Author Topic: Hamerotz Lamillion 2: The Recaps  (Read 10522 times)

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Online ZBC Company

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Re: Hamerotz Lamillion 2: The Recaps
« Reply #25 on: November 08, 2011, 12:15:44 PM »

i love so word could understand i need stop watch but isarl better like cholcate fight

Umm...I don't understand. What's "isarl" and "cholcate"? What does this mean?


 Isarl mean like "Israel" and cholcate mean "Chocolate" :) :tup:

Ok - I understand, but what is ZBC's question?

all say Isarl i much better then any one esle frarchise

I'm sorry - what? I don't understand...

all say Isarl i much better then any  franchise


Offline Best Loser

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Re: Hamerotz Lamillion 2: The Recaps
« Reply #26 on: November 08, 2011, 04:51:12 PM »
He's saying Israel has the best version of the Amazing Race.

Offline Jai Ho

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Re: Hamerotz Lamillion 2: The Recaps
« Reply #27 on: November 16, 2011, 02:06:34 AM »
Sorry for the delay, y'all - no good excuse other than laziness, I guess.

I know we're up to episode 7, but since I'm the only game in town, tune in to Episode 5, where we last left our heroes. It's 2:03 AM here and I need to pass out and it took me over an hour to do this and I'm not even finished, so give me some nice feedback, and I promise I'll have this and 6 done tomorrow, with 7 done later in the week. This Sunday-Tuesday thing is not working for me, especially since M/T are days when I have class.

Here we go, Episode 5, Part 1:

Tonight: More Hungary and I’m Hungary for an elimination. Let’s do this.

Theme Song.

Moti and Pundak, rip and read. It’s designed like a fancy frou-frou invitation and they must head to a synagogue, specifically the one of great Zionist Theodor Herzl since it’s his bar mitzvah. Side Note: he’s been dead for years, so word to wise, avoid the chopped herring because it’s probably been sitting out.

Moti and Pundak run past a chick in yellow. Pundak comments on her tits. Anakiva are thrilled about going to a synagogue, naturally. And why? Because Akiva was thinking of praying, and being the Jewy Jew he is, he sought out the local synagogue on a map! And he knows exactly where to go! I’m actually not unconvinced that this is a case of divine providence – God sure seems to love Shushi. Unlike the dudes (hereinafter, new nickname: Team Facebook) they jump in a cab. Tom and Adele. Oh, gosh, here’s the reading comprehension portion of the episode. Tom covers his head. Hee. Tom thinks they are looking for an actual boy named Herzl, and Adele thinks they’re headed to someone’s house – wait, light bulb sounds! Adele mentions “synagogue!” They hail a taxi and Adele prompts the driver to look for Jews and Israel, and proceeds to do a shuckling motion with her hands over her face, and oddly enough Tom follows. I hope the taxi driver takes them to an epileptic clinic. Wouldn’t that be something?

Elsewhere, Team Facebook is explaining what a synagogue is to a local in a supermarket.
Brothers rip and read, and uh-oh, this is going to be a doozy. Oren needs Internet, and now, and you’d think this is a race for the Internet as he drags his brother around town looking for the Internet. Listen to Jill and Thomas, much, Oren? They say that everyone in Israel would’ve allowed them to use the Internet but they get a barrage of no’s. Elsewhere, Team Facebook has followed a local to his home (whose name is Christian, of all things) and it’s beginning to look like the beginning to a pretty standard gay porn flick, with the niceties and the big dog at the door. Bow chicka bow wow. “My mom’s sleeping, so be quiet.” Oh yeah, they’re definitely getting raped. They find a picture of the synagogue and the camera zooms in on the pic and awesomely takes us to the ACTUAL synagogue where Anakiva are arriving as tinkly Disney music plays and Angela Lansbury prepares to come down the synagogue steps singing “Beauty and the Beast.” Akiva loves the synagogue and Israel. They get the clue from the rabbi, and it’s a funny little task involving taking pictures of locals dressed up as a famous picture of Herzl, including fake beard, and pose as such and say Herzl’s catchphrase “Catch me Lucky Charms, they’re magically delicious!” But no, really, it’s “im tirtzu ein zo agadah,” which means, “if you want it, it’s not a fantasy.” Wait, are we talking Herzl or Hillary Rodham Clinton?

Facebook arrives at the little rabbi and gets the clue. And Moti with the kissing – of the clue, not the rabbi. They get to work and manage to do pretty well. Anael acts as art director. Team Facebook find a ginger to help them. Anael finds an Asian chick. Moti finds a black dude. Hungary’s sure got some multicultural visitors this tourist season.  Both teams finish and get the roadblock, which is to break open a block of ice to get the clue. Their tools include a water gun, a nunchuks, a saw, a wrench, and a high-heeled shoe. Hadas and Inbal were DEFINITELY behind this one.

Back to the Herzl cluebox. Firashira and Yemenites get their clues and the ladies think they’re actually going to a bar mitzvah. Yes, and the next roadblock will be the Electric Slide. Actually, I would kick serious ass at that roadblock. The ladies want to dance and eat. Dopey music plays as Carmit asks to go to the “charch” with a praying hands motion. Most of Hungary thinks she probably wants some blow. Bar and Inna’s turn, and in a remarkably brainy and creative move, Bar sketches a synagogue on the back of the clue and it actually looks like the place they’re going, sight unseen. Good work, ESP Barbie! The driver recognizes the towers and the Jewish star and immediately knows where to go. Elsewhere, Osnat and Carmit read the names of Herzl’s parents and reason they’re to go find them, since they invited them to their son’s party. They probably want to ask if they can each take home a centerpiece. They “ai-yi-yi” a cab, and manage to get the Jewish “charch” message across, and Osnat remarks she’s ready to dance, eat, and show off her foxy earrings.

Tom and Adele? At a church. Sigh. Adele opens the creaky door and horrible music seeps out and Tom declares he is scared of the church. My thoughts exactly. They attempt to find a guy with glasses since people with glasses are smarter than the rest of us (this is Tom’s words, not mine!) and they happen to score with a guy with particularly prevalent peepers, who turns out to be a history teacher. Brothers? Still seeking the elusive Internet. Get in a cab, argue argue argue about absolutely nothing. LET’S MOVE ON, SHOW. Bloop bloop.

And here’s Hen and Alon, still at the movie star task! Wow, this seems like forever ago. Bakers are at the TV star, no love for them. They at least acknowledge their idiocy on this easy task. Back at movie star, Hen/Alon get a good, and are now getting the Herzl clue. And they’re off RUNNING to the synagogue. And…after a seemingly endless montage, make it to the synagogue. Unbe-fucking-lievable. Tom and Adele get the clue. Tom jumps a fence to demonstrate a Herzl pose to a passersby, and an alarm goes off. WHOOPS-A-DAISY. All of Budapest hears the sirens and it’s so fucking funny. Their guy understandably bolts, and they manage to find a blonde lady passersby who has poorer speaking skills than Adele. When Adele is giving you elocution lessons, you know you’re at a nadir. Now they ask some Spaniards, who randomly dance with them. One of them picks up Adele. They finish, and head off to the roadblock.

Speaking of which, Facebook and Anakiva are there, and commenting on the random items. Pundak goes for the shoe, unsurprisingly, whereas Akiva goes for the wrench. Pundak is making pretty good progress which unnerves Anael, who starts off encouraging her partner. This of course devolves into a SHUSHI SHUSHI chant, and now we have yet another segment on it. And actually, Reshet TV has a rap remix of Shushi Shushi and it’s about as riveting as Rebecca Black singing about onion soup or pelicans or something pointless like that. Anael confuses Rambo and Rocky and tells semi-interested passerby that he was in the army fiiiive years as Facebook makes fun of her and Tom and Adele are here so cue the circus freak music. Adele screams at Tom to start, of course, because she is a tiny little woman. Thanks, Monica Geller.

Synagogue. Bar and Inna make up serious time. I fear they’re about to blow it as they befriend a homeless busker. Not only is he homeless but he’s painfully drunk, possibly stoned and the girls seem to be absorbing this energy as they dissolve in laughter. Inna carries the guy’s guitar and they’re going to look for a specific spot that the photo was taken. YOU’RE DOING IT WRONG. In the Not Romeo and Juliet cab, Muslim po-faces the fact he never got a bar mitzvah. Well, that’s because you’re a Ramadan not a Hanukkah silly boy. Anyway, they arrive, as do (having made up time) Hen/Alon. And here comes the reunion of the evil as Hen/Alon spot Firashira and there is evil hugging and evil kissing and Hen’s nightmares are over and mine are just beginning. You’ll see. They go off to work together and I want to go elsewhere too. Unlike the blondes, they get the assignment and work together on it. In the Osnat/Carmit cab, they’re outta cash. They offer payment in kisses and then the driver threatens to call the police but since they are not Colin and Christie and this isn’t Tanzania they opt to appease the driving by asininely begging “forint for us?” Lots of kisses and phone numbers exchanged and apologies to the taxi driver as they Yemenite their way to the synagogue. The rabbi looks unamused. Most likely he’s Ashkenazi. I have a feeling Osnat/Carmit will smoke this particular task, being the socialites they are.

Elsewhere, Oren/Alon are in some bookstore, still begging for effing Internet. Bright idea: they’re in a bookstore, let’s find a travel guide to Jewish Budapest! They just spent an hour and a half looking for that. Sheesh. Fifi and Nitzan are still playing weatherbunny – and they finally get it! They’re feeling down but not out. And they shouldn’t, since the brothers have found themselves at the Jewish Museum instead of the synagogue, but after much arguing, they find the synagogue, commercial, finally.

Back to Budapest. From afar, Firashira and Hen/Alon decide to fuck with the brothers. They tell them that Anakiva said it’s down by the riverside, and as the congratulate themselves, the boys are not fooled. They stupidly run past the brothers in the opposite direction (the hell?) and get the roadblock clue in fourth and fifth.

Ice blocks. Akiva is tired. Moti is beauty-queen waving at the ladies. All is normal. Much more beating up of the ice and Pundak gets the clue, a photo of a bridge, which is the Elizabeth Bridge. Hen/Alon arrive at the ice blocks, and Alon will attack this, of course, with glee, probably imagining half the racers’ heads embedded in the ice. And Firashira are here too, and of course Firass will do it. Women yell, men hack. Hen and Shira start a chant for their partners that is way more annoying than Shushi. Trash-talking, and it’s pleasant neither in
English nor Hebrew, so I’ll leave it be. Akiva finishes, and lots of celebrating.

Elsewhere, banjo music plays as the blondes wander aimlessly around Budapest with their drunk drifter, who stops to give the camera a concert. WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING? This isn’t MTV. The brothers seem to have a better grip on the task and are making up time. The Yemenites fuss over a ginger and Osnat proposes marriage and channels her inner Brooke and says she’s never kissed so much in her life. The blondes, having had no success at all in comprehending this task, having chased their Homeless Herzl all around town. He is now done with the crazy ladies. Commercial.

And we’re back, with Bakers seeking Herzl. As in the person. Oh dear, this doesn’t look too good. You can already see the sun setting behind them. Brothers make it to the ice and start smashing, and unlike the others, Oren’s approaching this methodically by carving out the clue with the heel rather than just going to town on the thing. The girls look over in amusement, but Alon gets the clue next, and then Oren’s strategy works as they pass up the two other teams and pull the photo from the ice, now firmly in the front of the pack, as Alon says correctly in the cab.

Bridge. Facebook arrives and they must count the rails on the bridge, then use that number to unlock a clue box lock. Anakiva arrives soon after and they count. Back at the ice, Osnat’s taking the roadblock, and having and is the first woman to attempt this task. Good on you, Osi. Firass gets the photo next, and Tom/Adele? Looking pretty foolish. Osnat, again, tries to help Tom, who brushes her off. How about you just keep your eyes on your own papers? Lots of hammering…and Osnat passes Tom. Wow, he really sucks at this task. He gets it, but they’re now in seventh place.

