August 17, 2009
First off, I would like to thank my husband Tim for the amazing letter, it took all of my strength not to cry and to finish reading the letter aloud. I love you so much Tim, that letter was so well worded, funny, and romantic, and told me everything I needed to hear. I told you to trust me in this game, and I so happy that you have. I cannot wait to see you when I get out, being apart from you has been one on the biggest hardships for me in this game, and I had to try to tone it down for the first couple weeks because I didn't want the other houseguests to evict me for missing you and give the excuse that they were doing it just so that I could be with you. As you saw with the HOH competition with the graduation swing and diploma beatings, I spent over 3 hours on that swing shivering and in enormous amount of physical pain because I wanted to win to see pictures of you and get a letter from you.
It was so wonderful to hear that you are watching and cheering me on in LA and that everyone in Boston is cheering me on. It is really cool realizing that my nephew little Sean gets to see his Aunt on TV! I am happy to hear that my dogs are doing good, and that Tim is still holding up strong without me. It made me so happy to see pictures of Tim, my brother-in-law Sean, my father-in-law Ed, my nephew and niece Sean and Jamie, and my dogs Peighton and Sidney. I really miss my family in NJ immensely, and hope I am making them proud as well. While I understand why I could not receive a letter or pictures from you, I hope that everyone in NJ is doing ok without me. I hope to see you soon after I win Big Brother, and I promise to call everyday to make up for my abscence!
I am so happy to be a part of Big Brother 11, and I am truly grateful for every day I have spent in this house. I am huge fan of the show, grew up watching with my family, and this experience was a dream come true for me. I definitely did not expect the Big Brother game to be as hard as it is. The competitions look fun, and there are so few fights that I would laugh at the people crying and causing drama in the house, and always wonder why people needed to lie to get far in the game. The competitions are always fun, especially when there are costumes involved, but everything takes a more stressful tone when losing a competition might mean you or your friends being evicted from the Big Brother house. I tried really hard not to cry in the house, but I have definitely had two sobbing moments. One was after Russell twisted my words, betrayed my trust and brought everyone to a big group meeting in the kitchen to call me Ronnie #2, the puppetmaster, liar, and villan of the house. The other tears came after all my bottled emotions from the Chima expelled incident, losing the HOH room, and being terrorized along with Jeff and Jordan by Lydia and Natalie, just came to head when I was so happy that my ally Jordan won HOH and she was so grateful for her pictures and letters. I was very happy that I made the correct choices in this game, because I could have easily sided with the Ronnie, Chima, Jessie, and Natalie alliance and evicted Jeff and Jordan to prolong my stay in this game. While this experience has been very difficult for me, especially the first couple of weeks when I felt like I was a target and all the people I was friendly with were being evicted, I have stayed true to my word and defended my true allies in the game, Jeff and Jordan. We shared a bond coming into the house as part of the last four people to first walk into big brother, and shared the splish splash room for the first couple nights until I became a Have Not and have to go into the Have Not bedroom with my Brain cliquemates Ronnie and Chima. Jeff, Jordan, and I have stuck together as outsiders and underdogs in this game, and people have underestimated our physical, mental, and strategy abilities, but we will make it to the Final 3, and I happy if any of us win the game, although I would prefer to win myself! I have the greatest respect for Jeff after having the strength to use the Coup de Tat mystery power knowing that the whole house would turn against us, and he has proved he is in this to win it!
I am very surprised at how many villans there are in the House this season. Many of the houseguests have taken fights to such a personal and nasty level, and used very aggressive manipulation tactics to wear people down in the house and make them agree with them. Other houseguests have just started fights, and I am surprised at the number of fights I have been dragged into, although I am definitely a person that will stand up for what I believe in and not let my friends or myself be smeared personally. I do not support bullies, and I hope that in the outside world the mean houseguests are better people, and people are acting this way for purely TV entertainment purposes, strategy, or stress-related reasons. Hopefully in future weeks the troublemakers will have left the house and we can one again have a good time in the Big Brother House.
Last but not least, my brain has gone too mush here with no books to read, no things to write with, and no science experiments to design. Holding the house record (3 weeks) as a Have Not, with food, sleep, and hot shower deprivation has not helped, but hopefully healthy eating, exercise, and scheming will help keep me sharp. I am very grateful to be able to type this blog up, it feels really weird to use a computer for the first time in almost two months! Thanks to all my family, friends, fans, and supporters, thoughts of you keep me strong, and will help me win! Here's to the first female Dr. winning Big Brother!