someone gets eliminated.


Is anyone reading these?
Title: Re: Hamerotz Lamillion 2: The Recaps
Post by: ZBC Company on November 07, 2011, 01:00:43 PM
i am reading and watching
Title: Re: Hamerotz Lamillion 2: The Recaps
Post by: Jai Ho on November 07, 2011, 01:44:39 PM
What do you think of my work so far?
Title: Re: Hamerotz Lamillion 2: The Recaps
Post by: Best Loser on November 07, 2011, 02:42:21 PM
I'm reading them. They're a great help because not only are they a humorous recap of the episodes, but they also explain what's going on.
Title: Re: Hamerotz Lamillion 2: The Recaps
Post by: ZBC Company on November 07, 2011, 04:42:28 PM
What do you think of my work so far?

i love so word could understand i need stop watch but isarl better like cholcate fight
Title: Re: Hamerotz Lamillion 2: The Recaps
Post by: tarflyonthewall on November 07, 2011, 04:54:18 PM
So I was watching the first episode with my SO last night, and we couldn't figure out why Lawyer and Leather looked so familiar. Until he pointed out that they both look the same as Scott Bakula did when Quantum Leap was still on TV.
Title: Re: Hamerotz Lamillion 2: The Recaps
Post by: Jai Ho on November 07, 2011, 06:10:02 PM
I'm reading them. They're a great help because not only are they a humorous recap of the episodes, but they also explain what's going on.

Thanks Best Loser! Any particularly funny lines?

i love so word could understand i need stop watch but isarl better like cholcate fight

Umm...I don't understand. What's "isarl" and "cholcate"? What does this mean?

So I was watching the first episode with my SO last night, and we couldn't figure out why Lawyer and Leather looked so familiar. Until he pointed out that they both look the same as Scott Bakula did when Quantum Leap was still on TV.

Lol, tarflyonthewall so true. I picked the Baldwins, but yours is better.

I just think this leg had so many fundamental problems.
Title: Re: Hamerotz Lamillion 2: The Recaps
Post by: LoveRocked on November 07, 2011, 07:24:06 PM

i love so word could understand i need stop watch but isarl better like cholcate fight

Umm...I don't understand. What's "isarl" and "cholcate"? What does this mean?

 Isarl mean like "Israel" and cholcate mean "Chocolate" :) :tup:
Title: Re: Hamerotz Lamillion 2: The Recaps
Post by: Jai Ho on November 08, 2011, 10:25:40 AM

i love so word could understand i need stop watch but isarl better like cholcate fight

Umm...I don't understand. What's "isarl" and "cholcate"? What does this mean?

 Isarl mean like "Israel" and cholcate mean "Chocolate" :) :tup:

Ok - I understand, but what is ZBC's question?
Title: Re: Hamerotz Lamillion 2: The Recaps
Post by: ZBC Company on November 08, 2011, 11:30:34 AM

i love so word could understand i need stop watch but isarl better like cholcate fight

Umm...I don't understand. What's "isarl" and "cholcate"? What does this mean?

 Isarl mean like "Israel" and cholcate mean "Chocolate" :) :tup:

Ok - I understand, but what is ZBC's question?

all say Isarl i much better then any one esle frarchise
Title: Re: Hamerotz Lamillion 2: The Recaps
Post by: Jai Ho on November 08, 2011, 12:11:04 PM

i love so word could understand i need stop watch but isarl better like cholcate fight

Umm...I don't understand. What's "isarl" and "cholcate"? What does this mean?

 Isarl mean like "Israel" and cholcate mean "Chocolate" :) :tup:

Ok - I understand, but what is ZBC's question?

all say Isarl i much better then any one esle frarchise

I'm sorry - what? I don't understand...
Title: Re: Hamerotz Lamillion 2: The Recaps
Post by: ZBC Company on November 08, 2011, 12:15:44 PM

i love so word could understand i need stop watch but isarl better like cholcate fight

Umm...I don't understand. What's "isarl" and "cholcate"? What does this mean?

 Isarl mean like "Israel" and cholcate mean "Chocolate" :) :tup:

Ok - I understand, but what is ZBC's question?

all say Isarl i much better then any one esle frarchise

I'm sorry - what? I don't understand...

all say Isarl i much better then any  franchise
Title: Re: Hamerotz Lamillion 2: The Recaps
Post by: Best Loser on November 08, 2011, 04:51:12 PM
He's saying Israel has the best version of the Amazing Race.
Title: Re: Hamerotz Lamillion 2: The Recaps
Post by: Jai Ho on November 16, 2011, 02:06:34 AM
Sorry for the delay, y'all - no good excuse other than laziness, I guess.

I know we're up to episode 7, but since I'm the only game in town, tune in to Episode 5, where we last left our heroes. It's 2:03 AM here and I need to pass out and it took me over an hour to do this and I'm not even finished, so give me some nice feedback, and I promise I'll have this and 6 done tomorrow, with 7 done later in the week. This Sunday-Tuesday thing is not working for me, especially since M/T are days when I have class.

Here we go, Episode 5, Part 1:

Tonight: More Hungary and I’m Hungary for an elimination. Let’s do this.

Theme Song.

Moti and Pundak, rip and read. It’s designed like a fancy frou-frou invitation and they must head to a synagogue, specifically the one of great Zionist Theodor Herzl since it’s his bar mitzvah. Side Note: he’s been dead for years, so word to wise, avoid the chopped herring because it’s probably been sitting out.

Moti and Pundak run past a chick in yellow. Pundak comments on her tits. Anakiva are thrilled about going to a synagogue, naturally. And why? Because Akiva was thinking of praying, and being the Jewy Jew he is, he sought out the local synagogue on a map! And he knows exactly where to go! I’m actually not unconvinced that this is a case of divine providence – God sure seems to love Shushi. Unlike the dudes (hereinafter, new nickname: Team Facebook) they jump in a cab. Tom and Adele. Oh, gosh, here’s the reading comprehension portion of the episode. Tom covers his head. Hee. Tom thinks they are looking for an actual boy named Herzl, and Adele thinks they’re headed to someone’s house – wait, light bulb sounds! Adele mentions “synagogue!” They hail a taxi and Adele prompts the driver to look for Jews and Israel, and proceeds to do a shuckling motion with her hands over her face, and oddly enough Tom follows. I hope the taxi driver takes them to an epileptic clinic. Wouldn’t that be something?

Elsewhere, Team Facebook is explaining what a synagogue is to a local in a supermarket.
Brothers rip and read, and uh-oh, this is going to be a doozy. Oren needs Internet, and now, and you’d think this is a race for the Internet as he drags his brother around town looking for the Internet. Listen to Jill and Thomas, much, Oren? They say that everyone in Israel would’ve allowed them to use the Internet but they get a barrage of no’s. Elsewhere, Team Facebook has followed a local to his home (whose name is Christian, of all things) and it’s beginning to look like the beginning to a pretty standard gay porn flick, with the niceties and the big dog at the door. Bow chicka bow wow. “My mom’s sleeping, so be quiet.” Oh yeah, they’re definitely getting raped. They find a picture of the synagogue and the camera zooms in on the pic and awesomely takes us to the ACTUAL synagogue where Anakiva are arriving as tinkly Disney music plays and Angela Lansbury prepares to come down the synagogue steps singing “Beauty and the Beast.” Akiva loves the synagogue and Israel. They get the clue from the rabbi, and it’s a funny little task involving taking pictures of locals dressed up as a famous picture of Herzl, including fake beard, and pose as such and say Herzl’s catchphrase “Catch me Lucky Charms, they’re magically delicious!” But no, really, it’s “im tirtzu ein zo agadah,” which means, “if you want it, it’s not a fantasy.” Wait, are we talking Herzl or Hillary Rodham Clinton?

Facebook arrives at the little rabbi and gets the clue. And Moti with the kissing – of the clue, not the rabbi. They get to work and manage to do pretty well. Anael acts as art director. Team Facebook find a ginger to help them. Anael finds an Asian chick. Moti finds a black dude. Hungary’s sure got some multicultural visitors this tourist season.  Both teams finish and get the roadblock, which is to break open a block of ice to get the clue. Their tools include a water gun, a nunchuks, a saw, a wrench, and a high-heeled shoe. Hadas and Inbal were DEFINITELY behind this one.

Back to the Herzl cluebox. Firashira and Yemenites get their clues and the ladies think they’re actually going to a bar mitzvah. Yes, and the next roadblock will be the Electric Slide. Actually, I would kick serious ass at that roadblock. The ladies want to dance and eat. Dopey music plays as Carmit asks to go to the “charch” with a praying hands motion. Most of Hungary thinks she probably wants some blow. Bar and Inna’s turn, and in a remarkably brainy and creative move, Bar sketches a synagogue on the back of the clue and it actually looks like the place they’re going, sight unseen. Good work, ESP Barbie! The driver recognizes the towers and the Jewish star and immediately knows where to go. Elsewhere, Osnat and Carmit read the names of Herzl’s parents and reason they’re to go find them, since they invited them to their son’s party. They probably want to ask if they can each take home a centerpiece. They “ai-yi-yi” a cab, and manage to get the Jewish “charch” message across, and Osnat remarks she’s ready to dance, eat, and show off her foxy earrings.

Tom and Adele? At a church. Sigh. Adele opens the creaky door and horrible music seeps out and Tom declares he is scared of the church. My thoughts exactly. They attempt to find a guy with glasses since people with glasses are smarter than the rest of us (this is Tom’s words, not mine!) and they happen to score with a guy with particularly prevalent peepers, who turns out to be a history teacher. Brothers? Still seeking the elusive Internet. Get in a cab, argue argue argue about absolutely nothing. LET’S MOVE ON, SHOW. Bloop bloop.

And here’s Hen and Alon, still at the movie star task! Wow, this seems like forever ago. Bakers are at the TV star, no love for them. They at least acknowledge their idiocy on this easy task. Back at movie star, Hen/Alon get a good, and are now getting the Herzl clue. And they’re off RUNNING to the synagogue. And…after a seemingly endless montage, make it to the synagogue. Unbe-****ing-lievable. Tom and Adele get the clue. Tom jumps a fence to demonstrate a Herzl pose to a passersby, and an alarm goes off. WHOOPS-A-DAISY. All of Budapest hears the sirens and it’s so ****ing funny. Their guy understandably bolts, and they manage to find a blonde lady passersby who has poorer speaking skills than Adele. When Adele is giving you elocution lessons, you know you’re at a nadir. Now they ask some Spaniards, who randomly dance with them. One of them picks up Adele. They finish, and head off to the roadblock.

Speaking of which, Facebook and Anakiva are there, and commenting on the random items. Pundak goes for the shoe, unsurprisingly, whereas Akiva goes for the wrench. Pundak is making pretty good progress which unnerves Anael, who starts off encouraging her partner. This of course devolves into a SHUSHI SHUSHI chant, and now we have yet another segment on it. And actually, Reshet TV has a rap remix of Shushi Shushi and it’s about as riveting as Rebecca Black singing about onion soup or pelicans or something pointless like that. Anael confuses Rambo and Rocky and tells semi-interested passerby that he was in the army fiiiive years as Facebook makes fun of her and Tom and Adele are here so cue the circus freak music. Adele screams at Tom to start, of course, because she is a tiny little woman. Thanks, Monica Geller.

Synagogue. Bar and Inna make up serious time. I fear they’re about to blow it as they befriend a homeless busker. Not only is he homeless but he’s painfully drunk, possibly stoned and the girls seem to be absorbing this energy as they dissolve in laughter. Inna carries the guy’s guitar and they’re going to look for a specific spot that the photo was taken. YOU’RE DOING IT WRONG. In the Not Romeo and Juliet cab, Muslim po-faces the fact he never got a bar mitzvah. Well, that’s because you’re a Ramadan not a Hanukkah silly boy. Anyway, they arrive, as do (having made up time) Hen/Alon. And here comes the reunion of the evil as Hen/Alon spot Firashira and there is evil hugging and evil kissing and Hen’s nightmares are over and mine are just beginning. You’ll see. They go off to work together and I want to go elsewhere too. Unlike the blondes, they get the assignment and work together on it. In the Osnat/Carmit cab, they’re outta cash. They offer payment in kisses and then the driver threatens to call the police but since they are not Colin and Christie and this isn’t Tanzania they opt to appease the driving by asininely begging “forint for us?” Lots of kisses and phone numbers exchanged and apologies to the taxi driver as they Yemenite their way to the synagogue. The rabbi looks unamused. Most likely he’s Ashkenazi. I have a feeling Osnat/Carmit will smoke this particular task, being the socialites they are.