Good lord, I’ve been translating for an hour and half now – time for bed. The rest of this episode in the morning.
TAR Nut. Israel.

aishwarya rai :: nicole scherzinger :: ke$ha :: leila lopes :: rosanne cash :: des'ree :: carly simon :: leymah gbowee :: mary j blige :: kathy najimy :: annie lennox :: angelique kidjo :: dolly parton :: temple grandin :: sheila e :: lena :: ellen degeneres :: shirley manson

Offline Drake

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Re: Hamerotz Lamillion 2: The Recaps
« Reply #28 on: November 16, 2011, 08:14:33 AM »
Good lord, I’ve been translating for an hour and half now – time for bed. The rest of this episode in the morning.
Can't wait :))

Online ZBC Company

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Re: Hamerotz Lamillion 2: The Recaps
« Reply #29 on: November 16, 2011, 08:16:37 AM »
if anyone link for youtube just send me something send link


Offline Jai Ho

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Re: Hamerotz Lamillion 2: The Recaps
« Reply #30 on: November 16, 2011, 03:01:01 PM »
Good lord, I’ve been translating for an hour and half now – time for bed. The rest of this episode in the morning.
Can't wait :))

Thanks, Drake. Any more specific feedback? I'd really like to know what you guys think of my writing.
TAR Nut. Israel.

aishwarya rai :: nicole scherzinger :: ke$ha :: leila lopes :: rosanne cash :: des'ree :: carly simon :: leymah gbowee :: mary j blige :: kathy najimy :: annie lennox :: angelique kidjo :: dolly parton :: temple grandin :: sheila e :: lena :: ellen degeneres :: shirley manson

Offline Jai Ho

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Re: Hamerotz Lamillion 2: The Recaps
« Reply #31 on: November 17, 2011, 12:51:38 AM »
Oy, these things are taking forever. Enjoy Episode 5, Part 2, as I ice my hands and prepare to rest up for tomorrow:

Brothers and Hen/Alon arrive at the bridge. Anakiva are befuddled, as are Facebook. But the Brothers have a plan! The next three teams (Firashira, Tom/Adele, Yemenites) arrive seemingly consecutively, and for the first time in a while, we actually have somewhat of an equalizer. How does Shira react to this? By freaking out at her partner, of course. Alon/Oren, through a combination of counting and luck, come up with the correct number of 2377 and unlock the box. Alon kisses his brother’s ear so hard he almost falls over. Hen/Alon see this. Anakiva are trying to unlock the box, but it is Facebook (boo!) that the brothers opt to help, for absolutely no good reason. Akiva comes over as the brothers are explaining and the junior-high ethics ensue as he is pushed away, and Anakiva are pissed. Just open the damn clue, Alon. It’s a pit stop YAY. Alon/Oren run for a cab to get to the pit stop, a pretty castle (no bathhouses this time!) passing Hen on the way. They briefly bid her goodbye, but the next team they happen to see are Osnat/Carmit, who are a) pretty weak and b) helped them all the way back in Israel (sheesh, seems like a million years ago now) so they’ll stop to help them. They send Carmit off to be the dummy and count while they craftily write the number on Osnat’s arm. They tell the ladies to pretend to count for like five more minutes and then go get the clue. Osnat comments that now they’re blood family. Brothers grab a taxi.

Bar/Inna? Still on the Herzl task. They find an old man to help them and Inna stupidly thinks the beard is a toupee before Bar helpfully corrects her. The old man wants Inna in the picture with him, as old men are wont to do. They art direct, and hurry up girls it’s getting late. Back at the bridge, Osnat/Carmit are dancing because they know the answer, they’re not telling, nyah nyah. Team Facebook (with or without Oren/Alon’s aid) get the number and Anael calls the guys first-graders for not telling them the answer. Lucky ducks Tom/Adele miraculously get it, as do less lucky but still accurate Yemenites, now in fourth. All three teams head for cabs and we head for a commercial.

Back, and in the brother cab. They’re feeling pretty darn good – they should, they were in 7th at one point today. They’re pretty confident they’re first…and they are. I’m not recapping Alon’s cab chatter because it is utterly stupid. Either way, they congratulate each other at the mat.

Synagogue. Bakers are still at the Herzl task and we get some really wacky shots that are clearly out of order. Either way, the blondes pick up the pace. Both teams finish. In their cab, the dudes spot some chicks on top of their chair. Tom/Adele ride. Yemenites ride. Team Facebook barely edges out Tom/Adele and the teams are second and third. Back at the ice blocks, night has fallen and Bar is hacking away, hoping that Team Burekas don’t show up. But they do, and of course Nitzan ninjas the ice with the nunchuks and has a great time doing it like the Goonie he is. He actually breaks the nunchuks. Bar feels weak. Inna feels her energy sapping away with all of Nitzan’s progress. And Nitzan emerges victorious, putting the girls definitively in last. Back at the bridge, Anakiva get the correct number and leave, as do Hen/Alon. They don’t appear to share the info with Firashira, who get it in 7th.

Castle pitstop. Osnat/Carmit dance up to the pit stop in fourth. Kisses all around. Back at the ice, Bar’s still hacking away. She finally pops out the freeze-dried clue and they’re on their way to the bridge, to hopefully overtake the bakers, who’ve just arrived there. However, they get muddled when they switch counters midstream, allowing the ladies to catch up. They’re closer than the bakers were. At the pitstop, Anael flutters her eyes in despair learning that she and Akiva are fifth. Stop crying, you baby, you’re still in the race. More triumphant music as Hen/Alon arrive in sixth and Firashira in seventh.

Bridge. Team Bakers can’t get it. Inna shows signs of brilliance when she proposes playing the odds and counting by tens to narrow the number down, and remarkably, the strategy works. Probably similar to Oren/Alon’s strategy. They intend to disappear into the night, and they do. Bakers finally get the clue in last. Bar/Inna’s cab gets lost and they transfer cabs.  Whoops. Fifi/Nitzan’s cab driver seems to know where they’re going. Bar/Inna beg for speed, and we’ve got ourselves a cab race. Ron checks his watch. Both teams arrive, and…it’s Bar and Inna who live to race another day as they arrive in eighth. The chilly bakers arrive, and their goose is cooked. Nitzan comments that it was a black day for them, but they didn’t give up. They get the magic lottery ticket, and 3000 shekels is now theirs. Party time! Awww, I’ll miss their cute faces. No preview.
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aishwarya rai :: nicole scherzinger :: ke$ha :: leila lopes :: rosanne cash :: des'ree :: carly simon :: leymah gbowee :: mary j blige :: kathy najimy :: annie lennox :: angelique kidjo :: dolly parton :: temple grandin :: sheila e :: lena :: ellen degeneres :: shirley manson

Offline Jai Ho

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Re: Hamerotz Lamillion 2: The Recaps
« Reply #32 on: November 20, 2011, 01:56:37 AM »
Tonight: Episode 6! Hopefully out of Hungary!

Credits.

Train to Sarajevo, Bosnia and Herzegovina. For some reason, we see none of the teams leaving the pitstop, and the first team we see buying tickets are…Osnat/Carmit? Definitely not shot in order. Ron narrates that the teams are all on the same train to Bosnia. Bar/Inna get the “beautiful country” confessional. We see Muslims! Tom comments that this race is crazy. Shira dances, Akiva prays. And…they’re getting their clues in the order they arrived at the pit stop. LAAAAME. Equalizer, anyone?

First up is the brothers, who say “Bosnia and hurts a vagina.” LOL. The clue tells them to go to the Gavrilo Principe Bridge. They head out as do Team Facebook, who ask their cab driver for pretty girls, and Adele, who cannot pronounce Sarajevo. Yemenites are next, and they ask their driver for Bosnian music and boogie in the cab as usual.

Bridge. Brothers rip and read. The task is to toss a sardine and the other partner has to catch it with their mouth. Every five missed sardines means the tosser must eat one. Oren catches, shirtless, and Alon tosses, shirt on. Facebook arrives as well and Moti and his big mouth are catching. They argue, which is new and exciting for them. Pundak eats his first fish. Tom and Adele arrive. Alon eats a fish. Tom, who is throwing, is totally grossed out by the fish and doesn’t want to eat any. Adele wants him to shut up and throw the damn thing. Yemenites arrive, and Carmit will catch. Good on her. Soon enough, Osnat must eat one and it is gross. Tom screams at Adele for not being a better fish-catcher. Tom bites into one and goes through about ten different emotions of pain in five seconds.

Back at the station, Anakiva gets their cab and are scared. Akiva tosses out a prayer as the bridge teams toss more fish. Carmit barely misses, Adele catches one…with her hood, and the brothers and Facebook each catch one so it’s time for a stupid, pointless duel, this one involving playing musical chairs against some Bosnian thugs and a fierce lookin’ Bosnian lady  with a rolling pin. But first, prom queen! Will Alon/Hen get a threepeat? The brothers and Facebook seem to think so as they do just that as Hen/Alon depart the station. Firass/Shira leave as well.

Musical chairs. The fierce Bosnian Olympic Musical Chairs squad prepares for their first two adversaries, and it’ll be, of course, the two male teams. Alon/Oren walk in, and Moti/Pundak run in shrieking like fags. This is almost too dumb to recap, but let’s see what happens. One of the Bosnian thugs literally tosses Pundak out of the ring. Damn. Moti dances like a six-year-old (Pundak’s words, not mine). The next stop, Alon gets tossed off by the same thug, and the momentum is too much for him, as he literally bounces off the ground and collapses onto Pundak. I would do the same, but for different reasons. Or maybe the same ones – I don’t know. We get treated to a replay and I don’t think we’ve seen this much unintentional physical comedy since Charla vs. the horse. Or maybe even Heather vs. the donkey cart. People take pictures but ultimately, Moti wins. Damn it. Gloat, gloat, just get your damn clue. And…it’s a cup of coffee. The teams don’t know that the clue is a ski resort written at the bottom of the cup. They finish the coffee and get a piece of paper saying, get the next clue…but where? Dun dun DUN. Commercial. Anakiva and Hen/Alon arrive at the fish, and the ladies will be catching. Anael comments that Akiva doesn’t even eat fish at home. Anael shockingly catches one and they’re on their way. Firashira arrive, and Shira freaks out, as usual. Anakiva decides to yield Bar/Inna because they are last, and here they are, leaving the station in remarkably good spirits.

Bridge. No success anywhere. Tom puts on his hood and prays for Adele to catch it. And she does. Amazing. Adele is annoyed, of course. Firass catches and they’re up to fifth. Hen catches, and also uses hand sanitizer. No luck for the Yemenites, but they’re in their own world anyway. All three teams yield the brothers, and it’s looking like Hen/Alon might’ve dodged a bullet. Tom babbles about nothing in the cab, and Anakiva arrive at the duel. The brothers compliment Anakiva’s racing skills, but Alon takes the win for the brothers, who get the coffee clue. They are confused, and look at a city map and decide that since the task involved music, it’s a musical place? Pundak gets the idea to look at the coffee cups, and they get the clue and are off. Brothers? Off, for no good reason, to a music hall. Lenny and Karyn in Paris, much? Commercial.

Bridge. Osnat prays for luck, and Bar will catch fish for herself and Inna. Carmit finally catches one, and they vote Bar/Inna for prom queen since they’re last. Moti and Pundak arrive at the “sky resort” and must stay for the night. They must sign up for departure times. Whither the equalizer? Either way, they’re in for the night, and out of this episode less than halfway in.
Musical chairs. Tom/Adele arrive to duel with Anakiva. Anael wins for her team, and they are rewarded with the coffee and are duly confused. Brothers? Going around nowhere, and for some obscure reason looking for the Olympic Museum. Nothing there neither, pardners. Anakiva are confused. Bar catches a fish with her eye and it’s utterly disgusting. Skillfully, she flips it down to her mouth, and they vote for Tom/Adele, who are going up against Firass/Shira. Firass tries to use Arabic to get the Bosnians on his side. I see a freakout in the near future. Commercial.

