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The Last Comic Standing 2

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The Last Comic Standing 2
Premeires June 8th 8E/7C
Last Comic Standing" is hosted and executive produced by actor/comedian Jay Mohr ("Jerry Maguire"). In its second season, the series will again provide a new spin on reality television as it features the nationwide talent search for professional and non-professional comedians (both male and female). Once the selection process is narrowed to 10, after the final rounds of the national search held in New York and Las Vegas, the program will then follow the comedians as they live together in a house and compete for the ultimate prize-an exclusive talent contract with NBC.
Last summer, 8.3 million viewers tuned-in weekly to watch the summer series "Last Comic Standing" as thousands of aspiring and professional comedians attempted to earn the title "Last Comic Standing." In the end, Dat Phan was voted by America to be the "Last Comic Standing." Since he won, Phan has become the headlining act at comedy clubs nationwide and recently made his acting debut.

This year, veteran producers Dan Cutforth and Jane Lipsitz of Magical Elves have joined the show as executive producers. Cutforth and Lipsitz's credits include the second season of "Project Greenlight" and Bravo's upcoming series "Project Runway."

"Last Comic Standing" is a Peter Engel Productions in association with Giraffe Productions and NBC Studios. Peter Engel, Barry Katz, Jay Mohr, Dan Cutforth and Jane Lipsitz serve as executive producers.

Does anyone watch this?  ???

I didn't watch it. When it comes to jokes, I am clueless. I never ever get jokes. I think there is something wrong with my brain.  :-\