Elsewhere, Oren/Alon are in some bookstore, still begging for effing Internet. Bright idea: they’re in a bookstore, let’s find a travel guide to Jewish Budapest! They just spent an hour and a half looking for that. Sheesh. Fifi and Nitzan are still playing weatherbunny – and they finally get it! They’re feeling down but not out. And they shouldn’t, since the brothers have found themselves at the Jewish Museum instead of the synagogue, but after much arguing, they find the synagogue, commercial, finally.

Back to Budapest. From afar, Firashira and Hen/Alon decide to **** with the brothers. They tell them that Anakiva said it’s down by the riverside, and as the congratulate themselves, the boys are not fooled. They stupidly run past the brothers in the opposite direction (the hell?) and get the roadblock clue in fourth and fifth.

Ice blocks. Akiva is tired. Moti is beauty-queen waving at the ladies. All is normal. Much more beating up of the ice and Pundak gets the clue, a photo of a bridge, which is the Elizabeth Bridge. Hen/Alon arrive at the ice blocks, and Alon will attack this, of course, with glee, probably imagining half the racers’ heads embedded in the ice. And Firashira are here too, and of course Firass will do it. Women yell, men hack. Hen and Shira start a chant for their partners that is way more annoying than Shushi. Trash-talking, and it’s pleasant neither in
English nor Hebrew, so I’ll leave it be. Akiva finishes, and lots of celebrating.

Elsewhere, banjo music plays as the blondes wander aimlessly around Budapest with their drunk drifter, who stops to give the camera a concert. WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING? This isn’t MTV. The brothers seem to have a better grip on the task and are making up time. The Yemenites fuss over a ginger and Osnat proposes marriage and channels her inner Brooke and says she’s never kissed so much in her life. The blondes, having had no success at all in comprehending this task, having chased their Homeless Herzl all around town. He is now done with the crazy ladies. Commercial.

And we’re back, with Bakers seeking Herzl. As in the person. Oh dear, this doesn’t look too good. You can already see the sun setting behind them. Brothers make it to the ice and start smashing, and unlike the others, Oren’s approaching this methodically by carving out the clue with the heel rather than just going to town on the thing. The girls look over in amusement, but Alon gets the clue next, and then Oren’s strategy works as they pass up the two other teams and pull the photo from the ice, now firmly in the front of the pack, as Alon says correctly in the cab.

Bridge. Facebook arrives and they must count the rails on the bridge, then use that number to unlock a clue box lock. Anakiva arrives soon after and they count. Back at the ice, Osnat’s taking the roadblock, and having and is the first woman to attempt this task. Good on you, Osi. Firass gets the photo next, and Tom/Adele? Looking pretty foolish. Osnat, again, tries to help Tom, who brushes her off. How about you just keep your eyes on your own papers? Lots of hammering…and Osnat passes Tom. Wow, he really sucks at this task. He gets it, but they’re now in seventh place.

Good lord, I’ve been translating for an hour and half now – time for bed. The rest of this episode in the morning.
Title: Re: Hamerotz Lamillion 2: The Recaps
Post by: Drake on November 16, 2011, 08:14:33 AM
Good lord, I’ve been translating for an hour and half now – time for bed. The rest of this episode in the morning.
Can't wait :))
Title: Re: Hamerotz Lamillion 2: The Recaps
Post by: ZBC Company on November 16, 2011, 08:16:37 AM
if anyone link for youtube just send me something send link
Title: Re: Hamerotz Lamillion 2: The Recaps
Post by: Jai Ho on November 16, 2011, 03:01:01 PM
Good lord, I’ve been translating for an hour and half now – time for bed. The rest of this episode in the morning.
Can't wait :))

Thanks, Drake. Any more specific feedback? I'd really like to know what you guys think of my writing.
Title: Re: Hamerotz Lamillion 2: The Recaps
Post by: Jai Ho on November 17, 2011, 12:51:38 AM
Oy, these things are taking forever. Enjoy Episode 5, Part 2, as I ice my hands and prepare to rest up for tomorrow:

Brothers and Hen/Alon arrive at the bridge. Anakiva are befuddled, as are Facebook. But the Brothers have a plan! The next three teams (Firashira, Tom/Adele, Yemenites) arrive seemingly consecutively, and for the first time in a while, we actually have somewhat of an equalizer. How does Shira react to this? By freaking out at her partner, of course. Alon/Oren, through a combination of counting and luck, come up with the correct number of 2377 and unlock the box. Alon kisses his brother’s ear so hard he almost falls over. Hen/Alon see this. Anakiva are trying to unlock the box, but it is Facebook (boo!) that the brothers opt to help, for absolutely no good reason. Akiva comes over as the brothers are explaining and the junior-high ethics ensue as he is pushed away, and Anakiva are pissed. Just open the damn clue, Alon. It’s a pit stop YAY. Alon/Oren run for a cab to get to the pit stop, a pretty castle (no bathhouses this time!) passing Hen on the way. They briefly bid her goodbye, but the next team they happen to see are Osnat/Carmit, who are a) pretty weak and b) helped them all the way back in Israel (sheesh, seems like a million years ago now) so they’ll stop to help them. They send Carmit off to be the dummy and count while they craftily write the number on Osnat’s arm. They tell the ladies to pretend to count for like five more minutes and then go get the clue. Osnat comments that now they’re blood family. Brothers grab a taxi.

Bar/Inna? Still on the Herzl task. They find an old man to help them and Inna stupidly thinks the beard is a toupee before Bar helpfully corrects her. The old man wants Inna in the picture with him, as old men are wont to do. They art direct, and hurry up girls it’s getting late. Back at the bridge, Osnat/Carmit are dancing because they know the answer, they’re not telling, nyah nyah. Team Facebook (with or without Oren/Alon’s aid) get the number and Anael calls the guys first-graders for not telling them the answer. Lucky ducks Tom/Adele miraculously get it, as do less lucky but still accurate Yemenites, now in fourth. All three teams head for cabs and we head for a commercial.

Back, and in the brother cab. They’re feeling pretty darn good – they should, they were in 7th at one point today. They’re pretty confident they’re first…and they are. I’m not recapping Alon’s cab chatter because it is utterly stupid. Either way, they congratulate each other at the mat.

Synagogue. Bakers are still at the Herzl task and we get some really wacky shots that are clearly out of order. Either way, the blondes pick up the pace. Both teams finish. In their cab, the dudes spot some chicks on top of their chair. Tom/Adele ride. Yemenites ride. Team Facebook barely edges out Tom/Adele and the teams are second and third. Back at the ice blocks, night has fallen and Bar is hacking away, hoping that Team Burekas don’t show up. But they do, and of course Nitzan ninjas the ice with the nunchuks and has a great time doing it like the Goonie he is. He actually breaks the nunchuks. Bar feels weak. Inna feels her energy sapping away with all of Nitzan’s progress. And Nitzan emerges victorious, putting the girls definitively in last. Back at the bridge, Anakiva get the correct number and leave, as do Hen/Alon. They don’t appear to share the info with Firashira, who get it in 7th.

Castle pitstop. Osnat/Carmit dance up to the pit stop in fourth. Kisses all around. Back at the ice, Bar’s still hacking away. She finally pops out the freeze-dried clue and they’re on their way to the bridge, to hopefully overtake the bakers, who’ve just arrived there. However, they get muddled when they switch counters midstream, allowing the ladies to catch up. They’re closer than the bakers were. At the pitstop, Anael flutters her eyes in despair learning that she and Akiva are fifth. Stop crying, you baby, you’re still in the race. More triumphant music as Hen/Alon arrive in sixth and Firashira in seventh.

Bridge. Team Bakers can’t get it. Inna shows signs of brilliance when she proposes playing the odds and counting by tens to narrow the number down, and remarkably, the strategy works. Probably similar to Oren/Alon’s strategy. They intend to disappear into the night, and they do. Bakers finally get the clue in last. Bar/Inna’s cab gets lost and they transfer cabs.  Whoops. Fifi/Nitzan’s cab driver seems to know where they’re going. Bar/Inna beg for speed, and we’ve got ourselves a cab race. Ron checks his watch. Both teams arrive, and…it’s Bar and Inna who live to race another day as they arrive in eighth. The chilly bakers arrive, and their goose is cooked. Nitzan comments that it was a black day for them, but they didn’t give up. They get the magic lottery ticket, and 3000 shekels is now theirs. Party time! Awww, I’ll miss their cute faces. No preview.
Title: Re: Hamerotz Lamillion 2: The Recaps
Post by: Jai Ho on November 20, 2011, 01:56:37 AM
Tonight: Episode 6! Hopefully out of Hungary!


Train to Sarajevo, Bosnia and Herzegovina. For some reason, we see none of the teams leaving the pitstop, and the first team we see buying tickets are…Osnat/Carmit? Definitely not shot in order. Ron narrates that the teams are all on the same train to Bosnia. Bar/Inna get the “beautiful country” confessional. We see Muslims! Tom comments that this race is crazy. Shira dances, Akiva prays. And…they’re getting their clues in the order they arrived at the pit stop. LAAAAME. Equalizer, anyone?

First up is the brothers, who say “Bosnia and hurts a vagina.” LOL. The clue tells them to go to the Gavrilo Principe Bridge. They head out as do Team Facebook, who ask their cab driver for pretty girls, and Adele, who cannot pronounce Sarajevo. Yemenites are next, and they ask their driver for Bosnian music and boogie in the cab as usual.

Bridge. Brothers rip and read. The task is to toss a sardine and the other partner has to catch it with their mouth. Every five missed sardines means the tosser must eat one. Oren catches, shirtless, and Alon tosses, shirt on. Facebook arrives as well and Moti and his big mouth are catching. They argue, which is new and exciting for them. Pundak eats his first fish. Tom and Adele arrive. Alon eats a fish. Tom, who is throwing, is totally grossed out by the fish and doesn’t want to eat any. Adele wants him to shut up and throw the damn thing. Yemenites arrive, and Carmit will catch. Good on her. Soon enough, Osnat must eat one and it is gross. Tom screams at Adele for not being a better fish-catcher. Tom bites into one and goes through about ten different emotions of pain in five seconds.

Back at the station, Anakiva gets their cab and are scared. Akiva tosses out a prayer as the bridge teams toss more fish. Carmit barely misses, Adele catches one…with her hood, and the brothers and Facebook each catch one so it’s time for a stupid, pointless duel, this one involving playing musical chairs against some Bosnian thugs and a fierce lookin’ Bosnian lady  with a rolling pin. But first, prom queen! Will Alon/Hen get a threepeat? The brothers and Facebook seem to think so as they do just that as Hen/Alon depart the station. Firass/Shira leave as well.

Musical chairs. The fierce Bosnian Olympic Musical Chairs squad prepares for their first two adversaries, and it’ll be, of course, the two male teams. Alon/Oren walk in, and Moti/Pundak run in shrieking like fags. This is almost too dumb to recap, but let’s see what happens. One of the Bosnian thugs literally tosses Pundak out of the ring. Damn. Moti dances like a six-year-old (Pundak’s words, not mine). The next stop, Alon gets tossed off by the same thug, and the momentum is too much for him, as he literally bounces off the ground and collapses onto Pundak. I would do the same, but for different reasons. Or maybe the same ones – I don’t know. We get treated to a replay and I don’t think we’ve seen this much unintentional physical comedy since Charla vs. the horse. Or maybe even Heather vs. the donkey cart. People take pictures but ultimately, Moti wins. Damn it. Gloat, gloat, just get your damn clue. And…it’s a cup of coffee. The teams don’t know that the clue is a ski resort written at the bottom of the cup. They finish the coffee and get a piece of paper saying, get the next clue…but where? Dun dun DUN. Commercial. Anakiva and Hen/Alon arrive at the fish, and the ladies will be catching. Anael comments that Akiva doesn’t even eat fish at home. Anael shockingly catches one and they’re on their way. Firashira arrive, and Shira freaks out, as usual. Anakiva decides to yield Bar/Inna because they are last, and here they are, leaving the station in remarkably good spirits.