We’re back, and I was right. Tom manhandles Shira to the ground, and Firass gets upset and pushes Tom. Isn’t that against the rules? Hen/Alon arrive, and watch the arguing, as do Anakiva. Alon predicts a breakup as some sort of producers step in. Adele cries.

See, this is why this duel idea is stupid. Someone WILL get hurt, someone WILL cry, and this is how a lawsuit starts.

Tom apologizes before it gets too out of control, and Tom/Adele get the coffee clue. As the duel starts, so does a duel between the couple on the way to the ski resort. They argue, and it’s stupid. Tom acts like a baby, and Adele is a baby, so I guess it works. Back at the duel, Firass wins it and they get the coffee clue and are confused. And, we’re back to Tom/Adele, who make it to the hotel.

Musical chairs. Osnat/Carmit are ready to party. Osnat breaks a chair. In a first, both team members win (and even more remarkably it’s the ladies), and there is much shimmying as Hen/Alon sulk in defeat all the way to a commercial.

Musical chairs. Osnat/Carmit, having won, get the coffee clue, and Osnat’s sweet tooth leads her to lick the cup and become only the third team to discover the clue. The brothers, having returned from their trip around Sarajevo, are summoned over by the ladies, who share the clue. Neither shares with Anakiva, but with the hubbub they figure it out. Firass and Shira do not. After a short musical interlude a la Hannah and Margalit (they sang this song last season, episode 1), Firass and Shira figure it out and are on their way just as Bar/Inna arrive to duel Hen/Alon. Inna dances like she needs to go potty. Even so, the kickboxer boxes out Bar but it doesn’t really matter as they only have to wait fifteen minutes. Bar/Inna kiss and wait as the musicians pack up. Lonely girls in Sarajevo.

Ski resort. Anakiva arrive in third, having passed the other two teams. No sympathy for the Yemenites, as the brothers breeze past them to claim fourth. In an uninteresting montage, Shira/Firass get sixth, Hen/Alon seventh, and Bar/Inna last, just like they started.

Commercial.

Morning at the ski resort. Hen/Alon are kickboxing together. Roadblock, and it’s time to jet-ski in the snow – but in swimsuits! Just like
they do in the Olympics! Moti volunteers, and wishes he hadn’t. Heh heh heh. I am not jealous of Moti as he sets off in his pink swim trunks. After a few moments, he’s on his ass.

Back at the ranch, it’s Anakiva’s turn to play Sally Jessy as they counsel feudin’ and fightin’ Tom/Adele. Tom admits to the entire country that he’s on his knees and sorry and blah, you’re going to do something stupid next leg most likely so save your breath. Adele doesn’t want to do the roadblock, but Tom guilts her into doing it. Adele takes off in her powder blue bikini. Anael and Oren will take the task for their teams. I have a feeling Anael’s swimwear will be not much different than her land wear, and I’m right. Apparently, Anael also swims in a fuzzy hat. All three teams are off, and Anael takes a tumble. Adele gracefully glides to the finish and proves her awesomeness once again. Oren glides through as they get the clue, and it’s time to drive to Dubrovnik, Croatia. But first, they must find the U-Turn Board at Mostar Bridge, another bridge.

Roadblock. Osnat will do her third, and Shira, her first. Firass is uncomfortable in the cold. Moti limps up for his second go, as does Anael. They’re all cold. Moti gets it done, and Anael glides to a stop just barely past the line, and they’re off to Dubrovnik, via Mostar. Carmit sings to her partner as her falls immediately. Shira falls with less grace. The brothers, once again, are lost en route Mostar. They argue with much drama. Back at the roadblock, Hen gets into her teal swimsuit and looks like she’s done this before as she smokes the task and flashes the viewing audience. They hope that the brothers and Facebook drive to Kazakhstan. Predictably, despite leaving in third, Moti/Pundak reach the U-Turn bridge in Mostar and head to Croatia as back at the roadblock, both Osnat and Shira hit the snow and sport some impressive bruising. Commercial.

Anakiva and Tom/Adele reach the board simultaneously, and both are safe. Inna channels Baywatch as she heads out in her pink swimsuit with a blonde hair toss. She looks very wobbly, but she maintains focus and gets it on her first try. Osnat and Shira fall again. They leave as Osnat limps to her fourth try. She’s clearly scared to death but she does it. The cold actually manages to cause them to leave without a song. Shira? Still struggling. The Yemenites have not a clue what they’re looking for an look as if a bridge is going to walk up and knock on their car door begging for money. Hen/Alon, however, find the board and are overjoyed at having survived the yield. Brothers are still lost, having not moved, apparently.

Roadblock. Shira falls right before the finish line, and Firass picks her up. Shira looks more corpse-like than usual, and wants to give up the roadblock. Bar/Inna pass up the brothers and find the bridge, as do the Yemenites. With three votes (all the couples) they have been yielded. Back at the resort, Firass carries Shira’s corpse back to the resort. What will happen next? End episode.
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Offline georgiapeach

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Re: Hamerotz Lamillion 2: The Recaps
« Reply #33 on: November 20, 2011, 11:11:31 AM »
Awesome job Jai Ho!! This will make it possible for those of us who can't understand to watch and really know what is going on!!

:tu SO much for doing these, we will cherish them forever!!
"Our fans are pretty good. They don't give away too much. Sometimes people love dropping spoilers, but our fans are good. They tend to do it in such a way that doesn't ruin it for fans who don't want to know."--Phil Keoghan

Offline Drake

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Re: Hamerotz Lamillion 2: The Recaps
« Reply #34 on: November 20, 2011, 11:48:00 AM »
When are you going to give a summary of the episode 7?


Offline Jai Ho

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Re: Hamerotz Lamillion 2: The Recaps
« Reply #35 on: November 20, 2011, 12:37:07 PM »
Awesome job Jai Ho!! This will make it possible for those of us who can't understand to watch and really know what is going on!!

:tu SO much for doing these, we will cherish them forever!!

Thanks georgiapeach:<3 Any thoughts on the writing?

Also, even though you didn't ask, the reason I'm not translating a lot of the words they say (which is probably what you're interested in seeing) is because it's usually all about the same thing, similar to American TAR. Either a) all the teams comment on the same thing uncreatively (ie. it's cold, this is disgusting, this is crazy) or b) they say the same things that they usually say. Anakiva usually comment on God's providence, Team Facebook talk about girls and Facebook, the brothers bash each other, Bar/Inna usually go back and forth repeating each other, Tom/Adele usually talk about nothing of consequence, Hen/Alon barely get to talk period, and usually Shira is bitching about something (Firass speaks very little). The only team that usually adds something to the experience are the Yemenites, who tend to give some semi-interesting analogies in their moments of clarity. I like all the teams this season (even Team Facebook and Firashira) but frankly, they're about as deep as a kiddie pool.
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Offline Jai Ho

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Re: Hamerotz Lamillion 2: The Recaps
« Reply #36 on: November 20, 2011, 12:39:48 PM »
When are you going to give a summary of the episode 7?

Patience patience, it takes me awhile to be creative!  :umn:

...No but seriously, I'll get started on Ep. 7 today. I've already watched it and know what happens, so it shouldn't take me a zillion hours to do. And I no longer use a dictionary/Google to translate unless it's a word I've never heard before.
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Offline Jai Ho

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Re: Hamerotz Lamillion 2: The Recaps
« Reply #37 on: November 21, 2011, 12:17:08 PM »
Episode 7, Part 1. I watched Episode 8 last night and I can already see it's going to be difficult, so I'm going to zoom through Episode 7 for y'all. I have class soon but I'll finish the episode tonight, hopefully. Keep reading!

---
Tonight: Zoom! Careen! Croatia!

Roll theme song.

We open en route Croatia…but wait, Shira’s still whimpering in Bosnia, but we’ll get to her in a few. But first, we must have some “driving to Croatia omgawsh it’s so pretty” confessionals from the leading cars. Moti and Pundak are in the lead, followed by Anakiva (who comment on the beauty), and Tom/Adele (who comment that Anakiva are probably singing, and they are, a song about the beauty of mountains). Anael compares Croatia to a dream landscape. Harbor shots lead us to a sports center, where we face a detour: Soccer (Futbol) or Basketball. In soccer, each team member must score 3 goals while the other cheers them on in a cheerleading uniform adorned with the Croatian flag. Come on, no “Bring It On” reference? Tom better do good at this task. In basketball, teams go up against 2 supertall Croatians to score baskets with a trampoline, a ladder, a shopping cart, and a chair. By standing on the items, not throwing them.

Team Facebook chooses Soccer, and predictably, they pimp their Facebook pages, and Pundak cheers first in a little skirt and tank top which is actually quite cute on him. The cheerleaders are 15 years old and Pundak enjoys doing the cheer moves. Moti scores one for his team. Tom/Adele and Anakiva make it to the detour, and both teams point out that soccer task = Tom, and Tom can’t believe his luck. Reminder: he’s a professional SOCCER PLAYER. As in DOES THIS TO PAY THE BILLS. Either way, the ladies skirt up and men suit up. Tom doucheishly makes Adele sing a song about him, nothing short of stupider than that idiotic musical “Bye Bye Birdie.” Moti and Pundak comment that Tom is, again, a professional and they’re shakin’ in their boots. Tom kicks…and it’s the puniest little tap and the little paper goalpost merely topples over. WONK WONK. Anael attempts to lead her girls in “Am Yisrael Chai,” and Akiva…is not comfortable. Before he evens starts, he reasons that not even for a million shekels will he wear a skirt and wave pompoms so off they go to Basketball. Anael supports his decision with no argument.

Ski resort. Firass is carrying Shira’s frozen corpse back to the lodge. She legit looks white. In the first medical intervention of the season, we are informed that Shira’s blood pressure is too low to continue. In the race? YAY! Just joshing, it’s just the task. They have to take a one hour penalty, and that’s Shira’s first roadblock, ladies and gents. Make fun of Adele and Osnat all you want now. She seems pretty contrite and I actually feel a little sorry for her. Firass is not disappointed. Do I smell foreshadowing? Commercials.

On the road to Dubrovnik are the brothers, who are worried about the long drive and fear elimination. Hen/Alon are not worried at all, in the car behind them. Pretty piano music as Hen declares she wants to live there, raise children, work the land…WTF, goes Alon and myself, and Hen’s all “I’ll plant flowers and pick fruit.” Alon derides Hen’s rose-colored glasses view of the world. And…traffic jam!  It seems as the two teams are stuck. There’s been a hellish crash in the tunnel. Hen hopes it’s Team Facebook, and Alon pooh-poohs her but gives a  wink-wink nudge-nudge as we go to the soccer field, where Pundak is cheering for “Tomtom,” some odd nickname for his partner.

Soccer. Moti scores his last two and it’s time to switch. Tom, meanwhile, can’t even score one. NOT ONE. Adele is cheering her little jailbait heart out and even comments to the cheerleaders a la Mirna, “Look, he’s a footballer and he can’t even do this.” Moti is cheering now, and Sue Sylvester would not approve of the booty shaking or the cartwheels. Despite little previous experience, Pundak knocks out two targets in a row. Moti does the airplane dance, and Pundak’s all, “Do I know you?” (Again, Pundak’s words, not mine. I feel this may become a recurring theme.  I like it). Adele is laughing at Tom’s lack of performance and of course, it’s not Tom’s fault, it’s the shoes. HIS FREAKIN SHOES. He claims that he can’t do it because he doesn’t have cleats, and I can see this is going to end splendidly. Pundak finishes, and they pick a cheerleader up and rip and read. Next up? Cremeschnitte Festival, where each team member will eat five pieces of delicious cream cake with only their mouths. I would ADORE this task.

Basketball. Anael tries from the ladder, but it’s Akiva who scores.