2-Hour Season Premiere
by Funny Fanatic

In the heart of Times Square, Jay Mohr welcomed us to the second season and reminded everyone of last year's huge finale upset where Dat Phan triumphed and became the Last Comic Standing. Dat himself updated us on his progress. Since his victory, Dat had appeared on the Tonight Show with Jay Leno and had begun touring the country. Dat said that he was truly living the American Dream.
The search for the next comic sensation was underway. Leading the charge were veterans at judging comedy and crushing dreams: Bob Read and Ross Mark, who book the stand-up comics for the Tonight Show with Jay Leno. Bob and Ross were ready to take a whirlwind, eight-city tour across the country to audition thousands of comics (or at least thousands of people who had the ability to wait in line) to find forty worthy performers to compete in the semifinals. Eventually, the group would be whittled down to ten finalists, who would move into a Hollywood mansion together. The ten would compete against each other and ultimately, the American public would choose the person to be named the Last Comic Standing. This winning comic would get an exclusive NBC talent contract and a stand-up special on Comedy Central.
The first stop on the comedy caravan was Los Angeles, where more than a thousand comics braved the 73 degree, Southern California winter weather. Bob and Ross auditioned a wide range of performers - everyone from a ventriloquist to a Vietnamese cowboy. They also saw several men who apparently thought that their chest hair was funny. In addition, Bob and Ross turned away a young comedian named Buckstar, who looked like he could be the more annoying brother of Carrot Top (yes, more annoying than Carrot Top).  The comics ranged widely in experience from brand-new performer to twenty-year seasoned veteran. Bob and Ross asked a select group of the comics to come back for a real performance in front of a live audience that night. The comics who did well at this audience performance would be invited to the semifinals in New York City. That night, the comics who had been called back waited nervously. Finally, the time arrived and each comic got his or her few minutes on stage. The comics drew laughs on topics such as Mexican DJs, Oprah and the Mafia (not all in the same joke). When it was over, Bob and Ross announced who would be heading to the Big Apple. The group included Todd Glass, a twenty-year stand-up veteran; Triana Gamaza, a comic by night and a stripper by, well, night; and ANT, who had been on the show last season, but didn't make it into the house. The other comics who moved on were Alonzo Bodden, Jimmy Dore, Pablo Francisco, Corey Holcomb, Monty Hoffman, Retha Jones, Jay London, Kathleen Madigan, Bonnie McFarlane, and Tammy Pescatelli.
The next stop for Bob and Ross was San Fransisco. Thousands of new hopefuls waited in line - well, thousands of new hopefuls and one old hopeless: Buckstar.  Yep, old Buckstar had traveled to the Bay Area after being shot down in Los Angeles. Bob and Ross were surprised to see the comic again. Buckstar began with some new material, but Bob and Ross cut him off. They said that he needed to work on his act and try again in two years. Buckstar asked if that meant he shouldn't head down to Texas, where the next open call would take place. Bob and Ross made it clear that Buckstar should not attend that audition. Later that night, the group of comics who were called back performed in front of a live audience. After the show, Bob and Ross announced the three performers who were invited to New York. They were Will Durst, who had been inspired to audition by friend and fellow comic Dave Mordal, who had appeared on the first season of Last Comic Standing; Vladimir Khlynin, a young, Russian-born comedian; and Chris Voth.
Dallas was next on the nationwide search. It was a new city but had some of the same scenery: hairy comics without shirts - and Buckstar. Yes, Buckstar was back. He had made good on his threat to follow Bob and Ross down to Texas. Bob was stunned to see Buckstar and sat with mouth agape as the comic walked onto the stage. Buckstar started talking, but there was no joke in sight so Ross cut him off. Buckstar seemed unfazed and said that he'd see the two judges in New York. Again, there was a wide range of talent in the auditions. Bob and Ross saw a Hitler impersonator, a guy who was doing jokes so old that he'd stolen them from cave paintings, and a guy with a snake (no jokes, just a reptile). That night, after the comics who had been called back performed, Bob and Ross announced the two winners who would be moving on to the semifinals. They were Paul Varghese, who talked about his father - a man who was as scared of the dark as Paul was when he was five; and John Wessling, who managed to make the childhood beatings his father gave him funny to the rest of us.
With below-freezing temperatures outside, hopefuls lined up for blocks in New York City - the next stop on the search. At this point, Bob and Ross had been to four cities in just over a week, and the strain was starting to show. At one point, Bob even said he wished someone would put a bullet in his head.  But Bob's suffering wasn't quite over - Buckstar was back. This time, Ross cut the comic off and asked Buckstar if he liked clam chowder. Buckstar said he'd see the guys at their next stop in Boston. But before he left, Bob gave Buckstar forty bucks for lunch. Guess Bob didn't realize that if you feed the comics they're only going to come back. New York was fertile ground. After the audience performance, the guys invited eleven comics to the semifinals. The group included Dan Ahdoot, who is both Iranian and Jewish, which he said meant that people didn't know whether to hate him or hate him; Sue Costello, who had been the star of a short-lived sitcom; and Tom Cotter and Kerri Louise, two comics who are married to each other (and who each made it to the semifinals). The group was rounded out by Jessica Kirson, Marina Franklin, DC Benny, Dan Naturman, Louis Ramey, Tim Young and Eddie Ifft.
Next was Boston, the city of highbrow humor - well, as long as you consider a middle-aged guy rapping about incontinence highbrow. Buckstar made his traditional appearance and was canned just as tradition dictated. But Buckstar promised to see Bob and Ross in Nashville. The comics who moved on to the semifinals were Frank Santorelli, a self-proclaimed comedy dinosaur who had been doing stand-up for more than twenty years; Juston McKinney, an ex-cop (a very funny profession); and Gary Gulman, an ex-accountant (an even funnier profession).
In Nashville, hundreds of comics waited in the snow for their shot. Do I even need to type it? Buckstar came, he tried, he failed. The two comics who moved on to the semifinals were John Heffron, who was dealing with the trauma of turning the ripe old age of thirty; and Bert Kreischer, who wanted to win so that he could support his family by doing stand-up. (You know the difference between a comic and a large cheese pizza? The pizza can feed a family of four.)
It was just above zero degrees in Chicago, but that didn't stop the comics from lining up. Now, it wouldn't have been an audition without Buckstar - and it wouldn't have been Buckstar without another rejection. Spots in the New York finals were growing scarce, so Bob and Ross could only give one away after the audience performance. The comic who moved on was Jim Wiggins, a 62 year-old with over 35 years in show business. The other comics seemed genuinely happy for Jim and gave him hugs of congratulations.
The last stop before the semifinals was Tampa, Florida. It was one last city - and one last chance for Buckstar. So, Bob and Ross gave him a shot.  They invited Buckstar to the callback performance in front of the live audience. At the show, Buckstar got up on stage and did a few jokes about following Bob and Ross around the country. Buckstar seemed his most sincere and relaxed. But even though he made the audience laugh, he wasn't moving on.  Bob and Ross chose only one person to go to the semifinals in New York - and that was Jim Norton, a comic who admitted that he had the sex appeal of Leukemia.
After more than three weeks on the road, Bob and Ross's grueling, eight-city tour was over. They had seen thousands of comics and had narrowed the field down to forty of America's best. These comics would now battle it out on stage in the New York City semifinals. It would be the most important show of their lives.

