The Award Goes To: Brian 'Ba-Dunka'-Dunkleman
Each week, the editors of The Feed sit down with our staff of dozens -- including fantastically overworked interns, well-groomed British butlers and Skoal-addicted monkeys that can type upwards of 70 WPM -- dial up our satellite offices in Hong Kong, Beirut, Texarkana and Reykjavik to collaborate on who it really Sucks to Be. Sometimes, it's a no-brainer. Other times, nobody has stunk at life enough to warrant our dubious honor.
While plagued with the latter problem this week, it became apparent to us that with 'American Idol' getting more voters and viewers than most state elections, there was a nasal voice and not-for-TV face that has simply been missing from our lives. His name is Brian Dunkleman, and Brian, it Sucks to Be You.
According to the Ba-Dunka-Dunkleman, he quit 'American Idol.' He claims to have quit because of 'how cruel the show was.' Riiiiiight. And Napoleon lost at Waterloo because he just didn't feel like putting up a fight that day. Anyone who watched season one knows that The Dunk was wholly expendable, and FOX execs simply wrote him off. Plus, what bootleg Elijah Wood Hollywood hopeful quits a show that pulls 30M viewers a night? That's right... nobody.
And perhaps the biggest reason it sucks to be Dunkleman is he was the last resort for this column, being that nobody else drank the Suck-Aid. So, when the overworked staff of The Feed has to dig into our bag of K-list celebrities, it surely sucks to be the person who sucks because nobody else really sucked.
Also, it's just really fun to say "Dunkleman." It's even fun typing it. Say it aloud with me: "Dunkleman." Sweet.http://journals.aol.com/thefeedblog/AOLNewsTheFeed/#Entry1317