Bridge. No success anywhere. Tom puts on his hood and prays for Adele to catch it. And she does. Amazing. Adele is annoyed, of course. Firass catches and they’re up to fifth. Hen catches, and also uses hand sanitizer. No luck for the Yemenites, but they’re in their own world anyway. All three teams yield the brothers, and it’s looking like Hen/Alon might’ve dodged a bullet. Tom babbles about nothing in the cab, and Anakiva arrive at the duel. The brothers compliment Anakiva’s racing skills, but Alon takes the win for the brothers, who get the coffee clue. They are confused, and look at a city map and decide that since the task involved music, it’s a musical place? Pundak gets the idea to look at the coffee cups, and they get the clue and are off. Brothers? Off, for no good reason, to a music hall. Lenny and Karyn in Paris, much? Commercial.

Bridge. Osnat prays for luck, and Bar will catch fish for herself and Inna. Carmit finally catches one, and they vote Bar/Inna for prom queen since they’re last. Moti and Pundak arrive at the “sky resort” and must stay for the night. They must sign up for departure times. Whither the equalizer? Either way, they’re in for the night, and out of this episode less than halfway in.
Musical chairs. Tom/Adele arrive to duel with Anakiva. Anael wins for her team, and they are rewarded with the coffee and are duly confused. Brothers? Going around nowhere, and for some obscure reason looking for the Olympic Museum. Nothing there neither, pardners. Anakiva are confused. Bar catches a fish with her eye and it’s utterly disgusting. Skillfully, she flips it down to her mouth, and they vote for Tom/Adele, who are going up against Firass/Shira. Firass tries to use Arabic to get the Bosnians on his side. I see a freakout in the near future. Commercial.

We’re back, and I was right. Tom manhandles Shira to the ground, and Firass gets upset and pushes Tom. Isn’t that against the rules? Hen/Alon arrive, and watch the arguing, as do Anakiva. Alon predicts a breakup as some sort of producers step in. Adele cries.

See, this is why this duel idea is stupid. Someone WILL get hurt, someone WILL cry, and this is how a lawsuit starts.

Tom apologizes before it gets too out of control, and Tom/Adele get the coffee clue. As the duel starts, so does a duel between the couple on the way to the ski resort. They argue, and it’s stupid. Tom acts like a baby, and Adele is a baby, so I guess it works. Back at the duel, Firass wins it and they get the coffee clue and are confused. And, we’re back to Tom/Adele, who make it to the hotel.

Musical chairs. Osnat/Carmit are ready to party. Osnat breaks a chair. In a first, both team members win (and even more remarkably it’s the ladies), and there is much shimmying as Hen/Alon sulk in defeat all the way to a commercial.

Musical chairs. Osnat/Carmit, having won, get the coffee clue, and Osnat’s sweet tooth leads her to lick the cup and become only the third team to discover the clue. The brothers, having returned from their trip around Sarajevo, are summoned over by the ladies, who share the clue. Neither shares with Anakiva, but with the hubbub they figure it out. Firass and Shira do not. After a short musical interlude a la Hannah and Margalit (they sang this song last season, episode 1), Firass and Shira figure it out and are on their way just as Bar/Inna arrive to duel Hen/Alon. Inna dances like she needs to go potty. Even so, the kickboxer boxes out Bar but it doesn’t really matter as they only have to wait fifteen minutes. Bar/Inna kiss and wait as the musicians pack up. Lonely girls in Sarajevo.

Ski resort. Anakiva arrive in third, having passed the other two teams. No sympathy for the Yemenites, as the brothers breeze past them to claim fourth. In an uninteresting montage, Shira/Firass get sixth, Hen/Alon seventh, and Bar/Inna last, just like they started.


Morning at the ski resort. Hen/Alon are kickboxing together. Roadblock, and it’s time to jet-ski in the snow – but in swimsuits! Just like
they do in the Olympics! Moti volunteers, and wishes he hadn’t. Heh heh heh. I am not jealous of Moti as he sets off in his pink swim trunks. After a few moments, he’s on his ass.

Back at the ranch, it’s Anakiva’s turn to play Sally Jessy as they counsel feudin’ and fightin’ Tom/Adele. Tom admits to the entire country that he’s on his knees and sorry and blah, you’re going to do something stupid next leg most likely so save your breath. Adele doesn’t want to do the roadblock, but Tom guilts her into doing it. Adele takes off in her powder blue bikini. Anael and Oren will take the task for their teams. I have a feeling Anael’s swimwear will be not much different than her land wear, and I’m right. Apparently, Anael also swims in a fuzzy hat. All three teams are off, and Anael takes a tumble. Adele gracefully glides to the finish and proves her awesomeness once again. Oren glides through as they get the clue, and it’s time to drive to Dubrovnik, Croatia. But first, they must find the U-Turn Board at Mostar Bridge, another bridge.

Roadblock. Osnat will do her third, and Shira, her first. Firass is uncomfortable in the cold. Moti limps up for his second go, as does Anael. They’re all cold. Moti gets it done, and Anael glides to a stop just barely past the line, and they’re off to Dubrovnik, via Mostar. Carmit sings to her partner as her falls immediately. Shira falls with less grace. The brothers, once again, are lost en route Mostar. They argue with much drama. Back at the roadblock, Hen gets into her teal swimsuit and looks like she’s done this before as she smokes the task and flashes the viewing audience. They hope that the brothers and Facebook drive to Kazakhstan. Predictably, despite leaving in third, Moti/Pundak reach the U-Turn bridge in Mostar and head to Croatia as back at the roadblock, both Osnat and Shira hit the snow and sport some impressive bruising. Commercial.

Anakiva and Tom/Adele reach the board simultaneously, and both are safe. Inna channels Baywatch as she heads out in her pink swimsuit with a blonde hair toss. She looks very wobbly, but she maintains focus and gets it on her first try. Osnat and Shira fall again. They leave as Osnat limps to her fourth try. She’s clearly scared to death but she does it. The cold actually manages to cause them to leave without a song. Shira? Still struggling. The Yemenites have not a clue what they’re looking for an look as if a bridge is going to walk up and knock on their car door begging for money. Hen/Alon, however, find the board and are overjoyed at having survived the yield. Brothers are still lost, having not moved, apparently.

Roadblock. Shira falls right before the finish line, and Firass picks her up. Shira looks more corpse-like than usual, and wants to give up the roadblock. Bar/Inna pass up the brothers and find the bridge, as do the Yemenites. With three votes (all the couples) they have been yielded. Back at the resort, Firass carries Shira’s corpse back to the resort. What will happen next? End episode.
Title: Re: Hamerotz Lamillion 2: The Recaps
Post by: georgiapeach on November 20, 2011, 11:11:31 AM
Awesome job Jai Ho!! This will make it possible for those of us who can't understand to watch and really know what is going on!!

:tu SO much for doing these, we will cherish them forever!!
Title: Re: Hamerotz Lamillion 2: The Recaps
Post by: Drake on November 20, 2011, 11:48:00 AM
When are you going to give a summary of the episode 7?
Title: Re: Hamerotz Lamillion 2: The Recaps
Post by: Jai Ho on November 20, 2011, 12:37:07 PM
Awesome job Jai Ho!! This will make it possible for those of us who can't understand to watch and really know what is going on!!

:tu SO much for doing these, we will cherish them forever!!

Thanks georgiapeach!  :<3 Any thoughts on the writing?

Also, even though you didn't ask, the reason I'm not translating a lot of the words they say (which is probably what you're interested in seeing) is because it's usually all about the same thing, similar to American TAR. Either a) all the teams comment on the same thing uncreatively (ie. it's cold, this is disgusting, this is crazy) or b) they say the same things that they usually say. Anakiva usually comment on God's providence, Team Facebook talk about girls and Facebook, the brothers bash each other, Bar/Inna usually go back and forth repeating each other, Tom/Adele usually talk about nothing of consequence, Hen/Alon barely get to talk period, and usually Shira is bitching about something (Firass speaks very little). The only team that usually adds something to the experience are the Yemenites, who tend to give some semi-interesting analogies in their moments of clarity. I like all the teams this season (even Team Facebook and Firashira) but frankly, they're about as deep as a kiddie pool.
Title: Re: Hamerotz Lamillion 2: The Recaps
Post by: Jai Ho on November 20, 2011, 12:39:48 PM
When are you going to give a summary of the episode 7?

Patience patience, it takes me awhile to be creative!  :umn:

...No but seriously, I'll get started on Ep. 7 today. I've already watched it and know what happens, so it shouldn't take me a zillion hours to do. And I no longer use a dictionary/Google to translate unless it's a word I've never heard before.
Title: Re: Hamerotz Lamillion 2: The Recaps
Post by: Jai Ho on November 21, 2011, 12:17:08 PM
Episode 7, Part 1. I watched Episode 8 last night and I can already see it's going to be difficult, so I'm going to zoom through Episode 7 for y'all. I have class soon but I'll finish the episode tonight, hopefully. Keep reading!

Tonight: Zoom! Careen! Croatia!

Roll theme song.

We open en route Croatia…but wait, Shira’s still whimpering in Bosnia, but we’ll get to her in a few. But first, we must have some “driving to Croatia omgawsh it’s so pretty” confessionals from the leading cars. Moti and Pundak are in the lead, followed by Anakiva (who comment on the beauty), and Tom/Adele (who comment that Anakiva are probably singing, and they are, a song about the beauty of mountains). Anael compares Croatia to a dream landscape. Harbor shots lead us to a sports center, where we face a detour: Soccer (Futbol) or Basketball. In soccer, each team member must score 3 goals while the other cheers them on in a cheerleading uniform adorned with the Croatian flag. Come on, no “Bring It On” reference? Tom better do good at this task. In basketball, teams go up against 2 supertall Croatians to score baskets with a trampoline, a ladder, a shopping cart, and a chair. By standing on the items, not throwing them.

Team Facebook chooses Soccer, and predictably, they pimp their Facebook pages, and Pundak cheers first in a little skirt and tank top which is actually quite cute on him. The cheerleaders are 15 years old and Pundak enjoys doing the cheer moves. Moti scores one for his team. Tom/Adele and Anakiva make it to the detour, and both teams point out that soccer task = Tom, and Tom can’t believe his luck. Reminder: he’s a professional SOCCER PLAYER. As in DOES THIS TO PAY THE BILLS. Either way, the ladies skirt up and men suit up. Tom doucheishly makes Adele sing a song about him, nothing short of stupider than that idiotic musical “Bye Bye Birdie.” Moti and Pundak comment that Tom is, again, a professional and they’re shakin’ in their boots. Tom kicks…and it’s the puniest little tap and the little paper goalpost merely topples over. WONK WONK. Anael attempts to lead her girls in “Am Yisrael Chai,” and Akiva…is not comfortable. Before he evens starts, he reasons that not even for a million shekels will he wear a skirt and wave pompoms so off they go to Basketball. Anael supports his decision with no argument.

Ski resort. Firass is carrying Shira’s frozen corpse back to the lodge. She legit looks white. In the first medical intervention of the season, we are informed that Shira’s blood pressure is too low to continue. In the race? YAY! Just joshing, it’s just the task. They have to take a one hour penalty, and that’s Shira’s first roadblock, ladies and gents. Make fun of Adele and Osnat all you want now. She seems pretty contrite and I actually feel a little sorry for her. Firass is not disappointed. Do I smell foreshadowing? Commercials.