The New York City Semifinals
by Funny Fanatic

New York city was the site of the semifinals where the forty comics would battle it out. Each performer would get just three minutes to make the audience laugh and impress the talent scouts. By the end of the night, only twenty comics would be left standing. These performers would move on to the finals in Las Vegas. But before the comics got their shot on stage, they'd have to survive a short bus ride from the airport to their hotel - together. Yep, a party bus had been rented and all forty comics crammed in. It was like being stuck on a bus packed full of people who never got enough attention as children. Todd Glass led the group Most Likely to Annoy, who commandeered the karaoke system. Todd and company would yell and sing, "Keep it real!" whenever other people talked. In an interview, Todd said that the other comics didn't get it. He said the irony was that by yelling, "Keep it real." - he wasn't. I think the only thing that the other comics "got" was a migraine.  The good news is, if that was just one short bus ride, imagine how entertaining some of these people living together is going to be.
Jay Mohr got a warm welcome at the packed Hudson Theater. He explained that the comics had been divided into two groups of twenty. Ten comics from each group would move on; the others would be sent packing. Jay made his way into the audience and joined our old friends Bob and Ross, along with three celebrity talent scouts: Colin Quinn of Comedy Central's Tough Crowd, actress and comedian Kim Coles and Rich Vos, a comic who had made it to the final ten in the first season of Last Comic Standing.
The enthusiastic crowd welcomed the first comic of the first group onto the stage: Alonzo Bodden. Alonzo opened with a Bed, Bath and Beyond run about being a single man who didn't know whether or not he had a duvet - and if it really needed to be covered. Next up was Jessica Kirson, who said she was on Atkins: "Today I had no crackers, no muffins, no cake. I had sixteen chickens, a dozen eggs and a lamb. I ate a whole farm." Pablo Francisco, who weaved sound effects throughout his three minutes, did impressions of Aaron Neville and Mexican radio. ANT was on the first season of Last Comic Standing, but only made it to the Las Vegas finals. He admitted that he was devastated last season and did not want to lose again. ANT did his three minutes and was well-received. Would it be good enough for him to move on or would he become a two-time loser? Frank Santorelli, who had been doing stand-up for more than twenty years, embraced his family heritage: "I grew up in an Italian family, kinda strange. My mother taught me how to shave." Will Durst, a political comedian, did his three minutes as George Bush, "President Rain Man." Vladimir Khlynin, a young, Russian-born comic talked about being a little, five year-old drunk in the motherland. Kathleen Madigan bemoaned the country's electoral system. After Todd Glass did his set, Bob told him that Todd was one of his favorites, but said that there was a rumor that Todd was very difficult to get along with. Todd smiled and asked, "...difficult enough to be good in the house?" - which drew laughs from Bob and the other talent scouts.  Sue Costello did a run about women in bad relationships becoming "codependent cheerleaders." She even broke out into a few codependent cheers.
Jimmy Dore talked about how awkward it is to be around people who hit their kids in public.  He said he interrupted one woman who was hitting her child. The woman told him, "You gotta hit 'em. Makes 'em good people." Jimmy responded, "How many punches would it take to make you a decent human being?" Paul Varghese said the only thing worse than being afraid of the dark as a kid was having a parent that was as scared as you were. John Wessling said that his dad ruined his wedding by giving a toast while he was drunk. His dad began, "I like my women like I like my Scotch: twelve years-old and mixed up with Coke." DC Benny talked about riding the subway and being confused when people brought bikes in with them: "It's a bike. Go ride it. What are you, cheating in a race?" Corey Holcomb revealed the secret of how to look at other women when out with your girl: talk badly about the other women. Complain about their low-cut dresses and you can look at them all you want. Bonnie McFarlane shared her secret for staying trim: "One, I always take the stairs - always. Two, I'm anorexic." Bert Kreischer did a run about getting pulled over by a cop - but he may have gone too far when he joked about cops beating a black driver. Bob certainly gave a pained look. Next was Tony Woods, who outlined the reasons he would not like to go to Amsterdam. Jim Norton, still caustic and still bald, talked about how he tried to bargain down an escort service once. The service wanted three thousand dollars for a very pretty woman. Jim countered with: "Can you send over a deformed girl for fifty dollars?" Louis Ramey talked about being pulled over by a cop (fortunately, he didn't take Bert Kreischer's advice). When the cop pulled him over, he asked Louis, "Do you know why I pulled you over?" Louis said, "Because I was speeding?" The cop responded, "No, 'cause you're black. Don't you read the papers?" Finally, Juston McKinney talked about being an ex-cop who was on the poorest and smallest police department in the state. The force was just two cops - his backup was a day and a half away.
After the first group of comics finished, the tension was heavy. All of the comics waited eagerly to find out if they were moving on or if they were heading home. Jay got back on stage and announced the names of the ten comics who had earned a ticket to Las Vegas. Jay called up DC Benny, Bonnie McFarlane, Alonzo Bodden, Kathleen Madigan, ANT, Todd Glass, Jessica Kirson, Jim Norton, Corey Holcomb, and Sue Costello.
The final group of twenty comics vying for the remaining spots started with Dan Ahdoot, who opened by declaring that he was Iranian. Dead silence from the audience.  Dan then said, "Doesn't usually get a round of applause." - which got him laughs and applause. Chris Voth talked about his old jobs. He said that one holiday season he was a Salvation Army bell ringer: "It's a great job. It's like five bucks an hour plus tips." Tom Cotter opened by saying that he was excited: "This morning I woke up and I could feel Tension mounting. Tension's my dog." Kerri Louise talked about being a lifeguard. She said it was boring because no one ever drowns. She added, "Well, this one girl did, but I couldn't save her because I just ate." Kevin Brown said it was a great time to be a New York sport's fan - except when you have to sit through interviews with Dikembe Mutombo, who sounds like the Cookie Monster's Nigerian cousin. John Heffron wondered why golf was the only sport you're allowed to pretend to play while having a conversation with someone. Marina Franklin talked about avoiding a confrontation with a woman who was yelling at her child. Gary Gulman talked about his height: "I'm six-foot-six. That's a big Jew." Next was Monty Hoffman, who had success in television years prior but lost it after battling drugs, alcohol and cancer. On stage, Monty talked about his troubled relationships: "I had this one woman live with me for fourteen days. Then she chewed through the ropes and got free." Tammy Pescatelli opened with, "Pescatelli, that's Sicilian. And not all Sicilians are in the mob, okay? Some are in the witness protection program."
 Barnett said he gets upset when someone asks him what gang he was in: "What the hell makes you think I got that kind of dedication and team spirit?" Eddie Ifft said, "I just got back from Amsterdam… I think." Sharon Huston got almost no laughs with her wedding routine.  Off stage she said, "I feel horrible about my set." Dan Naturman said he's against jukeboxes on principle: "'Cause you gotta pay a dollar to hear a song and the rest of the bar gets to listen for free." Jim Wiggins talked about his wife and family: "We had five kids. We were concerned about having five kids. We had read somewhere that every fifth baby born in the world was Chinese." Jay London opened with, "You might recognize me, I'm the fourth guy from the left on the evolutionary chart." Retha Jones complained about getting older and told the ladies, "We go from a 34B to a 34 Long as the years go by." Rick Kunkler asked, "You ever see somebody so ugly that it startles you?" Triana Gamaza talked about being a stripper. When approached by a creepy guy who asked what her sign was, she replied, "The dollar sign." Tim Young said that after he got a new cell phone, he had to break up with his old company: "It was the hardest breakup of my life."
It was time again for Jay to lift ten spirits and crush ten others. Jay announced the names of Tim Young, Marina Franklin, Monty Hoffman, John Heffron, Gary Gulman, Kerri Louise, Dan Ahdoot, Dan Naturman, Tammy Pescatelli and Jay London. Those ten comics raced up onto the stage and were joined by the first group of ten finalists. The twenty comics hugged and congratulated each other. But the celebrations would be short-lived. Soon they would arrive in Las Vegas where the group would be cut in half again. The surviving ten would move into a Hollywood mansion and be that much closer to winning it all.


