In case you haven't seen this I just wanted to share. "Ralph Wiggum for President" from over at Sucks was the brains behind it. Puddin, if you add this guy to the voting poll I bet he'd get some votes for this!
Bravo Ralph! :thumbC:
Twas the Night Before Finals...A TAR Christmas Carol
Sorta new here, been lurking for awhile...but hope this is worthy!
Twas the night before finals, and all through the ranch
Not a racer was stirring, not even a branch.
The clues were all waiting in boxes of yellow
For the Linzes, the Bransens and that young Rolly fellow.
The Godlewskis were restless, not snug in their beds
While visions of what could have been danced in their heads.
And Phil in his tight pants and batt’ry-draining cameramen
Had settled in their spots for the very last leg when…
Out on the mat there arose such a clatter
They sprang from their posts to see what was the matter.
Toward the parking lot where all of the teams were asleep
In their trailers without so much as a peep.
The moon on the grills of the teams’ SUVs
Reflected and illuminated a startling scene.
When what to their wandering eyes did they see
An army of TAR fans, two thousand or three.
They were yelling and screaming and waving about
“Give us back our dear TAR,” was their rallying shout.
“We’re so glad this torture is now almost done,
Watching these bickering families has been little fun.
The Rogers, the Schroeders, that whiny brat Billy,
They all made the producers look foolish and silly.
From the dumb giant shoe to the oversized desk chair
A journey to Heber City to meet Bart the Bear?
These are hardly the roadblocks we’ve come to adore
And all because you had to have families of four!
And none of these families were really that great,
All you did was give us more people to hate:
An evil old hag with her three stupid offspring
Harpy sisters who fight over every last thing.
Little kids who forced this race onto the road
A better season next year we are certainly owed!
You’ve come dangerously close to jumping the shark
With one overnight stay at the Colonel’s trailer park.
Now, as die-hard TAR fans and your loyal viewers,
We beg you to take the races back to the sewers
Of Paris as you memorably did back in Season One
When we truly did care who lost and who won.
No more stunt casting or reality fame whores
No more actor-models or national park tours.
Bring back the air travel, the jockeying for flights
The legs that would go on into the night.
No more of this always starting out in the morning,
Equalizers make the race ridiculously boring.
Bring back the fast forwards, get rid of the yield,
Eleven teams of two are enough for the field.
Take us to places the race hasn’t gone before
Up mountains through jungles and to the seashores,
Of Asia and Africa and even Down Under
Places that filled us with awe and with wonder.
It’s not too much to ask for, really it’s not,
We made it through TAR 8, and that’s saying a lot!”
When suddenly Bertram Van Munster appeared
And declared, “My good viewers, you have nothing to fear!”
And as he drove off they heard him exclaim,
“Even I know this season was sucky and lame.”