I am so late
Racing Report
Amazing Race
Season 13, Episode #1
Title: “Bees are much calmer than all this!” quote from Anita
Provided Funds: Money, what money, we don’t need no stinking money.
Starting Line: The Los Angeles Memorial Coliseum
Date: April 22nd, 2008
Phil, overlooking glorious smog choked LA (and we have missed you LA its been so long since we visited you last, oh wait…WTF we were here last year…..Let me guess next year they are going to have the starting line actually at CBS studios….), as he introduces us to the 11 teams that are all luckier then any of us SOBS.
Toni & Dallas: Single mom and her DAMN hot son (So much for the first “cougar” team in the shows history) from Northern California (So let me guess..Northridge)
Nick & Starr: Brother & Sister team from New York by way of Texas. Starr is very adorable, and let me just say camouflage never looked gayer (not that there is anything wrong with that)
And that’s it, the only two teams I care about now to those that shall be losers.
Ken & Tina: OMG Nathan & Jen stayed together for another 20 years, and look she still hasn’t forgiven him for cheating…… Tina even has Jen’s “bitch” face. Ken you’ll never guess is a former NFL player (I know its shocking), and Tina is his trophy wife. They are from Tampa, Florida and are separated.
Aja & Ty: A long distance dating team, that look so wholesome I can’t say anything mean about them, oh well there is always next week.
Marissa & Brooke: aka Dani & Danielle, except with more class from South Carolina.
Andrew & Dan: Fraternity brothers from Arizona State University. Team Super bad, and boy is that a spoiler. Like the “Frats” before them they are obsessed with girls. But lacking the arms, chest, abs, good looks and wit, which will make it harder for them to actually catch any.
Anthony & Stephanie: Dating for four years and she still hasn’t gotten the ring.
Anita & Arthur: Married Be Keepers from Oregon and tie-dyed hippies who are the oldest racers, in other words the clock is ticking.
Kelly & Christy: divorcees from Texas. And I have heard of having a quickie, but 2 months, sweet jesus women, were you in rehab or something.
Terence & Sarah: Newly dating from New York, they seem very nice…..
Mark & Bill: Nerds from San Diego, so basically Dave & Lori without the sex and kissing.
Quote: The Amazing Race is the ultimate Game on the biggest game board you can imagine” stating in pre race interviews by Bill, who is giving the show better pr then the CBS marketing division.
I take it back, Mark & Bill are funny lets keep them…. After all I do need 3 teams for the final leg.
Teams look at Phil, Phil looks at teams, teams look more excited* at Phil (leave him alone he’s mine!), he gives them the brow (lucky bastards!) and they are off and running.
*When Toni leans over and kisses her son on the cheek, I official fell in love with this team. I think it’s the best starting line moment ever.
Teams run out the stadium find their bags and their fist clue. Fly to Salvador, Brazil, you may only travel on one of two flights. American Airlines flight 252, or United Airlines flight 843.
The teams race to the provided cars and leave towards LAX in the following order.
1. Nick & Starr
2. Terence & Sarah
3. Andrew & Dan
4. Toni & Dallas
5. Ken & Tina
All the teams except Terence & Sarah take the 110 South, they take the city streets instead.
Ken & Tina quickly make their way forward aggressively driving (I.e. speeding) and working well as a team. But Aja & Ty use the carpool lane to pass everyone.
Teams arrive at LAX in the following order:
1. Aja & Ty
2. Ken & Tine
3. Mark & Bill
4. Kelly & Christy
5. Toni & Dallas
6. Anthony & Stephanie
7. Andrew & Dan
8. Marisa & Brooke
9. Terence & Sarah
10. Nick & Starr
11. And I assume Anita & Arthur
Aja & Ty go to the American Airlines counter (not the flagged American Airline counter) and wait to get tickets. Other teams follow, but Mark & Bill and Ken & Tina notice the lack of flags and head to the correct counter as more and more teams show up and form a line behind Aja & Ty.
Flight #1
AA252 departs LAX 1355 arrives MIA 2142
AA905 departs MIA 2310 arrives GIG (Rio de Janeiro) 830 4/23/08
G31600 departs GIG 1030 arrives SSA (Salvador) 1230
Flight #2
UA843 departs LAX 1405 arrives ORD (Chicago) 2005
UA843 departs ORD 2132 arrives GRU (Sao Paulo 1005 04/23/08
JJ3172 departs GRU 1330 arrives SSA 1550
Flight #1
Mark & Bill
Ken & Tina
Terence & Sarah
Nick & Starr
Aja & Ty
And Kelly & Christy
Flight #2 *
Anthony & Stephanie
Marisa & Brooke
Anita & Arthur
Andrew & Dan
And Toni & Dallas
• Phil announces the teams on the 2nd flight in the opposite order, but I don’t see how this can be. And I am sticking with my list as being more accurate due to when the teams went to the 2nd flight counter.