Las Vegas Finals - Part Two
by Funny Fanatic
How tough is the competition in "Last Comic Standing?" It's so tough that one comic got eliminated even before he performed. It turned out that Jim Norton had contractual obligations with other networks that would conflict with the time he'd be living in the house in Hollywood (if he were to be chosen as one of the final ten). Peter Engel, an Executive Producer of "Last Comic Standing," told Jim that, as a result, the show couldn't let him perform that night.  Jim said that he was disappointed, but that he understood. Unfortunately, Jim's departure left a hole in the lineup. With only hours to go before that night's big performance, the show called on Jim Wiggins to fill the spot - the only problem was that Wiggins was on the road in Topeka, Kansas. The production staff jumped into action to try to get him to Las Vegas. Would he make it in time for his surprise second chance, or would his mad dash across the country be for nothing? It was going to be close.
That night, Jay Mohr welcomed the packed house in the 1,200 seat Le Théâtre des Arts venue at the Paris Hotel. He explained that the last group of ten comics would compete for the final, five spots in the Hollywood house. Jay then introduced the four Celebrity Talent Scouts, all stand-up comics themselves: Tess, who had made it to the final ten in the first season of "Last Comic Standing"; Anthony Clark, star of "Yes, Dear"; Brett Butler who was the star of "Grace Under Fire"; and Drew Carey, star of "The Drew Carey Show."
Up first was John Heffron, who had a unique strategy: he planned to walk out on stage knowing only what his first joke would be; he had no idea which of his jokes would follow. So, instead of having that nightmare where you're on stage with over 1,000 people staring at you and you don't know what you're going to say next, John decided to live it. However, the strategy seemed to pay off. John did his unplanned set and walked off to a standing ovation. Next up was Marina Franklin, who told us, "... it's all about rhythm and pace and energy at this point of the game." Dan Naturman talked about what might happen if he wound up in prison: "...I got these full lips that I'm thinking the other prisoners might be into… And I'm not saying I'm all that. I'm just saying in prison, I might get some extra attention." As Dan walked off, the crowd and Celebrity Talent Scouts were on their feet in a standing ovation.  Next, Sue Costello did a run about her ethnic group's lack of sexual appeal: "I have a theory about why the Irish girls don't have a lot of sexuality, 'cause the Latino girls took it all." Todd Glass gave a bit of advice about how to spice up your next workout: "What if you went to the gym and just started smoking?" Then he suggested that you should, "…put on rollerblades and just stand on the treadmill