Road to Croatia. Inna and Bar are lost, and Inna admits she sucks at navigating before any arguing starts but of course this means we need to see proof of this, so here’s your next five minutes, folks. They argue about who’s the most annoying. Osnat asks Carmit to drive, but she’s too tired. Osnat, to her credit, is tired of doing this all alone, having done three roadblocks to her partner’s zip. Carmit argues that she’ll do what she’s able to do. Blah, commercial.

We’re back, and not going anywhere on the road to Croatia. Hen/Alon spot the brothers and they go fake-make-nice. They’re happy that each other is stuck. Oren actually comes up with a brilliant if not illegal idea that since they have cameras and are actually being filmed, the two cars should go to the police as if they’re (Hebrew-speaking) Spanish TV news crews covering this insignificant accident. I guess Oren picked Spain due to the red and yellow flag on the dash. Well, better Spain than the former South Vietnam, I guess. They are allowed through, probably because the policeman doesn’t want to see Oren’s smelly face. Now that’s acting, comments Oren.

Ski resort. Shira still looks dead as they drive to the bridge. Tom finally gets two goals and comments that if it’s difficult for him, it’ll be near impossible for Adele. I get his reasoning, but…no, I’m not going to lie. I don’t get it. Team Facebook steamed through the task and I think Tom just doesn’t want to get showed up by his girlfriend in front of a bunch of girls. Tom bitches and Adele imitates him and it’s so Anti-Flo and Zach that it’s hirarious. Tom decides to switch tasks, and Adele is rightfully pissed, you know, being a professional fish-catcher/escape artist who jetskis through the snow in her bikini in her spare time, so she’s entitled. At said switched task, Anael jumps on the trampoline and scores. Tom and Adele get to the task, and Tom immediately showboats worse than Moti and Pundak combined, while Adele stands on the stupid ladder and tries to actually do the task instead of having fun. Tom beans her with the ball. Tom must have a really small penis to be attempting to prove this point. Meanwhile, Anael scores again and hey, look, a team that WORKS TOGETHER TO DO THE TASK. As robotic and repetitive as Anakiva are, at least they know how to follow the rules and do the tasks without bickering.

Cake. Team Facebook is turned on by Katrina, the waitress, and they get tied up and start to eat. They look like the big babies they are in their giant bibs.

Brothers and Hen/Alon opt for the basketball. Brothers immediately comment on the height and age of the players and we learn that Oren is 46 with an 18 year old son. Kickboxer Alon looks even more like Russell Hantz than normal and has little success, but a whole lot of fun and everyone is giggling. Yay. Hen, who looks like WNBA Barbie, even comments (in English!) “Alon, you are so not good at this.” Heh. Oren’s laughing, but Gay Alon’s not. Tom is being Tom. Oren beans his partner with the ball. Adele, atop a ladder, gets the tenth point, but they’re told they did it wrong and have to do it again. And Tom forget to read the clue to use all the stupid items. Tom yells at Adele for no good reason. Gay Alon gets a nice ladder-assist from his brother. Hen comments that she played basketball as a child, and being tall, I’d buy that she’d be good at this task. She scores one from the chair and another from the trampoline, and lawyer Oren dunks impressively. Kickboxer Alon gets the final basket for his team, and Tom/Adele have been officially sent down to fifth place. The brothers, now in third, get a biker to lead them to the cake. Hen/Alon leave as well, in fourth.

Mostar Bridge. Firashira are safe and finally heading to Dubrovnik. Firass hopes the teams are in Norway. Bar/Inna might as well be, as they learn they’re 100 km from Dubrovnik. Bar, BTW, has a super cute University of Michigan hoodie on, quite randomly.

Cake. Facebook is struggling with the cake. Anakiva arrive at the restaurant and bless the cake as they dig in. Akiva’s face seems to stick to the cake. Team Facebook is staying clean (?) by wiping their faces on each other, and the homoeroticism is noted. With that, commercial.
---
Any comments? Bueller? Bueller?
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Offline Best Loser

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Re: Hamerotz Lamillion 2: The Recaps
« Reply #38 on: November 21, 2011, 01:57:04 PM »
Excellent as usual. Your recap confirmed my theory that the argument between Firass and Tom was just two males overreacting for no real purpose.

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Re: Hamerotz Lamillion 2: The Recaps
« Reply #39 on: November 22, 2011, 09:02:45 PM »
Thank You Jai Ho for the recaps, I almost look forward to them as much as the videos themselves.

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Re: Hamerotz Lamillion 2: The Recaps
« Reply #40 on: November 23, 2011, 04:14:42 PM »
I know I'm so super behind, but school idiocy is eating my time. Enjoy the rest of Episode 7 and I will start Episode 8 recap tonight, then watch Episode 9 (!) and do that. Thankfully, I have no real Thanksgiving plans, so I'll be in my apartment playing recap catch up. Here we go:

Basketball. Tom scores from the shopping cart and he and Adele are off in 5th. They note being passed by several teams. Tom blames it all, of course, on Adele. Tom asks a passerby for advice, and when he does not know, freaks out at Adele in the backseat, who tells the passerby to go because she is tired of this.

Cake. Brothers arrive with lots of “my friend my friend.” Facebook and Anakiva are still eating, with Akiva looking like a cake bomb went off on his face. The brothers end up at a table outside and enjoy the task, particularly Alon, who jokes he has a Cremeschnitte beard, and he does. They make quick work of the cake and are almost done when Facebook finish and get the next clue, which is for one member to climb a wall while the other collects enough local currency to pay the “toll” for entry. Both male teams hobble off full of cake to said task.

Road to Dubrovnik (still?) Firashira see Bar/Inna in their rearview mirror, and Shira comments that the girls had a half hour lead on them and now they’re behind them. The girls notice Shira’s face as well. Shira comments that it was the end of the world, and suddenly, it’s not anymore.

Wall. Pundak will climb and Moti will beg. He calls some local girls misers, but it’s in Hebrew, so it doesn’t matter. He insists to some others he’s not crazy, which is not true. Brothers arrive and Alon, predictably will beg for money. Moti acts like an idiot but gets the money from some girls. Pundak struggles on the ascender more than I’d think he would. Alon of course makes a spectacle, as he is wont to do, raving like an even bigger loony than Moti, but I think the people are paying him to go away. Oren and Pundak climb. Oren comments he’s old and full of cake. Both men are close to the top. Pundak doesn’t seem to mind Moti’s yelling, but Oren wastes time telling Alon to shut up. Facebook makes it first and gets the clue, to find a statue of Lady Pee-Pee, drink the water spilling out of her vadge (which is magical), and then run to Minceta Tower to the pit stop. The yield is there for the brothers, so I think we know who’s not going to win this leg. Oren/Alon get all their money, get to the top, celebrate, and leave. They also find out, in their clue, that they are the ones yielded. Huh, that’s a new one. Commercial.

Back with Yemenites at the Basketball roadblock. Osnat discovers the ladder is perfect for tickling the players’ armpits, and scores, beaning her partner in the process. They each score a few baskets and leave before anyone else arrives, still in sixth.

Cake. Hen/Alon arrive and Hen comments how lovely it is to have coffee and cake in the Old City of Dubrovnik. Let’s see how much she likes it, one kilo later. Anakiva are still struggling as Hen/Alon bib up and immediately joke around, with Hen planting a custardy kiss on her husband’s bald little head. This starts a cute little kissing/licking war. Hen is loving the task, and inside, Anael is about to pass out.
Somewhere in Dubrovnik, Tom/Adele STILL HAVEN’T MOVED AN INCH. Come on people. They’re arguing again, this time about Tom’s behavior. More apologies, and I go bleep-bloop.

Cake. Hen/Alon jump up and down. Tom/Adele arrive and chow down next to Hen/Alon. Anakiva look like they’ve just had a food orgasm.

Streets. Team Facebook gets directions up some stairs, and the brothers are lost, with a funny little moment of Alon looking like a six-year-old, asking some restauranteur, “there is a toilet here…peepee?” Eventually the brothers also find the stairs. Team Facebook comments on the high stairs. Pundak asks if it’s Peepee or Fifi, and Moti responds with, “no, Fifi went home.” Heh. They run up to the pit stop, mugging the whole way, and congrats, it’s your first first, Moti and Pundak. The greeter is Giovanni Russo, some Croatian-Israeli athlete who speaks Hebrew as well as Croatian, so they’re some pit stop banter, but I fast forward to the brothers arriving at the statue to find themselves yielded, worried…and commercial time.

Road to Dubrovnik, and the trailing two teams arrive at the detour. It’s a little dark to be doing either of those activities safely, don’t you think. Dorky music plays as Bar/Inna always drive away, and drive around in pointless circles, allowing Firashira to catch up. Shira and Bar each score from the ladder, and the blondes actually seem like they know how to play. It also helps that the guys think the girls are cute, and they’re certainly less aggressive than the guys who are boxing out Firass ferociously. The girls finish and Bar wants to exchange jerseys with one of her opponents and Bar comments that she doesn’t want to see the guy without his shirt, he’s just as cute clothed. Whatever, if a guy wants to take off his shirt for you…just, whatever, girl. The girls gossip about the cute guys on their way to the cake, as if it gave them a second wind. Firashira leave as well.

Cake. Anakiva toss their cookies almost in unison, and the two teams on the ground hear them vomiting and feel horrible themselves, particularly both girls, who break out in tears. Back to Anakiva, they talk about supporting each other, and they finish, with Anael offering a painfully weak, “nice to meet you” to the waitress. She comments she feels sick, and that’s when I realize that they totally are a Jewish Josh and Anna Duggar. Why did I not make the connection before? They finish and stumble out. Downstairs, Hen and Alon are worrying about the calories, with Hen worrying about working as a model with all that cake inside her. Hen says that this proves that models do eat, and Alon assures the viewing audience that Hen does not live on grass alone. Tom wishes it were chocolate.
Wall, Anael begs for money, and one kind guy gives her all the money. Of course, it’s a miracle, and Akiva climbs as the gospel choir sings. They set off for Lady Pipi. Commercial.

Back, and with the brothers at the yield. Anakiva climbs to Lady Pipi and Anael starts to feel the cake. It’s to no avail, as we see the brothers checking in in second. They talk about their relationship. Anael is grossed out by the statue, but they drink, and climb the tower. Congrats, you’re third. They have no clue who the greeter is.

Cake. Osnat/Carmit arrive, and once again, Carmit struggles. Osnat shakes it for the crowd, and a passerby actually STICKS HIS FINGER IN HER CAKE AS SHE’S EATING IT. Major gross. The ladies just laugh though. The blondes also arrive, and see their chance to pass up the older ladies. The Yemenites are amazes that the girls can pack so much away so quickly. Shira and Firass arrive at the cake and also make an anorexic blond joke. And the race is on!

Wall. Hen and Adele are begging for money, and Adele passes up Hen. When Hen comes back, Alon asks her if she flashed the crowd for money. Heh. Of course, Tom blows the lead by letting Alon pass him, but they’re off and neither will probably be eliminated, so back to cake.

Cake. Osnat is done and Carmit? Not so much. However, both teams pick up the pace and leave Firashira in the dust. Alon and Hen find Lady Pipi and are pleased to have escaped this penalty, at last. They toast, rush to the finish, and get fourth. Adele leads Tom to Lady Pipi, and they comment on it being delicious pee. I really hope they don’t make a habit of drinking pee. At the finish mat, Adele freaks out with happiness at seeing the greeter. Fifth place, and they’re not too happy. Commercial.

Back, and this episode is almost over, thank God. Osnat is climbing for her team, of course, and Carmit is begging for money for her “girlfriend.” Bar appears with her team’s money, and Inna starts the climb. Carmit is still begging, and Osnat is worried. Inna does pretty well on the climb and they leave. Osnat wonders if Carmit went back to Kiryat Ekron (their hometown) to get the money. Heh.