The first flight is delayed in Rio roughly an hour and a half.
Teams arrive at Aeroporte International de Salvador Deputado Luis Eduardo Magalhaes and get into cabs in the following order:
Flight #1
1. Mark & Bill
2. Kelly & Christy
3. Terence & Sarah
4. Ken & Tina
5. Nick & Starr
6. Aja & Ty
Flight #2
7. Toni & Dallas
8. Andrew & Dan
9. Anita & Arthur
10. Marisa & Brooke
11. Anthony & Stephanie
When they land in Salvador, Brazil teams must travel by taxi through the busy streets of Salvador and find O Rei do Sandvichen Pernil (it’s a sandwich shop). It’s here that teams will receive their next clue.
Teams arrive at the sandwich shop in the following order:
1. Mark & Bill
2. Terence & Sarah*
3. Nick & Starr
4. Ken & Tina
5. Aja & Ty
6. Kelly & Christy**
7. Andrew & Dan
8. Anita & Arthur
9. Toni & Dallas
10. Marisa & Brooke
11. Anthony & Stephanie
* Sarah seems to have working knowledge of Portuguese.
** Kelly & Christy lose considerable time when their cab takes them to the wrong location.
Route Marker: Became a Barista old school style
Teams must know choose one of these local vending carts and wheel it through the narrow streets of Salvador to Praca da se, a popular local plaza. They’ll deliver their cart to Indio, who will hand them their next clue (after confirming that the product is all there, which is all kinds of awesome).
The carts are designed to look like trucks, though they are tall and then, with even a steering wheel on the top. And are loaded with containers of candy that are extremely easy to knock off.
Quote: “It’s like driving the worst shopping cart in the entire world”, said by Mark as they navigate their cart through the streets of Salvador.
Mark & Bill use their jackets to tie their candy securely to the cart.
Sarah uses her knowledge of Portuguese to enlist the aid of this season 1st Fern (God I miss Fern she was cool) who helps them navigate through the streets. While Terence helps by complaining that Sarah is talking in a language he doesn’t understand. That’s one strike Terence. I live in California where three strikes is still law.
Teams find Indio (after having to also use a funicular to make their way through the city) and after having him check that the all the candy is still there are giving their next clue in the following order.
1. Terence & Sarah
2. Mark & Bill
3. Nick & Starr
4. Ken & Tina
5. Aja & Ty
6. Kelly & Christy
7. Andrew & Dan
8. Anita & Arthur
9. Toni & Dallas
10. Anthony & Stephanie
11. Marisa & Brooke
Teams must now travel by taxi to a Brazilian Military Base where they’ll spend the night outdoors under mosquito netting. Once here, they’ll sign in to receive one of three departure times the next morning 9 am, 9:30am or 9:45am.
The military base is located at 19 Batalhao de Caacadores.
Teams sign in:
9:00am
1. Terence & Sarah
2. Nick & Starr
3. Mark & Bill
4. Ken & Tina
9:30 am
5. Aja & Ty
6. Kelley & Christy
7. Andrew & Dan
9:45am
8. Anita & Arthur
9. Toni & Dallas
10. Anthony & Stephanie
11. Marisa & Brooke
At the campsite Star makes a beeline to Dallas’ exposed torso (not that I blame a girl).
Quote: “As soon as we got here Sarah was talking to the other teams. Here I am. I want you to hold me, I want you to connect with me, but yet she’s engaged with them. It was very frustrating for me.” Dude, where are your balls? Does she need to cut your food for you too? I thought Adam was the biggest baby on the race (and yes I am including the Family Edition), but I think we have a new champion. Oh and yes that is certainly strike number 2.
It is now the morning of the 24th of April.
Teams must now travel by taxi to the area known as Pelourinho, the historic center of Salvador. Once here they’ll have to locate a church where their next clue awaits.
Teams get into cabs in the following order:
Group 1
1. Terence & Sarah*
2. Nick & Starr**
3. Mark & Bill
4. Ken & Tina
Group #2
5. Kelly & Chrsty
6. Andrew & Dan
7. Aja & Ty
Group #3 – No data they all suck ***
* Sarah feels slighted at Nick & Starr for not responding to her (we can’t even tell if they hear her (apparently Terence isn’t the only “needy” one)
**I love how Nick calms Starr down and tells her not to yell at the taxi driver, taxi drivers around the world say thanks.
*** This of course does not apply to Toni & Dallas (whom I love)
When teams arrive at the church (you know the church that I am to lazy to find the name of, yeah that church), the first three teams channel their inner Fran and Berry and go right by it.