On the road to Dubrovnik are the brothers, who are worried about the long drive and fear elimination. Hen/Alon are not worried at all, in the car behind them. Pretty piano music as Hen declares she wants to live there, raise children, work the land…WTF, goes Alon and myself, and Hen’s all “I’ll plant flowers and pick fruit.” Alon derides Hen’s rose-colored glasses view of the world. And…traffic jam!  It seems as the two teams are stuck. There’s been a hellish crash in the tunnel. Hen hopes it’s Team Facebook, and Alon pooh-poohs her but gives a  wink-wink nudge-nudge as we go to the soccer field, where Pundak is cheering for “Tomtom,” some odd nickname for his partner.

Soccer. Moti scores his last two and it’s time to switch. Tom, meanwhile, can’t even score one. NOT ONE. Adele is cheering her little jailbait heart out and even comments to the cheerleaders a la Mirna, “Look, he’s a footballer and he can’t even do this.” Moti is cheering now, and Sue Sylvester would not approve of the booty shaking or the cartwheels. Despite little previous experience, Pundak knocks out two targets in a row. Moti does the airplane dance, and Pundak’s all, “Do I know you?” (Again, Pundak’s words, not mine. I feel this may become a recurring theme.  I like it). Adele is laughing at Tom’s lack of performance and of course, it’s not Tom’s fault, it’s the shoes. HIS FREAKIN SHOES. He claims that he can’t do it because he doesn’t have cleats, and I can see this is going to end splendidly. Pundak finishes, and they pick a cheerleader up and rip and read. Next up? Cremeschnitte Festival, where each team member will eat five pieces of delicious cream cake with only their mouths. I would ADORE this task.

Basketball. Anael tries from the ladder, but it’s Akiva who scores.

Road to Croatia. Inna and Bar are lost, and Inna admits she sucks at navigating before any arguing starts but of course this means we need to see proof of this, so here’s your next five minutes, folks. They argue about who’s the most annoying. Osnat asks Carmit to drive, but she’s too tired. Osnat, to her credit, is tired of doing this all alone, having done three roadblocks to her partner’s zip. Carmit argues that she’ll do what she’s able to do. Blah, commercial.

We’re back, and not going anywhere on the road to Croatia. Hen/Alon spot the brothers and they go fake-make-nice. They’re happy that each other is stuck. Oren actually comes up with a brilliant if not illegal idea that since they have cameras and are actually being filmed, the two cars should go to the police as if they’re (Hebrew-speaking) Spanish TV news crews covering this insignificant accident. I guess Oren picked Spain due to the red and yellow flag on the dash. Well, better Spain than the former South Vietnam, I guess. They are allowed through, probably because the policeman doesn’t want to see Oren’s smelly face. Now that’s acting, comments Oren.

Ski resort. Shira still looks dead as they drive to the bridge. Tom finally gets two goals and comments that if it’s difficult for him, it’ll be near impossible for Adele. I get his reasoning, but…no, I’m not going to lie. I don’t get it. Team Facebook steamed through the task and I think Tom just doesn’t want to get showed up by his girlfriend in front of a bunch of girls. Tom bitches and Adele imitates him and it’s so Anti-Flo and Zach that it’s hirarious. Tom decides to switch tasks, and Adele is rightfully pissed, you know, being a professional fish-catcher/escape artist who jetskis through the snow in her bikini in her spare time, so she’s entitled. At said switched task, Anael jumps on the trampoline and scores. Tom and Adele get to the task, and Tom immediately showboats worse than Moti and Pundak combined, while Adele stands on the stupid ladder and tries to actually do the task instead of having fun. Tom beans her with the ball. Tom must have a really small penis to be attempting to prove this point. Meanwhile, Anael scores again and hey, look, a team that WORKS TOGETHER TO DO THE TASK. As robotic and repetitive as Anakiva are, at least they know how to follow the rules and do the tasks without bickering.

Cake. Team Facebook is turned on by Katrina, the waitress, and they get tied up and start to eat. They look like the big babies they are in their giant bibs.

Brothers and Hen/Alon opt for the basketball. Brothers immediately comment on the height and age of the players and we learn that Oren is 46 with an 18 year old son. Kickboxer Alon looks even more like Russell Hantz than normal and has little success, but a whole lot of fun and everyone is giggling. Yay. Hen, who looks like WNBA Barbie, even comments (in English!) “Alon, you are so not good at this.” Heh. Oren’s laughing, but Gay Alon’s not. Tom is being Tom. Oren beans his partner with the ball. Adele, atop a ladder, gets the tenth point, but they’re told they did it wrong and have to do it again. And Tom forget to read the clue to use all the stupid items. Tom yells at Adele for no good reason. Gay Alon gets a nice ladder-assist from his brother. Hen comments that she played basketball as a child, and being tall, I’d buy that she’d be good at this task. She scores one from the chair and another from the trampoline, and lawyer Oren dunks impressively. Kickboxer Alon gets the final basket for his team, and Tom/Adele have been officially sent down to fifth place. The brothers, now in third, get a biker to lead them to the cake. Hen/Alon leave as well, in fourth.

Mostar Bridge. Firashira are safe and finally heading to Dubrovnik. Firass hopes the teams are in Norway. Bar/Inna might as well be, as they learn they’re 100 km from Dubrovnik. Bar, BTW, has a super cute University of Michigan hoodie on, quite randomly.

Cake. Facebook is struggling with the cake. Anakiva arrive at the restaurant and bless the cake as they dig in. Akiva’s face seems to stick to the cake. Team Facebook is staying clean (?) by wiping their faces on each other, and the homoeroticism is noted. With that, commercial.
Any comments? Bueller? Bueller?
Title: Re: Hamerotz Lamillion 2: The Recaps
Post by: Best Loser on November 21, 2011, 01:57:04 PM
Excellent as usual. Your recap confirmed my theory that the argument between Firass and Tom was just two males overreacting for no real purpose.
Title: Re: Hamerotz Lamillion 2: The Recaps
Post by: AR FAN on November 22, 2011, 09:02:45 PM
Thank You Jai Ho for the recaps, I almost look forward to them as much as the videos themselves.
Title: Re: Hamerotz Lamillion 2: The Recaps
Post by: Jai Ho on November 23, 2011, 04:14:42 PM
I know I'm so super behind, but school idiocy is eating my time. Enjoy the rest of Episode 7 and I will start Episode 8 recap tonight, then watch Episode 9 (!) and do that. Thankfully, I have no real Thanksgiving plans, so I'll be in my apartment playing recap catch up. Here we go:

Basketball. Tom scores from the shopping cart and he and Adele are off in 5th. They note being passed by several teams. Tom blames it all, of course, on Adele. Tom asks a passerby for advice, and when he does not know, freaks out at Adele in the backseat, who tells the passerby to go because she is tired of this.

Cake. Brothers arrive with lots of “my friend my friend.” Facebook and Anakiva are still eating, with Akiva looking like a cake bomb went off on his face. The brothers end up at a table outside and enjoy the task, particularly Alon, who jokes he has a Cremeschnitte beard, and he does. They make quick work of the cake and are almost done when Facebook finish and get the next clue, which is for one member to climb a wall while the other collects enough local currency to pay the “toll” for entry. Both male teams hobble off full of cake to said task.

Road to Dubrovnik (still?) Firashira see Bar/Inna in their rearview mirror, and Shira comments that the girls had a half hour lead on them and now they’re behind them. The girls notice Shira’s face as well. Shira comments that it was the end of the world, and suddenly, it’s not anymore.

Wall. Pundak will climb and Moti will beg. He calls some local girls misers, but it’s in Hebrew, so it doesn’t matter. He insists to some others he’s not crazy, which is not true. Brothers arrive and Alon, predictably will beg for money. Moti acts like an idiot but gets the money from some girls. Pundak struggles on the ascender more than I’d think he would. Alon of course makes a spectacle, as he is wont to do, raving like an even bigger loony than Moti, but I think the people are paying him to go away. Oren and Pundak climb. Oren comments he’s old and full of cake. Both men are close to the top. Pundak doesn’t seem to mind Moti’s yelling, but Oren wastes time telling Alon to shut up. Facebook makes it first and gets the clue, to find a statue of Lady Pee-Pee, drink the water spilling out of her vadge (which is magical), and then run to Minceta Tower to the pit stop. The yield is there for the brothers, so I think we know who’s not going to win this leg. Oren/Alon get all their money, get to the top, celebrate, and leave. They also find out, in their clue, that they are the ones yielded. Huh, that’s a new one. Commercial.

Back with Yemenites at the Basketball roadblock. Osnat discovers the ladder is perfect for tickling the players’ armpits, and scores, beaning her partner in the process. They each score a few baskets and leave before anyone else arrives, still in sixth.

Cake. Hen/Alon arrive and Hen comments how lovely it is to have coffee and cake in the Old City of Dubrovnik. Let’s see how much she likes it, one kilo later. Anakiva are still struggling as Hen/Alon bib up and immediately joke around, with Hen planting a custardy kiss on her husband’s bald little head. This starts a cute little kissing/licking war. Hen is loving the task, and inside, Anael is about to pass out.
Somewhere in Dubrovnik, Tom/Adele STILL HAVEN’T MOVED AN INCH. Come on people. They’re arguing again, this time about Tom’s behavior. More apologies, and I go bleep-bloop.

Cake. Hen/Alon jump up and down. Tom/Adele arrive and chow down next to Hen/Alon. Anakiva look like they’ve just had a food orgasm.

Streets. Team Facebook gets directions up some stairs, and the brothers are lost, with a funny little moment of Alon looking like a six-year-old, asking some restauranteur, “there is a toilet here…peepee?” Eventually the brothers also find the stairs. Team Facebook comments on the high stairs. Pundak asks if it’s Peepee or Fifi, and Moti responds with, “no, Fifi went home.” Heh. They run up to the pit stop, mugging the whole way, and congrats, it’s your first first, Moti and Pundak. The greeter is Giovanni Russo, some Croatian-Israeli athlete who speaks Hebrew as well as Croatian, so they’re some pit stop banter, but I fast forward to the brothers arriving at the statue to find themselves yielded, worried…and commercial time.

Road to Dubrovnik, and the trailing two teams arrive at the detour. It’s a little dark to be doing either of those activities safely, don’t you think. Dorky music plays as Bar/Inna always drive away, and drive around in pointless circles, allowing Firashira to catch up. Shira and Bar each score from the ladder, and the blondes actually seem like they know how to play. It also helps that the guys think the girls are cute, and they’re certainly less aggressive than the guys who are boxing out Firass ferociously. The girls finish and Bar wants to exchange jerseys with one of her opponents and Bar comments that she doesn’t want to see the guy without his shirt, he’s just as cute clothed. Whatever, if a guy wants to take off his shirt for you…just, whatever, girl. The girls gossip about the cute guys on their way to the cake, as if it gave them a second wind. Firashira leave as well.

Cake. Anakiva toss their cookies almost in unison, and the two teams on the ground hear them vomiting and feel horrible themselves, particularly both girls, who break out in tears. Back to Anakiva, they talk about supporting each other, and they finish, with Anael offering a painfully weak, “nice to meet you” to the waitress. She comments she feels sick, and that’s when I realize that they totally are a Jewish Josh and Anna Duggar. Why did I not make the connection before? They finish and stumble out. Downstairs, Hen and Alon are worrying about the calories, with Hen worrying about working as a model with all that cake inside her. Hen says that this proves that models do eat, and Alon assures the viewing audience that Hen does not live on grass alone. Tom wishes it were chocolate.
Wall, Anael begs for money, and one kind guy gives her all the money. Of course, it’s a miracle, and Akiva climbs as the gospel choir sings. They set off for Lady Pipi. Commercial.

Back, and with the brothers at the yield. Anakiva climbs to Lady Pipi and Anael starts to feel the cake. It’s to no avail, as we see the brothers checking in in second. They talk about their relationship. Anael is grossed out by the statue, but they drink, and climb the tower. Congrats, you’re third. They have no clue who the greeter is.