Cake. Firass and Shira act as if they’ve already been eliminated, and look pretty pathetic. Shira feels weak and cold. Firass has snot coming out of his nose.

Wall. Carmit is back and Osnat’s all, where the hell were you, the girls passed us. They do the task, but Bar and Inna already found Lady Pipi. However, they don’t see the flag pointing to the pit stop, and run away from it. The ladies struggle up the stairs. Inna and Bar are so confused and wandering around. They finally arrive at Lady Pipi and lo and behold, the girls are still there! Carmit hopes they won’t see her and Osnat, and yeah, hiding your face behind the clue will conceal your presence, lady. Bar/Inna read the clue again and still can’t figure out what it means by “climb the stairs.” They run off in the wrong direction, and the Yemenites run up the proper staircase. Bar/Inna realize their mistake. Stair battle! Inna leads a good fight up the stairs, and they pass Osnat/Carmit to arrive in sixth. Right behind them, Osnat and Carmit go “surprise!” and there they are, in seventh, and safe.

Cake. Firashira finish, Firass climbs, and they know they’re in last. They stroll to Lady Pipi and mope up the stairs. There’s Ron, and boom, they’re eliminated. They will be staying together. Fortunately for me, they’ll be together elsewhere. Shira cries, Firass comforts, he’s proud of her for sucking and being a big puss, and they get their consolation shekels. Won’t miss you that much, I must say. No preview.
---
Comments?
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Re: Hamerotz Lamillion 2: The Recaps
« Reply #41 on: November 23, 2011, 08:21:53 PM »
love this leg i need figure out what was pit stop for polland

Offline retard boi

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Re: Hamerotz Lamillion 2: The Recaps
« Reply #42 on: November 23, 2011, 10:57:18 PM »
love this leg i need figure out what was pit stop for polland

The pit stop in polland was the house that the greeter grew up in. The greeter for that leg is a ~90 years old holocaust survivor who lost most of her family in the Nazi concentration camps during the second world war and came to Israel after the war ended. It was actually a pretty emotional pit stop.

Offline Jai Ho

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Re: Hamerotz Lamillion 2: The Recaps
« Reply #43 on: November 30, 2011, 12:11:39 AM »
OK OK OK I know I'm like a week and a half behind but it was Thanksgiving, I made my first jachnun (in honor of Osnat/Carmit  :hoot: then had to proctor an exam  (:;) then stapled through my finger  :iok but here's Episode 8. Warning: It's a LONG one.

It's already midnight here, and I'm going to do as much episode 9 as I can before I start getting woozy, and post that tonight. Promise.

Enjoy Episode Late (I mean 8):
---
Tonight: Poland, and lots of arguing.

Sunrise in Croatia, and the first four teams (Facebook, Bros, Anakiva, and Hen/Alon) get (or are given, most likely) the first flight to Krakow. Taxis, lots of passing and clapping. I still have no clue where they’re going in Krakow. Moti/Pundak interview about how strong they are as a team. Some more pretty standard cab interviewing. Anael tries out some Polish, and she reveals that she goes to Poland every year on a “march of the living” – for those uninformed, it’s a pilgrimage to the concentration camps to memorialize the Holocaust. Anael is proud of being Israeli, and we find out we’re going to Krakow Square as Moti/Pundak arrive to the task first. The task is to recruit locals to carry a car with them to a line without touching the ground, and then pack into the car with all the people who helped them. A Polish tradition! (I have no clue what this task means. Sorry, Poles).

Team Facebook immediately sets out to gather six strong local guys among the onlookers. They move their blue car a little, but need one more guy. The brothers and Anakiva arrive at the square and follow suit. Alon and Oren struggle with the car, because it’s a heavy car. Anael isn’t even carrying for some reason, isn’t that against the rules? They knock over one of their carriers. Alon/Oren’s diplomacy skills seem to be failing them, as a couple of their guys get pissed off and walk away, and they’re back to square one. Team Facebook, however, is having trouble getting themselves and all their guys in the little car. They finally get everyone in…but Moti. After some imitated anal sex between Moti in the car, they have no choice but to put him in with his legs hangin’ out the window, which won’t do. Can they stuff him in the trunk? Commercial.

Back, and flight two (Tom/Adele, Bar/Inna, and Yemenites) lands in Krakow. Tom hopes to start the day off on the right foot. Osnat tries to convince Carmit to try out some Yiddish, and tells us that her family is from here, but they fell in a pool of chocolate. Heh.
Krakow Square. Hen/Alon arrive and start begging. Lots of carrying, and Hen/Alon, despite seeming to have just arrived, get the all-clear to start piling in their car. The guys get a kick out of Hen, and once they’re all trapped, the ten-second countdown starts and now the kickboxer and wife are in first. They get the next clue. But first – voting time! Hen/Alon choose the brothers for their strength (?). Brothers are now attempting to get in the car. Their timer starts, and they compare it to being in a cattle car. Over at the Anakiva car, Anael is literally squeezed against the dashboard as their timer starts. The brothers’ timer ends, and they pose for pictures. Anael gets pulled out of her car by her wrists. Over at the U-Turn board, the brothers U-Turn Tom and Adele in hopes they’ll self-destruct, and Anakiva, still bitter about the bridge incident from a million zillion years ago, choose the brothers. Akiva comments that CEO Alon thinks he’s the CEO of the race. Hen/Alon get in a taxi, Anakiva head out on foot, and the brothers get a little electric golf cart to drive them as ice-cream man music plays. They pootle along, noting everything that’s passing them. Commercial.

We see signs in Yiddish, and Hen/Alon are at the Jewish quarter with their clue, which is a video of three ladies. We find out that these three ladies are Israeli comediennes Tzipi Shavit, Irit Anavi, and Chani Nachmias. I will not be remembering these names, so they’re going to be Redhead, Curly, and LeAnn (because upon second viewing, she’s a dead ringer for LeAnn Rimes). The task is to make the ladies laugh with five Polish jokes. This is horribly inappropriate, but the show’s also had old ladies wrestling in chocolate and several uncensored curse words, so I’ll try to translate any jokes that may transcend, humor-wise. Hen/Alon don’t know any jokes, so they Google. The brothers get out a notepad and do the same. Anakiva get the clue, and Anael can’t keep a straight face for a second and her partner knows.

Cars. Tom/Adele and the blondes arrive. The blondes get to work quickly. Yemenites soon arrive, and recruit young guys to help the “old ladies.” Carmit starts rolling the car. Facebook? Still packing their clowns in the car. All three of the trailing teams start packing their people in, and a local enjoys watching Adele’s skirt go up over her rear as she climbs in as someone else cops a feel. Bar and Inna seem to have some breathing room in their car and the guys are only too willing to get in with them. Over at the Yemenite car, Osnat almost gets stuck and Carmit’s head ends up in her partner’s crotch. Their timer starts, and even though they can’t breathe, they can still sing. Adele and Tom are now, as are Bar/Inna. The ladies have little trouble getting out of their car. Tom/Adele, now in fourth, vote for Bar/Inna because they’re behind them, and Bar/Inna, now in fifth, return the favor so as to take advantage of Tom/Adele’s poor relationship. Commercial.

We’re back, and the Yemenites are now finished the car task, and…Moti/Pundak are last? Indeed they are. The ladies vote for Tom/Adele, and the deal is sealed. Team Facebook needs to redo the task. Osnat/Carmit giggle about the scenery as they catch a cab to the Jewish Quarter.

Jewish Quarter. Alon/Hen are ready to tell jokes and they call the comediennes. This whole task has a lot of choppy shots so it’s hard to determine who’s saying what, to whom, and when, but I’ll try my best. Hen/Alon tell a joke about a Polish girl going to her doctor asking why she’s losing calcium. The doctor says, I understand it. A smiley face appears in the corner of the screen, letting us know that they made the ladies laugh. The next one is: what’s the difference between a Pole and a worm? A worm eats you only after you die. Lol? Alon/Oren have a Polish mother, and Redhead warns the brothers to be nice. The brothers try a joke: Woman asks her Polish friend why she’s so tan, and friend says do you know how many funerals I’ve been to this month? A smiley for them. Akiva tells a joke about sandwiches that’s not too funny but gets a smiley. Oren says, why does a Pole wake up at five to make coffee? So at eight it’ll be cold! More jokes, rapid fire, and Hen/Alon and the brothers are done. Redhead instructs them to go to the Klezmer House, and once they get there it’s a detour, which is overly complicated. In one task, they must carry water backwards in leaky buckets and fill up to a line in a barrel (again, a la Double Dare) and in the other, they must identify an accordion song and eat several knaidlach (matzo balls) to get the clue. Both Hen/Alon and the brothers choose the water task, which honestly looks harder than the other one. They seem to be doing pretty well. Anakiva arrives at the detour, and choose to eat. They only get one note, and guess Fiddler on the Roof. They’re wrong, so they must eat. Akiva enjoys the food, as he eats it regularly. They get frustrated, and contemplate quitting.

Krakow Square (still). Moti and Pundak are in last and trying the task once more. They finally get it, now in last. They pick Alon/Hen for the u-turn board, but it’s to no avail. Back at the water task, Hen/Alon are doing well. Moti/Pundak do their best Alon imitation and head for the Jewish Quarter. Commercial.

Jewish Quarter. Bar/Inna arrive and bean their taxi driver with the trunk. Tom/Adele head to a hotel to look up jokes, whereas Bar/Inna get two smileys right off the bat. Tom tells a joke and LeAnn cringes. Tom does a similar cringe on his end of the line. No smiley. Another joke, and the ladies look annoyed. They don’t like him and they can’t even see him. Adele does a fakesy laugh but it ain’t good enough. The Yemenite ladies arrive and it appears they’ll be good at this as they get a smiley while Tom struggles for his first. Osnat comes up with a joke: A Polish lady is getting stared at through her window, her friend suggests to put a curtain up, Polish lady says why can’t he put a curtain up! This earns them their final smiley and Bar/Inna complete the task as well. Off to the detour.

Water detour. Hen/Alon are working very well together, and the brothers are almost there too. The stick guy sticks his stick (say that three times fast) into Hen/Alon’s bucket, and it’s just short. They must go back for more. The brothers, however have much less water than Hen/Alon and must go back too. Hen/Alon make the work quick and joyous and pour their finished bucket into a well as the brothers. Congrats, former pariahs, you’re now first. Hen reads the clue and in the next task, the teams must go to Operi Krakovski ballet studio and dance to Swan Lake in tutus and pointy shoes. But first! U-turn board. Hen/Alon run off to find the U-turn board and it appears to be somewhat hidden, and Hen describes their next segments as “horses running around in a circle.” As they search for 16 Siroka Street, the brothers are finishing their water. Hen/Alon end up back where they started, and this doesn’t look good. The brothers are done, and get their clue. Hen/Alon are still counting numbers. The brothers sneak past them and find out they are not U-turned.

Joke task. What do you call a pretty girl in Poland? A tourist! The ladies laugh, they’ve heard this one, and Tom/Adele get the final smiley. Tom tells them to say hi to his dad and look for him on The Biggest Loser. Adele and the viewing audience go “WTF” as we head to commercial. Damn this episode is long.

Joke task. Team Facebook is finally starting, and they rocket off and get five smileys before I finish typing this sentence. Darn.

Matzo ball detour. Akiva figures out the song “Hava Nagila” and they celebrate. Second song? Nope, eat. Anael knows she’s the cause of the team slowing down, and as Akiva whistles Kill Bill, we get a closeup of Anael’s balls (lol). Fortunately, they get the next song, which is “Siman Tov.” Anakiva head off with the U-turn clue in third. Bar/Inna arrive at the detour and choose water. Osnat/Carmit choose matzo balls. Bar is supporting much of the bar as the girls walk backwards in tandem. Inna, once again, is useless at navigating. The Yemenite ladies get their first note, and Carmit literally says in English “that’s it?” Hee. Time to tuck in, ladies. Carmit immediately asks for some hot pepper or sauce to put on the matzo balls and fakes vomiting. Come on, Carmit, it’s not that bad. Of course, Carmit struggles. Osnat finishes but feels gypped.