While running to the route marker we get this exchange.
Quote: “Sarah, Sarah, stay. Can you not outrun me. I really appreciate your speed but you have lapped me every single time’” says Terence the running coach (and he says Stay to her like she is his dog!). That I do believe is strike #3. It’s official I hate him. Oh the only time that might be acceptable is if you are the one carrying your partner’s pack (which we see Ty and Dallas do at times), Terence isn’t.
Teams finally get to the clue box in the following order:
1. Terence & Sarah
2. Nick & Starr
3. Mark & Bill
4. Ken & Tina
5. Kelly & Christy
6. Toni & Dallas (Yeah, I am so impartial)
7. Aja & Ty
8. Marisa & Brooke
9. Andrew & Dan
10. Anthony & Stephanie (what is it with this team, did they pack lead in their packs)
11. Anita & Arthur - tick, tick, tick….
Detour (OMG a task, feigns excitement) hard way up or soft way down
In this detour teams have to choose between two different ways of getting where they are going, the choice hard way up or soft way down.
In hard way up teams make their way to the stairway known as Escadaria do Passo (staircase of the Church of the Holy Sacrament of Step Street). Knowing they’ll be asked a mystery question (like I would naturally assume would be how many keggers have you been to?) they must make a spiritual pledge (get it pledge) as the locals do, by climbing the entire stone stair case on their hands and news. Then once at the top they’ll be asked by the samba drum leader to answer the “mystery question” (what is how do you appear as a dumb ass on national tv?). If they answer it correctly (any one taking odds?) they’ll be handed their next clue. If they are wrong, they must walk around this city street to the bottom of the stairs and start the task again.
In soft way down teams make their way to this outdoor elevator known as elavador de Lacerda. Then they must climb down this precarious cargo net to the street 240 feet below. Only three teams may be on the cargo net at a time. First come first served.
Use the marked door to access the service staircase.
All the teams, except Andrew & Dan choose soft way down for their detour. Andrew & Dan choose hard up (oh wait that’s just their current dating status).
Teams get to the detour in the following order:
1. Nick & Starr
2. Ken & Tina
3. Mark & Bill
4. Terence & Sarah *
5. Kelly & Christy
6. Toni & Dallas
7. Andrew & Dan
8. Aja & Ty
9. Marisa & Brooke
10. Anthony & Stephanie
11. Anita & Arthur – tick, tick, tick….
* They take the elevator up and lose several spots
While performing the detour we get this wonderful exchange between Terence & Sarah and Mark & Bill, it boggles the mind.
Quote:
Sarah: Can you believe we are doing this?
Terence: You can’t climb and talk, I can. I’m going to talk while she climbs (to Mark & Bill).
OMG, I just realized it’s a calm Jonathan. He wants her full attention, check. He wants her to stay with him or behind him, check. Has to be the to talk to other teams, check. If he was just yelling and pushing her around they could be twins.
Teams finish the Detour in the following order:
1. Nick & Star
2. Ken & Tina
3. Terence & Sarah
4. Mark & Bill
5. Kelly & Christy
6. Ton I & Dallas
7. Aja & Ty
8. Marisa & Brooke
9. Anthony & Stephanie
10. Andrew & Dan*
11. Anita & Arthur
* Andrew & Dan showcasing their college education are completely thrown that the mysterious question is how many stairs did you just climb? They have to repeat the detour and manage to come up with the correct answer 53. Also think the editors are screwing with us, as Andrew & Dan are next to last in finishing the detour, yet they breeze by several teams to get to the Pit Stop.
Make your way to the Pit Stop. Teams must now find this fort on the water. Forte Sao Marcelo. This floating battlement once defended the city from Pirates.
Forte Sao Marcelo was built in 1623 by military architect Francisco Frias. It was completed by the Dutch, who occupied Salvador during 1624-1625.
And it is absolutely breathtaking. I want to see it.
Teams must take a boat (which is very near the end of the detour soft way down) to the Pit Stop (multiple teams can get on one boat).
Teams arrive at the detour in the following order:
1. Nick & Starr - who win a trip for two to Belize
2. Ken & Tina
3. Terence & Sarah
4. Mark & Bill
5. Kelly & Christy
6. Toni & Dallas
7. Andrew & Dan
8. Aja & Ty
9. Anthony & Stephanie
10. Marisa & Brooke
11. Anita & Arthur
Several teams have trouble figuring out that the docks are within walking distance.
Nick’s watch confirms that it took them 1 hour and roughly ten minutes to complete today’s tasks.
Hopefully the 2nd one will be completed tonight. With a breakdown of the teams performance for the first two legs.