Cake. Osnat/Carmit arrive, and once again, Carmit struggles. Osnat shakes it for the crowd, and a passerby actually STICKS HIS FINGER IN HER CAKE AS SHE’S EATING IT. Major gross. The ladies just laugh though. The blondes also arrive, and see their chance to pass up the older ladies. The Yemenites are amazes that the girls can pack so much away so quickly. Shira and Firass arrive at the cake and also make an anorexic blond joke. And the race is on!

Wall. Hen and Adele are begging for money, and Adele passes up Hen. When Hen comes back, Alon asks her if she flashed the crowd for money. Heh. Of course, Tom blows the lead by letting Alon pass him, but they’re off and neither will probably be eliminated, so back to cake.

Cake. Osnat is done and Carmit? Not so much. However, both teams pick up the pace and leave Firashira in the dust. Alon and Hen find Lady Pipi and are pleased to have escaped this penalty, at last. They toast, rush to the finish, and get fourth. Adele leads Tom to Lady Pipi, and they comment on it being delicious pee. I really hope they don’t make a habit of drinking pee. At the finish mat, Adele freaks out with happiness at seeing the greeter. Fifth place, and they’re not too happy. Commercial.

Back, and this episode is almost over, thank God. Osnat is climbing for her team, of course, and Carmit is begging for money for her “girlfriend.” Bar appears with her team’s money, and Inna starts the climb. Carmit is still begging, and Osnat is worried. Inna does pretty well on the climb and they leave. Osnat wonders if Carmit went back to Kiryat Ekron (their hometown) to get the money. Heh.

Cake. Firass and Shira act as if they’ve already been eliminated, and look pretty pathetic. Shira feels weak and cold. Firass has snot coming out of his nose.

Wall. Carmit is back and Osnat’s all, where the hell were you, the girls passed us. They do the task, but Bar and Inna already found Lady Pipi. However, they don’t see the flag pointing to the pit stop, and run away from it. The ladies struggle up the stairs. Inna and Bar are so confused and wandering around. They finally arrive at Lady Pipi and lo and behold, the girls are still there! Carmit hopes they won’t see her and Osnat, and yeah, hiding your face behind the clue will conceal your presence, lady. Bar/Inna read the clue again and still can’t figure out what it means by “climb the stairs.” They run off in the wrong direction, and the Yemenites run up the proper staircase. Bar/Inna realize their mistake. Stair battle! Inna leads a good fight up the stairs, and they pass Osnat/Carmit to arrive in sixth. Right behind them, Osnat and Carmit go “surprise!” and there they are, in seventh, and safe.

Cake. Firashira finish, Firass climbs, and they know they’re in last. They stroll to Lady Pipi and mope up the stairs. There’s Ron, and boom, they’re eliminated. They will be staying together. Fortunately for me, they’ll be together elsewhere. Shira cries, Firass comforts, he’s proud of her for sucking and being a big puss, and they get their consolation shekels. Won’t miss you that much, I must say. No preview.
Title: Re: Hamerotz Lamillion 2: The Recaps
Post by: ZBC Company on November 23, 2011, 08:21:53 PM
love this leg i need figure out what was pit stop for polland
Title: Re: Hamerotz Lamillion 2: The Recaps
Post by: retard boi on November 23, 2011, 10:57:18 PM
love this leg i need figure out what was pit stop for polland

The pit stop in polland was the house that the greeter grew up in. The greeter for that leg is a ~90 years old holocaust survivor who lost most of her family in the Nazi concentration camps during the second world war and came to Israel after the war ended. It was actually a pretty emotional pit stop.
Title: Re: Hamerotz Lamillion 2: The Recaps
Post by: Jai Ho on November 30, 2011, 12:11:39 AM
OK OK OK I know I'm like a week and a half behind but it was Thanksgiving, I made my first jachnun (in honor of Osnat/Carmit  :hoot: then had to proctor an exam  (:;) then stapled through my finger  :iok but here's Episode 8. Warning: It's a LONG one.

It's already midnight here, and I'm going to do as much episode 9 as I can before I start getting woozy, and post that tonight. Promise.

Enjoy Episode Late (I mean 8):
Tonight: Poland, and lots of arguing.

Sunrise in Croatia, and the first four teams (Facebook, Bros, Anakiva, and Hen/Alon) get (or are given, most likely) the first flight to Krakow. Taxis, lots of passing and clapping. I still have no clue where they’re going in Krakow. Moti/Pundak interview about how strong they are as a team. Some more pretty standard cab interviewing. Anael tries out some Polish, and she reveals that she goes to Poland every year on a “march of the living” – for those uninformed, it’s a pilgrimage to the concentration camps to memorialize the Holocaust. Anael is proud of being Israeli, and we find out we’re going to Krakow Square as Moti/Pundak arrive to the task first. The task is to recruit locals to carry a car with them to a line without touching the ground, and then pack into the car with all the people who helped them. A Polish tradition! (I have no clue what this task means. Sorry, Poles).

Team Facebook immediately sets out to gather six strong local guys among the onlookers. They move their blue car a little, but need one more guy. The brothers and Anakiva arrive at the square and follow suit. Alon and Oren struggle with the car, because it’s a heavy car. Anael isn’t even carrying for some reason, isn’t that against the rules? They knock over one of their carriers. Alon/Oren’s diplomacy skills seem to be failing them, as a couple of their guys get pissed off and walk away, and they’re back to square one. Team Facebook, however, is having trouble getting themselves and all their guys in the little car. They finally get everyone in…but Moti. After some imitated anal sex between Moti in the car, they have no choice but to put him in with his legs hangin’ out the window, which won’t do. Can they stuff him in the trunk? Commercial.

Back, and flight two (Tom/Adele, Bar/Inna, and Yemenites) lands in Krakow. Tom hopes to start the day off on the right foot. Osnat tries to convince Carmit to try out some Yiddish, and tells us that her family is from here, but they fell in a pool of chocolate. Heh.
Krakow Square. Hen/Alon arrive and start begging. Lots of carrying, and Hen/Alon, despite seeming to have just arrived, get the all-clear to start piling in their car. The guys get a kick out of Hen, and once they’re all trapped, the ten-second countdown starts and now the kickboxer and wife are in first. They get the next clue. But first – voting time! Hen/Alon choose the brothers for their strength (?). Brothers are now attempting to get in the car. Their timer starts, and they compare it to being in a cattle car. Over at the Anakiva car, Anael is literally squeezed against the dashboard as their timer starts. The brothers’ timer ends, and they pose for pictures. Anael gets pulled out of her car by her wrists. Over at the U-Turn board, the brothers U-Turn Tom and Adele in hopes they’ll self-destruct, and Anakiva, still bitter about the bridge incident from a million zillion years ago, choose the brothers. Akiva comments that CEO Alon thinks he’s the CEO of the race. Hen/Alon get in a taxi, Anakiva head out on foot, and the brothers get a little electric golf cart to drive them as ice-cream man music plays. They pootle along, noting everything that’s passing them. Commercial.

We see signs in Yiddish, and Hen/Alon are at the Jewish quarter with their clue, which is a video of three ladies. We find out that these three ladies are Israeli comediennes Tzipi Shavit, Irit Anavi, and Chani Nachmias. I will not be remembering these names, so they’re going to be Redhead, Curly, and LeAnn (because upon second viewing, she’s a dead ringer for LeAnn Rimes). The task is to make the ladies laugh with five Polish jokes. This is horribly inappropriate, but the show’s also had old ladies wrestling in chocolate and several uncensored curse words, so I’ll try to translate any jokes that may transcend, humor-wise. Hen/Alon don’t know any jokes, so they Google. The brothers get out a notepad and do the same. Anakiva get the clue, and Anael can’t keep a straight face for a second and her partner knows.

Cars. Tom/Adele and the blondes arrive. The blondes get to work quickly. Yemenites soon arrive, and recruit young guys to help the “old ladies.” Carmit starts rolling the car. Facebook? Still packing their clowns in the car. All three of the trailing teams start packing their people in, and a local enjoys watching Adele’s skirt go up over her rear as she climbs in as someone else cops a feel. Bar and Inna seem to have some breathing room in their car and the guys are only too willing to get in with them. Over at the Yemenite car, Osnat almost gets stuck and Carmit’s head ends up in her partner’s crotch. Their timer starts, and even though they can’t breathe, they can still sing. Adele and Tom are now, as are Bar/Inna. The ladies have little trouble getting out of their car. Tom/Adele, now in fourth, vote for Bar/Inna because they’re behind them, and Bar/Inna, now in fifth, return the favor so as to take advantage of Tom/Adele’s poor relationship. Commercial.

We’re back, and the Yemenites are now finished the car task, and…Moti/Pundak are last? Indeed they are. The ladies vote for Tom/Adele, and the deal is sealed. Team Facebook needs to redo the task. Osnat/Carmit giggle about the scenery as they catch a cab to the Jewish Quarter.

Jewish Quarter. Alon/Hen are ready to tell jokes and they call the comediennes. This whole task has a lot of choppy shots so it’s hard to determine who’s saying what, to whom, and when, but I’ll try my best. Hen/Alon tell a joke about a Polish girl going to her doctor asking why she’s losing calcium. The doctor says, I understand it. A smiley face appears in the corner of the screen, letting us know that they made the ladies laugh. The next one is: what’s the difference between a Pole and a worm? A worm eats you only after you die. Lol? Alon/Oren have a Polish mother, and Redhead warns the brothers to be nice. The brothers try a joke: Woman asks her Polish friend why she’s so tan, and friend says do you know how many funerals I’ve been to this month? A smiley for them. Akiva tells a joke about sandwiches that’s not too funny but gets a smiley. Oren says, why does a Pole wake up at five to make coffee? So at eight it’ll be cold! More jokes, rapid fire, and Hen/Alon and the brothers are done. Redhead instructs them to go to the Klezmer House, and once they get there it’s a detour, which is overly complicated. In one task, they must carry water backwards in leaky buckets and fill up to a line in a barrel (again, a la Double Dare) and in the other, they must identify an accordion song and eat several knaidlach (matzo balls) to get the clue. Both Hen/Alon and the brothers choose the water task, which honestly looks harder than the other one. They seem to be doing pretty well. Anakiva arrives at the detour, and choose to eat. They only get one note, and guess Fiddler on the Roof. They’re wrong, so they must eat. Akiva enjoys the food, as he eats it regularly. They get frustrated, and contemplate quitting.

Krakow Square (still). Moti and Pundak are in last and trying the task once more. They finally get it, now in last. They pick Alon/Hen for the u-turn board, but it’s to no avail. Back at the water task, Hen/Alon are doing well. Moti/Pundak do their best Alon imitation and head for the Jewish Quarter. Commercial.

Jewish Quarter. Bar/Inna arrive and bean their taxi driver with the trunk. Tom/Adele head to a hotel to look up jokes, whereas Bar/Inna get two smileys right off the bat. Tom tells a joke and LeAnn cringes. Tom does a similar cringe on his end of the line. No smiley. Another joke, and the ladies look annoyed. They don’t like him and they can’t even see him. Adele does a fakesy laugh but it ain’t good enough. The Yemenite ladies arrive and it appears they’ll be good at this as they get a smiley while Tom struggles for his first. Osnat comes up with a joke: A Polish lady is getting stared at through her window, her friend suggests to put a curtain up, Polish lady says why can’t he put a curtain up! This earns them their final smiley and Bar/Inna complete the task as well. Off to the detour.

Water detour. Hen/Alon are working very well together, and the brothers are almost there too. The stick guy sticks his stick (say that three times fast) into Hen/Alon’s bucket, and it’s just short. They must go back for more. The brothers, however have much less water than Hen/Alon and must go back too. Hen/Alon make the work quick and joyous and pour their finished bucket into a well as the brothers. Congrats, former pariahs, you’re now first. Hen reads the clue and in the next task, the teams must go to Operi Krakovski ballet studio and dance to Swan Lake in tutus and pointy shoes. But first! U-turn board. Hen/Alon run off to find the U-turn board and it appears to be somewhat hidden, and Hen describes their next segments as “horses running around in a circle.” As they search for 16 Siroka Street, the brothers are finishing their water. Hen/Alon end up back where they started, and this doesn’t look good. The brothers are done, and get their clue. Hen/Alon are still counting numbers. The brothers sneak past them and find out they are not U-turned.