Streets of Krakow. Hen/Alon are super lost and resort to finding a cab. Alon slams his forehead. Careful, racers! Hen is disappointed in her husband and they bicker a little. Fortunately, since they know that this argument is going to amount to nil, they stew silently as Alon voiceovers about their home life. Commercial.

Water detour. Bar/Inna are making some progress. Hen/Alon FINALLY find the u-turn board, and they’re happy it’s not them. Anakiva make the same discovery. Adele and Tom make it to the detour and choose water. Adele navigates them and they go all of five seconds before bickering. It’s difficult for them, as opposed to Bar/Inna, since at least Bar/Inna are the same height, whereas Tom is like a giant to little Adele. Bar looks like she’s about to pass out as Inna loads the water. It’s pretty painful to watch. To her credit, Inna jumps back in. They make it to the end, and now they must put it on the ground, and Inna accidentally drops herself and Bar drops the bar. All that effort, and barely a drop in the bucket. They opt to switch detours, sopping wet.

Matzo ball detour. Carmit is slowly eating her matzo balls as Osnat bitches at her. They voice over that Osnat’s the quick one and Carmit is “slow ocean.” Heh. Carmit finishes and apologizes to the musician that they’re Yemenite not Polish. Another musical note, and the ladies must eat again. Carmit threatens to puke. One more note, and the ladies are stumped…but in an epiphany, Carmit shockingly starts singing “Hava Nagila” (which is correct) and they must get up and dance, of course. Next song, and a sigh from Carmit.

Water detour. Tom/Adele note that the girls went away, so maybe now they’ll focus better. Adele botches a turn and a bucket goes flying and ends up on the ground. Adele runs back to get it, and they start dumping. They must’ve gotten a lot of water, since they don’t even use all their buckets. They find the u-turn board in fourth…but wait! We must watch the girls eat. Bar/Inna hear their first note. Bar makes up a song, Inna sings and claps along, and their musician looks utterly disgusted. No love for the ladies. Commercial.

Team Facebook arrives at the detour and choose water.  They start off quickly but Pundak steers himself into a pole and knocks a bucket off. Back at the matzo balls, Inna daintily eats. They get “Hava Nagila.” Back at the U-turn board, Tom/Adele discover that they’ve been U-turned by Bar/Inna, Brothers, and Yemenites. They head to the matzo balls and Tom feels like self-destructing. Good strategy to U-turn a team that’s going to likely sabotage themselves, folks. They start eating. Tom guesses “If You’re Happy and You Know It” and Adele claps, but they’re wrong. Adele suggests another song, but it’s wrong as well. Tom’s all “I had fifteen years of piano.” Back at Bar/Inna, they get “Siman Tov.” Back at the buckets, Moti/Pundak finish, now in sixth. Both teams are safe at the U-turn board.

Matzo balls. Carmit is slowly eating, as usual, and Osnat’s upset. They do, however, get the “Siman Tov” song, and head for the U-turn board. They’re safe, and now Osnat’s pulling Carmit along by the hand, literally, like a red wagon. Uh-oh. It’s time for the first Yemenite Breakdown, sponsored by Killer Fatigue. They argue so quick I can barely keep up, but Carmit accuses Osnat of treating her like a daughter and Osnat yells at Carmit for lollygagging and being the dead weight she is. Back at the matzo balls, Adele’s crying again. Tom argues with the musician, and Adele. Adele tearfully eats her matzo balls and this is getting boring. Tom describes them as being disheartened as they were passed up by both the blondes and the crazy moms (who should be behind them had Tom/Adele not been U-turned) and they’re sad. Meanwhile? Crazy moms, still fighting in the background. More Yemenite arguing, same topics. Tom/Adele, and Adele is a tiny little woman (Monica Geller) and can eat no more matzo balls. Bell. Commercial. Oh, wait, are we done? I guess so.

Off to episode 9…
TAR Nut. Israel.

aishwarya rai :: nicole scherzinger :: ke$ha :: leila lopes :: rosanne cash :: des'ree :: carly simon :: leymah gbowee :: mary j blige :: kathy najimy :: annie lennox :: angelique kidjo :: dolly parton :: temple grandin :: sheila e :: lena :: ellen degeneres :: shirley manson

Offline Jai Ho

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Re: Hamerotz Lamillion 2: The Recaps
« Reply #44 on: November 30, 2011, 01:13:00 AM »
Episode 9!

We open on spotted horses, which of course means Krakow, Poland. Tonight: Caves! Wheezing! Crying! Running! Finish mat!

Theme song. I miss having a life.

In the lead are the brothers and Hen/Alon in cabs going to the ballet studio mentioned last episode. Moti/Pundak are on foot.

Ballet studio. Hen/Alon are first, and Hen is so excited about Swan Lake. Alon has no clue how to wear the tights and comments that his legs look muscly in them. Brothers arrive and put on tutus. Apparently, they must walk across the street in their tutus to get to the actual dance room. That is a task in and of itself. Hen/Alon arrive at the dancers and they comment that it’s like a movie. What, so no Bring It On, but a Step Up reference? Hen is in love with the little girls and we learn it was her dream to be a ballerina as a girl. The combination is shown and it’s not too hard, being someone who used to dance myself. The couple must start immediately, and Alon comments that as a kickboxer, he’s not used to being all flowy and flowery and his muscles are used to jabbing and kicking. A fair assessment. They don’t do horribly but the judge does not like them. Oddly enough, Hen looks dopier in the tutu than her husband. The brothers shuffle in. They have about as much rhythm as Jerry Seinfeld. It’s a no. Commercial.

Matzo balls. Adele and Tom throw out every song they know, even “Old MacDonald.” So not Israeli, dudes. Adele cries because it’s hard. Tom hums and he’s actually really close to “Siman Tov,” but not quite.

Streets of Krakow. Bar/Inna hail a cab and Inna massages Bar’s back. Osnat/Carmit have cooled down a bit in their cab.

Ballet studio. Moti/Pundak run, and they’re now in third, beating even Anakiva. Team Facebook looks at home in their pink tutus, and they start dancing and don’t even finish their combination. It’s Richard Simmons Sweatin’ To The Oldies bad. The judge notices that their eyes are on the girls and calls them out on it, even calling them “stupid” to their faces. YES. Now, we must see the dudes ogling the ballerinas, and Pundak notes the muscular arms, like Madonna (?) and now ex-racer Tal. They start again and look like idiots. Cute idiots, but idiots. Anakiva dance, and Anael seems to get it but Akiva doesn’t. “Too slow.” Brothers fall over, and the judge tells them not to crush each other. They try again and fail, and Alon does his best Natalie Portman Black Swan imitation. Heh.

Triumphant music, so someone’s got it, and it’s probably Hen/Alon. Hen actually looks graceful and even Alon does a nice arabesque. They get the clue and chasse away. The brothers are still dancing like Angelica Pickles, but the dance teacher is tired of them, I guess, so they get a pass. Commercial.

We’re back, and the two top teams rip and read. Time for a new city – the Wieliczka Salt Mine we saw in TAR Australia. They’re off.
Ballet studio. Moti/Pundak? Still dancing like fags. They get it, and we don’t see them advertise their Facebook pages to the ballerinas, but that doesn’t mean it didn’t happen.

Matzo balls (still). Adele/Tom finally get both songs and the ballet clue. Will they catch up? They catch a cab.

Wieliczka salt mine. (Already?) Roadblock! One team member must dress up as a miner, go down into the mine with their partner, push a cart, lick a salty wall to find a sweet spot, get gloves and a shovel, find a crystal key, and open the clue drawer. Well, that’s clear. Hen/Alon decide Alon will take it. Team Facebook has appeared out of the blue (?) as well as the brothers, and Alon will do it, as well as Pundak. Pundak comments that he feels like a Chilean. All three teams are underground, and the brothers notice the awesome architecture, as does Hen. Hen feels like waltzing. Moti/Pundak are now in the lead (wtf?) and Pundak starts the push. Kickboxer Alon pushes as well. Gay Alon is now in third. He’s not breathing so great. Montage of pushing, and Kickboxer Alon and Pundak finish and head to the salt wall. Commercial.

Salt mine. Pundak licks the wall, and keeps missing the sweet spot. This is strange to recap. Pundak thinks he has it but he doesn’t. Gay Alon finds the wall, and decides to approach it differently, and looks for a spot that looks a bit different. One lick and he’s right – good thinking. The brothers trot back to the carts and Alon digs for the key. Kickboxer Alon gets his spot and starts digging in the cart. Neither Alon knows what the heck they’re looking for.

Ballet studio. Osnat/Carmit tutu up and of course shake it up. Bar/Inna are not far behind. Anakiva are dancing, and it’s enough for the teacher. Yemenites start dancing, and they kind of look like the hippos from Fantasia. Osnat tells the lady she’s “old woman,” and the teacher identifies. Bar/Inna enter and believe they can do better than the ladies, and Inna’s even got her hair in a cute little bun. Inna is actually almost indistinguishable from the real dancers on her first try, but Bar has no clue how to cross her legs. Back to the Yemenites, they try again and do much better. And of course, they must celebrate by shimmying and showing off their Yemenite dance skills. They get the teacher to shimmy with them and it’s a little cute. They need to race, not shimmy, but it’s still cute. Okay, it’s ADORABLE. I said it. Bar/Inna get the clue as well and both teams head to the salt mine. Commercial.

Night, salt mine. Anakiva arrive, and Anael decides to take it. She immediately regrets her decision and can’t stop thinking about all the dead people under the ground in Poland. Unlike the fake scared we usually see, Anael looks legitimately white as she and Akiva ride down in the elevator. I feel for the girl – she probably had people there, you know?

Back at the mine carts, both Alons are looking for the key. Gay Alon finds what may be the key, and indeed it is. Indiana Jones music plays, and they get the clue from the drawer. And my Internet decides to reset. Come on, almost halfway done. Okay, network reset and we’re back. The brothers retrieve the clue in first place. Another task – back to Krakow, and get pictures of themselves being kissed 50 times, like some song. I think we know who’s going to benefit from this task. Back at the mine, Alon’s forehead is bloody for some reason, and they hail a cab.

Salt mine. Akiva comforts Anael with a pretty psalm as she pushes her cart, and she whimpers but pushes her cart. Good on her. Pundak is still licking the wall. He gets it and they join Hen/Alon in digging. Alon is the next to find the key, and it doesn’t work. He goes back and finds another, and it does work, and they get the clue in second. Commercial.

And to think, I’m procrastinating on a 1500 word paper due on Friday yet I just wrote tonight, including this sentence…2467 words. Clearly, my priorities as a graduate student are in the right place. 1:11 AM Central Time, and you’ll have to wait until tomorrow to get the rest of Episode 9 and Part 1 of Episode 10. Good night!
TAR Nut. Israel.

aishwarya rai :: nicole scherzinger :: ke$ha :: leila lopes :: rosanne cash :: des'ree :: carly simon :: leymah gbowee :: mary j blige :: kathy najimy :: annie lennox :: angelique kidjo :: dolly parton :: temple grandin :: sheila e :: lena :: ellen degeneres :: shirley manson

Offline Jai Ho

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Re: Hamerotz Lamillion 2: The Recaps
« Reply #45 on: December 19, 2011, 02:10:11 PM »
Hey there - did you miss me?

Apparently not :( anyways, with finals, and travel, I've not been able to be as regular as usual but I think I can catch up this week. Luckily, not a lot has happened in the race, and I'm not going to recap the clip show (which showed absolutely no footage, and for some reason ignored Gadi/Alona, Tal/Mor and the Bakers). So that means 3 more episodes to recap (2 in Czech Republic, and 1 in China) and among them only two legs and one elimination.