Jay London, who admitted that he was a "dark horse" and "a long shot," was up next. He walked out on stage with his trademark hair and jacket over his right arm, looking like the world's scariest coat check guy. London rattled off his relentless one-liners. He said, "My father would take me to the playground and put me on mood swings." He added, "I work at Bed, Bath and Beyond. I work in the Beyond department." The performance earned him a standing ovation from the crowd. Tammy Pascatelli did a run about the cost of marital fidelity: "Kobe Bryant bought his wife a four million dollar diamond ring. You cheat on me and buy me a four million dollar diamond ring and I will be looking for broads for you." Alonzo Bodden did a run on stereotypes. He said that stereotypes are true - but that the negative stereotypes about a group are balanced out by the positive ones. After his act, Tess asked Alonzo about one stereotype in particular. I'll just say that Alonzo suggested it was true - and offered his size 14 shoes as evidence.  Tess stood up, as if ready to do a little investigating herself. Alonzo started to take off his jacket and Tess began to unbutton her blouse. Thankfully, Anthony Clark held Tess back or we might have had to witness two digitally-blurred bodies up on that Vegas stage. DC Benny gave us a glimpse of New York life: "I was walking through the park the other day; I see this old man doing Tai Chi. I was like, 'Oh, that's beautiful.' But then I look closer and it's not an old man doing Tai Chi; it's one of those heroin guys that never falls over." The audience applauded, but no standing O for DC.  After his set, DC admitted, "It was brutal... I may have sabotaged myself on that set on purpose." After the first nine performed, Jim Wiggins waited in the wings. Yep, Jim had just barely made it. In fact, he hadn't even had time to change his clothes. But he got out on stage and did a set that brought many in the audience, including Celebrity Talent Scout Anthony Clark, to their feet.
Finally, Jay Mohr got back up on stage, sporting five, giant-sized keys to the house. The ten comics who had just performed waited anxiously. Five of them would be moving in and the other five would be heading back home. Jay gave the good news to Alonzo Bodden, Tammy Pascatelli, Todd Glass, John Heffron and Jay London. The audience cheered, but not everyone applauded. Brett Butler got up and walked out while the show was still in progress. Brett went back to where the comics who had not made it into the house waited. Brett told them, "...votes were thrown out and I'm really upset.  And I wouldn't have participated. I have more respect for comedy. And you guys were great." Drew Carey called "BS" (okay, Drew didn't use the acronym, but I think you get the point). Drew said, "Me, Anthony Clark and Brett Butler did not vote for people that got on the show. Three out of four of us… I don't know why they brought us out here just to show our faces if they weren't gonna count our votes."  Dan Naturman, who received a standing ovation but didn't make it into the house, refused to be interviewed after the competition. Peter Engel explained that the selection of comics was made in conjunction with the network and the producers - and that this information would be displayed onscreen to the television audience. Wow, so much controversy, and the comics hadn't even moved into the house yet.  This comedy competition was getting serious.


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