Joke task. What do you call a pretty girl in Poland? A tourist! The ladies laugh, they’ve heard this one, and Tom/Adele get the final smiley. Tom tells them to say hi to his dad and look for him on The Biggest Loser. Adele and the viewing audience go “WTF” as we head to commercial. Damn this episode is long.

Joke task. Team Facebook is finally starting, and they rocket off and get five smileys before I finish typing this sentence. Darn.

Matzo ball detour. Akiva figures out the song “Hava Nagila” and they celebrate. Second song? Nope, eat. Anael knows she’s the cause of the team slowing down, and as Akiva whistles Kill Bill, we get a closeup of Anael’s balls (lol). Fortunately, they get the next song, which is “Siman Tov.” Anakiva head off with the U-turn clue in third. Bar/Inna arrive at the detour and choose water. Osnat/Carmit choose matzo balls. Bar is supporting much of the bar as the girls walk backwards in tandem. Inna, once again, is useless at navigating. The Yemenite ladies get their first note, and Carmit literally says in English “that’s it?” Hee. Time to tuck in, ladies. Carmit immediately asks for some hot pepper or sauce to put on the matzo balls and fakes vomiting. Come on, Carmit, it’s not that bad. Of course, Carmit struggles. Osnat finishes but feels gypped.

Streets of Krakow. Hen/Alon are super lost and resort to finding a cab. Alon slams his forehead. Careful, racers! Hen is disappointed in her husband and they bicker a little. Fortunately, since they know that this argument is going to amount to nil, they stew silently as Alon voiceovers about their home life. Commercial.

Water detour. Bar/Inna are making some progress. Hen/Alon FINALLY find the u-turn board, and they’re happy it’s not them. Anakiva make the same discovery. Adele and Tom make it to the detour and choose water. Adele navigates them and they go all of five seconds before bickering. It’s difficult for them, as opposed to Bar/Inna, since at least Bar/Inna are the same height, whereas Tom is like a giant to little Adele. Bar looks like she’s about to pass out as Inna loads the water. It’s pretty painful to watch. To her credit, Inna jumps back in. They make it to the end, and now they must put it on the ground, and Inna accidentally drops herself and Bar drops the bar. All that effort, and barely a drop in the bucket. They opt to switch detours, sopping wet.

Matzo ball detour. Carmit is slowly eating her matzo balls as Osnat bitches at her. They voice over that Osnat’s the quick one and Carmit is “slow ocean.” Heh. Carmit finishes and apologizes to the musician that they’re Yemenite not Polish. Another musical note, and the ladies must eat again. Carmit threatens to puke. One more note, and the ladies are stumped…but in an epiphany, Carmit shockingly starts singing “Hava Nagila” (which is correct) and they must get up and dance, of course. Next song, and a sigh from Carmit.

Water detour. Tom/Adele note that the girls went away, so maybe now they’ll focus better. Adele botches a turn and a bucket goes flying and ends up on the ground. Adele runs back to get it, and they start dumping. They must’ve gotten a lot of water, since they don’t even use all their buckets. They find the u-turn board in fourth…but wait! We must watch the girls eat. Bar/Inna hear their first note. Bar makes up a song, Inna sings and claps along, and their musician looks utterly disgusted. No love for the ladies. Commercial.

Team Facebook arrives at the detour and choose water.  They start off quickly but Pundak steers himself into a pole and knocks a bucket off. Back at the matzo balls, Inna daintily eats. They get “Hava Nagila.” Back at the U-turn board, Tom/Adele discover that they’ve been U-turned by Bar/Inna, Brothers, and Yemenites. They head to the matzo balls and Tom feels like self-destructing. Good strategy to U-turn a team that’s going to likely sabotage themselves, folks. They start eating. Tom guesses “If You’re Happy and You Know It” and Adele claps, but they’re wrong. Adele suggests another song, but it’s wrong as well. Tom’s all “I had fifteen years of piano.” Back at Bar/Inna, they get “Siman Tov.” Back at the buckets, Moti/Pundak finish, now in sixth. Both teams are safe at the U-turn board.

Matzo balls. Carmit is slowly eating, as usual, and Osnat’s upset. They do, however, get the “Siman Tov” song, and head for the U-turn board. They’re safe, and now Osnat’s pulling Carmit along by the hand, literally, like a red wagon. Uh-oh. It’s time for the first Yemenite Breakdown, sponsored by Killer Fatigue. They argue so quick I can barely keep up, but Carmit accuses Osnat of treating her like a daughter and Osnat yells at Carmit for lollygagging and being the dead weight she is. Back at the matzo balls, Adele’s crying again. Tom argues with the musician, and Adele. Adele tearfully eats her matzo balls and this is getting boring. Tom describes them as being disheartened as they were passed up by both the blondes and the crazy moms (who should be behind them had Tom/Adele not been U-turned) and they’re sad. Meanwhile? Crazy moms, still fighting in the background. More Yemenite arguing, same topics. Tom/Adele, and Adele is a tiny little woman (Monica Geller) and can eat no more matzo balls. Bell. Commercial. Oh, wait, are we done? I guess so.

Off to episode 9…
Title: Re: Hamerotz Lamillion 2: The Recaps
Post by: Jai Ho on November 30, 2011, 01:13:00 AM
Episode 9!

We open on spotted horses, which of course means Krakow, Poland. Tonight: Caves! Wheezing! Crying! Running! Finish mat!

Theme song. I miss having a life.

In the lead are the brothers and Hen/Alon in cabs going to the ballet studio mentioned last episode. Moti/Pundak are on foot.

Ballet studio. Hen/Alon are first, and Hen is so excited about Swan Lake. Alon has no clue how to wear the tights and comments that his legs look muscly in them. Brothers arrive and put on tutus. Apparently, they must walk across the street in their tutus to get to the actual dance room. That is a task in and of itself. Hen/Alon arrive at the dancers and they comment that it’s like a movie. What, so no Bring It On, but a Step Up reference? Hen is in love with the little girls and we learn it was her dream to be a ballerina as a girl. The combination is shown and it’s not too hard, being someone who used to dance myself. The couple must start immediately, and Alon comments that as a kickboxer, he’s not used to being all flowy and flowery and his muscles are used to jabbing and kicking. A fair assessment. They don’t do horribly but the judge does not like them. Oddly enough, Hen looks dopier in the tutu than her husband. The brothers shuffle in. They have about as much rhythm as Jerry Seinfeld. It’s a no. Commercial.

Matzo balls. Adele and Tom throw out every song they know, even “Old MacDonald.” So not Israeli, dudes. Adele cries because it’s hard. Tom hums and he’s actually really close to “Siman Tov,” but not quite.

Streets of Krakow. Bar/Inna hail a cab and Inna massages Bar’s back. Osnat/Carmit have cooled down a bit in their cab.

Ballet studio. Moti/Pundak run, and they’re now in third, beating even Anakiva. Team Facebook looks at home in their pink tutus, and they start dancing and don’t even finish their combination. It’s Richard Simmons Sweatin’ To The Oldies bad. The judge notices that their eyes are on the girls and calls them out on it, even calling them “stupid” to their faces. YES. Now, we must see the dudes ogling the ballerinas, and Pundak notes the muscular arms, like Madonna (?) and now ex-racer Tal. They start again and look like idiots. Cute idiots, but idiots. Anakiva dance, and Anael seems to get it but Akiva doesn’t. “Too slow.” Brothers fall over, and the judge tells them not to crush each other. They try again and fail, and Alon does his best Natalie Portman Black Swan imitation. Heh.

Triumphant music, so someone’s got it, and it’s probably Hen/Alon. Hen actually looks graceful and even Alon does a nice arabesque. They get the clue and chasse away. The brothers are still dancing like Angelica Pickles, but the dance teacher is tired of them, I guess, so they get a pass. Commercial.

We’re back, and the two top teams rip and read. Time for a new city – the Wieliczka Salt Mine we saw in TAR Australia. They’re off.
Ballet studio. Moti/Pundak? Still dancing like fags. They get it, and we don’t see them advertise their Facebook pages to the ballerinas, but that doesn’t mean it didn’t happen.

Matzo balls (still). Adele/Tom finally get both songs and the ballet clue. Will they catch up? They catch a cab.

Wieliczka salt mine. (Already?) Roadblock! One team member must dress up as a miner, go down into the mine with their partner, push a cart, lick a salty wall to find a sweet spot, get gloves and a shovel, find a crystal key, and open the clue drawer. Well, that’s clear. Hen/Alon decide Alon will take it. Team Facebook has appeared out of the blue (?) as well as the brothers, and Alon will do it, as well as Pundak. Pundak comments that he feels like a Chilean. All three teams are underground, and the brothers notice the awesome architecture, as does Hen. Hen feels like waltzing. Moti/Pundak are now in the lead (wtf?) and Pundak starts the push. Kickboxer Alon pushes as well. Gay Alon is now in third. He’s not breathing so great. Montage of pushing, and Kickboxer Alon and Pundak finish and head to the salt wall. Commercial.

Salt mine. Pundak licks the wall, and keeps missing the sweet spot. This is strange to recap. Pundak thinks he has it but he doesn’t. Gay Alon finds the wall, and decides to approach it differently, and looks for a spot that looks a bit different. One lick and he’s right – good thinking. The brothers trot back to the carts and Alon digs for the key. Kickboxer Alon gets his spot and starts digging in the cart. Neither Alon knows what the heck they’re looking for.

Ballet studio. Osnat/Carmit tutu up and of course shake it up. Bar/Inna are not far behind. Anakiva are dancing, and it’s enough for the teacher. Yemenites start dancing, and they kind of look like the hippos from Fantasia. Osnat tells the lady she’s “old woman,” and the teacher identifies. Bar/Inna enter and believe they can do better than the ladies, and Inna’s even got her hair in a cute little bun. Inna is actually almost indistinguishable from the real dancers on her first try, but Bar has no clue how to cross her legs. Back to the Yemenites, they try again and do much better. And of course, they must celebrate by shimmying and showing off their Yemenite dance skills. They get the teacher to shimmy with them and it’s a little cute. They need to race, not shimmy, but it’s still cute. Okay, it’s ADORABLE. I said it. Bar/Inna get the clue as well and both teams head to the salt mine. Commercial.

Night, salt mine. Anakiva arrive, and Anael decides to take it. She immediately regrets her decision and can’t stop thinking about all the dead people under the ground in Poland. Unlike the fake scared we usually see, Anael looks legitimately white as she and Akiva ride down in the elevator. I feel for the girl – she probably had people there, you know?

Back at the mine carts, both Alons are looking for the key. Gay Alon finds what may be the key, and indeed it is. Indiana Jones music plays, and they get the clue from the drawer. And my Internet decides to reset. Come on, almost halfway done. Okay, network reset and we’re back. The brothers retrieve the clue in first place. Another task – back to Krakow, and get pictures of themselves being kissed 50 times, like some song. I think we know who’s going to benefit from this task. Back at the mine, Alon’s forehead is bloody for some reason, and they hail a cab.

Salt mine. Akiva comforts Anael with a pretty psalm as she pushes her cart, and she whimpers but pushes her cart. Good on her. Pundak is still licking the wall. He gets it and they join Hen/Alon in digging. Alon is the next to find the key, and it doesn’t work. He goes back and finds another, and it does work, and they get the clue in second. Commercial.

And to think, I’m procrastinating on a 1500 word paper due on Friday yet I just wrote tonight, including this sentence…2467 words. Clearly, my priorities as a graduate student are in the right place. 1:11 AM Central Time, and you’ll have to wait until tomorrow to get the rest of Episode 9 and Part 1 of Episode 10. Good night!
Title: Re: Hamerotz Lamillion 2: The Recaps
Post by: Jai Ho on December 19, 2011, 02:10:11 PM
Hey there - did you miss me?