I hope to get good feedback at least on this guy.

Here we go, Episode 9 Part 2:


Back, and Tom/Adele are in last at the ballet. Adele has her hair in a cute little bun. To their credit, they both seem to have rhythm. Tom, for some stupid reason, feels the need to show off on the piano. IN THE MIDDLE OF THE TASK? Raaace. Seriously. They try once more, and Adele does a beautiful job and passes, but Tom does not. They start to argue and Tom calls Adele crazy. Please…ugh. They pass, and Tom starts to sing “Space Jam,” and let’s go visit someone else.

Krakow town. Brothers are back in town and looking for kisses. They don’t have a good strategy and are scaring most of the population of Krakow.

Salt mine. Both girl teams arrive at the mine, and Osnat and Inna will take the tasks. Osnat jokes about taking a dip in the salt water. Wheezing brings us to Anael, who is clearly having trouble breathing and is crying as well. But it’s lickin’ time for her, and the wall, should I say, looks gross. Osnat and Inna quickly push their carts with Osnat even taking a little ride. Weird, quasi-porn music plays as the three girls lick the wall. For some reason, Akiva and Carmit are allowed to stand right next to their partners, but Bar has to stand in a little box. Anael and Osnat both get their spots, and Inna feels embarrassed. Anael and Osnat start digging, and wait…oh yeah, Moti and Pundak are still here digging. That’s so weird. Anael, in frustration, randomly starts pitching stuff from her cart left and right and almost knocks out Akiva in the process. Moti and Pundak can’t find anything in their cart. Osnat finds her key, and the Yemenites are off in third. Moti/Pundak follow in fourth.

Krakow. Hen/Alon are finding kisses and having a lot of success, due to being much more gentle and Hen having beautiful and kissable cheeks. She looks super glam in the shots – she really must be a good model. Alon/Oren find a group of drunk Spanish chicks for kisses.

Salt mine. Inna is getting frustrated and comments that her tongue is burning. Ouch. They comment on how hard this race is. They stare at each other for a while, and Bar starts crying for some reason. Inna goes to comfort her partner, and this gets ridiculous. I’m getting that there may be some underlying issues here that have nothing to do with the race. Back at Anael’s cart, she finally finds the key, and it fits.

Taxi to the salt mine. Tom is praying and Adele looks bored. Tom comments that only God can help them. Before He has a chance to answer, they arrive at the mine.

Krakow. Yemenites are ready to kiss, and this should be interesting. They take the “scare locals within an inch of their life” approach with Osnat almost tackling some poor woman. The brothers seem to be having success, and Carmit is manhandling some ladies. Alon/Hen, almost done, are begging for a few final kisses. They text off their pictures, and it’s pit stop time. Destination: 16 Sebastiana Street, home to Dora, a woman who was forced out of that home during the Holocaust. In an odd but provocative montage, we get an expose of the greeter, now returning to her childhood home from Israel. We see her camp tattoo and it’s very touching. This is probably the most we’ve ever heard from a greeter in any race. Alon/Hen look for a taxi, and the brothers finish and follow suit. We have a race for first, people. Running, running. Alon/Hen arrive first, and greeter Dora tells her story and welcomes the couple to her former hometown. First place, finally, for these two, which much celebration. Dora gives the couple some grandmotherly advice about love to the couple. Aww. Commercial.

We’re back, and Oren/Alon, you’re second. Dora welcomes them to Krakow. Alon/Oren’s mother comes from Poland. Maybe they know each other. The boys apparently missed the couple by seconds.
Salt mine. Inna’s still licking, and now Tom has joined her. Inna randomly gets it and starts the key search. Adele starts praying and Tom finds the spot. Neither team knows what the key looks like. Bar and Inna have an idea, and they find it. Tom and Adele follow suit. Both teams head back to Krakow.

Krakow. Moti gets a kiss. Team Facebook confesses that they feel like international celebrities. Akiva comments that he does not like kissing. Why doesn’t Anael do it? The pictures come out looking awful and not like kisses at all. Anael passes Osnat and gives her a kiss. Cute. Team Facebook is done and off to Sebastiana. Yemenites hop in a cab, having done, and Anakiva looks for one. It looks like Team Facebook ran or something, because they run in seconds before the Yemenites. They are third and fourth, and congratulate each other with kisses, naturally. Osnat and Carmit invite Dora to party with them in Ekron.

Krakow. Bar/Inna head into an awesome looking pub, as do Adele/Tom. Apparently, Bar and Inna are in a lesbian bar, and a girl tells Bar she wants to kiss her with “tongue.” Ooh, sexy! Unfortunately, Bar does not oblige her. That would have been awesome though. Adele seems to have found a lesbian as well and comments to Tom that the girl practically made out with her cheek, and in a confessional, demonstrates by licking her partner. What is this, the “tongue leg” of the race? The cute lesbian settles for a hug and a cheek kiss. Bar comments that she is straight, to dispel any rumors.

Dora’s house. Anakiva jog in, and they are fifth. Not too happy about it either. Anael is unhappy to be in a sad place like Poland, and Dora comments to them that they shouldn’t be sad because the hard times are in the past, and they’re now safe in Israel and will have lots of Jewish babies. Chattiest greeter ever. Anael seems comforted by her words at least, and comments that she does feel successful in spite of being in a place where so much death happened.

Krakow. Tom/Adele and Bar/Inna finish up and get cabs. Adele is screaming. Bar is calm. After a commercial break, we see both teams arrive, but it’s the girls who prevail. Congrats girls, you’re sixth and safe. Inna comments that she loves old people. Okay. Tom and Adele trudge up, last place. Sad music.  Sad puppies. Ron is a terrible actor, and he cracks a smile as he gives them their lottery ticket, which says that they’re not eliminated. Of course not, not in front of Grandma Dora. Now they’re happy. Next leg they’ll have a speed bump.

Next time: Oren gets lit on fire! Adele dances around on a broom! Roller skating dressed up as witches! Osnat goes boom. Uh oh.
TAR Nut. Israel.

aishwarya rai :: nicole scherzinger :: ke$ha :: leila lopes :: rosanne cash :: des'ree :: carly simon :: leymah gbowee :: mary j blige :: kathy najimy :: annie lennox :: angelique kidjo :: dolly parton :: temple grandin :: sheila e :: lena :: ellen degeneres :: shirley manson

Offline Best Loser

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Re: Hamerotz Lamillion 2: The Recaps
« Reply #46 on: December 19, 2011, 05:35:09 PM »
I was starting to wonder where you went, but I figured it was finals or something and that you'd be done around this time, so I didn't ask. Great as always.

Offline Jai Ho

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Re: Hamerotz Lamillion 2: The Recaps
« Reply #47 on: December 19, 2011, 06:46:36 PM »
I was starting to wonder where you went, but I figured it was finals or something and that you'd be done around this time, so I didn't ask. Great as always.

Thanks, Best Loser:kisses Is there anything upon which I can improve?

Also, side note: for the first two weeks in January, I will be on an Amazing Race of my own in Europe with limited Internet access, so I'm going to try to remain as current as possible up until the time I leave.
TAR Nut. Israel.

aishwarya rai :: nicole scherzinger :: ke$ha :: leila lopes :: rosanne cash :: des'ree :: carly simon :: leymah gbowee :: mary j blige :: kathy najimy :: annie lennox :: angelique kidjo :: dolly parton :: temple grandin :: sheila e :: lena :: ellen degeneres :: shirley manson

Offline Jai Ho

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Re: Hamerotz Lamillion 2: The Recaps
« Reply #48 on: December 30, 2011, 03:17:37 PM »
I know I'm woefully behind, but here's a recap of (most of) the Czech Republic leg. I have watched up to the current leg and I was very surprised at the outcome, and even though the last leg also took THREE episodes it was worth watching and will be worth watching again. As for me, I'm going to Europe tomorrow...back in a few weeks. Hopefully the race will still be going on when I return. And it probably will be.

Here we go:

Episode 10

We open in Krakow. Start us off, Hen and Alon! And we’re off to Kutna Hora, to the church of Bones, via Prague. Czech Republic! As Hen/Alon struggle to find a taxi, the brothers find a friendly local to walk them to the train. Said local starts talking…and talking…and it’s kind of funny, because it’s shutting the brothers up. Oh, locals. Hen grabs a taxi for herself and her partner, and Moti/Pundak are pronouncing it “Cunt’a hora.” First the bros with “hurts a vagina,” now this? Oy. Osnat/Carmit get the clue, and Carmit reveals she has been to the Czech Republic. But first, they must get to the station, and their cabbie is clueless.

Train station. It’s closed for the night, obviously, since it’s 3 AM according to the clock. Alon/Hen and Oren/Alon arrive, and the bros’ Fern, even after a “thank you my friend” from Alon, refuses to shut up or go away. Alon threatens (in Hebrew) to kill the man, much to Hen and the other Alon’s amusement. Random Polish Dude continues to babble on about trains and cars and the general state of the union to Oren, and I guess this is what 3 AM is like in Krakow. Gay Alon has a bright idea, to sell his snacks to some locals. Way to not be sketchy, brother. He manages to sell one. A policeman passes and the Alons hide their little operation like the two scamps they are. Oh so cheeky.

Anakiva and the blondes get their clue and Anael is quite happy to be leaving Poland. Tom/Adele pit-start as well, acknowledging the idiocy of yesterday, which they’ll probably repeat again tomorrow. Pointless cab convo.

Morning. Hen/Alon and Oren/Alon get tickets in an orderly fashion. Facebook gets dropped off at the station, and the Yemenites…are somewhere else? I think their driver dropped them off at some sort of service bay, because an official looking local escorts them to the front of the station. Meanwhile, Facebook and Anakiva get their tickets. The Yemenites get tickets, but have no clue how to say “Kutna Hora.” How do you say, “I’ll have what they’re having” in Polish? Bar and Inna arrive and ticket as well, and in an odd montage, we see them buying coffee. Tom/Adele enter the station and run around the station as all the other teams get on the same train. Will they miss it? Ticket counter! Train leaves! And…Adele is on it! Which must mean that Tom is as well, big ol’ equalizer.

Foreboding music plays, and oh no, where’s Bar and Inna’s money purse? Dun dun dun. Inna asks Bar if they left it at the coffee (there’s the relevance!) and she’s sure she didn’t. That older lady they’re sharing the seats with looks pretty darn suspicious. Yeah, read, old lady, read. Searching, searching, searching…damn, I have to take an overnight train in Central Europe in a few weeks. This is scurry. See, Tyler/Nathan and Bar/Inna HAVE taught me about the world! OMG THIS IS REAL LIFE. Inna comments that no money = out of the race. What to do? Bar looks pensive…and it’s beggin’ time. They start begging, and being cute, foreign blondes, they should be able to accrue some cash. And they do. Inna is embarrassed because her mother will see her begging on national (well, international) TV.

Kutna Hora! Teams exiting the train! For some reason, without backpacks. Predictably, Yemenites are bringing up the rear, and even more predictably, the brothers get the route info first. It’s at the Church of Bones, and they must count all the skulls in the main lobby (936) before continuing. Brothers, Tom/Adele, and blondes are counting. Damn that’s a lot of skulls. Oren and Alon start to argue.  Adele is confused. Tom reads out loud. Inna tries some math magic, and there is much counting. Brothers and blondes both get the wrong answer and have to wait out a penalty before trying again. Facebook and Anakiva arrive at the church and enter. Anael is horrified and tries to pretend that they are plastic. Facebook thinks that they will be there long enough to become skulls on the wall. Adele/Tom take their argument outside. Hen/Alon and Yemenites arrive and count as well. Moti/Pundak and Anakiva get it wrong, and Bar/Inna and the brothers are in for their second try. Hen/Alon? Way off. Osnat/Carmit are closer, but no cigar. The brothers get their number in first, and must go downstairs to a “witches room” and find their clue, which is printed on the sandy floor which they must sweep with a broom to uncover. After the explanation, Bar/Inna get the number and head down as well. It looks pretty freakin cool, I might add. The brothers are totally confused, and check in some rocks. Apparently there are a bunch of random things like cockroaches, tarot cards, and a crystal ball. Lots of combing by the teams, but nobody’s getting anything, so let’s head upstairs and watching some thrilling counting. On their second try, Tom/Adele are four off (aww) as we head to a commercial.

We’re back, and Facebook and Yemenites get the clue. Oren picks up the broom, noticing the floor, and Osnat does the same, and uncovers some sort of hole in the floor. Bar and Inna wander aimlessly. Team Facebook decide to put on a little play, with Moti pretending to cast a spell with Pundak walking around going “woo” on the back of the broom, a la…a witch? Oren/Alon, Osnat/Carmit and Bar/Inna discover the clue, and Moti/Pundak? Asked to leave and come again. The clue is to “follow the dim light.” Brothers and Yemenites have the right idea, and Bar/Inna actually look up at the ceiling, as if they’re going to have to climb to their next clue. Now we get a fun montage of Bar/Inna searching randomly, pulling bricks off the wall. At one point, Bar actually starts to go down the right path, but Inna’s all, “no, that can’t be it!” Elsewhere, brothers and Yemenites encounter…another double battle. Joy. The teams must put on antique rollerskates and skate around on a broomstick, pulling down bats from the ceiling and tossing them into cauldrons. So like Quidditch, only…not really.

The pairs get suited up, and face off. The brothers are doing ok, but the ladies are struggling to even move on the old-style skates. The brothers get two bats in, but Osnat falls backward. Ouch. One of the brothers yells out, “Osi, you okay?” and she says, “No, I fucked up my hand.” Yes, she actually says that. She looks to be in pain, and of course we get a clip, and the medics visit for the second time this season. Carmit looks at Osi, all “Oh shit, we’re going to be going home.” I’m at least glad they were against the brothers, and not a team that would see this as an opportunity to kick the woman when she’s down. Ostensibly, the challenge is over…for now. Commercial.

We return to the lobby, where Anakiva gets the route info in 5th, followed by Tom/Adele and…not Hen/Alon, who are now first-to-worst and are forced to go out to come back in a third time. Cut to Inna, who is still contemplating the lantern. Inna decides her partner might’ve been right, and she was indeed, and they head to the duel. Tom/Adele head to the chamber, as do Anakiva and Moti/Pundak (on their second try). Adele channels the spirit of Pundak, and picks up the broom and in a hilariously wrong Adele-like fashion, goes “hooo! Hooo! Hoo!” and pretends to fly around the room on the broom. The judge looks on in disbelief. She then gets Tom in on the charade. One challenge too early, dearie. Akiva discovers the broom, and subsequently the clue. Both Moti and Adele are now sweeping, but Tom insists it’s “not on the floor.” Prepare to eat your dusty words, bucko. Neither of them get it in time, and both teams are sent back again.

Upstairs, Alon is taking his SATs, and they finally get it. They head down to the chamber.

Double battle. And it’s not looking good for Osnat, who is in a cast and gauzed up, but declaring that even though they are volunteering to be the last team of the double battle, they’re not quitting just because of a bruised hand. Osnat looks horribly sad and Carmit, sympathetic. And they were doing so well, too. Damn you, double battle. Bar/Inna come downstairs and suit up for the skating. They back into a wall. The brothers, who’ve had more experience at this (all of ten minutes) skate circles around them. Someone hasn’t explained the rules to the blondes, who randomly toss the bats. Alon/Oren finish up and head for a victory lap. Bar/Inna are glad for the break, and as the brothers get their clue, so am I.

Back, and the brothers have a roadblock clue, “who wants to be the hottest thing ever.” And what is that hottest thing ever? Being a movie stunt actor! They must get lit on fire, run a slalom, and open a box with their clue without being burned alive. Cool! The brothers have no clue what the task could be, and Oren speculates fire, and decides to do it. They get in a taxi, and send Osnat some virtual get-well wishes as they wait on a very uncomfortable bench for the other teams to pass them.

Witches chamber. Alon starts sweeping while Hen opens drawers, but it’s too late, they must try again. Moti/Pundak literally walk in and out again. Adele starts sweeping, and Tom sees the clue, finally. Adele confuses “chauvinist” with “claustrophobe,” and then teases Tom about not knowing what claustrophobia is. Hey lady, with all the vocabulary you didn’t know before this race, I’d stop talking if I were you. Commercial.

Somewhere in Prague. Burning barrels, an ambulance, oh, it’s just the roadblock. Oren is already in the fire suit. This is starting to look a little scary. The safety crew rubs Oren with fire-resistant cream and gives him instructions. A montage of Oren getting suited up, and looking scared out of his mind. He gives his brother his glasses – aww, nice, something to remember your teammate by after his immolation. The safety crew squirts some lighter fluid stuff on Oren’s back, and Alon plans his brother’s obituary “47 and burned.” Hee.

Oren gets lit up as we go to a (poorly place) end of episode. GIVE ME A BREAK, show.

Episode 11! We left off: Oren/Alon at the Roadblock, Bar/Inna waiting at the double battle for Anakiva/Tom/Adele, Osnat/Carmit nursing a wounded wrist,  and Hen/Alon still in the witches’ chamber.

Fire-Block. Alon looks scared for his brother, who runs like a man on fire, and gets the clue relatively quickly. They comment that their mother is going to have a heart attack. Route info: go to a newsstand in the morning and look for a clue printed in the newspaper.

Double battle. Anakiva arrive first, and fall a lot. They score one, however. Bar and Inna have no such luck for a while. They finally get one to tie it up, and a second. The girls come from behind for the win, and Inna will do the roadblock. Commercial.

We’re back, and the brothers hit a HoO at the newsstand, so they’re in for the night. Tom/Adele get the double battle clue, and Tom can’t pronounce “skates.” He falls right off the bat, and it actually looks like the teams aren’t battling each other so much as the stupid electronic bats. Anakiva think that they can beat Tom/Adele, and they do. Akiva will get lit on fire.

Back at the witches’ chamber, Moti/Pundak are completely in the dark, as are Hen/Alon. Instead of thinking like witches, the boys suggest to think like the other teams who’ve done the task (for some reason, they know) and since Osnat/Carmit seemed to get it done in seconds (and they did) they choose to think like them, and they go in and go straight for the broom, with the analogy that CD : Moti :: Broom : Osi. This is actually kind of smart, providing Pundak knows that Osnat is indeed a school janitor in real life. If not, he’s made himself kinda ass-y on national TV by implying that Osnat’s place is behind a broom. Both teams get the clue, and start sweeping.

Somewhere in Prague. Inna comments that Paris is beautiful, and Bar counters with “…only we’re in Prague.” Inna gets suited up and looks pretty freaked out. Anael asks the stuntman to take care of Akiva because “I love him.” Cute. Inna gets a hood put on her head and Bar comments that she looks like a giant condom. Anael does not see this analogy. Inna gets lit up and runs, screaming like a girl (well, she is a girl) and gets it in the first briefcase she opens. Akiva does the task as well, finding the clue in the third briefcase. Both teams head to the newsstand. Lots of pride. Commercials.

Double battle. It’s Tom/Adele against Facebook, and the roller derby is on. Tom/Adele take the win and the clue. Tom chooses the roadblock. Bar/Inna check in at the newsstand in second. They note that even with their bad money luck, they still managed to make it in second. Alon/Hen head in for the final battle (assuming the ladies will not return). It’s on, with a bit more push and shove. Team Facebook wins, and we learn Moti’s real name as Pundak declares that “Mordechai!” will do the roadblock. Heh. Mordechai.

Fire-block. Tom looks like a racecar driver. Pundak is thrilled at his partner being set on fire and comments that he looks like a homeless person. Adele can’t stop laughing. Tom starts his run. Moti starts his run. Both get it and stand up. Moti asks the firemen to let his partner roast a little more, and comments that this will make a fun memory. Tom fixes his hair in the mirror, after all, they are on TV. Pundak sings about Moti being on fire, commercial take me away.

Double-battle. Bats sit on the floor. The trailing teams get the roadblock clue. Hen will take it for her team, and Carmit will do her first roadblock on the race since her partner’s wrist is tied to her chest. Tom/Adele and Moti/Pundak sign up at the newsstand. Hen and Carmit, at the roadblock, get suited up, and Hen suddenly gets scared that she will no longer have children. She freaks out, but hilariously, exclaiming that she feels like a “human tampon.” Hen takes off like a rocket. Carmit takes off…like a wounded deer. Osnat sings from the sidelines. They get their clues, and Carmit almost forgets to lie down after she gets the clue. Hen gets de-condomed, and Carmit actually has smoke coming off her body. Hen must, of course, rub gel on her husband’s bald head as they leave, and the ladies giggle off to a cab. They get there in that order. Osnat/Carmit are disappointed at being at least, but repeat that they’ll carry on, broken hand notwithstanding. Commercial.

Morning, Prague. The brothers head out in first place to find the newsstand clue. Bar/Inna start their day off with some good old-fashioned begging. Not so embarrassed now. They do a Little Orphan Annie act for the camera before heading off to the newsstand. Watching teams read is, of course, riveting. Bar sees a hippopotamus in the paper, and wonders if that means they should got to Kenya. The brothers find the clue, as do the blondes, which is to find the “holy horse.”  Both teams head for Venceslav Square. Anakiva, Tom/Adele, and Facebook head to the newsstand, in that order. Within seconds, Pundak finds the clue, whereas Anakiva have less luck. Tom is sprawled out on the curb, leisurely leafing.

Venceslav Square. Brothers and blondes arrive at the same time, and there’s a route info…and a fast forward! Both teams opt to do the route info instead, and head to Old Town Prague. Commercial.

We’re back, and wonder of wonders, Moti/Pundak find a group of Israeli tourists to give them directions. Anakiva find the clue and head out, as does Adele for her team. Back in Prague, Moti/Pundak are inside some shopping mall, and find an odd mobile of an elephant trunk or something. They find it, and head to old town Prague. Hen/Alon and Osnat/Carmit are off to the newsstand. Osnat’s wrist still hurts, but she’s laughing through the pain. Hen/Alon find the papers and start searching. The Yemenites do the same. Hen squeaks in frustration. Commercial.

Newsstand. The ladies have found the clue after two minutes, and Hen is incredulous. Walking around, Adele spots an H&M and must window shop. Save that for the dragon head task in Hong Kong, lady. Anakiva and Tom/Adele then opt for a route info. At the newsstand, Alon and Hen are flummoxed. In their taxi, Carmit asks for a “horse not really,” but the driver understands anyway. Hen/Alon head back and try another newspaper and find it within a few seconds. Hen complains of defective newspapers. Osnat/Carmit sing their way to the clue, and they’re going for the Fast Forward, which is at a local art school. Hen/Alon , in last, argue about what to do, but Alon caves to Hen and they go to the FF. Osnat and Carmit get into their cab, and we end the episode with them declaring “whatever they ask us to do, we’ll do.”
TAR Nut. Israel.

aishwarya rai :: nicole scherzinger :: ke$ha :: leila lopes :: rosanne cash :: des'ree :: carly simon :: leymah gbowee :: mary j blige :: kathy najimy :: annie lennox :: angelique kidjo :: dolly parton :: temple grandin :: sheila e :: lena :: ellen degeneres :: shirley manson

Offline kobbar

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Re: Hamerotz Lamillion 2: The Recaps
« Reply #49 on: January 13, 2012, 04:38:09 PM »
OK I HAD TO comment on this one!!!
Laughing out loud! brilliant! hiliarous!

I am from Israel , I watch the show here in Israel and opt for Bar and Inna who are my favorites
you write very funny, making me laugh.
I love it when you put self-comments like: "read the damn clue already".
If you can add some more like this, I like it very much.

hahaha! very nice!


 

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