Apparently not :( anyways, with finals, and travel, I've not been able to be as regular as usual but I think I can catch up this week. Luckily, not a lot has happened in the race, and I'm not going to recap the clip show (which showed absolutely no footage, and for some reason ignored Gadi/Alona, Tal/Mor and the Bakers). So that means 3 more episodes to recap (2 in Czech Republic, and 1 in China) and among them only two legs and one elimination.

I hope to get good feedback at least on this guy.

Here we go, Episode 9 Part 2:

Back, and Tom/Adele are in last at the ballet. Adele has her hair in a cute little bun. To their credit, they both seem to have rhythm. Tom, for some stupid reason, feels the need to show off on the piano. IN THE MIDDLE OF THE TASK? Raaace. Seriously. They try once more, and Adele does a beautiful job and passes, but Tom does not. They start to argue and Tom calls Adele crazy. Please…ugh. They pass, and Tom starts to sing “Space Jam,” and let’s go visit someone else.

Krakow town. Brothers are back in town and looking for kisses. They don’t have a good strategy and are scaring most of the population of Krakow.

Salt mine. Both girl teams arrive at the mine, and Osnat and Inna will take the tasks. Osnat jokes about taking a dip in the salt water. Wheezing brings us to Anael, who is clearly having trouble breathing and is crying as well. But it’s lickin’ time for her, and the wall, should I say, looks gross. Osnat and Inna quickly push their carts with Osnat even taking a little ride. Weird, quasi-porn music plays as the three girls lick the wall. For some reason, Akiva and Carmit are allowed to stand right next to their partners, but Bar has to stand in a little box. Anael and Osnat both get their spots, and Inna feels embarrassed. Anael and Osnat start digging, and wait…oh yeah, Moti and Pundak are still here digging. That’s so weird. Anael, in frustration, randomly starts pitching stuff from her cart left and right and almost knocks out Akiva in the process. Moti and Pundak can’t find anything in their cart. Osnat finds her key, and the Yemenites are off in third. Moti/Pundak follow in fourth.

Krakow. Hen/Alon are finding kisses and having a lot of success, due to being much more gentle and Hen having beautiful and kissable cheeks. She looks super glam in the shots – she really must be a good model. Alon/Oren find a group of drunk Spanish chicks for kisses.

Salt mine. Inna is getting frustrated and comments that her tongue is burning. Ouch. They comment on how hard this race is. They stare at each other for a while, and Bar starts crying for some reason. Inna goes to comfort her partner, and this gets ridiculous. I’m getting that there may be some underlying issues here that have nothing to do with the race. Back at Anael’s cart, she finally finds the key, and it fits.

Taxi to the salt mine. Tom is praying and Adele looks bored. Tom comments that only God can help them. Before He has a chance to answer, they arrive at the mine.

Krakow. Yemenites are ready to kiss, and this should be interesting. They take the “scare locals within an inch of their life” approach with Osnat almost tackling some poor woman. The brothers seem to be having success, and Carmit is manhandling some ladies. Alon/Hen, almost done, are begging for a few final kisses. They text off their pictures, and it’s pit stop time. Destination: 16 Sebastiana Street, home to Dora, a woman who was forced out of that home during the Holocaust. In an odd but provocative montage, we get an expose of the greeter, now returning to her childhood home from Israel. We see her camp tattoo and it’s very touching. This is probably the most we’ve ever heard from a greeter in any race. Alon/Hen look for a taxi, and the brothers finish and follow suit. We have a race for first, people. Running, running. Alon/Hen arrive first, and greeter Dora tells her story and welcomes the couple to her former hometown. First place, finally, for these two, which much celebration. Dora gives the couple some grandmotherly advice about love to the couple. Aww. Commercial.

We’re back, and Oren/Alon, you’re second. Dora welcomes them to Krakow. Alon/Oren’s mother comes from Poland. Maybe they know each other. The boys apparently missed the couple by seconds.
Salt mine. Inna’s still licking, and now Tom has joined her. Inna randomly gets it and starts the key search. Adele starts praying and Tom finds the spot. Neither team knows what the key looks like. Bar and Inna have an idea, and they find it. Tom and Adele follow suit. Both teams head back to Krakow.

Krakow. Moti gets a kiss. Team Facebook confesses that they feel like international celebrities. Akiva comments that he does not like kissing. Why doesn’t Anael do it? The pictures come out looking awful and not like kisses at all. Anael passes Osnat and gives her a kiss. Cute. Team Facebook is done and off to Sebastiana. Yemenites hop in a cab, having done, and Anakiva looks for one. It looks like Team Facebook ran or something, because they run in seconds before the Yemenites. They are third and fourth, and congratulate each other with kisses, naturally. Osnat and Carmit invite Dora to party with them in Ekron.

Krakow. Bar/Inna head into an awesome looking pub, as do Adele/Tom. Apparently, Bar and Inna are in a lesbian bar, and a girl tells Bar she wants to kiss her with “tongue.” Ooh, sexy! Unfortunately, Bar does not oblige her. That would have been awesome though. Adele seems to have found a lesbian as well and comments to Tom that the girl practically made out with her cheek, and in a confessional, demonstrates by licking her partner. What is this, the “tongue leg” of the race? The cute lesbian settles for a hug and a cheek kiss. Bar comments that she is straight, to dispel any rumors.

Dora’s house. Anakiva jog in, and they are fifth. Not too happy about it either. Anael is unhappy to be in a sad place like Poland, and Dora comments to them that they shouldn’t be sad because the hard times are in the past, and they’re now safe in Israel and will have lots of Jewish babies. Chattiest greeter ever. Anael seems comforted by her words at least, and comments that she does feel successful in spite of being in a place where so much death happened.

Krakow. Tom/Adele and Bar/Inna finish up and get cabs. Adele is screaming. Bar is calm. After a commercial break, we see both teams arrive, but it’s the girls who prevail. Congrats girls, you’re sixth and safe. Inna comments that she loves old people. Okay. Tom and Adele trudge up, last place. Sad music.  Sad puppies. Ron is a terrible actor, and he cracks a smile as he gives them their lottery ticket, which says that they’re not eliminated. Of course not, not in front of Grandma Dora. Now they’re happy. Next leg they’ll have a speed bump.

Next time: Oren gets lit on fire! Adele dances around on a broom! Roller skating dressed up as witches! Osnat goes boom. Uh oh.
Title: Re: Hamerotz Lamillion 2: The Recaps
Post by: Best Loser on December 19, 2011, 05:35:09 PM
I was starting to wonder where you went, but I figured it was finals or something and that you'd be done around this time, so I didn't ask. Great as always.
Title: Re: Hamerotz Lamillion 2: The Recaps
Post by: Jai Ho on December 19, 2011, 06:46:36 PM
I was starting to wonder where you went, but I figured it was finals or something and that you'd be done around this time, so I didn't ask. Great as always.

Thanks, Best Loser!  :kisses Is there anything upon which I can improve?

Also, side note: for the first two weeks in January, I will be on an Amazing Race of my own in Europe with limited Internet access, so I'm going to try to remain as current as possible up until the time I leave.
Title: Re: Hamerotz Lamillion 2: The Recaps
Post by: Jai Ho on December 30, 2011, 03:17:37 PM
I know I'm woefully behind, but here's a recap of (most of) the Czech Republic leg. I have watched up to the current leg and I was very surprised at the outcome, and even though the last leg also took THREE episodes it was worth watching and will be worth watching again. As for me, I'm going to Europe tomorrow...back in a few weeks. Hopefully the race will still be going on when I return. And it probably will be.

Here we go:

Episode 10

We open in Krakow. Start us off, Hen and Alon! And we’re off to Kutna Hora, to the church of Bones, via Prague. Czech Republic! As Hen/Alon struggle to find a taxi, the brothers find a friendly local to walk them to the train. Said local starts talking…and talking…and it’s kind of funny, because it’s shutting the brothers up. Oh, locals. Hen grabs a taxi for herself and her partner, and Moti/Pundak are pronouncing it “Cunt’a hora.” First the bros with “hurts a vagina,” now this? Oy. Osnat/Carmit get the clue, and Carmit reveals she has been to the Czech Republic. But first, they must get to the station, and their cabbie is clueless.

Train station. It’s closed for the night, obviously, since it’s 3 AM according to the clock. Alon/Hen and Oren/Alon arrive, and the bros’ Fern, even after a “thank you my friend” from Alon, refuses to shut up or go away. Alon threatens (in Hebrew) to kill the man, much to Hen and the other Alon’s amusement. Random Polish Dude continues to babble on about trains and cars and the general state of the union to Oren, and I guess this is what 3 AM is like in Krakow. Gay Alon has a bright idea, to sell his snacks to some locals. Way to not be sketchy, brother. He manages to sell one. A policeman passes and the Alons hide their little operation like the two scamps they are. Oh so cheeky.

Anakiva and the blondes get their clue and Anael is quite happy to be leaving Poland. Tom/Adele pit-start as well, acknowledging the idiocy of yesterday, which they’ll probably repeat again tomorrow. Pointless cab convo.

Morning. Hen/Alon and Oren/Alon get tickets in an orderly fashion. Facebook gets dropped off at the station, and the Yemenites…are somewhere else? I think their driver dropped them off at some sort of service bay, because an official looking local escorts them to the front of the station. Meanwhile, Facebook and Anakiva get their tickets. The Yemenites get tickets, but have no clue how to say “Kutna Hora.” How do you say, “I’ll have what they’re having” in Polish? Bar and Inna arrive and ticket as well, and in an odd montage, we see them buying coffee. Tom/Adele enter the station and run around the station as all the other teams get on the same train. Will they miss it? Ticket counter! Train leaves! And…Adele is on it! Which must mean that Tom is as well, big ol’ equalizer.

Foreboding music plays, and oh no, where’s Bar and Inna’s money purse? Dun dun dun. Inna asks Bar if they left it at the coffee (there’s the relevance!) and she’s sure she didn’t. That older lady they’re sharing the seats with looks pretty darn suspicious. Yeah, read, old lady, read. Searching, searching, searching…damn, I have to take an overnight train in Central Europe in a few weeks. This is scurry. See, Tyler/Nathan and Bar/Inna HAVE taught me about the world! OMG THIS IS REAL LIFE. Inna comments that no money = out of the race. What to do? Bar looks pensive…and it’s beggin’ time. They start begging, and being cute, foreign blondes, they should be able to accrue some cash. And they do. Inna is embarrassed because her mother will see her begging on national (well, international) TV.

Kutna Hora! Teams exiting the train! For some reason, without backpacks. Predictably, Yemenites are bringing up the rear, and even more predictably, the brothers get the route info first. It’s at the Church of Bones, and they must count all the skulls in the main lobby (936) before continuing. Brothers, Tom/Adele, and blondes are counting. Damn that’s a lot of skulls. Oren and Alon start to argue.  Adele is confused. Tom reads out loud. Inna tries some math magic, and there is much counting. Brothers and blondes both get the wrong answer and have to wait out a penalty before trying again. Facebook and Anakiva arrive at the church and enter. Anael is horrified and tries to pretend that they are plastic. Facebook thinks that they will be there long enough to become skulls on the wall. Adele/Tom take their argument outside. Hen/Alon and Yemenites arrive and count as well. Moti/Pundak and Anakiva get it wrong, and Bar/Inna and the brothers are in for their second try. Hen/Alon? Way off. Osnat/Carmit are closer, but no cigar. The brothers get their number in first, and must go downstairs to a “witches room” and find their clue, which is printed on the sandy floor which they must sweep with a broom to uncover. After the explanation, Bar/Inna get the number and head down as well. It looks pretty freakin cool, I might add. The brothers are totally confused, and check in some rocks. Apparently there are a bunch of random things like cockroaches, tarot cards, and a crystal ball. Lots of combing by the teams, but nobody’s getting anything, so let’s head upstairs and watching some thrilling counting. On their second try, Tom/Adele are four off (aww) as we head to a commercial.

We’re back, and Facebook and Yemenites get the clue. Oren picks up the broom, noticing the floor, and Osnat does the same, and uncovers some sort of hole in the floor. Bar and Inna wander aimlessly. Team Facebook decide to put on a little play, with Moti pretending to cast a spell with Pundak walking around going “woo” on the back of the broom, a la…a witch? Oren/Alon, Osnat/Carmit and Bar/Inna discover the clue, and Moti/Pundak? Asked to leave and come again. The clue is to “follow the dim light.” Brothers and Yemenites have the right idea, and Bar/Inna actually look up at the ceiling, as if they’re going to have to climb to their next clue. Now we get a fun montage of Bar/Inna searching randomly, pulling bricks off the wall. At one point, Bar actually starts to go down the right path, but Inna’s all, “no, that can’t be it!” Elsewhere, brothers and Yemenites encounter…another double battle. Joy. The teams must put on antique rollerskates and skate around on a broomstick, pulling down bats from the ceiling and tossing them into cauldrons. So like Quidditch, only…not really.

The pairs get suited up, and face off. The brothers are doing ok, but the ladies are struggling to even move on the old-style skates. The brothers get two bats in, but Osnat falls backward. Ouch. One of the brothers yells out, “Osi, you okay?” and she says, “No, I ****ed up my hand.” Yes, she actually says that. She looks to be in pain, and of course we get a clip, and the medics visit for the second time this season. Carmit looks at Osi, all “Oh ****, we’re going to be going home.” I’m at least glad they were against the brothers, and not a team that would see this as an opportunity to kick the woman when she’s down. Ostensibly, the challenge is over…for now. Commercial.

We return to the lobby, where Anakiva gets the route info in 5th, followed by Tom/Adele and…not Hen/Alon, who are now first-to-worst and are forced to go out to come back in a third time. Cut to Inna, who is still contemplating the lantern. Inna decides her partner might’ve been right, and she was indeed, and they head to the duel. Tom/Adele head to the chamber, as do Anakiva and Moti/Pundak (on their second try). Adele channels the spirit of Pundak, and picks up the broom and in a hilariously wrong Adele-like fashion, goes “hooo! Hooo! Hoo!” and pretends to fly around the room on the broom. The judge looks on in disbelief. She then gets Tom in on the charade. One challenge too early, dearie. Akiva discovers the broom, and subsequently the clue. Both Moti and Adele are now sweeping, but Tom insists it’s “not on the floor.” Prepare to eat your dusty words, bucko. Neither of them get it in time, and both teams are sent back again.

Upstairs, Alon is taking his SATs, and they finally get it. They head down to the chamber.

Double battle. And it’s not looking good for Osnat, who is in a cast and gauzed up, but declaring that even though they are volunteering to be the last team of the double battle, they’re not quitting just because of a bruised hand. Osnat looks horribly sad and Carmit, sympathetic. And they were doing so well, too. Damn you, double battle. Bar/Inna come downstairs and suit up for the skating. They back into a wall. The brothers, who’ve had more experience at this (all of ten minutes) skate circles around them. Someone hasn’t explained the rules to the blondes, who randomly toss the bats. Alon/Oren finish up and head for a victory lap. Bar/Inna are glad for the break, and as the brothers get their clue, so am I.

Back, and the brothers have a roadblock clue, “who wants to be the hottest thing ever.” And what is that hottest thing ever? Being a movie stunt actor! They must get lit on fire, run a slalom, and open a box with their clue without being burned alive. Cool! The brothers have no clue what the task could be, and Oren speculates fire, and decides to do it. They get in a taxi, and send Osnat some virtual get-well wishes as they wait on a very uncomfortable bench for the other teams to pass them.

Witches chamber. Alon starts sweeping while Hen opens drawers, but it’s too late, they must try again. Moti/Pundak literally walk in and out again. Adele starts sweeping, and Tom sees the clue, finally. Adele confuses “chauvinist” with “claustrophobe,” and then teases Tom about not knowing what claustrophobia is. Hey lady, with all the vocabulary you didn’t know before this race, I’d stop talking if I were you. Commercial.

Somewhere in Prague. Burning barrels, an ambulance, oh, it’s just the roadblock. Oren is already in the fire suit. This is starting to look a little scary. The safety crew rubs Oren with fire-resistant cream and gives him instructions. A montage of Oren getting suited up, and looking scared out of his mind. He gives his brother his glasses – aww, nice, something to remember your teammate by after his immolation. The safety crew squirts some lighter fluid stuff on Oren’s back, and Alon plans his brother’s obituary “47 and burned.” Hee.

Oren gets lit up as we go to a (poorly place) end of episode. GIVE ME A BREAK, show.

Episode 11! We left off: Oren/Alon at the Roadblock, Bar/Inna waiting at the double battle for Anakiva/Tom/Adele, Osnat/Carmit nursing a wounded wrist,  and Hen/Alon still in the witches’ chamber.

Fire-Block. Alon looks scared for his brother, who runs like a man on fire, and gets the clue relatively quickly. They comment that their mother is going to have a heart attack. Route info: go to a newsstand in the morning and look for a clue printed in the newspaper.

Double battle. Anakiva arrive first, and fall a lot. They score one, however. Bar and Inna have no such luck for a while. They finally get one to tie it up, and a second. The girls come from behind for the win, and Inna will do the roadblock. Commercial.

We’re back, and the brothers hit a HoO at the newsstand, so they’re in for the night. Tom/Adele get the double battle clue, and Tom can’t pronounce “skates.” He falls right off the bat, and it actually looks like the teams aren’t battling each other so much as the stupid electronic bats. Anakiva think that they can beat Tom/Adele, and they do. Akiva will get lit on fire.

Back at the witches’ chamber, Moti/Pundak are completely in the dark, as are Hen/Alon. Instead of thinking like witches, the boys suggest to think like the other teams who’ve done the task (for some reason, they know) and since Osnat/Carmit seemed to get it done in seconds (and they did) they choose to think like them, and they go in and go straight for the broom, with the analogy that CD : Moti :: Broom : Osi. This is actually kind of smart, providing Pundak knows that Osnat is indeed a school janitor in real life. If not, he’s made himself kinda ass-y on national TV by implying that Osnat’s place is behind a broom. Both teams get the clue, and start sweeping.

Somewhere in Prague. Inna comments that Paris is beautiful, and Bar counters with “…only we’re in Prague.” Inna gets suited up and looks pretty freaked out. Anael asks the stuntman to take care of Akiva because “I love him.” Cute. Inna gets a hood put on her head and Bar comments that she looks like a giant condom. Anael does not see this analogy. Inna gets lit up and runs, screaming like a girl (well, she is a girl) and gets it in the first briefcase she opens. Akiva does the task as well, finding the clue in the third briefcase. Both teams head to the newsstand. Lots of pride. Commercials.

Double battle. It’s Tom/Adele against Facebook, and the roller derby is on. Tom/Adele take the win and the clue. Tom chooses the roadblock. Bar/Inna check in at the newsstand in second. They note that even with their bad money luck, they still managed to make it in second. Alon/Hen head in for the final battle (assuming the ladies will not return). It’s on, with a bit more push and shove. Team Facebook wins, and we learn Moti’s real name as Pundak declares that “Mordechai!” will do the roadblock. Heh. Mordechai.

Fire-block. Tom looks like a racecar driver. Pundak is thrilled at his partner being set on fire and comments that he looks like a homeless person. Adele can’t stop laughing. Tom starts his run. Moti starts his run. Both get it and stand up. Moti asks the firemen to let his partner roast a little more, and comments that this will make a fun memory. Tom fixes his hair in the mirror, after all, they are on TV. Pundak sings about Moti being on fire, commercial take me away.

Double-battle. Bats sit on the floor. The trailing teams get the roadblock clue. Hen will take it for her team, and Carmit will do her first roadblock on the race since her partner’s wrist is tied to her chest. Tom/Adele and Moti/Pundak sign up at the newsstand. Hen and Carmit, at the roadblock, get suited up, and Hen suddenly gets scared that she will no longer have children. She freaks out, but hilariously, exclaiming that she feels like a “human tampon.” Hen takes off like a rocket. Carmit takes off…like a wounded deer. Osnat sings from the sidelines. They get their clues, and Carmit almost forgets to lie down after she gets the clue. Hen gets de-condomed, and Carmit actually has smoke coming off her body. Hen must, of course, rub gel on her husband’s bald head as they leave, and the ladies giggle off to a cab. They get there in that order. Osnat/Carmit are disappointed at being at least, but repeat that they’ll carry on, broken hand notwithstanding. Commercial.

Morning, Prague. The brothers head out in first place to find the newsstand clue. Bar/Inna start their day off with some good old-fashioned begging. Not so embarrassed now. They do a Little Orphan Annie act for the camera before heading off to the newsstand. Watching teams read is, of course, riveting. Bar sees a hippopotamus in the paper, and wonders if that means they should got to Kenya. The brothers find the clue, as do the blondes, which is to find the “holy horse.”  Both teams head for Venceslav Square. Anakiva, Tom/Adele, and Facebook head to the newsstand, in that order. Within seconds, Pundak finds the clue, whereas Anakiva have less luck. Tom is sprawled out on the curb, leisurely leafing.

Venceslav Square. Brothers and blondes arrive at the same time, and there’s a route info…and a fast forward! Both teams opt to do the route info instead, and head to Old Town Prague. Commercial.

We’re back, and wonder of wonders, Moti/Pundak find a group of Israeli tourists to give them directions. Anakiva find the clue and head out, as does Adele for her team. Back in Prague, Moti/Pundak are inside some shopping mall, and find an odd mobile of an elephant trunk or something. They find it, and head to old town Prague. Hen/Alon and Osnat/Carmit are off to the newsstand. Osnat’s wrist still hurts, but she’s laughing through the pain. Hen/Alon find the papers and start searching. The Yemenites do the same. Hen squeaks in frustration. Commercial.

Newsstand. The ladies have found the clue after two minutes, and Hen is incredulous. Walking around, Adele spots an H&M and must window shop. Save that for the dragon head task in Hong Kong, lady. Anakiva and Tom/Adele then opt for a route info. At the newsstand, Alon and Hen are flummoxed. In their taxi, Carmit asks for a “horse not really,” but the driver understands anyway. Hen/Alon head back and try another newspaper and find it within a few seconds. Hen complains of defective newspapers. Osnat/Carmit sing their way to the clue, and they’re going for the Fast Forward, which is at a local art school. Hen/Alon , in last, argue about what to do, but Alon caves to Hen and they go to the FF. Osnat and Carmit get into their cab, and we end the episode with them declaring “whatever they ask us to do, we’ll do.”
Title: Re: Hamerotz Lamillion 2: The Recaps
Post by: kobbar on January 13, 2012, 04:38:09 PM
OK I HAD TO comment on this one!!!
Laughing out loud! brilliant! hiliarous!

I am from Israel , I watch the show here in Israel and opt for Bar and Inna who are my favorites
you write very funny, making me laugh.
I love it when you put self-comments like: "read the damn clue already".
If you can add some more like this, I like it very much.

hahaha! very nice!
Title: Re: Hamerotz Lamillion 2: The Recaps
Post by: couchracer on July 18, 2012, 05:29:07 PM
Jai Po,
Thank you very much for you posts. I have been reading them and then watching the race.
It makes the watching the race a lot more entertaining.
Title: Re: Hamerotz Lamillion 2: The Recaps
Post by: Maxi3d on September 03, 2012, 12:45:49 AM
Please more Jai Ho!! Can you translate the China leg of the race. I dying to find out what they are talking about during the foot massage road block. They are hilarious  :lol3:
Title: Re: Hamerotz Lamillion 2: The Recaps
Post by: Joeyengen on February 01, 2013, 08:30:49 PM
removed, post not allowed.
Title: Re: Hamerotz Lamillion 2: The Recaps
Post by: tarflyonthewall on April 02, 2013, 12:08:59 AM
So remember how we were talking about Alon/Oren looking a bit like Quantum Leap-era Scott Bakula? I finally got around to watching the final couple of episodes of the season (wow, they sucked), and the music in the background right when Tom and Adel start their Speed Bump with the flight simulator? It's an obvious riff of the show's theme music - it featured the lead character as a pilot in its first episode. Heh.